“It’s okay. I do it all the time.” She didn’t care how curt that sounded. Melody needed to see that she was independent now, and needed not to expect an emotional hug like the one they’d shared yesterday. On the heels of her marginal apology, another hug might say too much.
*
“Who’s that, Dexxie? Who’s that?”
The pitch of her voice excited him, and his ears went up as he turned his attention to the front door.
Bea welcomed Allyn with a kiss and stepped aside as she darted across the living room to Dexter. “You didn’t have to come but I’m glad you did.”
“I thought we settled this last time. You’re supposed to call me when something like this happens.”
“There wasn’t anything you could do. Besides, I knew you had plans tonight with Melody and I didn’t want you to think I was trying to screw them up.” Though it had crossed her mind more than once. With immense satisfaction, she eyed the overnight bag Allyn had dropped in the entryway. They’d never spent a weeknight together because of Allyn’s early start at work. “He’s better now. Kyle gave him a shot for his stomach.”
Allyn was on her knees in front of the couch nuzzling and sweet-talking Dexter, who clearly enjoyed the attention. “You know I would have canceled. This is more important.”
That was a remarkable concession considering her dinner with Melody was something she’d felt she had to do. “How did it go tonight?”
“I finally got my apology, such as it was. It was like pulling teeth. She had the nerve to complain to me about Naomi. Can you believe it?”
“What a narcissist.”
Allyn sighed and patted the couch beside her. “There’s more.”
The rest of the story wasn’t entirely surprising, since Bea had entertained it all day as a worst-case scenario for how their meeting would turn out—Melody returning to Seattle without Naomi, obviously eager to reestablish her relationship with Allyn.
“And let me guess the rest. She wants to be your girlfriend again.”
“She didn’t go that far but it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s the next thing on her checklist. She’s very methodical that way. First this, then that. She’s laying her plans just like she did when she moved to Tucson. But it’s not going to happen. If she thinks a few minutes of mea culpas and hanging her head are enough to make me forget all the misery she put me through, she’s in for a rude awakening. Seriously, like she can make up for turning my whole life upside down with just a few piddly words. It just goes to show you how self-centered she really is.”
Bea took pleasure in all the harsh invective toward Melody, but would have preferred hearing she was the reason Allyn was no longer interested in her old life.
“I did promise to see her again though. I hope you won’t be mad.”
The party plans with the Rankins sounded even more threatening than another date, given the wistful way Allyn described her anticipation at seeing her former in-laws. She knew from her own longing over her sour relationship with the Huangs how much a substitute family could mean to someone who never felt welcome in her own.
“But I told her we were going to the ballgame and I had to get back here by the time you got off work.”
So Allyn had mentioned her after all. That revelation was comforting, and she snuggled closer so she was nearly in Allyn’s lap. “About that…I know I hinted—okay, strongly hinted—that I’d like to go to the Mariners game for my birthday, but if you haven’t bought the tickets yet, I might rather watch it from here on TV. I hate to leave Dexxie alone that long, you know?”
“A night right here on the couch with you and Dexter sounds perfect. I’ll even cook dinner for you. Just tell me what you want.” She nudged Bea out of her lap. “Except right now it’s past my bedtime. I hope it’s okay I brought my bag. I wanted to be with you guys tonight.”
“I love that. We want to be with you too.”
After the night she’d had with Melody, perhaps Allyn needed assurance too. It was hard hearing how she’d responded to Melody’s overtures, but they had to go through this. Otherwise, she’d never be able to trust that Allyn’s old life was truly behind her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
As the capitol dome came into view, Allyn found herself in the throes of nostalgia. She and Melody had made this trip over a hundred times, most notably for happy gatherings such as this one today. Even as she remembered the sad occasions, like when her father-in-law died and Jessica’s husband Will had his heart scare, the overarching feeling was that of belonging. She could hardly wait to see everyone again.
“Mom’s making you a hummingbird cake,” Melody said.
