Life After Love

by K. G. MacGregor

  “Go play in the snow.”

  She laughed from the back porch as he ran off more steam, stirring up a plume of snow in his wake. She’d never had a dog before—only a pair of stray cats named Chloe and Fletcher—and considered herself lucky to have found one so perfect on the first try. It felt good to know she’d always be loved. He’d be glad to see her no matter how long she’d been gone. He wouldn’t pout or give her the cold shoulder, and though he adored practically everyone he met, he’d never go home with anyone but her. Best of all, she didn’t have to deal with his prickly family.

  Her two-bedroom bungalow was barely a thousand square feet, plenty for the two of them. She’d practically stolen it from the bank at the height of the mortgage crisis when her business started turning a profit. It was less than a mile from her shop, allowing her to walk to work, most days with Dexter.

  “Come on, Dexxie. Time to go to bed.”

  He darted by her in the direction of the bedroom.

  “No! I didn’t mean now. I have to dry your”—he leapt onto the center of her down comforter—“feet.”

  *

  Allyn double-checked the settings on her phone in case she’d somehow turned off the notifications. Melody hadn’t returned any of the half-dozen voice mail messages she’d left in the past two days, nor answered any of the texts.

  Jillian and Tiffany were ignoring her too. She’d always considered them shared friends, though Tiffany worked with Melody at the university. They’d probably known about the affair for months. No telling what lies Melody had told them to win their allegiance.

  On a quick drive by their house earlier that day, she’d spotted Melody’s Accord in the driveway but it was blocked in by their cars and covered with snow. It was possible she’d flown down to Tucson already to be with that woman and get ready for her new job.

  She’d learned on the Internet that roundtrip flights to Tucson cost four to five hundred dollars, meaning Melody had spent at least two thousand on her trips back and forth since October, ostensibly for work. Perhaps that woman—she couldn’t bring herself to think of her as a girlfriend or lover—had fronted the money for tickets. Allyn managed their household finances and, in looking back over their records, had found no paper trail of their affair. Not that she’d expected to, as Melody had a personal credit card and her own checking account. She’d been faithful about depositing her half of the household expenses into the joint account, but Allyn wasn’t sure how much longer that would continue.

  The red, green and blue flickers of digital displays on appliances and electronics offered the only light in the house after dark, but that didn’t matter. She didn’t need light to sit and brood. She could barely concentrate on anything but her misery. Somehow she’d have to gather her wits tomorrow, since her Monday calendar was filled with calls.

  When had the woman she loved with all her heart turned so cold? The cheating was bad enough, but refusing to take even a morsel of responsibility? And then blaming her for getting upset about it as though sleeping with someone else was perfectly acceptable behavior? Had Melody really expected her to swallow being cast aside without fighting back?

  Perhaps she had. Early in their relationship Allyn had given up her job at Microsoft to work at home because Melody didn’t like her traveling so much to college career days where she recruited the best and brightest for her company. Even as recently as two years ago when they bought this house, Allyn had given in though she preferred the older one in Belltown because it seemed more genuine than a newly built Victorian. She could honestly say she’d always cared more about making Melody happy than pleasing herself. That’s what devoted partners were supposed to do for each other. Why hadn’t Melody done the same?

  That wasn’t fair. Melody too had made sacrifices, like indulging Allyn’s loathing of decorating for Christmas, an artifact of her dysfunctional upbringing. They spent most holidays with the Rankins—

  An unbearable pain pierced her chest as she imagined losing the people she’d come to know as family. Sheryl Rankin was more of a mother to her than her own, and Melody’s sisters were as dear as any friend could ever be.

  Allyn couldn’t bear to think they’d abandon her once they learned what Melody had done. If anyone could talk some sense into her, it was Sheryl.

  She’d barely slept since Friday, and was so nauseous she couldn’t keep anything down. The result was a pounding headache that calmed only when she imagined Melody coming back through the kitchen door to say she’d made a colossal mistake. They’d have a difficult road ahead, but Allyn would ease it with absolute forgiveness. It was the only way to get back the life and love they’d shared.

  The chime on the hall clock signaled midnight. She had a call scheduled at six a.m. with someone on the East Coast, a new business client she needed to impress so he would come to her first when he had openings in his company for tech security. She couldn’t pull that off without several hours of restful sleep.

  Getting that much needed sleep was its own problem. The bed they’d shared was too familiar, the empty space an inescapable reminder that Melody was not only gone, but likely spending the night in the arms of someone else.

  Allyn stumbled down the dark hallway past Melody’s office to the guest bedroom. It was fitting. She felt like a guest, living her new life in this room until her old one came back.

  Chapter Three

  Bea tapped each box and envelope with her pen and counted aloud as Chuck, the UPS deliveryman, watched. “All there, five pieces.”

  Chuck handed her a stylus so she could sign the electronic delivery slip. “Of course it’s all there. Would I short you?”

  “Maybe at first.” This was their running schtick ever since the day she’d hurriedly signed off on his delivery only to have him return an hour later with an errant package they both had missed.

  The oversized packages wouldn’t fit in the mailboxes, so Bea stepped into her office to fill out the yellow slips she used to notify box holders to come to the counter.

