Losing His Shirt

by Linda Fausnet

  Ryan stormed into his apartment and I followed, closing the door behind me. I wanted to hate Ryan for standing between me and Rosemary, but I couldn’t. He loved her and he was protecting her. It hurt to think she needed protection from me, but I had caused her great pain. I’d kick the shit out of me too, if I were Ryan.

  Ryan slammed his keys down on the counter, and I could see that he was literally shaking with rage. I knew I’d better let him say his piece first.

  “When she came to me that night when you …” He gritted his teeth like he couldn’t even say the words without bursting into flames. “I’ve never seen her like that, and we’ve been best friends for years. We’ve seen each other through heartbreaks before, but nobody’s ever been able to destroy her like you did.”

  I swallowed hard. I couldn’t begin to imagine the pain Rosemary was in.

  “Well, I’m glad she had you to lean on.”

  “We’re always there for each other. Always.” Ryan paused for a moment. “There was an explosion that hit Jack’s unit once. Suicide bomber. Three soldiers dead, and for twenty-four hours we didn’t know which three were killed.”

  “Jesus,” I said, watching tears form in Ryan’s eyes as he relived the awful memory.

  “Rosemary came right over to my place and stayed with me through the night. She helped distract me, you know? Watching cheesy movies and drinking, and doing whatever she could to keep me from completely falling apart. Then we get a call at about four in the morning. Most terrifying few seconds of my life, going to answer the phone.”

  I held my breath, even though I knew the outcome. Jack was alive.

  “It was him,” Ryan said, voice quaking and tears falling. “It was Jack. Connection didn’t last long, but it was long enough to find out he was okay, and for us to say I love you.” He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them. “I don’t know which one of us cried harder, me or Rosemary. She just held me in her arms until I stopped shaking. God, I’d never been so tired in my entire life. Just emotionally, physically done. So I called in sick at work. But Rosemary? She wouldn’t call in sick even though she hadn’t slept all night. You were coming into the office that day, and she refused to leave her coworkers to deal with you alone. So she dragged herself in.”

  I felt horrible. I was sure I hadn’t even noticed that Rosemary was exhausted. Back then, she had been nothing more than a secretary.

  “First thing you said to her was your coffee wasn’t hot enough,” Ryan said, seething.

  The next thing I knew, I was on the floor. The punch came so fast I barely had time to register it coming, and I certainly didn’t have time to brace myself for it. My face felt like it was on fire, especially since I’d already been hit in the same spot—repeatedly—a short time ago. I staggered to my feet.

  “You can hit me as many times as you want,” I said, rubbing my sore jaw. “I don’t blame you. But I’m not leaving until you hear me out.”

  Instead of punching me, Ryan planted his hand on my chest and shoved me onto the couch. He plopped down in the chair opposite me, glaring, and spat out, “Talk.”

  I swallowed, hardly knowing where to begin. I knew I had to somehow get Ryan on my side. Otherwise, Rosemary would move to New York and I’d never see her again.

  “Look, Ryan, I know Rosemary caught me with a bunch of girls hanging on me, but I swear to God I never cheated on her. I’m rich and single, so girls are always hanging around me. It doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Oh, you poor little thing. You’ve got women fawning all over you, and you’re completely helpless to fight them off.”

  “No, no. That’s not what I mean. It just comes with the territory of being wealthy. There’s gold diggers everywhere. The truth is I used to fuck those women all the time and Rosemary knows that. But I’ve barely even looked at another woman since Rosemary and I got together. And that horrible fucking slut Christina was on me the second I got there. Ryan,” I said, looking at him intently, “the first thing I said to her was, ‘Get the fuck off me. I love my girlfriend.’ Ask anybody at the bar and they’ll back me up.”

  “For a price, I’m sure. Johnny, you could get anybody to say anything you want, at any time.”

  I groaned, knowing that was probably true. I could easily pay the bartender a thousand bucks to lie, but I didn’t need to because I was telling the truth.

