by E. L. Todd
“I think your door is busted,” he said as he tried to push against it. “Why would it be locked?”
“Just chill out.” I got to the door and opened it.
He stood in jeans and a t-shirt. His arms looked delicious in his sleeves of tattoos, and his blue eyes were hypnotic. I thought I was getting over him and realizing he was just a friend, but the second I looked at him, all I could think about was how beautiful he was. “What the hell? If you’re going to start locking the door, I’m going to need a key.”
“Why don’t you just knock?”
“Because it’s loud and annoying.” He walked inside without being invited. “I always leave my door unlocked.”
“Well, I don’t want to just barge in on you.” Especially when you had beautiful women open the door in just a t-shirt.
“I don’t care,” he said. “If you walk in on me rubbing one out, you can help me.” He turned to me, and quicker than I could process, he pressed his lips to mine and gave me a slow kiss.
I fell prey to his touch immediately. His mouth always felt so good and I loved it. But I knew I couldn’t kiss him and touch him anymore. I ended the kiss prematurely and pulled away.
The look on Ash’s face told me he knew something was off. “What? Does my breath stink?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then give me some sugar.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.
I wasn’t sure why I was nervous to tell him. It’s not like he would care. He had his own relationships when I wasn’t around. “I think it’s time we end our relationship.”
He cocked an eyebrow like he didn’t understand me. “What?”
Was that really so absurd to him? A woman breaking it off before he did? “I started dating this guy and I can’t fool around with you anymore.”
“What?” He stepped back like I stabbed him. “You’re seeing some guy? Since when? Who is he?” He was talking like he was in a panic. His eyes were wide and he was breathing hard.
“Shelly set me up with him last week. He’s her brother.”
“What?” he said for the third time. “I didn’t know you were dating.”
“Well, I need to move on sometime.”
He remained in place, still confused and stricken.
Why was he being so weird about this?
“I don’t understand…”
“What don’t you understand?”
“I just…didn’t know you were looking for something serious.”
“Well, I’m not,” I explained. “But Shelly set me up and wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I just went.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and a pissed look overcame his face. “Then why does that end our relationship? You just said you weren’t serious with him.”
“I think it’s pretty shady to start dating someone while sleeping around with some other guy. That’s not fair. What if it does turn into something more?”
He shifted his weight and opened his mouth to speak. When nothing came out, he closed it again. “Do you like him?”
“Yeah, he’s nice.”
“Have you slept with him?” he demanded.
“Whoa…that’s personal.”
“Answer me,” he said. “We tell each other everything.”
“I haven’t even kissed him. We only went out once and we’re going out again on Saturday.”
He scratched his head like none of this was adding up.
“We can still be friends and hang out. We just can’t be fuck buddies anymore.”
He stared at the ground with his jaw clenched.
Why was he being so weird about this?
“So…that’s it?”
“Yeah.”
“We’re just…done?”
What didn’t he understand? “Yes.”
He nodded his head slowly. “Who the fuck is this guy?”
My eyes widened. “Why are you being so hostile right now?”
“I just want to know who he is. He better be good enough for you.”
“I really don’t know him that well.”
“And it better not be Tony.”
“It’s not.” Now I was growing irritated.
“You know what? I have to go.” He headed to the door and practically ran.
“Okay…”
He walked out then slammed the door behind him.
What the hell was that about? It was like he was mad at me. But I did nothing wrong. Was he angry I didn’t tell him about the date before it happened? Or was he just irritated he wasn’t getting laid like he thought? He could screw whomever he wanted but I had to stay monogamous with him? That didn’t sound right.
Then what was his problem?
Ash
She was seeing some guy?
What guy?
Who the fuck was he?
Why was she dating at all?
She didn’t want to sleep with me anymore?
Was this really happening?
I walked inside my apartment and immediately grabbed a beer. I chugged the whole thing while standing in front of the fridge because I was so desperate for the distraction. Then I grabbed another one and kicked the door shut.
When did this happen? Last time I was over there, everything seemed fine. I didn’t realize she was active in the dating world. She stopped her relationship with me because she thought she could find something better?
What was wrong with me?
I felt betrayed. I hadn’t been with anyone else since we got together and neither had she. She just decided she wanted something new.
Why was I so upset about this?
I didn’t do the girlfriend thing and never would. Relationships were just a waste of time. I didn’t feel anything for Alessandra besides lust and friendship. She was just some girl I hung out with.
All the time.
Then why did this bother me so much? Alessandra was the best sex I’ve ever had and now that was being taken away from me. Perhaps that’s what bothered me. Maybe I was just being a baby because I wasn’t getting my way.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her new guy.
Was he tall? Taller than me?
Was he funny?
Did he have any tattoos?
Younger than me? Older?
I couldn’t stop picturing her with him, and every time I did, I felt sick. I’d slept in her bed countless times, every weekend. Now she would be sharing it with someone else.