  Dexter crawled out from under her desk and stretched his stocky legs.

  “You lazy boy. You didn’t even get up for Chuck. I guess that means you’re not interested in going for a W-A-L-K.”

  He huffed his disagreement.

  “Or a T-R-E-A-T.”

  Either he’d learned by the tone of her voice when she was teasing him, or he knew exactly what she was spelling, because his ears went up and his tail began to wag.

  A soft buzzer above the door signaled the arrival of a customer and she returned quickly to the counter. Allyn Teague was near the front of the shop checking her mailbox.

  “Look, Dexxie! Your buddy’s here.”

  He trotted out and stood with his front feet on the counter, his tongue already lapping with anticipation.

  “Oh, sorry. I forgot to bring anything,” Allyn said hoarsely from across the room.

  Bea couldn’t remember the last time that happened, but she didn’t want Allyn to feel she was obligated to bring a dog treat each time she came in for her mail. “I’ve got some here in the drawer if you’d like to do the honors.”

  Allyn covered her mouth and coughed. “I’ve got the flu or something. I don’t think I ought to come any closer.” Even at a distance of fifteen feet, her puffy face and red-rimmed eyes were obvious.

  “Sorry to hear that. You probably shouldn’t have walked down here as cold as it is. Don’t worry about your box getting full. I’ll save it for you. Or call me. I can drop it off.”

  “Thanks.”

  Before Bea could tell her to feel better, she’d lowered her sunglasses and left.

  *

  Will call tonight at 6.

  The short text was Melody’s first communication since walking out five days ago, and Allyn couldn’t stop staring at it.

  For the past two days she’d reined in her impulse to contact Melody via phone, text or email. The breaking point had come Monday night when she’d followed half a bottle of wine with a stream of
sobbing voice mails that eventually turned bitter, leaving her even more humiliated because she’d done it to herself. After sleeping it off and paying the price with a hangover, she began a self-imposed cooling off period.

  Now her restraint had paid off with Melody finally reaching out.

  Allyn’s emotions had run the gamut all week. Sometimes she’d cry for hours on end, usually while scrolling through their digital memories or wandering from room to room recalling where and when they’d bought things together. Then something would trigger her anger—the closets and drawers Melody had cleaned out surreptitiously, the password protection on her desktop computer, the missing photos from their shared albums—and it was all Allyn could do not to destroy the rest.

  Mostly she was anxious, rushing through her phone conversations with clients so she wouldn’t tie up the line, and checking her messages constantly. Cereal was the only thing she could keep down, and even then barely half a bowl. The bathroom scales showed her down four pounds in five days.

  Melody’s deceit was so much more obvious in hindsight. The clues had been there all along—an overall lack of warmth in their everyday interactions and an avoidance of intimacy, both explained away as a product of fatigue from her long hours at work. There also was her request that Allyn not call when she was traveling because it might interrupt a meeting, and the times Allyn heard her talking in her office upstairs, which Melody brushed off as “thinking aloud.”

  When the scheduled hour came and went, it was all Allyn could do to resist placing the call herself. Melody had been clear she would be the one to call. Clearly she felt no moral duty to honor her—

  The phone rang twice before Allyn allowed herself to answer. “Melody?”

  “Hi, Allyn.” Gentle, even sweet.

  “Honey, I’m so sorry about all those messages I left the other night. I lost my head…and let my emotions get the best of me.”

  “It’s okay. What did you do? Open a bottle of wine and wave it under your nose?”

  Allyn laughed heartily, far more than the lame joke was worth. She’d never been one to hold her liquor, and it was a running joke that the mere whiff of alcohol always went straight to her head. “I poured out all the alcohol in the house yesterday, so you can rest assured that won’t happen again.”

  There were a million things she wanted to say, but this felt like coaxing a feral cat to eat from her hand. Too much too soon would spook her.

  “Are you doing okay, Allyn?”

  “Not really,” she said, her voice cracking. A few seconds passed while she gathered herself. She didn’t want to cry, not after her spectacle the other night. “It’s hard to sleep, and I can’t seem to keep anything down. Work’s a disaster because I can’t concentrate on what I’m doing. I know none of that is what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.”

  It was Melody’s turn to go silent, leaving Allyn on pins and needles as she waited to hear why she’d called. Five days was long enough to realize what a drastic move this had been.

  “There are a few things I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Please, Allyn. That’s not important.”

  “It is to me.”

  Melody sighed. “Fine, if you must know, I’m in Tucson. I started my new job on Monday but I didn’t call to talk about that.”

  That’s why she’d orchestrated storming out on Friday night. She probably already had a plane ticket to Tucson on Saturday.

  A new job fifteen hundred miles away didn’t have to mean the end of their marriage. Allyn could work from anywhere.

  “Are you still there, Allyn?”

  Too much silence as she processed each tidbit of information. “Yes.”

