A Little Sugar, A Lot of Love: With cupcakes, coffee and karma

by Halton, Linn B

  ‘Yes, life is calmer and maybe even a little dull at times, if I’m honest. The only time I feel truly content is when I’m here, working. Steve was right when he said I don’t have a head for business. Since agreeing to the partnership, and handing the finances over to him, a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I’m grateful to him for not giving up on me.’

  Hazel flashes me a look of concern.

  ‘You’re not considering going back to him, are you? Because if you are, there’s something I need to tell you.’ I can’t believe there are any more surprises left when it comes to Steve. Is this going to turn out to be another well-meaning lecture, I wonder? Before I can ponder any further, she drops the empty trays she’s carrying rather noisily onto the pile already stacked on the pallet.

  ‘When I said he cheated on you, there was a little more to it than just a one-off moment of madness.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He was planning to leave you. I know that for a fact and I wish I didn’t. At the time there was no way I could tell you because by then he’d been diagnosed and everything changed overnight. I figured out that maybe it put everything into perspective for him and he did love you, after all. Sometimes people make mistakes and, anyway, you wouldn’t have listened to me.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say, Hazel. Are you sure?’ At first I’m numb, then angry. Then I realise I don’t care any more. That was then and this is now.

  ‘I’m only telling you now in case Steve tries to get back with you. If you are even a little tempted, you have to know the truth. The cracks were there before he became ill and that’s why things fell apart afterwards. You were his crutch, Katie, and I think he became yours, too. Safe isn’t the answer for either of you, no matter how hard it is to start again.’

  As her words sink in, instead of feeling wounded, something clicks into place in my head. I always thought it was his illness that separated the two Steve’s I knew. I thought of it as before, and after, assuming getting sick was the trigger. Now that I know his affair wasn’t simply a mad, meaningless moment, it all becomes very clear. He clung to me because I stood by him when someone else wouldn’t. What held us together wasn’t love, but as Hazel pointed out, a sense of safety for all the wrong reasons. He’s dating, off and on, but I know he misses the permanency of a long-term relationship, as I do. Ironically we’re both experiencing the same problem. The whole dating thing is stressful. Having to encapsulate your life into a meaningful conversation as someone new tries to get to know you isn’t easy. Listening as they lay out their life in return and trying not to judge them, as I do with Liam. All you can do is skate over the surface because it takes time to get to know someone.

  ‘Don’t worry.’ I exhale sharply, looking at Hazel with determination. ‘I understand why you couldn’t tell me. Be assured, we’re over when it comes to a personal relationship. It’s strictly business-only and that works for me because he’s the right guy for the job.’

  ‘What about Liam?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe I’ve been a little hasty. It’s not his fault he’s younger than I am.’

  Hazel absentmindedly squares up a pile of flattened cake boxes.

  ‘And Adam?’

  We exchange meaningful glances and the silence is tense.

  ‘Adam never was an option. Our lives centre around two very different worlds. Maybe our paths crossed because it was meant to be a wake-up call. It could be a sort of reminder to me that you can meet someone and instantly want to get to know them better. Okay, that hasn’t happened with anyone else so far, but maybe I should hold onto that thought. If I can feel a spark with Adam, then at least it’s hope for the future. What about you?’

  Jenny has been back almost a month, after telling Hazel she needed some ‘alone’ time to think. Being apart for a week was probably hard on them both, and it was obvious to us all that Hazel was scared it was over between them. Although she hasn’t actually said very much since Jenny returned, I can tell something special has happened. I’m not sure why she’s hesitant to broach the subject and hope it hadn’t been because of my own situation.

  Hazel sighs, her hands still busily tidying things that don’t need tidying.

  ‘We’ve decided to give it another try.’ Her voice is full of angst, but the words delight me.

  ‘I’m thrilled for you,’ I can’t help but enthuse. ‘Hazel, you two were meant to be together and I’m totally convinced of that. No relationship runs without hiccoughs and sometimes I think we are all guilty of becoming a touch complacent. I think you hit the seven-year itch a year late.’ I smile, trying to lighten the moment. ‘If you can pick things back up after a little breathing space, then I think you’ll both be stronger for it.’

