Losing His Shirt

by Linda Fausnet

  I felt like my entire life was falling to pieces right before my eyes. Johnny and I were done. The man I thought I would marry and have children with—the one I thought I would share my life with—was nothing more than an illusion.

  He thought my theater dreams were a joke, and that theater school was for losers. He bragged about all the pussy he got.

  My legs felt shaky. I felt like someone had slapped me in the face. That awful Christina woman smiled evilly at me. Johnny hadn’t known I was listening at first, but she did. She watched me the whole time I was standing there listening to Johnny eviscerate me behind my back. As she stood there sneering at me, there was one thing I knew for damned sure.

  I would not cry.

  Not here, anyway. Not now. I would cry and sob and mourn the life I thought I had once I got out of here, but nobody here—not Christina, not Johnny, not anybody—would get the satisfaction of thinking they’d broken me.

  I found my voice and was proud of my own strength when I said loudly, “So this is what you do when I’m at musical theater practice?”

  Christina cackled, “Oh, man. You’re in trouble now, Johnny.”

  Johnny blinked at me, looking horrified. Then he had the nerve to look at Christina like he had no idea how she came to be hanging all over him. He forcefully pushed her off him, and she staggered back on her fuck-me stilettos. Too bad she didn’t fall. Johnny sloppily got off his barstool.

  “Rosemary, what are you doing here?”

  “So, you really are banging your secretary,” said some blond Ken-doll lookalike at the bar. To Johnny’s left, the gentler-looking guy, with brown hair and brown eyes, winced. He looked at me sorrowfully, like he felt awful about what was happening to me.

  “Picking up your favorite dessert,” I said, holding up a paper bag with The Federal’s fancy logo emblazoned on it. I’d taken the Metro all the way here after rehearsal, and had spent fifty dollars just to surprise him by buying an entire chocolate pistachio cake.

  “Oh, God,” Johnny moaned. I stared at him dully, feeling like I didn’t even recognize this man. I did recognize him, though.

  It was Johnny Creep.

  Everything, and I mean everything in the restaurant got quiet. As always, people were staring at Johnny, and they were captivated by the drama unfolding. Tomorrow’s gossip headlines would probably read “Johnny Creel: Dumped!” Whether I wanted to be or not, I was the center of attention now. Thirty seconds ago, it had been a raucous Friday night at a bar. Now it was like that record scratch moment in the movies when everything went still.

  “Well, at least now I know how you really feel about me wanting to sing on Broadway,” I said, my voice rising. I dug deep and found strength and resolve I didn’t even know I had. I glanced at Christina. “And now I know how you feel about being in a committed relationship.”

  Christina grinned at me.

  “Well, honey,” I said to her. “You might be a lady—and I use that term loosely—who clearly doesn’t mind sharing your men, but I won’t do it. He’s all yours!”

  I glared at Johnny, then pulled out the cake and slammed it on the bar, where it landed with a satisfying thud. “Enjoy!”

  I turned on my heel, and not one second too soon as the tears sprang to my eyes. I walked briskly, managing to feign confidence as I made it out the door.

  “Rosemary!” I heard Johnny’s desperate voice calling after me. Then I heard a crash, which might have been him tripping on his barstool. Good.

  I ran through the darkness toward the Metro, tears blurring my eyes. I had to get myself under control before I faced people on the train. I slowed to a walk and calmed myself the best I could. I took a few deep, calming breaths before I went through the turnstile. On rubbery legs, I walked toward the trains. Thank God I only had to wait about two minutes; I couldn’t have stood there for fifteen minutes, trying not to fall apart.

  Collapsing into a seat, I leaned against the window and closed my eyes. There were so many thoughts running through my head and so many emotions raging inside me. It was frightening how life could be turned upside down in a matter of minutes.

  He hadn’t mentioned that he was going out tonight, and it suddenly occurred to me that he had never introduced me to any of his friends. Because he was ashamed of me. His former secretary and theater actress wannabe. Johnny’s friends were all laughing at me behind my back, and he had joined them.