  “Do you remember Kim Rothwell? We met her at that fundraiser for the Gay Men’s Chorus. She’s an attorney. I asked her to draw up some papers for me because I figured you’d want to use Jeremy. By law, we have to file for separation and then wait ninety days before the state will grant a divorce. I knew you wouldn’t want to deal with the details, so I asked Kim—”

  “Oh, my God…don’t do this, Melody. Please just stop and think about it. We were together nine years before we could get married. We didn’t rush into it, and you shouldn’t rush out. You’re talking about wiping out our whole life together in just three months. We’ve had hard times before. When your dad died, everyone was so worried about you, but I got you through it. Remember? I’m the one who held you every night when you cried yourself to sleep.”

  “I’ll always be grateful for that, but—”

  “And think about what you’re doing to me. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved, the only person I’ve ever been with. I’ve never even looked at another woman.”

  “Please let’s not do this again, Allyn.”

  “I gave up a good job to work at home because you didn’t want me traveling so much.”

  “Come on. Don’t even think about throwing your job in my face. You’re making more now than you ever made at Microsoft. You said yourself they eventually phased out that whole department. You might not even have a job at all if I hadn’t pushed you to set up your own business.”

  “The point is, I’ve always done everything you asked me to do. I deserve better than to be left in a bowl of shit while you run away to your shiny new life.”

  “Don’t start this again, or I’m going to hang up. Is that what you want? Remember when you were still smoking? You kept trying to cut back a little at a time, but you couldn’t quit that way. It had to be all or nothing.”

  “You’re comparing leaving me to quitting smoking? Cigarettes don’t have feelings, you asshole!” Hanging up on her would have felt good but only for an instant. Getting Melody to set aside her pride and talk again after that would be next to impossible. “And I just lost my cool again. I’m sorry. This has all been such a shock that I can’t even think straight.”

  “I’m not blaming you for anything. Believe me, I know I deserve all the shit you can throw at me, but there’s nothing else I can do. I’d give anything for you not to hurt.”

  “If you really mean that, come home. We’ll work this out…whatever it takes.”

  “I can’t.” Her voice quivered a bit but there was no mistaking her resolve. “Kim said the main thing we had to agree on was what to do about the house, and that’s the other reason I needed to talk to you tonight. If you want to buy my half and stay there, I’m willing to sell at a fair market value, but we’d have to get an appraisal.”

  Allyn bristled again at the businesslike way her feelings were being trampled. “You know goddamn well I can’t afford this house by myself. You’re the one who picked it out. We bought it thinking we’d have children together. Remember that? You walked back and forth between those two bedrooms upstairs talking about which one our son or daughter should sleep in.”

  “You’re making this so much harder than it has to be. Just listen for a change. I have the names of a couple of agents and you can pick whichever one you want. Or you can send me some names and I’ll pick one. Redwood Heights is pretty hot right now so we should get a decent price, probably more than we paid for it. It would be nice to have some extra cash.”

  “For lawyers.”

  “Whatever. I know you don’t want this to happen, but there’s nothing either of us can do at this point. You should get the separation papers from Kim in a couple of days, and I hope you’ll cooperate soon on selling the house. It would save us a lot of money and aggravation if I didn’t have to go through the attorney to force the sale.”

  “Then I guess I’d better hang up so I can get started on my honey-do list, just like I’ve done for the last eleven years. I thought I knew you so well. I never had any idea you could be such a cold-hearted bitch.”

  “Call me whatever you want if it makes you feel better. Like I said, I know I deserve it. But it isn’t going to change a thing.”

  Allyn wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold her temper in check. She coul
d picture Melody’s smug face, the one she wore when she was convinced she was right and everyone else was wrong. “Do you even care what you’re doing to me? Does it matter to you that I’m sick to my stomach all the time? That my head hurts so bad I can hardly move?”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. There’s no easy way to do this. But we have to get through it to come out on the other side.”

  “Except you don’t have to get through anything. You have your nice new life in Tucson and somebody who’s going to make you forget all about what you’re doing to me. This isn’t fair.” She shuddered to imagine the nameless, faceless girlfriend sitting nearby, patting Melody on the arm or shoulder as she endured the invective. “What does your mother have to say about this? I can’t imagine she’s very proud of you right now.”

  “Leave her out of this,” Melody said sternly. “I mean it, Allyn. You can’t go messing up things with my family.”

  “They’re my family too.”

  “What could you possibly get out of making them think less of me?”

  Despite her implied threat, Allyn knew she couldn’t involve the Rankins. If they took Melody’s side—as any loyal family would do—it would devastate her.

  After half a minute of strained silence, Melody said, “There’s one last thing. I need to come back to the house to get the rest of my stuff. Jillian’s brother is going to haul it down for me in his cargo van, but we need to come on Saturday to pack it up. I’d really appreciate it if you could go somewhere for the day…give us the house. We have a lot to do and I don’t want to spend the day fighting, especially with other people around.”

  The idea of Melody’s “people” traipsing through her house was infuriating. “That woman is not coming into this house. Do you hear me?”

  “She won’t, I promise. It’ll just be me, Jillian and her brother. Ten o’clock to about two. Obviously, I want to take the dining room furniture because that was my grandmother’s…and my desk. I can send you an email with the whole list, but I promise not to take anything that isn’t mine.”