“The best cake ever.” Her mouth watered at the memory. “But it’s Hunter’s birthday. I’m sure he would have preferred chocolate.”
“There’s a whole other cake for Hunter. The hummingbird’s just for you. Mom was so excited when I told her you were coming.”
Allyn wished they could have gotten there earlier. Melody kept her cooling her heels for forty-five minutes because a couple of her friends had stopped by Jillian and Tiffany’s. Now she’d have barely an hour to visit before it was time to turn around and go home.
Melody patted her leg as they wound through the neighborhood. “Look familiar?”
She could scarcely breathe when they turned onto the Rankins’ street with its towering conifers and well-kept lawns. Several cars she recognized as belonging to her in-laws were lined up on the street in front of the split-level home, leaving the driveway free for scooters and tricycles, plus a small jump ramp for Hunter’s skateboard.
They collected the packages from the backseat, presents for Hunter plus a few others Allyn had picked up that morning for the younger children. After all, she had missed nearly a year’s worth of birthdays.
As they approached the house, Sheryl Rankin appeared on the porch wearing an apron that proclaimed her the World’s Greatest Grandma. She was tall like Melody, with the same dark hair and eyes, but her shoulders were thrown back proudly. She walked right past her daughter to greet Allyn with a hug.
The reunion proved more than Allyn could handle and she let out a sob.
“You shouldn’t have stayed away so long.”
“Uh, Mom…hello. It’s your daughter. I’m over here.”
Sheryl finally let go and gave an easy hug to Melody. “I can see you any old time.”
The scene inside was just as sweet. Allyn worked her way through the sisters in the living room, her brothers-in-law at the bar in the kitchen, and finished by surprising the children in the family room.
It saddened her when three-year-old Isabella no longer recognized her and ran to hide behind Jessica’s legs.
“Give her five minutes and she’ll be in your lap,” Jessica said. “You won’t be able to get rid of her.”
“Who’d want to? She’s precious.”
Jessica and Elizabeth followed Allyn into the family room to talk while she sat on the floor and played with cars, dolls, tablet games and action figures with their children. They were impressed with her new figure, and she nearly burst out laughing when Elizabeth asked her how she did it.
“I stopped eating.” It sounded flippant, but that’s exactly what she’d done.
“We’re really glad you’re back,” Jessica whispered. “That Naomi…” She turned her thumb upside down and shook her head.
Elizabeth gave her sister a scolding look. “She was nice enough but she wasn’t you. We didn’t know what to think because you just disappeared. The only thing Melody ever told us was she had this job in Tucson and you weren’t going with her.”
“I asked her why not and she said it was none of our business,” Jessica added.
Clearly they were fishing for details, but it wasn’t Allyn’s place to share the ugly story.
“Hey, Allyn.” Melody appeared and took the tablet from her hands, plopping onto the floor next to Isabella. “Mom says it’s her turn to talk to you. She’s in the kitchen.”
<
br /> Glad for the chance to visit one-on-one with Sheryl, she followed the smell of her spaghetti sauce. That too had her mouth watering but she wouldn’t be able to stay for dinner.
Sheryl ran the men out and directed Allyn to sit at the bar, where she poured two glasses of sparkling cider. Then she stirred her sauce and shook her wooden spoon at Allyn. “I heard everybody telling you how great you looked, but don’t you listen to them. You’re too skinny, and I’m going to fix that starting today.”
“Everything smells so good, Mom, but I’m afraid I can’t stay.” She glanced at the clock on the stove, noting with regret how much time had passed while she played with the children. Only twenty-five minutes before it was time to go. “I explained to Melody when she told me about Hunter’s party that I’d already made plans for tonight, so we’ll have to get to back to Seattle soon.”
“Don’t think for a minute I’m going to let you walk out of here without eating. I’ll put the water on for the pasta right now.”