  ‘You really believe that? I never stopped loving Jenny.’

  I nod and Hazel’s face relaxes.

  ‘We talked honestly about our problems and she admitted her body clock is ticking. We’re going to look into the options for having a baby.’ Hazel glances at me, nervously awaiting my reaction.

  ‘That’s great and wonderful you both want the same thing.’

  ‘Thanks, it’s a relief that you understand. That means a lot to us both. We have an appointment with an organisation that can set it all up. The deciding factor will be the cost. It isn’t cheap and sometimes you have to go through the procedure more than once.’

  I can see from her expression that she’s serious about this and I’m happy for her.

  Life grows a little bit brighter as each day passes. Liam is still being overly-attentive and every time I turn around he seems to be there, like a shadow. He comes into the shop every day to buy a box of cupcakes. Having established that he’s a man who prefers savoury over sweet, I have no idea what he does with them. I’ve been out for a drink with him twice, although I’m now declining his invitations. I told him I’m not looking for a new boyfriend. I’m going to focus on finding my dream property, somewhere I can begin putting down new roots. I’m looking at the outskirts of town, which isn’t easy as properties tend to be more expensive because there’s less choice. But I’m hoping to be able to buy a two-bed, semi-detached cottage, with a small garden. I’ve seen a few that were well within my price range, although they all needed more work doing to them than I could manage. Of course, Liam has offered his services and I had to forcefully reject that suggestion.

  However, he’s been an absolute star finding me properties to consider and has accompanied me on viewings. Without his expert eye I wouldn’t have a clue. One property I thought was near-perfect turned out to have a major subsidence problem. I’ve told him that I’ll pay him for his time, and advice, but he won’t hear of it. I think he’s hoping he’ll continue to grow on me and I’ll get used to having him around. That’s fine if you’re in the market for a dog, but it’s hardly the basis for an adult relationship.

  Am I happy? Well, yes, I suppose I am happyish. Sweet Occasions is now making a significant profit and if it continues, under Steve’s guidance, then I’ll be able to pay off my mortgage within the next ten years. He’s turned it into a commercial operation and while he isn’t at all interested in the product, he knows how to grow a business.

  The downside of being on your own, for me, is that you have no safety net. I’ve decided that I’m not going to panic about that, or risk sacrificing my newly-found freedom. All those hang-ups are now behind me. Not having to worry about Sweet Occasions and the cash flow situation has helped enormously.

  Hazel and Jenny took me off to a spa for a pamper weekend as a pre-birthday treat and it was the most fun I’ve had in years. I came back with skin glowing and a new hairstyle. I felt like I’d just drawn a line, and was stepping over it into a brave new world.

  Saturday is the day and it’s a landmark birthday. I hit the big three-o, which I’m desperately trying to play down, because – more importantly – I have three properties to view. Hazel is going to cover the afternoon shift and Liam is collecting me at one o’clo
ck. Fingers crossed, one of them will turn out to be my future home and the plan is that he’ll take me out on Saturday night to celebrate.

  Adam

  Making It Happen

  Walking in through the front door of Grandma Grace’s house, there’s an unmistakable chill in the air. Outside it’s a gloriously sunny day and I can only hope that Lily doesn’t feel uncomfortable and start talking about ghosts again. Obviously the painters have had the windows open for the last few weeks and it has been empty now for over six months. At least the work is finished.

  Lily seems reasonably content to wander through the rooms, overcoming any concerns I had about whether it was the right thing to do, or not. I don’t know whether it’s a good, or a bad thing, that it no longer feels like Grandma’s house.

  ‘She’s not here any more,’ Lily whispers as she turns to face me. ‘That must mean she’s happy.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear it.’ My response is automatic and then I find myself wondering what exactly Lily meant. ‘Any more?’ I question as an afterthought.

  ‘Yes, Dad. She’s not here, and Pop isn’t here, either.’ She looks at me with wide-eyed innocence, as if I should understand what she’s trying to tell me.

  ‘As in … they were here before, when they were alive?’