  “I love Rosemary. I really do!”

  “I believe you.”

  I blinked. “You do?”

  “Yes. You’re a fucking mess right now and I believe you love her, but I also think you’re tryin’ to have it both ways. She’s the nice girl you can settle down with and you can keep those girls on the side for fun. You can have your pussy and fuck it, too,” Ryan said with a steely glare.

  I stared at him mournfully. Everything he said made sense, and I understood completely why he would think that. I wracked my brains, trying to figure out how I could convince him that I was telling the truth.

  “What about that night in the restaurant? I told those bitches off in front of everyone. I told them I loved Rosemary, and I didn’t want anything to do with them. Why would I do that if I still wanted to fuck them?” Ryan didn’t seem to have answer for that, so I went on. “And all the tabloids know I’m dating her. They’re always watching me, and they were watching me when Rosemary showed up at the bar, too.”

  The headlines the next day had read “Trouble in Paradise for Johnny Creel.” Somebody had tipped off the paparazzi that my girlfriend and I had gotten into a public fight.

  “Those rags would love nothing more than to catch me in the act of cheating and splash it all over the headlines. Believe me, if I had taken one of those girls home, it would have been all over the news.”

  Ryan nodded as he listened, seeming to realize I had a point.

  “I know it sounds like such a fucking lie and I wouldn’t believe me either, but that was the first time I’d hung out at the bar with my friends since I got my money back. I got drunk and stupid, and started showing off for my friends like some fucking frat boy. But I had nothing to do with those girls.”

  I put my head down, hardly believing what a mess I had made of my life, and Rosemary’s, in just a matter of minutes.

  “I love her so much. There’s no comparison between her and those awful, shallow women. And you know how emotional she is when it comes to sex.” My throat tightened when I thought of how Rosemary must have been feeling. If she got all upset over that one-night stand, what must she be going through now, thinking I had betrayed her? “If nothing else, she needs to know I would never violate her trust or use her like that.”

  “She does think that,” Ryan said, clenching his fists. “And it’s killing her.”

  I nodded grimly. “That’s why I need to make her understand that I never cheated. Not just for my sake.”

  Ryan nodded slowly. The idea of easing Rosemary’s pain certainly appealed to him.

  “What about all those horrible things she heard you say? You gonna tell me you were framed?”

  I shook my head slowly. “No. She heard me right.”

  “So, that’s how you talk about the woman you supposedly love when she’s not around? She defended you to all her friends. A lot of us, especially me, didn’t trust you and didn’t want you around because you had been such an asshole before. Rosemary fought for you, and she stood up for you when nobody else would. Where the fuck were your rich friends when you were down on your luck?”

  “They abandoned me.”

  “Damned fuck they did! But now you’re back in business and I guess you don’t need Rosemary or any of us anymore.” Ryan shook his head with disgust. “You were ready to go to New York with her, supposedly to support her dreams. She thought you believed in her. I thought you believed in her. Then we find out you’re talking shit about her the whole time, laughing at her with all your snobby friends. You know how hard she’s worked, and you know how bad she wants to go to college to study theater, and then you go a
nd say theater majors are nothing but losers and fags?”

  “Ryan, I never said—”

  “Fine, you never said the word ‘fag.’ At least not that night, but who knows what else you said about us when we weren’t around.”

  I heard the pain in Ryan’s voice and for the first time I realized I’d hurt him, too. He’d taken a chance on trusting me, and we’d become friends once we cleared the air that night at the bar. Now he thought I’d been trashing him and all his friends. And the fucked-up thing was, he was right.

  “Rosemary saw the way you and your friends were ganging up on that bartender kid. Bullyin’ him like you were the popular guys in high school and he was just a theater fag you’d like to beat up.” He paused, shaking his head. “You said theater was for losers. You called Rosemary a loser in front of all your friends.”

  I had no answer for that. Ryan was right.