Allyn drew an uneasy breath. She couldn’t very well insist on leaving just as dinner was ready, but an extra half hour would cut it very close. Besides the hour drive back home—and that was assuming they didn’t hit traffic—she needed to pick up the cupcakes she’d ordered for Bea’s birthday and set them up with candles before she got home. Instead of making dinner, they could have a pizza delivered.
With her back to Allyn, Sheryl filled an enormous pot with water. “Nobody ever tells me anything, but I know you and Melody had quite the rough patch last year. I hope all that’s over.”
A rough patch . She understood why Melody had hidden the reason for their breakup—to avoid telling everyone she was a lying cheater. At least she hadn’t blamed it on Allyn.
“It’s been a hard year, Mom. I’m sure you’ll be glad if she gets her job back at the UW. She’ll be close again.”
“A mother likes to be able to pull her flock in. You’re part of that flock too, you know. We’ve missed you a lot.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
“You’re always welcome here, whether Melody’s with you or not.”
The temptation to visit had struck her more than once, but she couldn’t bring herself to come between Melody and her family. Even if they’d known about the affair with Naomi, they might have circled the family wagons over the punitive divorce settlement.
“You guys better not be talking about me,” Melody said, snatching her mother’s glass of cider. “Hunter wants to show his grandma his new karaoke set from Aunt Allyn.”
Allyn was annoyed by the interruption, especially since they’d have the drive home to talk.
When Sheryl left, Melody pulled her barstool close, effectively trapping Allyn against the wall. “My family is your family, Allyn. You know that, don’t you?”
“I love them. I’ve missed them so much.”
“You don’t have to miss them anymore. You can be part of this family again if that’s what you want. Just let me back into your life. I don’t expect you to forgive me all at once. Just give me a chance. I promise I’ll earn your trust again. All you have to do is say yes.”
Allyn had been dreaming of such a vow since the day Melody walked out. With just one three-letter word, she could start on the road to recovering their love, their life together, and she could have this wonderful family as her own again.
But it wasn’t that simple. No matter her capacity to forgive or how much she longed to have her old life back, things were different now. She’d fallen in love with Bea. “I can’t tell you that, Melody.”
Melody held up both hands as if to back off. “I’m not asking you to tell me anything today. I know I screwed up, but you’ll always be a part of me, and I’ll be a part of you. I know you know that. I plan to spend the rest of my life proving how much I love you.”
“And I would spend the rest of mine wondering what you were doing in your office, where you were going on your business trips, how many email accounts you had.”
“That’s all in the past. You have to believe me.”
“Why should I? Does Naomi know you contacted me? Does she have any idea we went to dinner the other night, or that I’m here with you and your family?”
The blank look on Melody’s face said it all.
“If you aren’t being honest with her, why should I expect you to be honest with me?”
Melody reached for her hand. “Look, the other night I said I wasn’t going to offer any excuses, but the bottom line is I left you because I was too fucking ashamed of myself to stay. I could never have looked you in the eye again. In eleven years, I never had a secret from you. Not one. I don’t know why this was different, but after I met her in Washington, I had to rationalize it, and the way I did that was to convince myself I was in love with her.”
Deep down, Allyn had told herself the very same thing—that Melody had known in her heart that her feelings for Naomi weren’t real.
“I was too proud to admit I made a mistake.”
“I told you over and over I’d forgive you.”
“I know, but I couldn’t forgive myself. I did such a horrible thing, not just to you, but to myself. The more you pulled at me, the more desperate I got. I laid it on you because I was too much of a coward to take responsibility for myself.” Gone was the cockiness she’d displayed at the restaurant, replaced now by frantic uncertainty.
“How could I possibly know it wouldn’t happen again?”
“Because I’ve put my hand on the stove and now I know how much it burns. I’m not ever going to do it again, Allyn. I swear.”
The moment was so intense, they hadn’t even noticed the lid on the pot rattling loudly as the water came to a boil.
Sheryl hustled back in to add the pasta, shattering the tension and giving Allyn a chance to break free from her position against the wall.
