by Michael Noe
Chapter Fifteen: Free Fall
We went back to our condo and made love with an intensity that wasn’t there before.This was savage, it was as if I were trying to possess her. It was as if the world were ending again and we were dying with it. It was as if I had never seen her before, and when she looked at me, it was as if she were peering into my soul. All of my fears were laid bare for her to remove with her kisses. I had never felt so safe, yet at the same time I felt vulnerable. Afterwards, we drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms. I wanted to freeze that moment so that I could revisit it on nights when sleep wouldn’t come. This was what heaven was, but I knew it wouldn’t last forever. Nothing does. Everything has to end and soon we found ourselves awake.
“I don’t want to move.” Audrey stretched and smiled at me. I kissed her forehead and held her close.
“We don’t have to go anywhere. This could be where the journey ends. Tell Randy to save the world on his own while we protest the world’s mistakes from the safety of our bed.” It sounded good. Wasn’t it John Lennon and that dunce Yoko Ono that had that bed-in for world peace? It sounded good, but I knew that wars weren’t ended by staying in bed. The problems always find a way in.
“Not a chance. We can have dinner and figure out what our next move is. I want to stay, but who knows? Nothing is set in stone right?” I watched as she stood up. I groaned and covered my head. She laughed and pulled the covers down.
I sat up and tried my best to look offended but it only made her giggle. “This is the most normal I’ve felt in a long time. It’s kind of weird, isn’t it?” I replied, still refusing to move. This was where I wanted to spend the rest of my life. Right there in that room.
“It’s kind of nice. I feel almost protected.”
I dressed quickly and looked around the condo and hated that it felt like home. “That’s because you have me.” She groaned and I couldn’t help but laugh. “You complete me.”
“It’s more than that. We have other people to talk to. I know I have a lot of questions. I hope I don’t drive them crazy.”
We headed outside and were greeted to the sounds of Metallica. There was a group of five people sitting on a picnic table, laughing and playing cards. It was almost as if the past few months hadn’t happened at all. I felt like I had stepped out of a time machine. These people were so relaxed and normal. Randy stood up and greeted us warmly. He was clearly the leader and if he wasn’t, then he did a damn good job of pretending he was. I saw the woman who was sun bathing earlier and was almost saddened that she was now wearing a t-shirt and shorts. This couldn’t be everyone, could it? I looked at each of them, waiting for a look of disdain. I waited for at least one of them to scream at us for being interlopers, but they just smiled at us warmly. They looked as if they had been waiting their whole lives to meet us. It was a little creepy, but I was smiling just as much as they were.
This was the cool kids table. It was where you could laugh and pretend that death wasn’t sitting there among, sipping on a warm beer while you laughed and pretended that everything was cool. For a little while, everything was normal. That was how America rolled. It turned away from the violence while death whooped and hollered right next to you. I was now being thrust into uncharted waters. I had emerged from solitude into this. I had to fight back my negativity just so I could see what they had to offer. I promised Audrey that I would stay and if I kept the negative thoughts flowing, I would run screaming from the complex. It was the logical thing to do. I looked at these smiling faces and saw their death in vibrant colors. I smiled back and hoped for the best. It was all I could do.
Randy was the weirdest of them all. I don’t know why but I just didn’t like him. It was as if there was something hiding just below that smile. Something sinister just waiting to burst free. No, you just want there to be. I knew that wasn’t it. I had been a business owner for a long time and I knew when someone was trying to snowball me. There was something going on, but as I glanced at the others, they were oblivious to it. “Thanks again for allowing us to stay.” It sounded lame, but for the first time ever, I felt awkward standing in front of these people. I didn’t know what to say to them. What did they expect? A speech maybe? I felt as if I should have prepared something.
“You’re welcome. Let me introduce you to everyone,” Randy began. He gestured to the people around him and they all waved. It was as if we were all attending summer camp. Was this how we were supposed to act? It just felt wrong somehow. What did you expect? Were they supposed to act depressed? Was there a memo floating around somewhere that specified that they were supposed to be afraid at all times? It didn’t make sense. It was a reality, but it didn’t mean that they had to mope around just waiting for death to come after them.
