Just Making Out

by Mark Roeder

  I awakened the next morning surprised I didn’t have a wet dream during the night. I’d gone to sleep fearing I’d dream about doing it with Blake, and then I’d feel all guilty again. Tim would no doubt have told me dreaming about Blake wasn’t cheating, either, but I still would have been afraid there was some psychological reason for me dreaming about him. So, I was more than happy I hadn’t had a wet dream even though it meant I was on the verge of having a case of blue balls, which is no fun at all.

  I took care of business in the shower, thinking about what I’d like to do with Tristan someday. I wanted Tristan badly, but I was content to wait. Well, I wasn’t entirely content, but when you’re in love with someone, it’s easier to wait. Just making out with him and doing a little groping was sexy as hell. This might sound crazy, but it was almost better than sex. Besides, I figured we’d take the next step soon. We wouldn’t go all the way yet, but I had a feeling I’d get to see Tristan completely naked. The thought of doing oral with him drove me out of my mind with lust. That’s what got me off in the shower. I just hoped Tim didn’t hear me moan.

  I was really curious about what Tristan looked like naked. I’d felt enough to know he had a firm body, and he was at least average in size. Believe it or not, I hadn’t even seen him shirtless yet. I was dying to do so. Something about a guy’s chest really got me going. I knew Tristan wasn’t built like Brendan or Blake or even me, but he didn’t have to be muscular to be hot. I thought slim and defined guys were totally sexy. Marc had some muscle, but I’d describe him as more slim and defined than muscular, and he was sexy as fuck.

  I wondered why being around Marc didn’t trigger the same intense sexual arousal I’d experienced the night before with Blake. Maybe because Marc hadn’t come onto me since I started dating Tristan. Maybe it was because there was more than just sex between us. I thought of him as a friend. Blake and I weren’t friends. We weren’t enemies, but we’d never done anything together except have sex. We got each other off and went our separate ways. Now that I thought of it, that was probably the difference. Marc was a friend. Blake was just a fuck.

  I greeted Tristan at his locker after I’d gathered up the books I needed from my own. He smiled at me, and I fell for him all over again. I gave him a hug and kissed him on the cheek. I was so thankful I hadn’t done anything with Blake the night before. I never wanted to do anything to screw up what I had with Tristan. I walked him to class, gave him a quick peck after making sure no teachers were watching, and went on my way.

  “Sicko,” Devon said as he passed me.

  “Jealous?” I asked.

  Devon’s expression contorted to one of disgust. I laughed and went on my way.

  The whole thing with Blake seemed like less of a big deal in the morning light. My little brother was right. I guess I was just paranoid that something was going to screw up my relationship with Tristan. I didn’t know what I’d do if we didn’t work out.

  I was glad Blake didn’t go to VHS. Blake was used to getting what he wanted, and I had little doubt he’d try to get into my pants again. If we went to the same school, he might become a real problem. I wasn’t looking forward to dealing with his advances, but at least he had to drive about fifteen miles to try to seduce me.

  Nothing of note happened until lunchtime. The cafeteria always offers some kind of excitement, even if it was just Brandon and Jon going at each other. Dane provided the entertainment for the day, but it kind of freaked me out. We were all talking and laughing when Dane shouted.

  “Leave him alone!”

  Dane was staring into space near Tim. He’d yelled loud enough to attract the attention of the nearest tables, but everyone went back to gossiping when there was nothing to see. Those of us sitting near Dane, however, were treated to a ringside seat for weird.

  “He’s not interested in you. He can’t even see you,” Dane said.

  He was glaring at the same spot, at absolutely nothing.

  I looked toward Brandon and Jon, waiting for one of them to make a smartass remark, but they were just staring at Dane. They were probably thinking what I was thinking. Dane was seeing his ghost again.

  “Is he here?” Tim asked quietly.

  “He’s standing right beside you, and he’s leering at you. I don’t like it.”

  Jon made a face at Brandon that clearly indicated he thought Dane had lost his mind. I didn’t know what to think. I kind of believed in ghosts, but why could only Dane see this one? My doubts were increased by the fact we were at school. I knew Dane had supposedly seen him here before, and he sure acted as if he was seeing something now, but there was nothing to see. I could believe a ghost might hang out in the spooky old school where Dane lived, but in this one? Unlikely, at best. Maybe Dane really was losing it, or maybe it was just a big joke.

