I wish I knew why things happened the way they do. I wish I had all of the answers why I had to endure the pain and heartache Brian put me through. Why couldn’t I have met someone like Todd first? I would be at a different place in my life for sure.
I feel Todd’s hand move up to the back of my neck, his touch sending an electric charge throughout my body. I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything right now. We pull apart and go back to the living room where we take a seat next to each other on the couch.
“Thank you again for feeding Chloe.” I turn towards him and look at him face to face. I want him to know I’m sincere about it. “And make sure you thank your mom for sending over breakfast.”
“I told you, I’m here for you. I feel bad I couldn’t be here more when you first came here. I was so wrapped up with school trying to stay ahead of everything. But now all of that is behind me and I’ve got more time. I’ll be working at the pharmacy now, but I’ll actually be home in the evenings now instead of coming home late at night. I’ll be able to help out with Chloe if you need me to.”
“Todd, why are you being so good to me? What did I do to deserve all of this?”
“I knew the moment I saw you there was something about you. There was no way I was going to let Brian harm you. It nearly killed me knowing I was taking you back to meet Rebecca that night. I knew you were going to go back to him and give him another chance.” Todd hesitates before continuing on. “I thought about you often and wondered if I would ever hear from you again. I knew you were married to him and I completely respected your vows to him, but that ass hole was dumb putting you through this nightmare you’ve had to go through. When you first texted me to thank me, I was scared you were going to tell me something bad had happened again. I was relieved you were doing okay, but I would have dropped everything right then and there if you had needed me to come get you even if you were hours away. Then, as the days passed and everything seemed to be going better for you, I started to give up hope I’d ever see you again. The night everything happened when you finally decided to leave for good and you called, I had cancelled a double date a friend of mine had set up. I never told you about it, but I really wasn’t interested in dating. I’ve told you how I felt about school. I had only agreed on the date because my friend was so persistent and said I needed to get out, the world was passing me by. I cancelled the day before we were all supposed to go out. Ever since my undergraduate classes, I’ve just not wanted anything with anyone. Maybe it was coincidental you needed me, but I don’t regret staying home that night.”
“Todd, I had no idea you felt this way.” I am completely taken by surprise and realize had he not been home that night to answer his phone, I might not be here now.
“I asked my dad to come along because I had no idea what I was about to find out from you. I wanted to drive back to your apartment and take care of that son of a bitch. I kept my cool and made sure you were okay. I’m still thankful my parents are so understanding and are in the position to have helped you.”
“Your parents have been so supportive. I don’t know what I would have done without everyone.”
“I’ve felt so bad leaving you here alone before Chloe was born. I can only imagine how you must have felt everyday being stuck here in this house, not knowing anyone and having nowhere to go. I know you were hesitant to go into town for fear you would be scene, but it’s all worked out for you. I just wish I would have visited you more.”
“It was really okay. Honestly, I didn’t mind being here alone. Trust me, I had plenty of time to think about my mistakes and how I would never put myself in situations like that again. Besides, I learned a lot about myself. You had obligations that were more important than me.”
“I know, but I could have made the time.”
“Please, don’t feel bad about it.”
“And another thing ….” Todd hesitates and looks away. I can tell whatever he’s about to say is weighing on him heavily. “I’m crazy about you.”
I’m completely silent. I look away and stare off into space for a moment before turning back to Todd again. I need a moment to absorb what I just heard.
“I don’t want to scare you off because you are just coming out of a bad situation, but I think about you non-stop. My parents like you and talk about you and Chloe constantly. I’ve wanted to tell you how I felt, but the timing was never right. And now that your divorce is finally over, well, I just I couldn’t hold back any longer.”
“Todd, ……” I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out.
Todd misunderstands my hesitation and stands up off the sofa. He runs his hands through his hair and turns around to face me.
“I’m sorry, Jennifer. I shouldn’t have unloaded everything on you. You are probably thinking I’m some sort of nut for throwing this all on you at once. God, I can’t believe I just told you this when you’ve just finalized everything.”
“Todd.” I begin. “Listen to me. It’s not what you are thinking at all. I’ve cherished your friendship from the very beginning and I’ve asked myself a hundred times why did I get stuck with someone like Brian. Why could I not have met someone like you? You’ve had your entire life planned out for you, you’ve stuck with all your hopes and dreams, and now you’re ready to take on the world. The last thing I would have ever expected to hear was that you’d want something with me. After all, I’m a single mother and there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’m obviously a failure at relationships, or just unlucky at picking men. Now, you’re telling me you’re crazy about me. Me? How did this happen?”
“It’s not your fault things didn’t go right with Brian. Don’t blame yourself for his shortcomings. It’s his loss, not yours. You’ve got a beautiful daughter who’s going to have a bright future ahead of her and you don’t need someone like him stirring you in the wrong direction. You’re lucky you got out of this mess. Some people aren’t so fortunate.”
“I owe so much to you for coming to my rescue.”
“I would have done it for any friend in need. And no, you don’t owe me anything.”