He pointed to the woman who had been tanning when he arrived, “This is April,” He said. April extended her hand and Audrey and I shook it. April had dull brown hair with a smattering of freckles on her tanned nose. Up close, she wasn’t as pretty as I had first thought, but her body more than made up for it. I felt guilty comparing her to Audrey but I couldn’t help it. She was stacked. She was the kind of girl that naughty country songs were made about. I could see her dancing on the hood of a pickup truck wearing only a bikini.
“Nice to meet you both. If there’s anything you need, say the word. If I can’t help, there’s always someone around that can, or at the very least pretend to have the right answer. We’re all really just playing it by ear.” April’s voice had a slight southern twang to it. She could have asked me to bathe in acid and I would have done it willingly. Audrey shot me a glance and I knew that I had to be on my best behavior. Women have a radar and I’m sure Audrey’s was going crazy.
“So, next to April we have Harris, and over there is Sheila, and rounding out our ragtag group is Paul.” Each of them smiled, and waved. My eyes lingered on the men for a moment. They were men so of course I saw them as competition. I was never jealous but things had changed. Harris looked like the kind of guy people would stuff into lockers in high school. He was scrawny with douche hair and a look of indifference etched onto his face. He was ruggedly handsome and stood at least six foot tall. His muscles appeared to have muscles and when he shook my hand, it felt as if my hand was being placed inside of a vice. This was the guy that I had to watch out for. He looked like the kind of guy that played a lot of sports in high school and just never quit. On the bright side, I was glad that this guy was on our side. Not that it would matter if he decided that he didn’t like me.
Paul seemed more level headed. When he spoke it was almost as if he were afraid of being heard. There wasn’t anything about him that seemed remarkable. His hair was long and the clothes he wore seemed to be thrown onto his scrawny frame. Harris was the guy that would do anything to not attract attention to himself. With Paul, there had to be a bottom line in everything he did and it had to be beneficial to him. I liked him immediately. I knew that in Paul, I could have an ally. That made me feel good. At least while Harris was off playing Rambo I didn’t have to feel guilty about opting out. I’d have someone to keep me company.
Audrey and I smiled, but I couldn’t help but feel a bit uneasy. I felt like I was back in high school. Everyone had that awkward moment where things just seemed amplified. I shuffled my feet as we said our hellos and took our seats at the weathered picnic table. There were bottles of beer and soda spread out along with bags of snack food. We were all now a nation surviving on junk food. It was a beautiful thing, along with my ability to smoke wherever I wanted without some asshole getting butt-hurt. For shits and giggles, I even drank and drove on occasion. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it killed the boredom. I also knew that at any time, I could have even killed myself but until recently, I had nothing to live for. Everything I knew and loved was gone. In its place were rotting corpses and memories of the way life used to be. None of us had asked for any of this, yet here we were, all bound together because we were too stupid to die. If you really wanted
to look at things in a bright, shiny way, you couldn’t.
There were no birds singing as we stared wearily into each other’s eyes. No promises that we would be best friends forever. Tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed. We could all lie to each other but why? There was no reason to. We knew we weren’t all here for a sleep over so why would we pretend otherwise? I could see their fear and I knew that mine was reflecting back at them. We all shared the same thing. I cursed Audrey for making us stay. It wasn’t that I didn’t like them. It was deeper than that. I knew with certainty that at any moment, any of these people could be taken away. It was foolish to like them too much, or get too attached. “Nice to meet you all.” Audrey’s words dragged me back to the present with a slight twinge of guilt for thinking the way I was.
“Where were you guys headed?” This was Sheila. She was a mousy looking girl with stringy blonde hair and complexion that looked more at home on a cheese pizza. Her voice was strained to the point that it was almost a squeak. She didn’t seem as confident as she had when we first met. Maybe she was on drugs. She could come in handy later.
