Specious

by Berkstresser, Robin

  “But you’ve studied it,” I say.

  Jess brushes her hair out of her face. “That’s not the same as actually doing it.”

  “You’re her best option right now.” I smile halfheartedly.

  Reluctant acceptance crosses her face. “We can stay at least until she has the baby. Then, I want to revisit this conversation.”

  Relieved, I eagerly nod. That will be plenty of time to convince Jess we should stay.

  She continues speaking and says, “I’m worried about their plan. I don’t think they’re going to find anything in their search and if they do, it isn’t going to be what they hoped.” She looks sad at this thought.

  “What else are we going to do? We’d be dead without them. Besides, what if we ran into another group of the Letum? What if it was even bigger? Matt and Allison are good fighters and we can all keep each other safe.”

  She nods. Jess knows I speak the truth, but issues a warning. “We don’t want to be in a group that turns on each other. Your own brother attacked you. This situation has the potential to change people, and not all for the better.”

  I look at her more deeply and try to understand where this is all coming from. I agree with everything she said, yet it seems like there’s something she isn’t sharing with me.

  “What are you really worried about?” I ask. “We clearly aren’t in any shape to leave right now and they’ve been more than accommodating. Allison even gave me their only dose of antibiotics for my foot. What’s actually going on?”

  For a few seconds, she doesn’t look like she’s going to answer me. She surprises me and says, “I don’t want to get close to more people just to watch them die.” The only sign of the emotion she experiences is the slight twitching of her hands.

  “Jess.” My shoulders drop. “I know it has been really hard. We just need to learn from the past and make sure history doesn’t repeat itself.”

  “Do you honestly think we can all be safe and stay protected from this epidemic?” she asks. Her eyes stare into mine.

  I don’t dare to lie. I choose my next words carefully. “We have to try. We need to do our best not to live in fear of what could happen.” I hope the message sinks in with myself as well. “We can’t let all the bad prevent us from finding happiness elsewhere.”

  “Why should we open up to people if we’re just going to lose them? Does it really make a difference in the end?” she asks.

  “It does,” I say. I confidently pull her into an embrace and try to pass some of my strength on to her.

  Normally, she’s the one who gives me hope and passes on her fortitude to me. Now, I’m able to do that for her. I’ve known all along why I like her but have been unsure why she’s appeared to return those affections. For the first time, I understand the value I can give to her. It seems as if there’s something new between us as if some line was crossed.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  And so, we settle into our new lives with a newfound sense of security. Besides pacing through the barrier and keeping watch, our lives, for the first time in a long time, feel normal. The four of us mesh together and become a family.

  The only evidence of the endless passage of time is Allison’s expanding stomach. Nothing particularly exciting happens, but that’s part of what makes it so wonderful. We heal from both our emotional and physical wounds.

  One day, Jess and I are out on the patio partly to keep watch, but also to give Matt and Allison a little privacy. We share the bench and her legs lie nonchalantly across my lap. Spring has transformed to summer and a calm breeze blows toward us to keep it from getting too hot. Jess hums a little under her breath as she reads one of the books she borrowed from Allison while I keep an eye on the calm atmosphere.

  Matt’s booming laugh interrupts the moment, quickly followed by a little squeal. Jess and I make eye contact. I struggle to keep from laughing out loud. With the window directly behind our heads, any noise inside easily travels to us.

  “Want to go on a walk?” I say. Another noise comes from inside. Jess’s eyes widen in a mixture of shock and amusement.

  “That sounds like a great idea. Let’s go around the barricade and give them a little…” She pauses in an attempt to discover the right word and spreads her hands out. “Space.”

  She removes her legs from my lap and jumps off the bench. I follow suit and the two of us grab a weapon by the front door before leaving the patio and sound of the commotion inside.

  I close my eyes and tilt my head up to let the sun warm my face. A crash of some sort reaches us still and we pick our pace up.

  “Let’s go across the barrier. I’m getting bored with the trail on this side,” Jess suggests once we reach the fence.

  It’ll be safe enough. We’ll smell them before they get the opportunity to sneak up on us. Lately, it seems like the smell is getting stronger.

  “I don’t see the harm in that.”

  “Good.”

  Jess hops over the fence in an easy motion. I smile and follow right behind her, although a little more awkwardly. She’s in such a strong state of happiness. It’s contagious.

  “Why are you in such a good mood?” I ask as we turn to the right and begin our walk between the trees. They block most of the sunlight and only small breaks in protection allow it to reach us. “Not that I’m complaining or anything,” I clarify after she gives me a sharp look.

  “Are you saying I’m normally grumpy?” she asks. Her face is serious, but her eyes betray her to show she’s in a joking mood.

  I decide to follow along. “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  Her mouth opens in shock and she playfully nudges me. My boot catches a rock and I almost lose my balance and fall into the ditch to my left. I exhale quickly at the close call.

  Her laughter rings through the air. “If anything, you’re the serious one.”

  “Don’t project yourself on me,” I say in good spirits, thankful to have recovered. That was almost embarrassing.