“We’ll be ready to eat in twelve minutes. You two set the table.”
As was the family practice, they set a plate at the head of the table for John Rankin, who was with them in spirit at every meal. Allyn took her usual seat between Melody and Hunter, and clasped their hands as Elizabeth’s husband Daniel said grace. Melody used the opportunity to entwine their fingers, and when the prayer was finished, held on for several more conspicuous seconds. Allyn resisted pulling her hand away, imagining just for a moment giving in to what Melody asked of her. She could have all this again. The warmth and laughter of a loving family. A partner who had strayed, only to discover she could never find real love with anyone else.
All she had to do was say yes.
An hour disappeared while they ate spaghetti and birthday cake, and Allyn finally insisted it was time to leave. The entire clan followed them to the door where she savored hugs with Sheryl and the sisters. There was nothing like the feeling of family.
Elizabeth gave Hunter a nudge. “Somebody better go thank Aunt Allyn for his birthday present again.”
She squatted down to catch him, loving the feel of his small arms around her neck.
“Are you coming back to see me?” he asked.
“I sure hope so, Hunter.”
“If she really hopes so, then that means yes,” Melody proclaimed proudly.
*
“And the Oscar goes to…” Bea practiced her most gracious smile in the mirror. After storming off on Wednesday night, she had little choice but to make good on her promise not to behave childishly again. Never mind that it was her birthday and her girlfriend was late, having spent most of the day with her ex-wife.
Her ex-wife who, probably at this very minute, was on her knees begging to be taken back.
Though Allyn hadn’t admitted it, there was no question she was at a critical crossroads amidst this flurry of contact from Melody. Nostalgia was a powerful drug, one that managed to amplify the good memories and emotions while tempering the bad ones. She had little doubt Melody and her family were tugging at Allyn’s heartstrings, and that she was basking in the warmth of a family life that had made h
er happy for so many years.
Bea didn’t have the antidote to that, nor could she offer a surrogate family to replace the one Allyn had lost. All she had going for her was the future, but only if Allyn was willing to give up her past.
Dexter had moved from his favorite perch on the couch to stretch out in front of the hearth. With nighttime temperatures falling, it was cool enough to turn on the gas log fireplace. Not only did it take the chill off, it also provided a cozy, restful ambience. One might even call it romantic.
Too bad Allyn wasn’t here to enjoy it. Had she been anywhere besides with Melody… Bea was mature enough to recognize her jealousy, but there was also the matter of wounded pride that Allyn hadn’t hurried back to be with her. Melody was sure to be gloating at commanding most of her day, especially if she knew it was Bea’s birthday.
It was a good thing she’d changed her mind about going to the ballpark to celebrate, since the game was already underway and Allyn probably wasn’t even back in town yet. Her only word had been a text over an hour ago that she was running late. No explanation of why or how much longer. Just running late. Bea hadn’t even bothered to answer, certainly not to say it was okay.
A bark from Dexter preceded the doorbell, and Bea grabbed the money she’d laid out to pay for the Chinese food delivery. So much for the chicken parmesan Allyn had promised to cook. That was twice she’d promised and failed to deliver—both times because of Melody.
Moments after the deliveryman vacated the space in front of the house, Allyn pulled in.
“And the Oscar goes to…” She mumbled it again. It was nearly dark, but not so dark that she couldn’t see Allyn dressed in skinny jeans with boots, and a fitted black blazer with the sleeves pushed up. A burgundy scarf looped around her collar and hung to her waist. The look was smoking hot, and it riled her that she’d worn it for Melody.
“I’m so sorry, Bea.” She was carrying an elegantly wrapped gift, larger than a book but not by much.
“I ordered Chinese. It just got here so it’s still hot.”
Allyn set down her package and practically yanked Bea into an embrace. “Dinner can wait. I have to wish a happy birthday to someone I’m crazy about.”
Life After Love Page 20