by Michael Noe
We all fell into an uncomfortable silence. We all stared at our empty plates and wondered what our next move was. This was the moment where everything fell into place, wasn’t it? This was the epiphany of sorts. We would all hang out and pretend that everything was perfectly fine, but of course we all knew that it wasn’t. Looking at each of these people, I felt a wave of sadness. The reality of it all came crashing down around my ears. I was resistant to these people for a very good reason. Sitting there chatting about things felt far too adult. As I gazed at each of their faces, I could see the fear in their eyes reflecting back into my own.
Chapter Sixteen: The Tour
After dinner, I saw everyone begin to work as a group without complaints. I expected the women to clear up the dishes but everyone pitched in. I know that sounds sexist, given that this is the year 2016 and women vote and do all the things men can do. Without a doubt, they could even do it better than men. I wasn’t sure how this place was run and just assumed that the men would go off into their group while the women did their thing. Randy hadn’t regressed to the period of time when women weren’t equal to men. They didn’t scamper off while the men did their thing. It was a relief. I didn’t want Audrey giving me any shit later about how the men were assholes and had retreated back to the Stone Age.
I’m still not sure what I expected from the group. I was still a little leery of them. I knew from history, people like these are dangerous. The word cult kept coming up in my mind but there weren’t any signs that told me they were. If Randy had busted out an acoustic guitar and asked everyone to gather around for an hour or two of worship, I would have been gone. Those scenes are dangerous and have no place in society. Organized religion is fine, but I didn’t think that Randy was the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. Even if he was, I doubt that I would follow him. I was only willing to follow Audrey and that alone made me second guess my sanity. If this were a cult, who knew what they believed in? No two cults were ever the same. They all had something which made life seem less like an option you had control over and more like an adventure with a divine purpose thrown in at the end.
Randy and Sheila showed us around the neighborhood but there wasn’t much to see. The area had clearly been looted at some point, which gave it the appearance of a war zone. Broken glass and garbage littered the streets but there were no bodies. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?” I hadn’t even realized that Sheila had spoken.
“What do you mean? The destruction? It’s the same everywhere,” I responded. We passed by a park that was overrun with tall, green grass. If I closed my eyes and listened, I could hear the ghosts of children playing. The silence was unnerving, but I never realized just how desolate the world had become. I couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice. It just popped out on its own. I would think something and it would just fly out of my mouth.
Sheila and Randy stopped walking. “I know. We’ve all talked about the world ending, but we never thought it would happen.”
“How long were you alone?” Audrey asked. She placed her hand in mine as we walked. I tried to imagine that we were just a couple of lovers out for a stroll. All around us were kids and other couples doing the same thing. It was a calm evening. It had been muggy all day but as the sun sank, there was a welcome change in the air. Not far off, there would be rain. I could smell it.
“Not long. I didn’t mind it. It was a little scary at first but you get used to it. How about you?”
Audrey told her story and there were parts that I didn’t hear before. She had escaped a horde of the undead, but barely. They had trapped her in a gas station just outside of Akron. She could hear them shuffling toward her, groaning. The thing that truly frightened her was that she wouldn’t die. She would become just like them and instead of being afraid for her life, she would be just another mindless zombie. She was glad they were gone, but I didn’t think for a second that they were. They were out there somewhere and we would find them. It was just a matter of time. I tried to tell them my story but I just couldn’t make myself sound less like a coward. I knew that I could lie to them about never making the same mistake again, but why lie? I was alive because I was a coward. Cowards live while heroes die. True story.
This was once a thriving middle class neighborhood but once the looters and the undead were finished with it, it didn’t look like much. “Where are the guards housed?” I hadn’t seen any guards since we had arrived. I knew they weren’t with us so they had to be somewhere.
“Right outside the city. There are two stations but there aren’t very many. Only a handful.”
“How did you find them?” I looked around, wondering what would happen if there was a full scale invasion. I didn’t think that his handful of guards would be very useful. If they made Randy and his crew feel safer, that was all that mattered. It didn’t make me feel any safer, but fuck me for being logical, right?
“They came to us. Just like you. They offered to help protect us. I never asked. I know what you’re thinking, Matt. You think I brought this all together for selfish reasons. I wanted to be some macho leader? You’re wrong. I never wanted any of this. I’m no leader.”
There was nothing I could say that would make him feel any better or even convince him I would think that way at all. Power is a hell of a thing. All that he had to rule was a neighborhood on the brink of collapse. Not a perfect kingdom, but still a kingdom. I still didn’t trust him. His words seemed designed to convince me that he was a good guy, thrust into the role he was currently in. He and Sheila seemed comfortable showing us around. I wondered if he and Sheila were sleeping together. I watched them closely and couldn’t tell. If they were, they were hiding it pretty well. He could’ve said no, but he didn’t so there had to be a small part of him that wanted this.
“How did you come to be in charge?,” Audrey asked.
“I’m not. We all are. Whatever happens is all group voted, and even group suggested. I’m just the tour guide, and occasional rescuer. Any one at the complex could have been the ones to find you.”