  I looked over at my brother. He looked worried and frightened. No, this wasn’t a joke. Dane wouldn’t do that to Tim. Perhaps Tim was in on it, but I didn’t think he was that good of an actor.

  “Stop it! Just stop it!” Dane said.

  Dane was clearly upset. I doubted he was a good enough actor to fake what was going on. He looked worried and frightened, too, and he was on the verge of tears. No one at the table was talking. Brendan, Ethan, and Nathan looked worried for Dane. Marc, Casper, and Nate looked embarrassed for him. Casey looked as if she didn’t know what to think, and Brandon and Jon looked as though they thought Dane was nuts. Tristan gazed at Dane evenly as if he was trying to read Dane’s mind.

  “If you touch him, I’ll hate you forever,” Dane said.

  Now, he was clearly angry. No, there was no way he was faking this.

  “He’s gone,” Dane said in the next moment.

  Tim reached across the table, grasped Dane’s hand, and gave him a reassuring smile. At least it was meant to be reassuring. Tim was scared.

  “Sooo, nice weather out, isn’t it?” Nate said after an uncomfortable silence.

  For some reason, that got Brandon and Jon to giggling. I could tell they were trying to hold it in, but it wasn’t working. Dane didn’t seem to notice. He just shoveled mashed potatoes and green beans into his mouth as if he hadn’t eaten for days. He only took his eyes away from his tray to look at Tim now and then. It was the most bizarre lunch our table had seen in quite some time.

  I was worried about Dane. He was either haunted by the ghost of a dead football player, or he was losing his mind. Neither was good. I was glad the guys hadn’t made fun of him. They were probably worried about him, too. I had the additional worry of Tim. My little brother loved Dane. What if something bad happened to Dane? What if he went insane? How would Tim deal with that? How could I help him deal with that? I decided not to think about it too much. I just hoped everything would be okay.

  Dane

  It was time to rid myself of Jacob. My recent encounters with him right in VHS were the final straw. I didn’t like Jacob’s growing interest in Tim. He’d said he wasn’t interested in him, but he sure acted interested! What if he started molesting my boyfriend, or worse, what if he did something to Tim to get him out of the way? I couldn’t let him hurt Tim. I wouldn’t!

  I didn’t know if my plan would work, but I had to try something. Boothe had been plenty desperate to pawn off Jacob’s coin on me. Jacob had started haunting me soon after the coin came into my possession. There was a good chance the coin was the key. I was determined to destroy it.

  I didn’t figure merely smashing the coin into an unrecognizable hunk of silver would be enough. I had to melt it. I couldn’t accomplish that on a kitchen range, so I hunted out Dad’s old Coleman stove and his sinker-making supplies. Long ago, Dad had been big into fishing. I have vague memories of him making sinkers out of lead. I remembered I was allowed nowhere near the stove while he was melting lead and pouring the molten metal into molds. Silver wasn’t lead, but it was a soft metal, and I figured Dad’s old stove would do the trick.

  I set up shop in a corner of the old basement. I had some trouble ligh
ting the stove, but soon I had it going. I placed the iron dipper on the blue jets of flame, and soon the old remnants of lead began to run down the inner sides.

  I looked around as I pulled out the coin and dropped it chain and all into the white hot dipper. I half feared Jacob would try to stop me, but there was no sign of the ghost who haunted me. He was too late now. The coin was lying in the thin layer of molten lead, and soon it too would begin to melt. I watched and waited, but nothing happened. The coin refused to melt. Minutes passed and still nothing. It seemed I’d underestimated the temperature needed to melt silver. It obviously had a much higher melting point than lead. Disappointed, I turned off the stove and carefully dumped the coin onto the floor.

  Once everything had cooled, I put away the stove and the supplies and picked up the coin. Lead now adhered to it in places, but otherwise it was unchanged.