  What about when he stood up for me in front of everyone in the restaurant? It didn’t make sense. But there was no denying what I had seen tonight. Johnny wasn’t the sweet, humble man I thought he was. He was obviously still sleeping with all those girls. No wonder they had been so pissed about me being with him. He must have been fucking them every time I was at rehearsal.

  Except that time he came to rehearsal with flowers to tell me he loved me. Again, I had a nagging feeling that something didn’t add up. I shook my head. I could not afford to be naive about this. I couldn’t bury my head in the sand. I had to believe my own eyes. I knew what I’d seen, and I knew what I’d heard.

  He had laughed at my dream: the very essence of who I was. I couldn’t believe the awful things he’d said about the arts and the mocking, sarcastic tone with which he’d said them. He obviously thought my whole life was a joke. Fresh tears sprang to my eyes. The crazy thing was that his words hurt worse than knowing he had cheated on me with those women. He might have disrespected my body, using me as a placeholder while he was poor and couldn’t buy sex by throwing his money around, but his words felt like a betrayal of my very soul. All those times he’d said he was in awe of my talent. Had he just been playing me like Ryan had feared?

  I swallowed hard and opened my eyes. I texted Ryan.

  Are you around?

  Yep, what’s up?

  I need to talk to you right away.

  You okay? Ryan texted with a worried face.

  No. I really need to see you.

  Name the place and I’m there, sweetie.

  My place. I just want to go home. I’m on the Metro now.

  On my way.

  Tears spilled down my cheeks. Thank God for Ryan. He was one of the only people in the entire world who I trusted completely. He would always be there for me. Even when Jack came home and they got married, and no matter where in the world they got stationed, I knew Ryan would always be a text or a phone call away. He would never betray me.

  I got to my apartment only a few minutes before Ryan did. He rapped hard on the door, and I checked the peephole to make sure it was him and not Johnny.

  “Jesus!” Ryan said, eyes wide, when he saw what a sobbing mess I was. “What happened?”

  “You were right about Johnny all along,” I managed to say before bursting into tears.

  Ryan closed the door behind him, then reached for me. He held me close and stroked my hair, and let me cry, and cry, and cry.

  Chapter 26

  I woke up the next morning and the reality of what Johnny had done slammed into me with painful force. He had used me like some kind of plaything while he waited to be rich again. I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling for a long time. Images of our relationship swirled in my head. He came to me for help when he lost all his money, and I had done everything I could to get him back on his feet. He was sweet and gentle to the point of chivalrousness, and I remembered thinking it seemed impossible that a man could change so much.

  How utterly stupid I had been.

  I couldn’t help remembering the look in Johnny’s eyes when he sang to me. How he had nervously held his guitar as he played and sang “Falling Slowly” for me. My heart melted a bit at the memory, but then a wave of nausea came over me when I recalled how we’d ended up in bed together that night. He’d gotten what he wanted, that was for sure. What a sucker I had been. That song must have been a ploy to pry my legs open. And it had worked. Pain stabbed at my heart when I realized how freely I had given him my body.

  But what about when he sang “Danny’s Song” to me a
t the bar? That song all about love and marriage and family. What about that incredible connection we shared that night as we gazed into each other’s eyes? Johnny wasn’t that good of an actor, was he?

  “I didn’t get all the pussy I got by being in the arts.

  “Girls, or guys for that matter, don’t usually go for musical theater losers.”

  I could hear Johnny’s voice so clearly in my head. And that wasn’t the only voice I heard.

  “So, Johnny, which room should we try tonight?”

  I heard a noise in the kitchen and I caught a whiff of coffee. For a panicked second, I thought Johnny had used his key to let himself into my apartment. Then I realized it was Ryan. Of course, he had spent the night here. He would never leave me when I needed him.

  I picked up my cell phone and saw four missed calls from Johnny. There was also one voice mail. I groaned. My adrenaline surged, but I couldn’t stop myself from checking the message.

