by Marian Tee
Oh. So she had heard him right. Ianne bit her lip. She had expected him to say yes because he had always done so and because, frankly, if there was a guy who’d understand her commitments to the squad, it would be him. Alex had been part of a crew their entire high school, after all.
Maybe she was being too demanding, too unfair. This had been her second time this week to cancel, after all. “I’ll see what I can do. But you’ll still come by after practice, right?”
“Of course.” Ianne said goodbye afterwards, and when she ended the call, Alex remained tense. It wasn’t history repeating itself. It wasn’t.
“Hey. How come you’re hidden here?”
Shit.
Why the fuck was Zelda here? He turned around to face her, and she might have seen the question in his eyes because she was giving a knowing smiling next as she purred, “Are you wondering why I’m here while Ianne’s still at practice?”
His lips tightened, but he didn’t answer.
It didn’t matter. She had been with him long enough to know when she had hit a raw spot. It had been pure accidental luck to find Alex at the other edge of the field, leaning against his car and seemingly not wanting for Ianne to find out that he was there.
“We had the choice to leave, but as you can see, Ianne’s still practicing. Just like old times, right?”
“She’s not a slut like you, if that’s what you’re trying to imply.”
Flushing at his despicable words, she snapped, “I’m trying to do you a favor. I’m telling you that you’re about to be dumped again if you don’t get her out of the squad.” She didn’t bother waiting for him to hit back on her, knowing that what she had said was enough.
If everything went according to plan, Ianne Clayton would be out of the squad. Alex would either make her leave or Gee would force her out once Ianne started making mistakes because she was too messed up over Alex. Either way, it only meant one thing: Zelda would be everyone’s most darling princess again, which was the way it had always been supposed to be.
She walked away, far enough for Alex not to see her but near enough for him to keep an eye on him. When he left, that was the only time she walked back to the field to rejoin the squad. As Zelda neared towards Ianne’s group of friends, her hackles rose when she heard one of the twins say with a sigh, “Most of the boys in our squad’s heartbroken. They know they don’t stand a chance if Alex Rockford’s your boyfriend.”
“Everybody - and I do mean everybody - is just talking about you two,” Tracy, the assistant cheer captain, piped in. “You’re so lucky! Everybody’s, like, crushing on your boyfriend! He’s like, almost perfect! What did you do to get that guy? Give up your virginity?”
“No.” But her face gave her away and everyone laughed.
“Oh my God, you need to dish out about him in bed. Tell me, is it true what they say about Texans? Big and bad where it really counts?”
“Sally!”
Sally hooted. “He is, isn’t he? How big is he?”
Ianne shook her head vigorously. No way was she going to tell them the answer to that. Too many girls were already mooning over Alex as it was. Having them know about his, umm, personal specs would only make it worse.
“But how did you get him? Was it like, one look and there were fireworks all around?” Tracy noticed Zelda a short distance away and a light bulb lit up over her head. “Oh, yeah, you went to the same school as they did, right? Were they close?”
“Not really,” Zelda answered, her eyes boring through Ianne’s, who was studiously avoiding her gaze. “We were both dancing then, Alex and I, but Ianne had her own little world. Right, Ianne?” When Ianne looked at her, Zelda said sweetly, “He had, umm, other priorities back then.”
Touché, Ianne thought, feeling sick. Alex Rockford had another priority back then, and its name had been Zelda.
****
An hour later, Ianne was doubled up in laughter at Kenny’s antics. “Stop it!” To while away the time, he had been impersonating the cheerleaders making up the other team. His impersonation of Zelda had been spot on, with the way the other girl tossed her hair over her shoulders every five seconds.
Kenny and Ianne were in the same group, along with the twins, and though they had finished practicing their routine ages ago, Gee’s rules required them to stay behind, team spirit and all that. Privately, Ianne thought it was only because Gee was sadistic but she didn’t dare speak her thoughts out loud.