  I wasn’t ready to give up yet. I went in search of Dad’s tin snips. When I located them, I cut the coin into several small pieces. I walked outside and scattered the pieces in distant parts of the yard. I returned to my room wondering if cutting the coin into little bits was enough. Now, I had only to wait and see if the link to Jacob was broken. Perhaps I’d sent him back to his grave. I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best.

  Night came, and I crawled into bed. Still no sign of the ghost. I lay there with my eyes open for the longest time, hoping and fearing—hoping I’d rid myself of Jacob, at last; fearing the solution had been too easy and that I wasn’t rid of him at all. I think waiting this night was worse than any of the others. If Jacob didn’t appear, it likely meant I was rid of him forever. If he did…my troubles were far from over.

  The minutes passed, and still I was alone. My eyes grew heavy, and I drifted off to sleep. Sometime in the night, I began to dream. I could feel myself smile even in my dream. Tim was lying on top of me, his naked body pressed against mine. He was kissing me and holding me tight. I felt so safe and comfortable—so loved.

  I grew quickly aroused. I’d had wet dreams about Tim before. They were almost as good as actual sex. I’d often wished I could dream about Tim at will, but I contented myself with his infrequent dream visits. A small moan escaped my lips and then another.

  I opened my eyes. Jacob muffled my scream by locking his lips onto mine and shooting his tongue into my mouth. I struggled, but Jacob held me down. He kissed me and pressed his naked body into mine.

  It was then that I felt cold metal pressed between our bare chests, metal the shape and size of a half dollar. Jacob pulled back and gazed into my eyes.

  “You didn’t really think you could rid yourself of me that easily, did you? You didn’t really think Boothe hadn’t already tried that?”

  My face grew sullen.

  “Stop fighting it, Dane. We were meant to be together. I’ve waited for you all these years.”

  “You only want me because Boothe was smart enough to escape.”

  “Boothe? Why would anyone want him? No, Boothe was only a means to an end. I didn’t come to him as I come to you. I didn’t bring him pleasure. I tormented him until he did what I wanted. I knew he wouldn’t hesitate to pass the coin onto you. It’s you I’ve wanted all along.”

  “The coin is the key, isn’t it?”

  “Still trying to think of ways to rid yourself of me? Why are you so determined to push away what you most need?”

  “I don’t need you!”

  “Someday you’ll be amazed you even thought of trying to get rid of me. You won’t know how you lived without me.”

  “Liar.”

  “You’ll come around. Until then, I’m going to bring you more pleasure than you’ve dreamed possible.”

  Jacob began to grope me.

  “No!”

  Jacob clamped his mouth on mine again. He kept me pinned with the weight of his body while he molested me with a free hand. I felt violated and used. I experienced exquisite pleasure and then guilt over the pleasure. When the pleasure was so intense it was nearly painful, Jacob forced me onto my stomach. I struggled, but only half-heartedly. My mind was a mass of confusion.

  I knew what he was going to do to me. At the last moment, I tried to cry out, but he shoved my face into the pillow. Blinding pain exploded into my mind, and I bit down on the pillow hard. With the pain came a wave of pleasure. The pain and pleasure mixed until the two were one. Jacob took me by force, but then I gave myself up to him. I’d never experienced such perfect bliss before. The pleasure was too great to push away.

  After minutes or hours, I don’t know which, such exquisite pleasure erupted in my mind and body that I blacked out. When I awakened I was alone. I would have thought the experience was a dream, but I could still feel the aftereffects in my body and the coin that hung around my neck. I collapsed onto the sheets and fell immediately into a deep sleep.

  I momentarily thought I’d been dreaming when I awakened the next morning, but the soreness inside me and the coin hanging around my neck told me what I’d experienced was no dream. The mere memory of it aroused me.

  I climbed out of bed and walked to the mirror. The coin lay against my bare chest. There was no sign I’d cut it to bits. It looked exactly the same as always. I began to pull the chain over my head, but I let the coin fall back onto my chest. I gazed at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t sure I knew the boy who was looking back at me.

  I arrived at school a bit early. Tim met me at my locker and gave me a peck on the lips.

  “So, any sign of Jacob last night?” he asked.

  “No. No, I didn’t see him.”

