A Walk Down the Aisle

by Holly Jacobs

  “Plus,” his little sister had said, “I didn’t get a tattoo or pierce something highly visible. When I’m tired of it, I’ll take it out.” She’d leaned forward and kissed him. “You really are a stick-in-the-mud, you know that?”

  Maybe he was a stick-in-the-mud. Maybe it was too much to ask that someone you’re vowing to spend the rest of your life with tell you the truth. He knew it was impossible for anyone to know absolutely everything about someone, but seriously, how hard could it be to say, My parents aren’t dead, and oh, by the way, I had a baby I gave away?

  He forced himself to keep his mind on his friends’ conversation. Thankfully they didn’t expect much from him in terms of participating. That was a good thing about having a reputation as being quiet—no one expected too much conversational help from him.

  As he listened, his emotions roiled about, becoming even more confused.

  That was fine. He didn’t need to sort them out. He was going to pick up his life where he’d left it before Sophie.

  A quiet life.

  A simple life.

  A solitary life.

  That’s all he wanted.

  Eventually the town would forget he’d once been engaged to Sophie Johnston, or Sophia Moreau-Ellis, or whatever other name she wanted to use.

  Yes, the town would forget, and he prayed that eventually he’d forget, as well.

  * * *

  WHEN SOPHIE WAS PREGNANT with Tori, she’d read a book by Teresa Bloomingdale called I Should Have Seen It Coming When the Rabbit Died. It was a humorous account of a woman who’d had ten kids. The anecdotes and stories were supposed to invoke laughter. Knowing she’d never raise her daughter, Sophie had cried her way through the book.

  But as she tried to pee into the cup the doctor’s nurse had given her, she realized that the awkward experience would make a humorous vignette if she were writing a book of her own. I Should Have Seen It Coming When the Stick Turned Pink...or got a plus sign. Or whatever the doctor’s test did. She knew it didn’t involve rabbits dying, like the book’s ’70s title had suggested.

  Dr. Neil Marshall was Valley Ridge’s G.P. He birthed babies, stitched cuts and generally took care of all the community’s health care needs, from immunizations to high blood pressure. He farmed out patients that needed more specialized care than he could provide, but for the most part, everyone in town saw Dr. Marshall.

  Lily worked as a nurse in his office on Mondays.

  And that’s why Sophie was there on a Thursday.

  She planned on telling Mattie and Lily about the baby, if there was a baby. But she had other people she’d have to tell first. Visiting the office on a day Lily didn’t work simply made things easier.

  Cup duly peed in, and exam gown flapping, she bolted across the hall into the safety of the examination room. She knew she should be hoping she wasn’t pregnant. Her life was in chaos. She’d lost a fiancé in the middle of the ceremony and found a daughter. No, about the only time that could be worse for having a baby would be as a teenager.

  But all she could think of was having Colton’s baby. A baby she could keep. A baby she would raise and love.

  She was lost in trying to decide nursery themes when Dr. Marshall walked into the room.

  He didn’t say anything, but nodded and watched her, as if gauging her reaction.

  She burst into tears but assured him, “They’re happy tears. I’m so happy...” She repeated herself until the worst of the tears subsided, then sniffled her way through his talk of ultrasounds and prenatal vitamins.

  She was going to have a baby.

  She was going to have Colton’s baby.

  And even if Colton didn’t want her anymore, this baby had been conceived in love.

  There was a whole host of things she would have to deal with. Coping with Tori’s feelings had to be her top priority. Telling Colton a close second. Dealing with being a single mother...

  But she’d figure it all out.

  She was going to be a mother, and no matter what happened, she planned on enjoying every moment of this pregnancy. She felt her old familiar happiness bubble around in her chest. Normally she found joy in life. All the little things. A sunset on the peninsula, an afternoon with friends, being held in Colton’s arms. But when Colton had walked away, her normal happiness had frozen. Try as she might, she couldn’t find joy in anything. But it was suddenly back.

  She hugged her arms around her stomach.

  Around her baby.

  She left the doctor’s with a prescription for prenatal vitamins, an appointment in a month for another visit and an ultrasound, and a sense of apprehension. But she didn’t allow herself to second-guess things. She’d talk to Tori’s parents when they brought her to town this weekend and see how they wanted to handle telling Tori. But right now, she headed “north of 5” to Colton’s.

  She smiled as she thought of the term.

