Out With A Whimper

by Michael Noe

  “This isn’t going to end well for you. Just hand over the bitch and I won’t have to kill you and take her anyway.” He reached into his jeans but I was quicker. The shot echoed loud in my ears. The bullet entered his shoulder, but only seemed to piss him off. I could see him raising the gun, but I was able to fire off another shot that put a large hole in his forehead. I was running back to the car. Thank God Audrey had it already started. I could hear shouts from the surrounding woods and then I saw at least four or five men running toward us.

  Quite a few of them were naked and brandishing weapons. I hit the gas pedal and headed straight toward the mob. They scattered like frightened deer as my car got close to them. One man almost made it, but my bumper crashed into his hip, sending him flying. In my rearview mirror, I could see them attending to the man I hit with the car while others were checking on the man I shot. I felt the adrenaline coursing through my veins. Audrey’s face was a mask of shock as what had happened registered.

  We had to travel into the opposite lane to escape and my shaking hands almost lost control of the car. Soon, I was crying. I couldn’t stop myself. I felt Audrey’s hand caressing my back but it did little to lessen the pounding of my heart. I killed a man! It felt a lot different than I imagined it would. I was defending myself and Audrey. There was no other choice, but it didn’t make me feel any better. I could feel Audrey’s hands reaching for me. I should have been embarrassed by my emotions. I had never cried like this, and I had never cried in front of a woman.

  I could still hear the shots echoing in my shocked brain. The thing that scared me the most was what if the gun had jammed? Or, God forbid, he had been just a little quicker than I was? I should have run, but if I had I knew I wouldn’t be here. Instead of the other guy lying dead in the road, it would have been me.

  “Baby, we have to get out of here,” As she held me, I allowed the tears to flow. There was no stopping them. It was almost as if a dam had burst open in my soul. I was shaking and my chest heaved convulsively.

  “He drew on me first! I had to protect us!”

  “I know, now I want you to get out of the car so I can drive. Can you do that?”

  I nodded, but I just couldn’t make my legs move. When I opened my eyes, the sun momentarily blinded me. I had thought that at some point we would encounter something. I couldn’t have been naïve in thinking that I wouldn’t kill someone. I had though. Never in a million years had I imagined that the biggest enemy would be our fellow man. In all of the stories, there’s never a moment where the hero has himself a good cry after murdering someone, yet I was. What kind of hero was I? Audrey waited patiently for me to extract myself from the driver’s seat. The tears dried and I looked around, dazed. The road was clear and I wondered what those savages were doing now that they were alone with their fallen leader.

  Slowly, I climbed back into the car. I should have felt ashamed at what had happened but instead, I just felt drained. I wanted to sleep. I doubted if I could though. I had a feeling that sleep wouldn’t be coming for a very long time. “I love you,” I said as we pulled back onto the road. It just came out. There was a moment of silence as I waited for her to say something. Even if she told me that she didn’t love me, that was better than the silence.

  “I love you too,” She said as she kissed me. She threw the car in gear and we were racing away from the hell that was just unleashed. There was more I wanted to say but I was suddenly too exhausted. Her words had a weird effect on me. I was elated of course, but there was also doubt. Was she saying it just to make me happy? What if she met someone better than me? As I dozed off, I couldn’t help but smile as I realized that even in this fucked up world, the same problems still existed.

  Chapter Twelve: The Hippies and The Tree

  Audrey and I were both exhausted and bored. The scenery never changed and the things we once took for granted no longer existed. If you've ever traveled, you know that there are always things to do to keep your mind occupied. Maybe a truck stop to stretch your legs, or a restaurant. I had once been to a truck stop that was almost like a shopping mall for truck drivers. This place had a cell phone store, three restaurants, and aisles and aisles of shit that made it easy to travel. You want a souvenir for the kids? They had something. You wanted a few movies for when you had a bit of downtime? They had that too. It was amazing that a place like that existed, but now? All gone. Our bathroom breaks consisted of quick pit stops on the side of the road.