“You’ve just taken me by surprise. I never thought anyone would be willing to take a chance with me, especially now that I have a baby.”
“Listen to me. Jenn, you’re beautiful. You’re smart and just because you’ve had a failed marriage, doesn’t mean you can’t still be loved. Don’t ever think you don’t deserve a second chance.”
I reach over and grab Todd’s hand and hold it firmly. I would love to be able to see what’s in it for me with Todd, but at the same time I’m scared to get serious so suddenly again.
“Can we just take it slow and see where this leads us?” I ask. “The last thing I want to do is jeopardize our friendship.”
“Baby, I’m not pushing you at all. I just couldn’t hold it in any longer. After spending the evening with you last night, then listening to my dad’s proposition about your coming to work at the pharmacy, I knew that if my parents trusted you enough to offer this, then my feelings for you were right. But I will not pressure you in any way.”
I lean over and pull Todd towards me for a hug.
“Thank you. I owe so much to you and to your family.”
“Maybe I’ve said too much. The last thing I want to do is push you away. It’s not like I’m asking for you to start a relationship with me, I just want you to know how I feel. If you think this is something you’d like to, you know, maybe consider, then we can take it at your own pace. If not, then the only harm done would be to my ego. Just think about it, okay?”
I stand and excuse myself to check on Chloe. I walk to the bedroom needing a moment to let everything soak in. I stand over the crib as Chloe sleeps soundly and watch as her chest rises and falls when she breathes. Her tiny mouth twitches and I wonder what she’s dreaming. I’m not sure how much time has passed, but when I turn to look back towards the living room, Todd is leaned up against the doorframe watching me.
“Come here.” He says sof
tly so as not to disturb Chloe.
I walk towards his extended arms and let him embrace me. What’s not to like about this man?
After pouring my heart out to Jennifer that morning, I felt it was probably best to give her some space. I felt better by getting my feelings out in the open, but I also understand the last thing she needs is someone trying to make their way into her life right now without her being ready. I let a week go by, my only contact being a text message to check on her. I began working longer hours at the pharmacy making sure I felt comfortable with everything before mom and dad left for their trip. It kept my mind from wondering if I had made the mistake of confessing my feelings. To my surprise, I came home from work one evening to find Jennifer sitting in the living room deep in discussion with my dad. He had taken the afternoon off to do some things around the house and my mother was busy preparing dinner. Apparently Jennifer and Chloe were joining us for dinner and no one bothered to share this with me.
As soon as I walked inside, Jennifer looked over at me with a smile. “Hey you. How’s work going for you?”
“Not bad. Not bad at all. I’m getting the hang of things pretty well. I pretty much do the same thing I’ve always done it’s just I’m just there more.”
My dad and Jennifer look at each other as though both of them have something important to announce. My dad is the first to speak up.
“Well, son. How would you feel about having a bit of extra help?” He says, a grin taking over his face.
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” I look from dad, then over to Jennifer who looks like she wants to say something so bad.
She nods her head and jumps into the conversation. “It is. I’m going to start work with you. It’s only going to be for a few hours each week just to see if I like it. My mom is going to watch Chloe until your parents return from their trip, then your mom is going to look after her. My parents are getting ready to head back out on the road again and it’s all going to work out perfectly. I hope.”
Her smile changes and I instantly say something to keep her positive.
“That’s great news.” I tell her.
My dad stands senses we need some time together and stands up to leave the room. He picks up Chloe from Jennifer’s lap and they walk into the kitchen.
“Well, that’s all you’ve got to say?” She asks me jokingly.
“Babe, I’m not sure what to say. What made you change your mind?”
“I never ruled it out completely. I thought about the idea a little bit then talked it over with my parents. They really want me to finish my degree, but this would work out well for everyone. When Chloe gets a little older, I can see about going back to school, but right now, I just don’t think I could handle working, school, and taking care of her by myself. And who knows, if I like being a pharmacy tech, your dad said he could get me more information about taking the certification program that’s offered at the community college or I could do the program at the same university you attended. It’s not the same as having my degree but it would certainly be good for my career. Maybe one day I might consider being a pharmacist too. But right now, with the holidays coming up, I need to start thinking about Chloe’s first Christmas. Not that she’s really going to know much about it, but I can’t keep relying solely on my parents for financial support. At some point I’ve got to be able to start taking care of me and my daughter again, especially since there won’t be any child support from Brian. With his name not being on her birth certificate and basically, him agreeing to the terms of the divorce, she and I are on our own. And, at least this way, I don’t ever have to worry about him having visitation rights.”
“I’m so proud of you. So, don’t hold back on me. Tell me, when you do start?”
“Well, boss, if it’s okay with you, I’ll see you Monday morning.”
I’m so proud of Jennifer for taking this big step in her life. I know she’s not looking forward to leaving Chloe behind, but she’s going to be well taken care of. Between both of our moms, I would only want the same if I were in her shoes too. We stand up and I give her a hug. This is the best news I’ve heard all week.