  “That’s good. I was worried he’d try to get at you after what happened yesterday.”

  “No, everything is fine. I slept like a baby last night.”

  “Great.”

  Tim walked me to class, all smiles. I smiled back at him, but it was only a fake smile plastered to my lips. I wasn’t sure why I’d just lied to my boyfriend. I told myself it was so he wouldn’t worry, but that wasn’t the whole truth or even most of it. I didn’t want him to know what had happened in my bed last night. I didn’t want him to know that a part of me enjoyed it.

  At lunch, I paid little attention to my friends. I was vaguely aware of Brandon and Jon going at each other, but I was too busy trying to satisfy my gnawing hunger to pay attention. When I finished my lunch, I was still hungry. I went back for another.

  “Two lunches?” Jon asked.

  “Dude, why don’t you weigh three hundred pounds?” Brandon asked.

  “I just get really hungry sometimes,” I said distractedly.

  “Sometimes?” Brandon asked. “You’ve been eating more than Jon and me combined for days.”

  “Have I?”

  “Uh, yeah. It’s hard not to notice.”

  “Well, I don’t feel any fatter.”

  “He’s not,” Tim said, grinning.

  “Please, no homo-sex stories,” Jon said. “I’m still eating.”

  “Come on, you know you love homo-sex stories,” Ethan said.

  “You wish.”

  “Once upon a time…” Ethan said and then laughed. He didn’t continue.

  The rest of the day was uneventful except for a brief moment between my last two classes when I thought I saw Jacob walking down the hallway. It was more than a glimpse, but I didn’t get a truly good look, so I didn’t know if I’d actually seen him or not.

  Tim walked me home after school, but something was off between us. Something was off with me. I didn’t feel quite like myself. Still, I enjoyed walking beside my handsome boyfriend. Tim made me feel safe.

  We kissed at the door, and then Tim headed home. I walked up to my room, dumped my backpack, and pondered doing my homework. Instead, I undressed, wrapped a towel around my waist, and walked down to the showers in the boys’ locker room.

  I took my time shampooing my hair and soaping up. I looked up at every odd noise—more mysterious sounds of the old school, I realized. I lingered in the showers for nearly an hour, then shut off the wa
ter and dried myself. I walked out into the gym and peered at the old team photo. There was Jacob gazing out at me as if he could actually see me.

  I walked back up to my room, dressed in some comfy sweats and a t-shirt and sat down to do my homework. My room was too quiet. I felt as if I was surrounded by nothingness.

  I finished my assignments. I watched TV. I played video games. Time crawled by. At ten, I undressed and crawled into bed. I lay there watching the reflections of headlights play out on the ceiling. My fingers wandered up over my bare skin and grasped Jacob’s coin. I immediately grew aroused.

  “Miss me?”

  I turned my head. Jacob stood at the windows, the moonlight making him little more than a shadow. I slid out of bed and walked to him. I put my arms around him and hugged him close. I kissed him on the lips. I was immediately filled with a sense of contentment.

  Jacob kissed me deeply. There wasn’t the slightest trace of coldness in him now. He didn’t possess the warmth of life, yet I could almost swear he felt ever-so-slightly warm. I crushed my naked body against him, the wool of his letterman’s jacket was slightly scratchy on my skin.

  Jacob ran his hands down my back and onto my butt. He gripped me as he worked his tongue ever more deeply into my mouth. I panted with desire when he gently pushed me away.

  Jacob slowly undressed, first taking off his jacket, then his button-down shirt. The sight of his bare chest filled me with desire. I’d always been attracted to guys with muscular chests, and Jacob had a beautifully muscled torso.

  Jacob seductively unzipped his pants and slid them down over his hips. He pushed his boxers down and beckoned to me. I stepped toward him, and he gently but firmly pushed me to my knees. I leaned in. Jacob ran his fingers through my hair, grasped the sides of my head, and moved my head back and forth. I lost myself. Giving Jacob pleasure was my pleasure.

  Time had no meaning. Jacob was outside of time, and so was I when I was with him. When Jacob pushed me away, I wasn’t sure if minutes or hours had passed. I’d been lost in a dreamlike state of perfect delight.