  Before she can respond, the inevitable smell comes. Jess rolls her eyes and sighs in annoyance. Four of the Letum are approaching us from behind. I nudge Jess and we both turn around. Nothing we can’t handle. They’re more of an aggravation than anything. The sound of us laughing must have attracted them to us.

  “I’ll take the two on the left and you get the other two,” she says.

  “Done,” I say and start calculating my next move. We’ve faced worse situations, so I’m hardly even nervous. This is just a normal part of life now. I grip my machete harder in preparation and ignore the annoying mosquito biting at my leg.

  The Letum stumble their way toward us and we get into action. To my left, Jess is a flurry of motion as she takes out her two. I swing down hard and my weapon slices through one’s head without any real hesitation. The other one reaches out to me so I kick it back. It falls on the ground and I slam my boot down on its face. It explodes. All four of the Letum lie on the ground motionless. I wipe some of the gore off my boot by using one of the rocks next to the ditch.

  “Nicely done,” Jess says while she kneels down to examine the smashed head in appreciation.

  I turn toward Jess. “The head on the first one seemed weaker than normal. I wanted to test it out. Dominic was right. They truly are decomposing.”

  Jess gets back to her feet and looks at the other three Letum. “I wonder if they will ever just stop existing if they can’t satisfy their hunger,” Jess murmurs.

  I shrug even though she can’t see. The implications of that theory are overwhelming. That would mean this would all eventually end.

  “It’s possible, I guess.”

  She looks toward me and her eyes widen in fear. A pressure on my ankle starts. I look down at my foot to find one of the beasts gnawing on me. I shake my foot away in disgust and plunge my weapon into its head.

  “Son of a bitch,” I yell in frustration. I can’t believe I was so stupid and let this happen.

  “Elliot!” Jess’s voic
e is full of anguish and fear.

  I look around to make sure there aren’t any others.

  “Let’s get over the barrier before we get snuck up on again,” I say.

  I slam my machete back down on the creature in frustration and walk back to the barrier. Jess doesn’t say anything and follows me closely. We hop back over the fence to our safety. The sun beams down on us and instantly takes away the small chill from the shadows.

  “We shouldn’t have gone to the other side,” Jess says.

  I turn back around to her. A single tear falls slowly down her cheek. I take a step closer and wipe it off her face.

  “Don’t cry. Everything is all right.”

  She shakes her head and miserably says, “But you were bitten.”

  “I have boots on.” I lift up my pants to show her. “He didn’t break through the leather. All I felt was the pressure of his bite.”

  She stares at me in disbelief. I smile to try and reassure her.

  “Show me,” she finally demands.

  I sit down and untie my laces and buckles. I take my foot out and hold it for her to examine. My sock is completely white with no evidence of blood. She grabs it and looks it over carefully.

  “See, I’m fine,” I reassure her again.

  Seemingly unsatisfied, she takes my sock off and feels around my ankle looking for any sign of broken skin. Besides the scar on the bottom of my foot from the cut on the day Carly died, my foot and ankle are completely unscathed.

  “I don’t believe it,” she says, still in doubt. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

  This time, I shake my head. “I’m not going anywhere,” I say.

  A strange look comes across Jess’s face and she does what I haven’t had the courage to do. She grabs my face and kisses me. I enthusiastically return her gesture. I let myself fall backward and her steady pressure on my body doesn’t relent. I put one arm around her waist to hold her and my other hand rests in her hair.

  The kiss ends and she places her head on my chest.

  “I would have let myself almost get bitten a long time ago if I knew that this is how you would react,” I say.

  I expect her to playfully hit my chest but instead, she snuggles in tighter.

  “I really thought you were going to die.” Her voice is so quiet it’s barely audible.

  I let out a deep breath. “For a second there, so did I,” I admit.

  “It would have been all my fault,” she says. “I’m getting careless and I took you out there with me.”

  “I went right along with you. We’re getting so used to the Letum that they don’t seem as dangerous anymore. Let’s be more careful in the future. I don’t want my boots to get dirty,” I say to lighten the mood and swat away another bug.

  She doesn’t take the bait and remains serious. “I can’t lose you. That’s something I won’t accept.”

  I pull her chin up and lightly press my lips on hers. “Just as I can’t lose you, Jess.”

  We lie there and watch the sunset. Her humming vibrates lightly on my chest. I can’t help but smile at this. She only does it when she’s happy and content. I doubt she even realizes she’s doing it now.

  Too soon, we’re interrupted by Matt’s loud voice calling out, “Jess? Elliot? Come back. We made dinner.”

  I sigh and say, “We should probably go to the house.”

  Jess nods and the two of us stand up. I subconsciously grab her hand and we make our way back to the patio.

  Matt and Allison stand right outside the front door waiting on us. He spots our hands.

  “Hubba hubba.”

  “I wouldn’t be making any jokes right now,” Jess fires back. “At least not after what we heard earlier.”

  Allison, now in Matt’s sister’s wardrobe to support her increased size, blushes while Matt grins.

  “Should we go eat?” Allison asks in a clear attempt to change the conversation. Her hands hold her stomach without conscious thought.

  “That sounds good,” I say. I allow the topic transition and we all move into the house to eat at the dining room table.