When Ianne accidentally dropped the keys she was twirling absently with her hand, she and Kenny simultaneously bent down to pick it up. Their heads collided against each other on their descent.
“Oww,” Ianne groaned.
“Ditto,” Kenny said while gingerly touching his head, but his gaze was drawn to the amount of skin Ianne’s bent form exposed. A few inches more and he would be seeing her nipples, Kenny thought with a gulp, unable to take his gaze away from the revealing neckline of Ianne’s cheerleading uniform.
When Ianne looked up, it was just in time to see Alex…leaving, turning his back to her.
Leaving?
When he was supposed to wait and fetch her from practice?
Ianne instinctively ran after her boyfriend. She managed to catch up with him when he was halfway across the field, but only because she had been running hard enough to have her panting while Alex had been walking in moderate speed.
“Alex, stop!”
When Alex slowed down and faced her, Ianne was stunned to see the fury on his face. “What happened?” Ianne gasped in fear because in her knowledge, only the absolute worst could make Alex even remotely angry and there was nothing remote about his anger now.
He looked at her as if she was dumber than the proverbial dumb blonde. “What happened?” Alex repeated incredulously.
Had she said something she wasn’t supposed to say? Had she done something she wasn’t supposed to do?
“Yeah,” Ianne slowly said while cringing at the thought of what his response would as she repeated her question because now she understood that for some reason, she was the cause of his anger. “What happened?” What could have happened to make Alex lose his legendary cool?
“I saw you,” Alex replied bitingly, “flirting with another guy, bending down and letting him see your breasts!”
Her hands automatically flew to her chest.
“And you ask me what happened?” Alex asked icily.
“I wasn’t even flirting,” Ianne tried to explain. “I mean, Alex, come on…and breasts?” She pointed to her chest. “I don’t even have a cleavage. This—” She gestured to her nearly flat chest. “—is just 32 inches and you know it. Cup A, too!”
But all he did was look at her in disgust.
“Alex—”
“You’re just like Zelda.”
The words stunned her, and she didn’t know how to react to what he was saying.
“You didn’t really become a cheerleader because you wanted to dance or cheer, did you?” Alex snarled. “You joined simply because you were after the popularity, the boys, the so-called perks—”
“Alex!” Where the hell did that come from?
Alex finally shut up, but it was obvious that he was not going to take his words back. Ianne stared at him in absolute bewilderment. She wasn’t hurt or angry. She simply didn’t understand him.
“I’m not Zelda,” Ianne finally said. And whether that was a good thing or bad, Ianne realized miserably, depended on Alex.
“If you’re not then quit this.” His voice became hard as he confided tightly, “I hate that you’re a fucking cheerleader. So quit this. I’m not stopping you from going to college or anything. I just want you to stop being a cheerleader.”
And then he was walking away, leaving Ianne feeling gutted and abandoned, with nowhere to cling to.
Chapter Fifteen
“Hello?” Ianne answered her phone quickly, relieved to have someone to talk to while she changed out of her uniform. She was all alone in the fourth-floor restr
oom of St. Ives, which was large, old, and supposedly haunted.
“Baby.” Alex’s voice made her stiffen and she forgot all about being haunted. It had been a few days since they had last seen or talked to each other. She so badly wanted to see him, but with him not ever visiting her, she just couldn’t get past her pride to ask Alex to see her.
“Hey.” Both of their voices sounded strained and awkward, forcing Ianne to accept the truth. Neither of them were happy now, and the fact hurt. It was sort of like seeing a lynch mob go after Apple products because they didn’t think it was cool anymore. It really hurt that much.
“How did you guys do?”
“The routine was great and the team won, too.”
“Congratulations,” Alex said stiltedly.
“Thanks,” she replied just as stiltedly.
“I’m sorry I’m not there.”
“I understand,” she said woodenly.