  “Bottom line is, John-boy,” Ryan said with a fierce glare, “Rosemary thinks you cheated and her and she knows you trashed her dreams. And honestly? I’m not sure which one hurt her worse.”

  I sat there for what felt like an eternity, trying to find the right words for what I needed to express.

  “I didn’t mean any of it, you know,” I began quietly. “My friends are all in business and finance, and everything they do is wrapped up in money. They … we … only measure success in dollars and cents, and fancy job titles, and power and influence. My buddies make fun of the arts because they think it’s a waste of time to do something that doesn’t guarantee success and doesn’t grant any prestige, unless you’re one of the very few who hits it big. They laugh at artists, and in a childish effort to fit in, I laughed along with them. But that’s not how I really feel.”

  I closed my eyes and pictured the way Rosemary looked when she sang. When I opened my eyes, I went on.

  “The first time I heard her sing, it took my breath away. Still takes my breath away. Doesn’t matter if it’s on stage or in her living room. When she sings it’s like … I don’t know … it’s like I forget about everything except her voice. But it’s so much more than that. It’s her presence, her passion. She’s not just good at what she does, she lives it and breathes it. Rosemary was born to perform, and her light shines wherever she is when she sings. I think I fell in love with her that first night I saw her perform in Thoroughly Modern Millie. I showed up to beg for her help, but when I saw her … it was like she was untouchable. She was beautiful, talented, and courageous up there on stage. After the show, I couldn’t bring myself to approach her. She was too far out of my league.”

  I glanced over at Ryan, who seemed to be listening carefully to every word I said.

  “I went home and I tried to forget her, but I couldn’t. I knew I had to pursue her. Show her that I had changed. She helped me change, to be more generous and kind. Wanting to be with her made me want to be a better person. I really became a new person because I wanted her to love me. That night at the bar, I just slipped back into my old, awful ways and I said horrible things that I didn’t mean. I would give anything in the world to take it back.”

  Ryan didn’t speak. It looked to me like he was trying to figure out whether or not he believed me.

  “All I need is five minutes with her, Ryan. I need to talk to her, to make her understand that I’m still the man she fell in love with. Please, Ryan. I’m begging you. She’ll listen to you. Tell Rosemary that all I want is five minutes of her time to talk to her.”

  He was on the fence.

  Ryan stared at me and I said simply, “Five minutes.”

  He paused for an eternity.

  Then he nodded.

  Chapter 28

  I sat at the bar in The Federal, drinking a Coke. Aaron had already called me a pussy three times for not drinking beer, but I just ignored him. Looking at him in his usual drunken stupor, I couldn’t believe I ever cared what he thought of me. How could I have insulted Rosemary like that just to impress a jackass like him?

  “You okay?” David asked.

  “Not yet,” I said, refusing to elaborate. He knew something was up, but he didn’t pry.

  I drew in a huge breath when I saw Rosemary walk in the front door. I knew the next five minutes would determine the course of the rest of my life.

  Rosemary stood at the door, looking lost as she scanned the room. Ryan stood right by her side.

  I got up and walked to the center of the restaurant, just a few feet away from the bar. Most of the people in the restaurant turned to look at me as I knew they would.

  I drew in a deep breath and said in a loud voice, “Could I have everyone’s attention please? This will only take a few minutes if you’ll all just indulge me for a bit.”

  Things got quiet pretty damned quick. I felt a little bad for the servers; they looked nervous. Everybody knew how powerful my dad was and that the Creel family could buy and sell everybody in this place. They would pretty much let me get away with murder, but that didn’t mean they were happy about it. My frequent presence here brought in more crowds. Still, they were trying to maintain a sense of decorum. This was a five-star establishment after all, and all the drama I had stirred up lately might not always be great for business.

  Rosemary walked toward me a little. She eyed me suspiciously. I smiled at her and said, “That beautiful girl over there has been referred to as my former secretary, but that doesn’t even begin to describe who she really is. Her name is Rosemary Sutton, and I love her more than anything in the world.”