“Sounds almost democratic.” I tried to keep the sarcasm out of my voice, but I failed.
“It is. If you place just one person in charge, egos tend to flare up. If we all agree on something, no one can say that it was their idea, or that they’re in charge so what they say has to go.”
Audrey nodded. “Ego is the last thing we all need.” If there was ever a need for a slow clap, it was right there. Ego consumes the soul and turns even the most beautiful people ugly. I watched Randy and I could see that there was something sinister in his smile. I still didn’t trust him.
“It’s nice that you’ve joined us.” Sheila had stopped walking and was standing next to a burned out building. The windows were all blown out, giving it a haunted appearance. At one point, this was once a thriving neighborhood, but now it was nothing. I wondered if any of them survived.
“Thanks for allowing us to stay. I’ll help any way I can.” Audrey beamed as she said it, and I believed that she had finally found her home. This was exactly what she needed. I was still looking. Nothing had made me feel as if I should willingly give my life for these people. They were all still strangers. I wanted it to stay like that but I wasn’t sure it was even possible anymore.
“This neighborhood? Did any of you live here before the world went to hell?” I asked. I wanted to change the subject before they asked me if I were willing to risk life and limb to protect our home. It was better to let them assume I would. Safer too. Why admit that the only person I would risk life and limb for was my girlfriend?
Both of them shook their heads. The only native was Harris. He had actually lived in the complex and stumbled upon them during a run for supplies. The area had been crawling with the dead but then they had all vanished. Where they went, he had no idea. He didn’t want to know either. It was better not to know. Made things a lot safer. We walked back toward the complex, watching out for debris and other things that I didn’t recognize. “How long have you been he
re?” I asked.
“A few months. It just felt safer. Why did you leave Ohio?”
“That was Audrey’s idea. There was no way we would have survived the winter so she thought it would be a good idea to head somewhere warmer.” I wished I had stayed in Ohio. None of this would be happening.
Randy laughed. “Smart girl. The weather there is atrocious from what I hear. So, how do you like Florida?”
“It’s sunny. I don’t know why but I’ve always wanted to come here. Problem was always money. I was a waitress that lived pay check to pay check. I was never going to travel and this happened….” Audrey’s voice trailed off.
Randy patted her shoulder and I pulled her close to me. There was nothing I could say. I could only comfort her. We were all affected by the events that transpired. I didn’t realize until that moment just how much everyone was affected by what had happened. Never dawned on me. I was just so absorbed in surviving that I never thought other people could be going through their own internal crisis. People were never my strong suit and I knew that Sheila and Randy could do a far better job comforting Audrey than I ever could.
My character flaws were many. I can admit that now. It felt awkward trying to figure out how to comfort her. There was so much I didn’t know about her. I just assumed that if she wanted to tell me something, she would tell me. We were both scared but I know that I didn’t want her to know that, and I had no idea what most of her life was like before she met me. All that mattered to me was that we were together. What happened in between wasn’t a concern for me. As I held her close, I knew there was so much she wanted to tell me but she just couldn’t find the words.
Why do most women insist on telling their men how many men they’ve had sex with? It’s not a bit of information that I need to know and I don’t want to hear about ex-boyfriends either. It’s on that list of shit I would rather not hear. When you learn about things like that, it changes everything. Seeing her like this made us closer. I wanted to learn everything I could about her. Nothing was off limits. Would I regret it later? Probably, but at least I would know everything. Forget the mystery. I wanted her to bare her soul to me. It was easy to forget my own rules because this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I almost wanted to have babies with her. I wanted to see her naked and exposed.
This was no world for babies though. Only an idiot would think about repopulating at a time like this. What if the zombies emerged and stole it? They could make quick work of a baby. Just a quick pull and a tug and that baby was in pieces. Worse yet, there were no doctors. I know that television and the movies made it look easy, but it wasn’t. There are a lot of variables and a quick trip to the hardware store wouldn’t fix any of it. Marriage I could do if there were priests left to officiate things, but they were gone too. Didn’t you have to have a license for that? I think you needed to have a license for everything except having a kid. Any idiot could do that.
Walking back to the complex, the world around me looked sinister. I couldn’t allow a child to grow up in any of this. No electricity and so far, I hadn’t even seen an animal. The kid would never have a proper education either. I don’t know why all this popped in my head like that but it just seems as if the idea of children always comes up in times like this. They see a desolate cityscape and think; “You know what the world needs? Some idiot children running around. That would be lovely!” It’s a complication that no sane person would entertain for longer than a minute.
Surrounding us were the remnants of the past. No matter where I looked, I felt surrounded by the ghosts of the people that once lived here. There was no escaping it. The complex didn’t shield us from those reminders, it just reinforced it. It mocked us and whispered that we were all next. We were kids playing army and soon we would have to grow up. Each and every one of us was marked by the finger of death. These people were great at pretending that nothing was going to touch them, but the longer I looked deep into their eyes, I could see the fear dancing like a half drunk stripper.