  ‘Well, that’s obvious! No, I mean when we came for our first visit they were both here. I know you said Grandma wasn’t a ghost, but she talked to me. I told you, Dad, she wanted us to go and see Katie. I saw Pop, too.’

  I’m rooted to the spot and a small shiver travels up my arms and succeeds in making the hairs on the back of my neck bristle. Maybe we should have stayed in a hotel and this isn’t such a good idea after all.

  ‘Here, you saw them here?’

  Lily doesn’t appear fazed, only irritated that I’m questioning her. She says nothing.

  ‘Where did you see them?’ Now I’m worried that Lily isn’t taking this quite as well as I’d first thought. A child’s imagination is a wonderful thing, but there are times when it can be over-active and I don’t want Lily to be fearful of any situation.

  ‘In the sitting room, Dad. Pop was in his chair and Grandma was sitting on the sofa next to the fire. Pop winked at me and Grandma smiled.’

  Lily seems more interested in investigating the freshly decorated bedrooms. I follow her around, beginning to feel spooked by the whole thing.

  ‘Were you afraid?’

  She stops in her tracks, and spins around. It’s nonsense, of course, the whole house had been cleared by then.

  ‘What? Of Pop and Grandma?’ Her voice is scandalised.

  ‘No, what was I thinking, of course you weren’t. I’m sure they will love it once the furniture arrives and we get something arranged for the windows. We have two weeks to sort it out and I hope that Marie’s daughter, and her husband, like it. Grandma would be delighted, as I hear they now have a baby daughter.’

  ‘I thought they lived in Australia?’ Lily frowns. I’m surprised she remembers them at all, it’s been three years.

  ‘Ashleigh’s husband was working there, but now they’re back for good. They’re going to have Grandma’s house for a whole year. Won’t that be nice for Marie, having her granddaughter living next door?’

  ‘Grandma would like that, Dad.’ Her smile tells me whatever she imagined, or thinks she saw, we’re doing the right thing.

  ‘Dad, you mustn’t forget the other thing that we need to do.’ Lily’s voice acquires a serious tone, as if this is going to be a lecture. I wonder what on earth I’ve forgotten that will need to be added to my long list of things still to be done. ‘We have to go and see Katie.’

  She stands there, looking directly at me as if needing to labour the point.

  ‘I hadn’t forgotten. It’s on the list for tomorrow.’ I give her a small smile, holding back on a laugh, as I get the distinct feeling she’s concerned I will forget.

  There’s so much to do and emptying the car is going to take a while. I have two double beds to assemble and judging by the stack of boxes in the garage, I’m going to have my work cut out.

  It might be my imagination playing up this time, but as the day goes on and the house begins to fill with the trappings of a home, it seems to warm up. I can hear Lily upstairs singing as she unpacks the towels and bedding, and it’s a relief. The first half of the plan seems to be working well and I hope that’s a good omen for tomorrow.

  Katie’s Birthday

  Adam

  Nothing To Lose

  The birds’ incessant chorus wakes me at dawn and it’s almost impossible to get back to sleep. I can hear Lily in the next room snoring away softly as I creep down to make a cup of coffee.

  The house feels renewed and even though I keep getting momentary flashbacks from earlier times, I’m feeling a much more positive vibe. What’s worrying me now is what on earth am I going to say to Katie? Even if I can succeed in getting her here to give me her opinion, there’s going to be that awkward point of no return.

  As I wait for the kettle to boil I go through a few scenarios in my head.

  ‘Katie, you need to know that since the first time I saw …’ No, too predictable.

  ‘Katie, do you believe in love at first sight?’ She’ll probably run a mile.

  ‘Katie, you can tell me to go away, but I need you to know …’ Now I sound like a total creep.

  The kettle clicks off, interrupting my flow, and when I begin pouring it into the cup I realise it hasn’t finished boiling. In fact, it’s only lukewarm. I flick the switch again and return to my train of thought. It flicks off again. This time I pull the plug out of the socket and re-insert it, then flick the switch for the third time. And that’s when, out of nowhere, the perfect opener pops into my head.