  There were always stalled cars around so you felt as if you were being watched all the time. It was eerie to see so many cars just sitting there. After our last run in, I was scared to death of another roadblock. What if I wasn't able to protect Audrey this time? There were so many what ifs that my brain kept churning out these crazy fucked up scenarios while I was taking a piss. The last thing I needed while I had my dick in my hand was a zombie or a psycho, looking to boost his kill count, sneaking up on me.

  My sole purpose was to protect her and be the man she thought I was, but I wasn't even sure I knew how. It’s not like there was a manual out there with detailed instructions. I kept telling myself that I just got lucky the first time. My adrenaline kicked in and that allowed me to act without thinking about how much danger I was actually in. I was afraid that I was putting her in harm's way because I wasn't the typical male. I had never been in a fight before all of this, or even bullied. I wasn't into sports and I hated action movies. I was a man. Wasn't I supposed to be able to recite the dialogue from Roadhouse? When our car broke down or needed some work done, my father took our car to a mechanic. All the things that most men did, I was totally clueless. If our car happened to break down, we were fucked. I could change a tire but I had no idea how to change the oil. You would think that I knew I was different, or that people gave me shit for it, but they didn't. I was more of an intellectual. I preferred using my brain instead of my hands. I know it sounds like I'm whining a bit but I'm not. I'm just trying to explain things.

  The towns and miles all rolled together in a seamless loop. I was tired of traveling but Audrey loved it. We hadn’t encountered much and that scared me a little. There were a few encampments that held rag tag groups of survivors. Most were just bound together by fear, while others held onto this belief that they were going to be the saviors of humanity. It was a noble idea but they weren’t doing anything aside from smoking huge amounts of pot they had found in a field somewhere. These folks were dangerous and worst of all, they had guns. They had taken the ideology of the hippies and tried to replicate it into what was happening now.

  We had met them by accident while we were resting in Georgia I believe. All the places and roads all merged together by that point. We didn’t have to be in Florida at any set time and to be honest with you, I didn’t care if we ever got there. I may have hated the driving and the uncertainty that came with the trip, but I enjoyed being with Audrey. That to me was the only memorable thing about the trip. The fact that we actually found people was just an added bonus.

  Lake Lanier was a bright, beautiful blue that you have to see to believe. We’d found an empty lake house that was set just a few yards from the water’s edge. After the stress of the trip, this was exactly what we needed. We pulled into the driveway and looked around to make sure we were alone. The last thing we wanted was to invade someone else’s spot, but looking around, we could see that we were alone. We walked onto the dock and watched the sun reflecting off the water.

  I had never felt at peace and thought that this was a place we could both be happy with. Florida no longer mattered. This house was our version of paradise. We made love on the beach and later, we swam until we were both exhausted. I had never seen Audrey so happy and that made me happy. It seemed as if our trip was over. This was where we would be spending the rest of our lives together. As the days turned into weeks, we walked along the shore and collected seashells. At night, we would sit on the dock, enfolded into each other’s arms.

  All the stress melted away as we cont
emplated our future. It was true that we would never get married but that didn’t matter to me. All that mattered was that we were together. I had finally found someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Where was she all those years ago when I really needed her?

  “Why are you so quiet? You okay?”

  “I was just thinking about how much I love you,” I replied. There was nothing else to say. I was slowly becoming everything I said that I wouldn’t and it was all because of Audrey.

  “You know, if I hadn’t been so persistent, you wouldn’t have fallen for me. Aren’t you glad I’m so stubborn?”

  I was. At the time, I was thinking that she was a big pain in the ass, but now? I was glad that she was. I know that there were other men far better than me who she could have chosen but she chose me. I still don’t know why and I’m not even sure I want to know. It doesn’t really matter anyway, does it? Does everything have to have a reason? “I am. I’m sorry I was such an asshole.”