After a few minutes, Ianne and Alex awkwardly bid themselves goodbye. Switching her phone off, Ianne told herself she really didn’t mind and that she really understood why he wasn’t there. She was crying inside the cubicle because she was happy they had won first place and not because Alex wasn’t there. She was a big girl now. She didn’t need a guy to hold her hand every time she did something. She should be thankful that she had Alex with her, and that was enough.
Ianne was about to unlock the door when she heard the main door to the females’ rest room open. “Oh, oh, God,” someone cried.
It sounded suspiciously like Zelda.
“Hey, it’s okay. You need to stop crying.” That sounded like Alicia, one of the senior members who often hung out with Zelda.
“But I don’t know what to do. I’ve broken up with Gordon. I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.”
“Lie about what?” Alicia asked, her confusion and curiosity apparent in her voice.
“About my feelings. I still love my ex.”
“Your ex?”
“Yes,” Zelda cried out. “I love my ex, and he’s Ianne’s boyfriend. Alex Rockford.” Before Ianne could even think about what that meant, Zelda dropped another bomb as she sobbed, “And I think he loves me, too. He’s always loved me, but he’ll never forgive me for choosing cheerleading over him in high school. Now he’s not going to trust me again.”
Zelda let out another sob. “What am I going to do now?”
Alicia said slowly, “Well, maybe you don’t have to do anything. I mean, haven’t you noticed how Alex hasn’t been visiting her anymore during practice? I’ve been hearing rumors about them, and I think they’re not doing really well.”
Ianne slowly covered her mouth, trying not to cry again. Hearing someone else echo her thoughts out loud didn’t just hurt. It blasted well felt like dying, sort of like what she would feel when she was down 1 to 5 in a game of Counterstrike. Game over. Terrorists win.
“I don’t want him to be unhappy,” Zelda was saying.
“Yes, but what else can you do?”
Yes, Zelda, what are you going to do to make my world completely fall apart?”
“I think I have to talk to him. To make him realize what I know now…that we both made mistakes…Gordon, Ianne…”
The voices drifted away as they left the restroom, Zelda still sniffing, but Ianne remained shell shocked with pain inside the cubicle. She was a…mistake?
****
“Boo!” Kenny came out of nowhere, giving her the shock of her life and Ianne almost hit him in the face, thinking he was the ghost supposedly haunting the restroom.
“Jerk!”
He laughed. “You were taking too long in there.”
“Yeah, well, I was changing,” she said lamely. She could see that he didn’t believe her but was too polite to say anything else.
“Want to hitch a ride with me?”
She hesitated before saying, “Okay.”
They started down the stairs, Kenny and her chatting about anything except the one thing that they both knew he was intensely curious about. When they exited the building, Kenny blurted out, “I don’t see Alex around often lately.”
“He’s just busy.”
He said lightly, “He should take better care of you or someone might steal you away.”
She said just as lightly, “Yes, he should.”
“He should realize that you’re one of the hottest girls in school.”
“He should.” She knew she sounded like a parrot, but she didn’t really care. She just needed to keep talking and stop thinking.
“What if he lets you go so I can take his place?”
“He should—I mean, Kenny!” Ianne glared at him.
Kenny burst into laughter.
And that was when Alex stepped out of the shadows, his face cold and furious as he said her name.
Shiiiiiiit.
Ianne almost stumbled on her feet at the shock of hearing Alex’s voice and then seeing him in the flesh.
Alex had automatically reached out to keep her from falling, but since Kenny was nearer, the other guy was able to reach her first.
Ianne mumbled her thanks while uncomfortably pulling away from Kenny’s hold.
Kenny smiled uneasily. “Dude, I was just kidding—”
“I’m sure you are,” Alex said very coolly, ice practically dripping from his every word.
Unnerved at the aloof reserve that Alex was showing, Kenny glanced at Ianne, worried that his big mouth had gotten her into trouble.
“Could you give us a moment?” Ianne asked.