  Our blended family shares the meal with an easy conversation flow. After dinner, we move out to the patio and play a board game. Matt and I team up against the girls. Much to the detriment of our pride, they crush us.

  “We’ll get you next time,” Matt says.

  “Oh, so the two of you took it easy on us?” Allison asks.

  “It wouldn’t be fair if we were perfect at everything, now would it?” Matt says. We all laugh at this statement.

  “Maybe we can play a different game. The two of you seem to be able to communicate telepathically. We can’t do that.” I try to defend our loss. The game involved drawing out certain actions. Neither of us is very good at drawing. We didn’t stand a chance.

  “I’ll let the two of you sit out here and nurse your pride. Allison, do you want to come inside with me?” Jess asks suddenly.

  They make eye contact.

  “That’s a great idea. Losers should take first watch,” Allison says with a giant smile on her face.

  “It’s settled then.” Jess stands up and helps Allison to her feet. Allison is getting awkward in her movements. The two of them disappear into the house.

  “Okay, what happened earlier?” Matt says the moment they leave earshot.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Jess clearly just went inside to talk to Allison about something,” Matt says. Amusement echoes throughout his face.

  “What?” My eyes widen in shock. “How do you know that?” I’m embarrassed now. What’s she telling her?

  “I’ve been around women enough to know their tricks. Allison has pulled that one on me before,” Matt says.

  “Oh.” My mind races with the details she could be sharing right now.

  Matt laughs at my expression and says, “Well? Spill it.”

  “We kissed,” I admit.

  Matt reaches out for a high five. I accept it.

  “It’s about time. What took so long?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, it has been clear since we met the two of you that there was something going on. I’m surprised it took this long, that’s all.” He shrugs.

  “I’m just glad it did,” I say with a satisfied grin covering my face.

  “Well done, brother,” Matt says. “If you stay with me for the first hour, I’ll take the rest of the watch. After they’ve had plenty of time to talk, go to Jess.”

  “It’s my turn to take the first watch tonight. Are you sure?” I ask. His offer is very tempting.

  “No worries, I’m sure you’ll return the favor someday,” Matt says.

  “I suspect you’ll be wanting more time once the baby comes,” I say.

  His eyes light up with excitement. “I can’t wait for our baby to get here.”

  “You’re going to be a great father,” I say.

  “I plan on it,” Matt says. The sincerity in is voice assures me that the child is going to grow up with a phenomenal father who will be extremely supportive of his children.

  I wonder how differently my life would have turned out if I had had someone like Matt as a father. A small part of me envies the unborn baby. He’s always going to encourage his child and make sure they always feel valued.

  But what kind of future do we all have in this new world?

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Jess is still awake when I open the door. She looks away from her book and returns my smile automatically. I climb into our bed and we shift until she’s between my legs, with her head resting on my chest and both of us facing the same direction. Jess leans into my body and continues to read. I play with her hair while she hums under her breath. I lose track of time.

  Slowly, Jess sets her book down and looks up with her brow furrowed in concentration. She looks as if she’s about to say something, but she pauses and closes her mouth again.

  Finally, she breaks the silence by saying, “I’m h
appy.”

  I chuckle at her simple comment. “I’m happy as well.” I kiss her on the neck. The heat on her skin feels warm on my lips.

  This time, she’s the one who giggles. “I’m trying to be serious, Elliot.”

  “In that case, I’m seriously happy,” I say. I try to kiss her again, but her movement prevents me.

  Jess turns around and stares at me intently. Her right hand holds the back of my head while her other finds my chin. She leans in and kisses me. Every thought in my mind is focused on how much I care about her. How much she means to me. How much I love her.

  She gently pulls back and whispers in my ear, “After everything that has happened, I didn’t think I could ever be this happy again.”

  I lean in, but she smirks and places a finger on my lips.

  “Let me finish. I didn’t think you were a possibility for me. I didn’t think I would find someone who would make me so utterly content. Thank you.”

  She moves her finger and curls it under my chin and pulls me closer. Now, she waits for me to kiss her.

  My heart feels like it’s beating so loudly, I get self-conscious.

  I try to gain courage and say, “I really care about you. I can’t imagine not having you in my life. I like you as my woman. I…” A laugh nervously escapes as I struggle to complete my thought.

  “Don’t worry. I love you, too,” Jess says.

  Under her trance, I eliminate the distance between us.

  Our kissing takes on a more fevered intensity. All other thoughts leave my body. Every pulse of my heart reminds me how much I need her. My only concentration is on Jess and how she makes me feel. Her hands explore my body and I take a sharp breath as I discover her intentions.

  I freeze. “Are you sure?”

  Rather than answer me with words, she moves her hips in a way that makes it very clear exactly what she wants. She leans in closer and initiates another kiss. It takes all the restraint I have to pull back from her.

  A little breathless, I whisper, “With everything that has been going on, I want to make sure this is what you want.”

  I take another deep breath and open my eyes to look at her. She’s pulled back and is staring deeply into my eyes. Used to her with some degree of guard surrounding her face, I’m surprised to see her completely open. Her gaze is filled with a type of love I didn’t even know was a possibility.