“Here actually. Are all of you from here?’ Audrey reached for a bottle of water and sat down. I stood up and eyed each of them, observing them. They all seemed like they were playing a role. I could only wonder what our role would be. I didn’t even want a role. I didn’t even want to be at the cool kids table. I didn’t belong here and doubted if I ever would.
It was as if we had all been transported into a horror novel. If there were roles assigned, these lovely people would be the heroes with puffed chest optimism. They would have all the answers while Audrey and I just wandered around, dazed and confused. I couldn’t help but wonder if they realized how important they made themselves appear. They were organization among wandering chaos. I almost wanted to fall down and kiss their feet. It would seem odd, but almost appropriate given the circumstances. They could be our Jesus as we wander the desert, looking for our salvation. It was all a bit clichéd. If it weren’t for Audrey, I would have left this scene and wandered off on my own. Every horror story needed a chicken shit to level the playing field.
Our conversation was casual and light. It was too early to delve into anything too heavy. We needed to see where we all stood. Some people needed trust while others just liked to plunge right into the heart of things. Kind of like a stake into the heart of a sleeping vampire. We were feeling each other out. If we were musicians, this would be the moment we would jam and then see if we meshed personality wise. In time, egos would clash but now we just smiled and felt each other out. We talked about our pasts and our jobs. The getting to know you banter that we all have become quite adept at. They all came from various backgrounds. None of them had anything to do with zombie warfare. None of them, it seemed, knew how to be a soldier. All the gun shooting was either self-taught or learned by trial and error.
Paul was an artist. He claimed to have done a few comic books, but I wasn’t a fan. I preferred actual words that didn’t accompany doodles. As I listened to him, the less I liked him. He was up to something; I was convinced of it. As I watched him, his eyes drifted to everyone and flickered away. Up until this mess he wasn’t a hunter, and like me, he wasn’t a sports fan at all. His love of superheroes made me a little wary. Who knew what kind of shit went through his head. For all I knew, he had a super suit hidden somewhere. Guys like Paul were dangerous. They wanted to be the one that rushes into a burning building without thinking about the consequences. No one ends up saved or lives happily ever after. They all die in a puddle of melted skin, screaming. As I listened to him, I wondered if he ever saw a naked woman. He wasn’t the type of guy that saw a lot of action. He was too into his nerdverse. He seemed to be checking out April and then everything snapped into focus. Paul was into April. He probably spent a lot of his evenings jerking off to her. That could be why he seemed so odd. The scary thing was that they could have made him the leader. That job of course went to Randy. Was it because he was smart or was it because no one else wanted the job?
Randy and Harris were complete opposites and they didn’t have a problem with each other or anything else it seemed. I knew that had the situation been different, they wouldn’t even be friends or even pretending to like, let alone tolerate each other. That was how bizarre things had become. It was surreal. Harris didn’t say anything about his past or where he was from. That was fine with me because I didn’t care. Didn’t matter to me one way or the other. Harris, I had pegged correctly. He was the jock stereotype and he was oblivious to it. He played football in high school and wandered aimlessly as a P.E. teacher that enjoyed hunting and being a manly man. This was the kind of person that usually lacked intelligence yet no one cared because he was the small town version of Jesus Christ. Guys like him live in every small town and big city. They marry some dumb bimbo and lead very self-absorbed lives. I’m not bitter that I wasn’t like him, nor did I dislike him. I wasn’t that shallow.
I can’t tell you very much about the women. That was all Audrey. They flocked to her and they instantly bonded. Two separate tribes emerged. The guys were stuck together while the women were so happy to have another addition that all the usual territorial bullshit was shoved aside. I had heard that women were judgmental and vicious toward their own kind, but I was seeing something completely different. They laughed and hugged as if they had all known each other from birth. It didn’t matter to them that Audrey was new to the group. They just had another woman around who understood what they were going through and how it fucked them up emotionally. There were things that us men would never experience nor would we want too. It was okay though. We were the outsiders. While we pretended to bond, we were just pretending that we did. I wasn’t sure I could trust anyone with the exception of Audrey.