He hesitated.
“Please?”
The soft entreaty had Alex stiffening. He didn’t like hearing her say please to any other man but him, even if he knew it might have been the only way to get rid of the boy. The idiot had been thinking he had to protect Ianne from Alex.
When Kenny left, Ianne found herself looking at Alex, who was just as silent.
Love and misery warred inside her as she gazed at the guy she knew would soon be…her ex. She so badly wanted to complain to God even though she knew it wasn’t His fault. Why can’t he love me, God? What does Zelda have besides a bigger cup size, a higher flirt quotient—
Ianne’s fists clenched at her sides. Never mind, God. I think I know why. I guess I’m not just the girl for Alex.
When Alex still didn’t speak, she said lamely, “I didn’t expect you.”
“Obviously.”
A suspicion entered her mind and Ianne blurted out, “Are you here because of Zelda?” The moment she said the words, Ianne was convinced that she was right. Zelda had called Alex, had told her about their “mistakes” and now Alex was going to correct his mistake.
Alex threw her a disgusted look. ““Why are we talking about Zelda, Ianne, when what we should really be talking about is you?”
“Me?” Ianne’s voice became a mixture of confusion and outrage. “I’m not the one cheating—”
“Stop it,” Alex cut her off in obvious fury. “Don’t think I don’t know what you were doing just now. Are you getting bored with me, Ianne?” he snarled. “Is that why you’re flirting with that guy? Is your cheerleading thing finally making you realize that it’s more fun to be single?” Alex stepped forward, fists clenched tightly. “You think I didn’t hear you agree with him when he said he should take my place—”
“It was a joke,” she cried out, “and you know it! So don’t turn the tables on me. Why don’t you just be honest—”
“I’ve always been honest—”
“Then tell me you never loved her!”
He whitened.
A choked gasp was torn out of her at the look on his face. “You loved her, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” Alex gritted out. “I didn’t plan to, but I badly needed something to keep me from begging you to love me so I fell for her. But in the end, she got bored with our relationship and chose cheerleading over me.”
“You lied to me,” she whispered. “You kept telling me you’ve always liked me.” Ianne stepped back, u
nable to believe what she had just heard. The one thing – the one thing that had always kept her secure was the knowledge that Alex had never loved Zelda and that he had only chosen to be with her because he had thought Ianne hadn’t cared for him.
But that turned out to be unreal, something as false as what their whole relationship had been all this time. “I’m so sick of your lies, Alex. You keep making me talk about how I feel, how I felt, but you never told me anything that’s real. Did you even really like me in the past?” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “Do you even want us to be together?”
Her pain reached out to him, and Alex slowly realized how unfair he had been to her. He had been so afraid that she would be like Zelda that he had misjudged her from the very start, without even giving her a chance to prove to him that she was different.
“Ianne—”
“Do you know that Gordon and Zelda aren’t together anymore?” She wanted to cry harder at the way Alex’s expression became shuttered. “You know then, but you still didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t think you needed to know—”
“Of course I needed to know,” she gasped. “
“That was before—”
“But you still fell in love with her and you never told me! Are you going to leave me now that she’s free—”
“I’m not leaving you, dammit! All this would be over if you just fucking quit this shit—”
“NO!”
Alex jerked, his face whitening at her vehement answer. He waited for her to take it back, but Ianne only continued looking at him, the tears still running down her cheeks. “You’re going to choose this over me? Over us?”
“It’s not the issue and you know it.”
“Trust me, it is and it will always be the issue,” he said tightly. “I’ve firsthand experience of it.”
But she still didn’t take the words back.
“You’re giving up on us because you want to fucking carry pom-poms?”
“There doesn’t have to be a choice—”
“Yes,” he said bitterly. “There had to be one and you just made your choice.”
Ianne couldn’t believe it when Alex turned his back on her and started to leave. “Are you really leaving me just like that?” she whispered.