I hadn’t been with anyone since I met her and I realized how odd that was. I’d never slept with one girl for that long before, and I wasn’t even monogamous with them. With Alessandra, I wanted to be with her all the time.
Shit, what was going on?
***
I was mad at her and I wasn’t even sure why.
She did nothing wrong, but every time I thought about her, I got pissed off. I didn’t call her or text her. I didn’t stop by her apartment anymore. I ignored her for two weeks, and when my parents asked if we could all have dinner together, I lied and said Alessandra was sick.
I was in a bad mood all day, every day. I was constantly distracted at work and my clients thought I hated them. I didn’t go out because I preferred to sit around and mope all night.
Sleeping alone was a hollow feeling. I used to hate cuddling with the girls that stayed over, but I never minded with Alessandra. She fit perfectly against me, and I loved having her there so I could have my way with her in the morning.
But now that was gone.
And I missed her. I missed going to brunch with her and telling her about my day. Whenever I heard something funny, I wanted to share it with her. But then I remembered I was angry with her and we weren’t talking anymore.
The separation was killing me with every passing week. I’d had so many women come and go in my life and I never blinked an eye over it. With Alessandra, I thought I lost a piece of myself.
Why hadn’t she called me?
Did she not think about me?
Did I really mean noth
ing to her?
Fuck, why was I acting like such a girl right now?
When I couldn’t stand the separation anymore, I caved and texted her. Want to get brunch? I regretted typing the message after I sent it. I should have remained strong and not reached out to her. Would she realize how pathetic I was?
Sure.
She said yes? In half an hour?
Okay.
***
I arrived before she did and got a table. A vase of flowers were on the surface, and the restaurant’s specials were listed on a flimsy piece of paper. Cinnamon raisin pancakes were on the menu. Maybe I should try those.
Alessandra walked inside wearing white shorts and a blue top. Her perfect body was highlighted by the tightness of her clothes. Her long legs went on for days. Her long hair framed her shoulders, and a gold bracelet was on her wrist.
Damn.
She smiled when she spotted me at the table. Then she came my way, her purse over her shoulder. “Hey, how are you?”
I immediately stood up and hugged her tightly. I pulled her to my chest and smelled her familiar scent. Her hair tickled my neck slightly. One hand rested on the deep curve of her back. My chin rested on her head because of our height difference. I closed my eyes as I held her. I had no idea what I was doing or why I was doing it. All I knew was I wanted to do it. “Good. You?”
“Great.” Her thin arms hugged me back. “It’s nice to hear from you. I haven’t had a good breakfast in a long time.”
“Me neither.” I finally pulled away and cleared my throat. I sat down across from her, feeling my heart sink into my chest. She was more beautiful than I remembered. Her green eyes were bright with excitement. She had light make up on her face, and her eyes were highlighted with eye shadow.
She grabbed the menu. “Ooh…cinnamon raisin pancakes. I think I’ll try those.”
“I’m getting the same thing.” I sipped my coffee.
“No mimosas?” she teased.
“I wanted to wait until you got here.” I was excited to see her but it was also painful at the same time. Looking at her just reminded me of the fact I hadn’t looked at her in three weeks.
“Well, here I am.” She searched for the waiter. “And it’s time to get our drink on.”
I smiled against my will.
When the waiter came over, we ordered the same thing along with the two drinks. It felt the same way it used to, only we didn’t wake up together that morning and I wasn’t wearing the same clothes as yesterday.
“What’s new with you?” she asked. “I haven’t talked to you in a while.”
“Just work.” I tried not to sound depressed. “I have a lot of new clients who don’t have good taste. I went to a Yankees game with a friend the other night. Other than that, I’ve just been hanging out.” And drinking a lot.
“Cool.”
I didn’t ask her the same question. I didn’t want to hear about the guy who replaced me. There was a good chance I’d throw up if I did. “How’s work?” I kept my questions selective so she wouldn’t roam off the path.
“Good,” she said. “I just got a new client and he’s having a hard time.”
“Why?”
“His wife passed away a few years ago and people keep riding him to move on. He thinks having me around will get them off his back.”
“That’s sad.”
“I know. I feel terrible for him.”
“Is he old?” I blurted.
“No…a little over thirty. He hadn’t been married very long.”
“How’d she die?”
“Car accident.”
Man, that sucked. “Poor guy.”
“Yeah. He says he’ll never move on and this is just easier.”
I couldn’t imagine that. A quick image of Alessandra in a coffin came into my mind. I was kneeled at the table, crying my eyes out.
Whoa…what the fuck was that?
The mimosas arrived and she immediately snatched hers. “Yes! I’ve been craving these all morning.” She clanked her glass against mine then took a long drink.
I did the same.
“Heard anything from your parents?”
“No.” I didn’t want to tell her about the dinner they wanted to have.