  I heard a few “aww”s from some of the women in the room. Christina was practically spitting nails over at the bar. Good.

  “I said some horrible things and I hurt her terribly, but she has graciously agreed to give me five minutes before walking out of my life forever. I wanted her to come here specifically, because the last time I came to The Federal, I acted like a goddamned fool. I was drunk and stupid, and said some awful things I didn’t mean.”

  I took a few steps toward Rosemary; she folded her arms and looked angry, so I stopped.

  “Rosemary, I know you saw me here with a bunch of girls around me, but I swear I never fooled around on you.”

  As I spoke, I was dimly aware of several people holding up their cell phones, probably recording every word I said. Whatever happened next was sure to be big news tomorrow.

  “You are the only woman I love, Rosemary. You are the only woman I’ve ever loved. Those girls were only hanging all over me because they’re after my money, and they’re insanely jealous of you.” I made it a point to glare over at Christina, so that every person in the room knew who the villain was. I was to blame for most of this mess, but I wanted the public to see Rosemary as an angel and Christina as the devil. How I hated that woman for being so cruel to Rosemary.

  David got up from the bar and stepped tentatively forward. He spoke to Rosemary with compassion in his eyes. “For what it’s worth, that one’s been after him for a long time.” He gestured irritably at Christina. “She grabbed him the second he walked into the door that night, and the first thing Johnny said was that he loved you and she better get her hands off him. Later on, Christina Sheppard—that’s S-h-e-p-p-a-r-d for all you people reporting for the gossip rag …”

  That got a huge laugh, especially from me.

  “Christina saw you walk in, Rosemary, and that’s why she rushed back over to Johnny and put her hands all over him. Just to start trouble. Honestly, I think Johnny was too damned drunk to even notice.”

  Rosemary smiled at David. I was relieved to see her expression soften. “Thank you for telling me that.”

  I was honored that David had come to my defense. He was prim and proper, and pretty anal about his reputation, so it was really cool of him to speak up on my behalf.

  “Rosemary, I’m so sorry. I said some really stupid things because I was showing off for my friends.” I turned back toward the bar. “Ethan, I owe you an apology too. I was rude and awful to you the other night. I think it’s so cool that you�
�re here bustin’ your ass to earn a living while you’re getting your theater degree. Keep it up, man, and I hope you make it big someday.”

  Ethan smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Creel.”

  “Call me Johnny. Mr. Creel is my father. You know, the one who gives me all my money.”

  That got another laugh, and I found it felt good to say that out loud. Everybody knew I was a spoiled trust-fund kid, and it was about fucking time I admitted it.

  I turned back to Rosemary. “I said some really shitty things about people in the arts and theater majors and stuff. Because of you, I met some incredibly talented performers who are some of the kindest and most amazing people I’ve ever met. They weren’t handed everything in life like I was. They’ve worked hard for every damned thing they have, and they bravely get up and perform in front of hundreds of people all the time. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and make snarky comments. What’s hard is actually getting out there and doing something with your life. I honestly don’t know how you guys get up in front of all those people and sing and act and dance like you do. I’m nervous as hell right now, just standing here in front of everyone.”

  That got a small, sympathetic smile from Rosemary, and a glimmer of hope blossomed in my heart.

  “You and all your friends were nice to me just because you’re wonderful, and not because you wanted anything from me. You welcomed me with open arms, even though I’d been a huge jerk in the past. I thought once I got my money back that I could rescue you, Rosemary.” My voice choked with emotion. “But you rescued me.”

  “Have some dignity, man,” Aaron called out. “You’re embarrassing yourself.”

  A few people booed him.

  “Maybe so. But it’s worth it if she takes me back.” I took two more steps toward her. “I swear that I really am the man you fell in love with, Rosemary. I’m not Johnny Creep anymore. At least, I don’t want to be. I don’t care about money. I’d rather live in a roach-infested, tiny studio apartment in New York with you while you pursue your dream than have all the money in the world.”