  “Rosemary, please talk to me. I was drunk and stupid, and I said some horrible things I didn’t mean, but I never cheated on you! That fucking whore Christina had been hanging on me all night, and I kept telling her to fuck off. I swear!”

  I texted Johnny.

  Got your message. Why in the hell should I believe anything you say? For all I know that’s always how you carry on when I’m not around. You talk shit about my dreams and fuck any woman who will have you.

  I saw that he was typing something but I wasn’t finished yet.

  You’re a billionaire again, so I guess now you can have any woman you want. EXCEPT ME.

  I was nobody’s fucking whore. He could shove his fortune up his ass. Or Christina’s ass, for that matter. I was sure she would love it.

  I love you, Rosemary!!!

  I used to believe that. Look on the bright side. All those girls will finally say all the stuff in bed that I was too prudish to say.

  My fingers were flying as I texted, my anger boiling over.

  If the price is right, you can do anything you want to her! You can rent out a theater, fuck her onstage, and then you can have a good laugh at all the theater losers that can’t get laid.

  A choked sob escaped my throat when I remembered that night on the stage. It had been one of the most wonderful, exciting nights of my life. I suddenly felt like a naive schoolgirl who had let the popular jock take advantage of her. The stage was a sacred place to me. Goddamn him, goddamn him, goddamn him for what he had done to me. I had believed him when he said things were different with me. We were planning on moving to New York together for God’s sake!

  I was crying openly now and I could barely see the angry texts I was writing.

  “Rosemary?” came Ryan’s gentle voice from just outside my bedroom door.

  I wiped my tears and sat up. I would be goddamned if I spent one more minute crying over that asshole. I was not about to sit home and eat ice cream and weep over my ex-boyfriend. I had things to do and plans to make.

  “I’m okay, Ryan,” I said, hearing the determination in my voice.

  Johnny sent another text.

  I love you so much, Rosemary. I just need to talk to you. You have to let me explain!

  No explanation could excuse what he had done. He was cheat and a liar. There was nothing to explain.

  I blocked his number and got up from the bed. I opened the door to see Ryan’s worried face. “I’m okay. Let’s eat breakfast.”

  *****

  It had been two weeks since that horrible night when I found out Johnny had betrayed me. As always, hanging out with my friends made me feel better. I took a sip of my cosmopolitan as I sat across from Susie at Starlighters, and tried to relax. The sharp pain of heartbreak and loss had barely dulled at all, but I was moving forward with my life as best I could. I missed Johnny terribly, or at least I missed the man I thought he was. Maybe that guy never existed.

  I had changed the locks on my apartment, but that didn’t stop Johnny from coming over and banging on my door, begging to see me. I didn’t acknowledge his presence. I just let him knock until he got tired or until one of my neighbors told him to shut up. I didn’t have a car, so there was no way he could know for sure I was home. It made me happy that, for once, Johnny had a problem money couldn’t fix. If it had been any other girl, he could have hired the Philharmonic Orchestra to serenade her, but he knew damned well that a grand gesture like that would just make it worse. His wealthy displays might make Christina fling her legs up in the air, but not me.

  Plans for New York were moving along. I found some halfway affordable places to rent in New Jersey. I’d practically memorized the New York City subway map, which made me smile, remembering how my character in Thoroughly Modern Millie had done the same when she started her adventure to New York to find her fortune. The show I was in now, Spamalot, would run for two more weeks, then I could leave town any time.

  I smiled up at the stage where Timothy was performing “New York, New York” and grinning at me as he sang. My friends had been wonderfully supportive through all this mess with Johnny; I never could have gotten through the last two weeks without them. I hoped New York would be a fresh start for me in every way—that it would help heal my heart while I pursued my dream.

  “Rosemary,” Susie said grimly. “Johnny just walked in.”

  “Oh God, are you serious?” I asked. My adrenaline surged. I didn’t want to turn around to see him.

  Ryan’s eyes flashed with anger. “Do you want to talk to him?”