The following week goes pretty well and Jennifer seems to be enjoying the few hours she’s working each day. Even though she’s only working four to five hours a day and just four days this week, I know how difficult it must be for her, not only getting back into the workforce again, but the separation from Chloe I’m sure was rather difficult. When she walked in Monday morning I noticed her eyes seemed a little red and swollen but I tried my best to make her feel welcome. Jennifer actually seemed to hit it off with the other two techs and even took lunch with Jenny, one of the techs that’s been with my dad for many years.
On Friday, just as Jennifer was getting ready to head out I stopped her in the back room. “I wanted to let you know you’ve done real well this week. Both Jenny and Becky commented how well you’ve caught on and you seem to be a pro at this. Thank you for giving it a chance. It means a lot to me and my family.”
“Surprisingly, it hasn’t been as bad as I expected. Monday was a little rough, but I survived.” I notice the smile on her face and her words sounds genuine.
“I was wondering, if you don’t have anything planned for Sunday afternoon, maybe you would like to visit the lake again. We could take Chloe and her stroller and enjoy a walk along the lake.”
I notice she hesitates for a moment before responding as though my asking her out takes her by surprise.
“Are you serious? You would want to take me and Chloe out?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know what to say. Of course I’d like to but I don’t have a stroller yet so that might be a little bit of a problem.” The expression on her face quickly falls as she shares this bit of information with me.
I hear someone walking up behind me and turn to see one of the other techs approaching.
“Sorry to interrupt, but there’s a customer up front who needs to ask you a question. Have a good weekend Jennifer. I’ve enjoyed working with you this week.” Jenny adds.
Jenny walks back to the front and I look over at Jennifer who now has her purse on her shoulder and is gathering her jacket and keys.
I don’t want her to leave without knowing for sure if she’s considering my offer, but I also know I need to tend to the customer. “I’ll call you tonight and we’ll talk more about it. Okay?”
“Sounds good. Talk to you then.”
And just like that she walks out the door headed home for the evening. I miss her already. I’ve still got a few more hours to go before shutting down the pharmacy for the day but a thought quickly comes to mind.
Now that the time has changed, I don’t like how it gets dark earlier in the evenings. It makes me feel like I should be going to bed sooner when it’s actually not as late as it seems. Although I am a little later than usual getting home this evening, I had to make a stop before coming home. I’m eager to talk to Jennifer to confirm our plans for Sunday, and I’m also looking forward to delivering the box I’ve just purchased. I hope she likes it and hope this will assure her how serious I am about spending time with her and with Chloe.
I pull into the driveway leading up to the guesthouse and see there’s a light on in the living room. It’s almost seven o’clock and I hope she doesn’t mind my stopping by without calling first. I’m so eager to deliver my purchase and to see how she reacts.
I walk to the door and knock gently. If Chloe is sleeping, I don’t want to wake her up. Almost immediately, the porch light comes on and Jennifer pulls the curtain covering the door back to peep out. When she sees it’s me, she opens the door. I notice she has changed into a t-shirt and leggings and is barefoot.
“Hey you.”
“Hi yourself. I’m sorry I didn’t’ call before stopping by, but I took the chance you wouldn’t mind.”
“Come on in. I’m glad to see you.” She has no idea how it makes me feel hearing her say this.
/> “Aww. Look at Chloe.” I say and walk over to where Chloe is laying on a blanket on the floor with some sort of activity device positioned on top of her. Even though I’m sure she really doesn’t have any idea what this gadget is, she’s kicking her legs about and making soft baby sounds.
“My mom got this for her. She’s really not old enough yet to be able to touch the little things that hang down, but she is able to get her legs high enough to kick a few things around. As long as the music plays she’s content, but once the music stops she starts to whimper. It keeps her occupied so I can get some things done around here.”
I kneel down beside Chloe and tickle her little feet that are kicking and moving around excitedly. “Hey there Chloe.”
I can only imagine how big Jennifer’s heart must be for this precious baby. Being a new mother, it’s got to be one of the greatest feelings in the world.
“So, what brings you by tonight?” Jennifer asks as she takes a seat on the edge of the couch and tucks her legs up underneath her.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I picked up a little something for Chloe this evening. We also didn’t get to finish talking this afternoon before you had to leave so I was wondering if you had given any more thought taking that stroll on Sunday.”
“I appreciate the offer, and I would really like to go, but like I mentioned earlier, I don’t have a stroller yet. Maybe I can see about getting her one for Christmas.”
I quickly interrupt. “Maybe you already have one and you just don’t know it yet.”
“What do mean?”
“Hang on, it’s on the back of my truck. I hope you like it.”
I stand up and head to the door not waiting to get a reaction from her. I’m back inside in only a few seconds, dragging the big box behind me.
The look on Jennifer’s face is priceless. She brings her hand up to cover her mouth and says “Oh my goodness. Todd. You shouldn’t have.”
“I wanted to. I hope you like it.”
“Todd, it’s perfect. Thank you.” She walks over to me and embraces me in a hug. I hold her probably longer than I should, but she feels incredible in my arms.
Never Look Back (Coming Home Book 2) Page 15