  Audrey kissed me and smiled. “It’s okay. I understand.” We continued walking and then I saw him. He was a short guy, wearing cargo shorts and a faded tie dye t-shirt. His feet were bare as he walked toward us. I stiffened up as he got closer. Audrey gasped as she finally saw him. Our peace and quiet was about to be shattered. The only question now, was he a friend or foe?

  “Woah! Greetings! Fuck, you startled me man!” He had the voice of a guy who smoked a lot of pot. His beard was speckled with spots of gray that matched his eyes and dark tanned skin.

  “Sorry,” I began lamely. Before I could finish speaking, he was hugging me. It was awkward and embarrassing. “You must not have seen very many people.”

  “Dude, I have a few friends close by. Nothing heavy though you know? We hang out and contemplate the universe. Shit, I’m Barry. Fuck, it’s nice to see some new faces!” He smiled and spread his arms out as if he were waiting for another hug.

  “I’m Matt, and this is Audrey.” We all shook hands and stood staring at each other.

  “You live around here, man? It’s pretty heavy what happened, but dude! Everything is just like Mother Nature intended!”

  I could see Audrey smile as she tried to decipher his words. “We were just resting up before heading back on the road.”

  Barry pointed up the beach. “We live just up there, man. You should drop in for a spell. We have found the best pot! It’ll blow your fuckin’ mind man!”

  “I don’t know. We were just getting ready to head back. Can we get a rain check?”

  “It could be fun,” Audrey began. “We could drop in.” When I asked why she decided to go, the answer was simple. She liked Barry. He reminded her of a neighbor she was once had who used to follow around bands like the Dead, Phish. He lived in this perpetual haze and lamented that he had been born in the wrong era. If he had been born in the sixties, he would have fit right in. Barry was just like that. He was an old soul trapped in a time that just didn’t understand him.

  Barry and his friends were like that. They were a roving band of Deadheads with no band to follow. There was a small group of five that sang and danced around a blazing bonfire. People like them had existed underground. They were the new peace and love generation who lived each day loving the land and each other. Audrey was enamored with them but the truth was, as much as she wanted to stay with them, it was dangerous. They were going to draw the wrong kind of attention to themselves and were oblivious to how much danger they were in. They believed in love and peace and saw this as the new age of Aquarius. Whatever the fuck that meant.

  They were a simple tribe that didn’t own a weapon, and were determined to eradicate the sins of the past and create a new world that was based on principles of love and harmony. It was crazy enough to work. It couldn’t be any worse than the way the world worked before. A new world without war sounded good to me. I almost drifted toward their cause just like Audrey, but I began to see how dangerous it was. The reality was that their new utopia could never work. It failed in the sixties and it would fail now. You couldn’t kill the ego and Audrey was smart enough to see that. I wish I had been. I was ready to grab a tambourine and dance naked around the fire in solidarity, but Audrey pulled me away, kicking and screaming.

  I was mad at her then, but now I understand. The world can’t exist on love and peace. The war machine needed to be fed. You couldn’t stick a flower in a gun and expect some drastic result like a mass laying down of weapons. The ideology just wouldn’t carry over due to other beliefs that trumped your own. War is based on a cause that people would die for. You can’t expect people to change because not everyone believes that peace is possible. There’s a God, or an idea that always needs to be defended. War is a huge exclamation point that shows just how strong your convictions are.

  “There’s no way they’ll survive.” Audrey said as we pulled away. She looked at me and smiled. There was sadness that hadn’t been there before. It was as if she wanted to believe but just couldn’t allow herself to dive all the way in.

  “Maybe they will. Times are different, Audrey.” That was the interesting thing. I was totally convinced that this was a chance to rectify all the screw-ups we had created through ego and self-mongering. If you let the ego die, anything is possible.

  Ego is what leads to war, to famine. If you trace every war, every selfish act, it was all about ego and the love of selfish ideas. It was what led me here with Audrey. I saw it as a chance to finally let my ego die and become a new creature of love. I’ve had time to think about it and I’ve come to the realization that the ego has to exist. You can’t have a passive society because people will walk all over you. They will see you as weak and do everything they can to destroy you.