How long would it take for us to feel safe again? There was no answer. As long as there were burned out buildings, the reminder would be there, taunting us. We were all living on borrowed time. It was the saddest story ever told, yet no one would admit it. We were just going through the motions with blinders on. At the complex, I stared into the woods, wondering what was out there. I longed for the sounds of traffic, the steady rush of people outside, chattering like monkeys.
“You okay?” Audrey asked with a worried look on her face. I wished I could peek inside her brain and see what she was thinking. Was she as scared as I was? I didn’t want to worry her so I did the only thing I could. I lied to her and told her that I was fine. The thing was that I was anything but. I just snuggled close to her and enjoyed the moment. For just a minute, I wanted to stop thinking and just be in a moment that I could look back on and say; “That was a time when I was in love. Nothing else mattered.”
Chapter Seventeen: Time Moving Slowly
That was a miserable hot summer that seemed worse without modern conveniences. I never realized how much we had relied on things like air conditioning, or even fans, until we no longer had them. Thankfully, the complex was surrounded by trees that gave us enough shade to keep our brains from boiling in our heads. We’d found a lake not too far away and it didn’t take long before we were in it. We were alone with nothing to fear, or so we kept telling ourselves. The water kept us from boredom while keeping us cool.
I had found a new book store to raid but Randy had insisted that someone always went with me when I ventured out. Audrey and I would be joined by Harris and sometimes it would be Sheila. She couldn’t understand why I was so fascinated by books and I just laughed and told her that it was the only thing that kept me sane. If I happened to be trapped in a roomful of zombies, I was convinced that I would push her into the horde. She was stupid and asked questions that sometimes made no sense. I could even see that Randy was quickly losing his patience with her.
She meant well but she was dumber than a bag of hammers. It was as if her body grew but her mind didn’t. Everyone had their quirks and soon they all got on my nerves, even Audrey. It was bound to happen. There was only so much to do and in all fairness, we were a group that never got too far away from each other. It was only natural to feel restless. I walked a lot that summer. More than I had ever walked before. The problem was the scenery. It depressed me to see the same broken windows, the same reminders that life for most had stopped.
I fell into the group without even realizing it. It was either that or go insane. I would join Randy on supply runs or sometimes I would just go with the women in search of survivors. We never found any but we went anyway. It gave us something to do during the long summer days. I still didn’t trust Randy but what was I going to do? During the supply runs, we talked and I found out that he had once been married with a four-year-old son. This isn’t a feel good story so don’t think for a second that it is. If you haven’t noticed, there’s nothing in this book that warms the cockles of your heart. It’s just how things have worked out so far.
Randy and his wife were both working that day and the last time he had spoken to her was right as the shit hit. She was heading to his son’s daycare and she would meet him there. He ended up stuck in traffic and had a ringside seat to the destruction. “It was insane. People were being pulled from their cars and being attacked. I was able to maneuver around a car and got the hell away from there. I keep thinking that I could have helped them somehow.” Randy’s voice was filled with raw emotion. It made me uncomfortable because I knew at some point he was going to cry. I didn’t know how to handle that.
I wasn’t the kind of person who knew how to comfort others. I was slowly learning but I had a long way to go. All I could offer him was a nice pat on the shoulder. The thought of hugging him made me uncomfortable. “You would have been dead too.” It was my honesty coming out. There was no way to stop it once it started. I knew that it wouldn�
��t offer him any comfort, but at least I could try and make him see that he wasn’t a coward.
“I think I would have been better off. I managed to make it to the day care and there was blood everywhere. Bodies sprawled out on the lawn with skin missing. I saw one woman running and there was this dead, bloated, fat guy chasing her. I tried to call out to her but she didn’t hear me. There was so much confusion. Too much screaming. I can still see it when I close my eyes. It was awful,” He stopped to take a breath and lit a cigarette. I noticed that his hands were shaking.
“I finally got inside and it was just wall to wall death. None of them survived. I saw my wife on the floor cradling my son. They were both dead. I lost it right there. No lie. I remember running toward the zombies, hoping they would kill me too, but then there were gunshots and suddenly I had another option. I couldn’t imagine living without them, yet here I am.” He laughed sarcastically. I didn’t know what to say. I felt like an asshole. Maybe I had judged him wrong.
“I’m sorry.” It was all I had. I couldn’t imagine being in a situation like that. I would’ve been dead. My entire reason for living would have been gone. “How did you end up here?”
Randy thought about it for a minute. I didn’t expect a simple answer. Maybe he didn’t even know. It was one thing to wish you were dead, to actually being dead. It takes a lot of balls to run into a horde of blood-splattered bodies or run into the line of fire. It’s either really courageous or stupid. “I don’t know. As much as I wanted to die, I saw all those people running and screaming and I couldn’t do it. I led as many of them as I could to safety and I got in my car with a bunch of people and just drove. Missouri was the last place I ever thought I’d die in. I knew that I couldn’t stay in Overland Park. Too many memories. I came here and well, you know the rest. What about you? What’s your story?”