“Man, they’re really holding on to that money, aren’t they?”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t get me started.” Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it much. All I’d been thinking about was her…and her new man.
Alessandra sipped her drink and looked out the window.
It became awkward.
We were both thinking about the last conversation we had. I knew I was. She was too.
“So…how’s it going with that guy?” Not that I really wanted to know.
“Good.” She didn’t elaborate. It’s like she knew I didn’t want to talk about him.
“That means you’re still seeing him?” I was hoping she ended up not liking him and ditched him.
“Yeah. We went out on Saturday and had a good time.”
My hand clenched the glass and almost shattered it.
She didn’t make eye contact with me.
“What’s his name?”
“Brad.”
“Stupid name.” I blurted that out without thinking.
“Sorry?” She raised an eyebrow like she thought she misheard me.
“I mean…oh.” But it was a stupid name. It was the most common name ever. What a douchebag.
“Oh.” She drank her mimosa again.
“What’s he like?” Stupid? Ugly? An asshole?
“He got out of a relationship around the same time I did so we’re in the same place. He’s funny and nice.” She didn’t sound enthused when she spoke of him. Weren’t girls supposed to be gushing over the guy they were seeing? It didn’t seem like she was love-struck—thankfully. “He’s a lawyer and has been practicing law for a few years. He has a dog named Wally. He volunteers at the Boys and Girls Club in the city…”
“Yeah, dump him.” I didn’t think when I said that either. It just came out.
“What?” she asked in confusion.
“I mean…oh.”
“Oh.” Her eyebrows furrowed together like she thought her ears were playing tricks on her.
“A lawyer?” I asked. “He’s no good for you.”
“How do you mean?”
“He’s probably stuffy and boring. He puts people behind bars even though he knows they’re innocent. And he gets people off when he knows they’re guilty.”
“Well, he’s a prosecutor. So he doesn’t let bad guys off the hook.”
“Still, you need a guy with more adventure. He sounds like a snooze fest.”
If she was offended, she hid it. “He’s very nice.”
“No girl wants a nice guy.”
“Actually, I do,” she challenged. “It’s nice to know exactly what he wants.”
What did that mean?
“Are you seeing anyone?” She drank from her glass again and it was almost empty.
“No.” I hadn’t even looked at another woman. I’d been too busy moping around and being depressed.
“No one?” Skepticism was in her voice.
“You didn’t hear me the first time?” I told her I hadn’t slept with anyone but her. I couldn’t just run out and get another girl when I was so upset over this. It didn’t feel right. I had no sex drive at all.
“You haven’t slept with anyone recently?” She examined my face like she was looking for something.
What’s with the interrogation? “No. I said that already.”
Disappointment came over her face.
“What?”
“Nothing.” She looked away and set her glass down. It was completely empty.
What the hell was going on?
The waiter brought the food just when things got really uncomfortable. Thankfully, we had something to do with our hands. I kept my eyes downcast because I hated the way she looked at me. Was she mad that I hadn’t found a ne
w fuck buddy? Did she think I was in love with her or something? Because I definitely wasn’t.
“So…how was that Yankees game?” She spoke with a bored voice like she didn’t really care what I said.
“Good. They won.”
“Cool.” She took a bite of her pancakes. “These are good.”
“Yeah, they are.” But I couldn’t really enjoy them.
I couldn’t figure out what was going on. Just a few weeks ago, Alessandra and I were perfect. Then when she met Brad, everything got tense and weird. I knew my behavior was odd but I couldn’t explain it. And her behavior was a little off too.
Alessandra
I couldn’t believe he lied to my face like that.
He said he wasn’t with anyone else, even after he said honesty was his best policy. And why would he lie to me of all people? When had I ever given him the impression he could be anything less than truthful?
For some reason, it made me madder.
It was clear he’d been sleeping with other girls the entire time we had our fling. I thought it was just he and I, but now that he lied to my face again, I knew that wasn’t the case. Now I felt more pathetic. I actually thought there was something going on between us. Little did I know, he was playing me just like everyone else.
What was my deal? I constantly fell for guys that didn’t give a damn about me. They were selfish jerks. It was a pattern. Brad didn’t seem to fall into the same category so I decided to keep seeing him.
I needed a change of scenery.
When we went out again, we talked about sports and movies. He was pleasant company, but he was still withdrawn from me. There was no kiss goodnight, and there definitely wasn’t an invitation for a sleep over. It seemed like he liked me, but he wasn’t ready for anything serious.
That was fine with me.
I was still getting over the way Tony tossed me aside like an old pair of sneakers, and I was getting used to not having sex on a regular basis with Ash. I was mad at him during the weeks that passed, but I couldn’t deny what I missed.
He was so good in bed.
I missed kissing him and feeling his chest pressed to mine. I missed the way he ignited me and made me come alive. He made me adventurous and daring. Somehow, he made me confident and sexy. I missed the intimacy between us. We shared so much, not just our bodies.