  We ended up in Myrtle Beach and ran into the anti-hippies. These were scary people that had actually found some zombies and managed to keep them in a cage. For amusement, they poked them with sticks and laughed as they tried to reach out and grab them. I saw nothing funny about it. It was dangerous and I wondered how long it would take before they got drunk one night and left the cage open. We didn’t stay there too long. Audrey didn’t even have to say anything. We just looked at each other and rolled on. There was no reason to stay. What would happen if they decided that they didn’t like us? Would they put us in a cage and poke us with sticks? That scared the hell out of me.

  When we reached Florida, we found our home. I know that it sounds strange, and maybe even unbelievable, but it’s the only word that makes sense. Audrey had been on this quest to find it from the beginning, while I was just trying to find out who I was. The hippies had taught me a lot, and I was already starting to forget most of it. It was inevitable. The hippies died out for a reason, but damn did they have some good tunes. That was the only good thing that they left us. The ideals faded over time, but that music was forever.

  The commune was different. They seemed almost organized. They had their own little town set up, with a garden and houses that everyone had claimed. To keep everyone safe, there were regular patrols that went out but they never found anything. That was a good thing. They were so into the lifestyle of sharing and existing that a zombie attack would no doubt kill them all. They weren’t prepared for an all-out invasion but I didn’t have the heart to tell them. It was a nice, calm environment. After all that we had been through, we deserved it. These people were dirty hippy types but we needed some normalcy. We both wanted a place to lie low for a while and just relax.

  I can’t even remember what town the commune was based in. All the cities and states seemed to blur together. No one lived in most of them and if anyone did, they were either gun loving rednecks or paranoid zombie hunters who would rather shot you than help you out. There were survivors but it wasn’t like the shit you read about or watched on television. They had the same mentality that I did. You were only putting them at risk so they weren’t going out of their way to help you. Wasn’t Bob Dylan who sang that Times They Are a Changing? He was right. They had, but not the way he envisioned. It
was a state of paranoia and no one was safe from it. Even I had a case of it.

  When a guy demands that you give him your truck and your girlfriend, you become different. That changes you. I look back on that as a moment where I truly became a man. It freaked me out and I had nightmares for weeks, but in the end, I was justified in what I did. I had to protect Audrey. It was suddenly my job. This was exactly what I didn’t want to do, yet I loved her. There was no way I was going to let anyone hurt her. There were more survivors than I imagined and all of them were unique in their own way. We were all afraid of something. Most of us were afraid of each other. It made life both interesting and frightening at the same time. You couldn’t trust anyone, but that wasn’t anything new.

  As we drove, we saw a large Maple tree on a quiet residential street. Many of the homes were blackened husks that seemed to rot in the late afternoon sun. We were exhausted and needed to rest so we got off the first exit we saw. The cars were growing steadily worse as we drove and I was afraid we would have to walk the rest of the way to wherever we were going. I didn’t like the idea at all because of what had happened with the truck. It was harder to avoid danger on foot. Anyone could come out of the shadows and attack. It was my fellow man that was more of a danger than the zombies. Sad, isn’t it? So much for humanity, and unity. That was the moment I woke up from my hippie slumber.

  The tree was massive and a lush green. I was so focused on the carnage around the neighborhood that I failed to even notice the tree at first. There were bodies scattered like mannequins on the sidewalk. Fresh blood and viscera were piled like meat, fresh from the butcher. I felt Audrey stiffen beside me as we drove. “Oh my God,” She exclaimed as we slowly rolled past the macabre scene. She was pointing toward the tree.

  I gasped as I took in the sight. There were three bodies dangling from the lush green branches. Their faces were swollen and purple. I wasn’t sure if they were zombies or people. Decomposition had settled in, making their faces bloat. Their eyes had been cut out, leaving a place for the maggots to settle in. Each of them were nude and bruised. “What the fuck?”