  “No. Definitely not,” I said, my heart clenching in my chest. Johnny had fooled me for months, and I was afraid if I looked into his eyes, he might be able to do it again. He was a liar, so there was no sense in listening to whatever story he might make up.

  “Fine. I’m on it,” Ryan said. He charged toward the door to keep Johnny from reaching me.

  “Oh God,” I moaned, burying my head in my hands. I was afraid Ryan would punch Johnny, and yet a little part of me wanted him to.

  “It’s okay, Rosemary. It’s gonna be okay. Ryan will take care of him and you won’t have to see him,” Susie said reassuringly.

  I lifted my head and nodded. Why did Johnny have to be so damned persistent? Why didn’t he just go back to his playboy billionaire ways, which was clearly what he wanted to do? He obviously looked down on me and my theater friends, so he didn’t belong in my life. I was proud of who I was, and I’d be damned if I would settle for some rich prick who though he was better than me.

  “Damn, there’s one helluva a fight going on outside,” exclaimed somebody who just came in.

  “Oh, no,” I said, my heart sinking. I jumped up and dashed out to the parking lot.

  The first thing I saw when I flung open the door was Ryan landing a solid punch right to Johnny’s face. I gasped in horror. I was furious with Johnny, but I wasn’t prepared to see him suffer. He landed hard on the ground, groaning in pain. He managed to stagger to his feet and started toward Ryan.

  “Johnny, no!” I cried.

  Johnny jerked his head up at the sound of my voice. “Rosemary!” I heard the desperation in his voice, and he looked as miserable as I had been feeling for the last two weeks.

  While Johnny was distracted, Ryan charged at him.

  “Ryan, stop. Please!”

  Ryan, too, stopped at the sound of my voice. I couldn’t bear to see the two of them hurting each other.

  “Rosemary, I don’t want to fight him, but he won’t let me see you!”

  “She doesn’t want to see you, you fuck!” Ryan said, then shoved Johnny so hard he slammed his back into a nearby car.

  “Why don’t you let her decide!” Johnny yelled. He charged forward and punched Ryan back.

  “I can’t watch this!” I said through a choked sob.

  “It’s okay, hon. Let’s get out of here,” Susie said, pulling me toward her car. Timothy ran up to us. “Tim! Do me a favor, would ya? Settle our tabs. I’ll pay you back, but I gotta get her outta here.”

  “I got
your tabs. Don’t worry about that,” Timothy said. He looked at me with concern. “Rosemary, the bouncers are coming out. They’ll break it up. It’ll be okay. Go home and get some rest.”

  I nodded, crying too hard to form any words. Johnny kept yelling my name, but I didn’t dare look back. The second I got in the car, Susie tore out of the parking lot.

  Chapter 27

  The bouncers came out and threatened to call the police, so Ryan and I stopped beating the shit out of each other. Rosemary was gone by then, so there was no reason for me to keep fighting anyway. I knew I would ultimately have to get through Ryan in order to get to Rosemary, so I hurried back to his place and waited for him.

  Ryan got home pretty soon after I got there. I supposed nobody was in the mood to hang out at the bar anymore.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” Ryan roared when he saw me sitting on the floor outside his apartment. “Get the fuck out of here, or I will kick the living shit out of you. I don’t give a damn who your daddy is!”

  Ryan charged toward me, but I didn’t even stand up. I just held up my hand and said, “I just need to talk to you. Five minutes. That’s all I ask.”

  I looked up at him mournfully, making no move to attack him or even defend myself. He stared at me like I’d lost my mind.

  “Fuck that,” Ryan said, practically stepping over me to put his key in the door.

  “Either now or in the morning, dude. I’ll still be here.”

  Ryan sighed heavily and muttered, “Jesus. Five minutes. A minute more and I’m callin’ the cops and having you arrested for trespassing. Walter will love that kind of publicity.”

  I nodded and stood up. My dad could easily float my bail, but he would not be happy about the blow to his reputation. No son of his would be a criminal.