  ‘Katie, sometimes people’s paths cross for a reason and I’m here to let you know how I feel.’ Simple, honest and from the heart – perfect!

  The kettle begins to steam and it switches off with no problem at all. As the sentence whirls around inside my head, it feels rather foreign; perfect, but foreign. I can’t recall the thought process at all, it was suddenly there. Leaning against the kitchen cabinet, I close my eyes and try to tune in to whatever’s around me. Can I feel anything? Was that thought really mine, or was it given to me?

  I guess I’ll never know for sure, but whatever, it works and I can imagine myself saying it. What I can’t imagine is what Katie’s reaction is going to be.

  It’s almost twelve-thirty by the time the two sofas and the dining room furniture have all been delivered. Lily and I quickly get ready to head off to Sweet Occasions. It’s only a couple of miles away and Lily keeps up a constant chatter, for which I’m grateful. I’m a nervous wreck and it shows. It’s almost one o’clock by the time we find a parking space and as we’re about to enter the shop we bump into Katie, who is on her way out. She’s closely followed by a man I haven’t seen before. At first I assume he’s a customer, but when Katie recognises us and stops to speak, he loiters nearby. She waves a handful of estate agent’s brochures in the air.

  ‘Hey, guys, I didn’t know you were paying a visit. I’m off to view some properties. What a shame! How long are you here?’ She seems genuinely sorry. The man points to his watch. ‘Look, we’re running late. Promise you will call in again before you go back, won’t you?’

  She makes eye contact with me for one brief moment and I can see she’s in a quandary. She hesitates, but the man prompts her again. This time saying, ‘We’re going to be late, Katie.’

  ‘Promise,’ she calls, following after him. He walks up to a very smart Porsche, which is parked directly in front of the shop. ‘Take care, guys, see you soon, I hope.’

  Lily and I are left staring at the empty parking space; so much for my carefully laid plans.

  ‘Well, that’s a shame,’ Lily says, a little indignantly. ‘Another two minutes and we could have parked there, Dad.’

  If I wasn’t so deflated, I’d have laughed at her comment.
<
br />   ‘What shall we do now, poppet?’ I’m still a little shell-shocked. Probably due to the fact that my stomach did one almighty lurch when I first caught sight of Katie. Then it hit the floor when I noticed her companion.

  ‘You’re not giving up, are you, Dad? Katie said to come back and that’s what we’re going to do.’

  ‘Yes, boss.’

  We walk off down the High Street like two lost souls, feigning interest in the various shop displays. Even Lily is bored and I’m trying not to lose the plot. Who was that guy and what was he doing with Katie? Estate agents don’t drive Porsches and although I’ve never met Steve, I’m certain that wasn’t him. The colour starts to drain from my face and I let out an involuntary groan. Fortunately, Lily doesn’t catch it. Oh, no, don’t say the timing is off yet again. Last time I saw Katie she mentioned something about it being time to move on. If she and Steve did break up and that’s Katie’s new boyfriend, then I’m sunk and I’ve probably missed the only opportunity I’m likely to get to tell her how I feel. What I need now is a miracle, really. This guy is a good few years younger than me, looks like he could party with David Beckham and drives the sort of car that impresses most women. I’m going to have one hell of a fight on my hands. But for some very obscure reason, that only serves to spur me on.

  The afternoon seems to drag on forever and even Lily can’t quell my nervous energy. We spend most of the time in the garden and in between I try to sort a few things inside the house, but my mind is elsewhere.

  When we call in to see Katie on Monday should I ask her straight out whether she is seeing someone new? At least it would put me out of my misery. But what sort of a romantic opener is that? If it goes to plan, I don’t want her forever remembering our magic moment, the sentence that changed our future as, ‘So, who’s the young guy with the Porsche?’

  I suggest we pop out for ice cream at six o’clock, much to Lily’s amusement. It’s a lame excuse to be able to drive past Sweet Occasions, on the off-chance Katie might still be tidying up. No such luck. The shop is in darkness and it’s another thirty-nine hours until it’s open again. Fancying someone like mad is pure, and utter, agony. Why do they call it love, when torture is a more honest description?