I watched her and I felt my love for her grow. Watching her laugh and talk to these people made me realize just how inept I was in social situations. She was like a butterfly and I wished that I could be like her. She really cared about these people and wanted to know everything about them. She truly was a people person that enjoyed being around people. She glowed for Christ’s sake! If this had been a business meeting, I would have had all of them eating out of the palm of my hand. I would have April blowing me under the picnic table while I had my tongue buried in the crack of Audrey’s ass. Later, I would have them engaging in some hot lesbian sex while I jerked off all over Sheila’s tits. Instead of Randy leading the rag tag group of happy assholes, it would be me.
It didn’t matter that I didn’t want to be the leader. I was just accustomed to being the leader in everything that I did. It was in my blood. Inside this small little group was a cohesiveness that impressed me. There were guards that patrolled and reported back whatever they thought would be interesting or useful. It was these guards that brought us here. If it hadn’t been for them, God only knows where we’d be. I don’t think we would have been here. It made me a little sad because I would have missed seeing Audrey blossom. It was good to see her happy, even though I was still a little leery of the entire situation. At the moment, all I could do was make idle chit chat and observe.
Dinner that evening was a simple affair that consisted of cold baked beans and fruit cocktail. The lack of electricity was still a problem. We all had to adjust to canned food and it was nice to see that even this group was doing the same thing Audrey and I were doing. Things hadn’t changed all that much. It was good to have people to talk to even if I didn’t care about what they were saying. I had a ton of questions and they hopefully had the answers. If they didn’t, then they weren’t the right people to follow. Someone had to have heard something. They had to have answers. I would have accepted a lie as long as it made sense. The thing with dinner was that we all ate together. There was no fear at all that someone would interrupt us.
“Aren’t you all afraid that someone could attack us? Eating outside like this is dangerous.” I didn’t want to ruin dinner, but someone had to point out the obvious.
It was April who answered. She gestured with her fork toward the front of the duplex as she did it. She was one of those people that spoke with her hands. It was annoying as shit and I wished I had some tape so I could keep her hands from flailing. “As far as we can tell, there’s nothing out there. If anyone even gets close, the guards will take care of it. You don’t think we’re that stupid, do you? We’re a community. A small one, but we have systems in place.”
“Where are the guards? Why haven’t I seen them,” I asked. I pushed my plate aside and saw Audrey glare at me. This was a small group. The idea of them having a massive army was laughable.
“They’re around. We communicate through walkie -talkies. It’s a simple system but one that works. The zombies have all but vanished, but there are other things to watch out for.” Randy spoke as if he’d done this speech a million times. I liked him even less as the meal wore on. This was clearly his baby and God forbid anyone would try and poke holes in it.
“Speaking of zombies. Where the hell are they?” I began. It was something that bugged me. How did they just vanish? It didn’t make any sense. “Why haven’t we run into them? I had assumed that they would follow the food source, but until now, the only sane survivors we’ve seen are you.”
Randy shrugged. “I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense. I’ve wondered the same thing. I could speculate all day long, but the truth is there’s no sane answer. You haven’t seen anything?”
I told him about what we had seen, leaving out the part where I killed a man. It was unsettling to think about even though I had no choice. It was a moment that I looked back on and even dreamed about. There was no other option at all. I didn’t want him to agree with me or even tell me that there could have been other options. He hadn’t been there so it would have been easy for him to pass judgment. We could agree on the lack of zombies and what it all meant. The one answer that none of us had was why this was all occurring. What had been the catalyst? Was it an act of war? None of us knew. There hadn’t been enough time to gather news reports or compare notes. Even if we could, what good would it have done us? Fuck all. That’s what. “It doesn’t make sense,” I said. Nothing did, not anymore. It felt good to admit it out loud.