  Right after she’d moved to Valley Ridge, someone had given her directions by saying “north of 5.” She’d been confused, but they’d explained that it meant north of Route 5, a fairly major thoroughfare. It was the small spit of property that was sandwiched between the road and Lake Erie. The area where Colton’s farm was.

  She had no idea why she was thinking about directions and when she first moved to Valley Ridge. Or why thinking about something that simple made her bubble over with happiness, but it did.

  Her hand slid to her stomach. It was as hard to imagine a baby growing there now as it was with Tori. She couldn’t help remembering how she’d marveled as her stomach expanded, as the baby started moving. She remembered lying on her bed and watching her stomach ripple and undulate of its own accord. Always knowing that she’d be giving the baby up.

  Sophie gripped her stomach fiercely with her free hand. She had her first child back in her life and she’d do whatever she could to be a part of Tori’s life from here on out. She might not ever get to be Tori’s mother, but she could know her and love her.

  And she’d fight with everything in her to keep this child.

  First step, telling Colton.

  She tried to imagine his reaction. Anger? No. She couldn’t imagine Colton being angry. Surprised, yes. Shocked was probably a better description.

  And he’d try to do the honorable thing. Not that she’d agree.

  When he’d kissed her goodbye and walked out the door, she’d known she’d see him. They’d interact. They’d be friendly. Not friends, but friendly.

  But now, they’d be more. They’d be connected through this baby. This baby they’d created out of love.

  She pulled up his long driveway. Only then did she think about the time. It was eleven-thirty in the morning. Odds were he was still out in the field somewhere, but most of the time he came into the house for lunch.

  Even if he didn’t come in until dinner, she’d wait. This was something that had to be done. He’d felt betrayed she hadn’t told him about her daughter and had let him think her parents were dead. She wouldn’t risk waiting even a day to tell him about this baby. She couldn’t move forward until she’d told Colton.

  Sophie parked the car by the barn. Normally, she’d have let herself into the house, but that was when she’d had a right to. She’d spent so much time here the past few months, looking at how to move her things in, how to integrate her life with Colton’s.

  But she no longer had that right.

  She walked to the porch and sat in the rocker, which had been his grandmother’s. She remembered Colton telling her about it. He’d shared all his happy memories about his childhood. Stories in the rocker, picnics at the lake, adventures with Finn and Sebastian.

  She’d shared nothing of her past.

  Sophie tried to rationalize that fact. She tried telling herself that Colton’s sharing those happy memories was different from her sharing her own not-so-happy childhood memories, but she knew it was a cop-out. She’d held back so many pieces of herself from Colton. She wouldn’t keep this news secret.

&nb
sp; He had to know he was going to be a father.

  * * *

  COLTON HAD HAD an awful day.

  He spent Tuesday and Wednesday nights awake, trying not to think about Sophie and her daughter, trying not to think about lies and secrets. He had watched late-night talk shows, then late-night news, and had tried to sleep.

  Both nights, he’d finally drifted off in the wee hours of the morning and had slept in later than usual.

  This morning, it was ten before he started the coffee, then headed out on his tractor, only to discover he’d forgotten to fill the tank, which was why it now sat as far from his house as it possibly could.

  He made a move toward the barn to get a gas can and spotted Sophie’s car.

  His heart gave a small jump. She was here.

  His head thought, Great. Just what he needed.

  But his heart felt something altogether different.

  He spotted her sitting in the rocker, her eyes closed and her hands folded in her lap.

  For a while, he stood still and simply admired her. She looked pale, not that she’d ever been overly tanned. She used to joke that her skin was almost neon, and when she wore shorts, she was a threat to drivers’ safety, since the glare from her legs might blind them.

  Right now, he’d planned on being with her at a quiet Pocono cabin, enjoying his first days of marriage to her.

  He recalled images of their messed-up wedding, and the sinking feeling he’d had when he realized he didn’t really know Sophie Johnston, or Sophia Moreau-Ellis, at all.

  He stomped toward the porch, and as he stepped onto the first stair, her eyes flew open. “Colton.” She smiled. He might not know much about Sophie, but he did know that smile. He couldn’t count how many times she’d smiled at him like that, and how he’d treasured each and every one of those moments.

  “Sophie?” Her name came out harsher than he’d intended and he watched her smile fade.

  She stood, her expression now serious. “We need to talk.”

  He’d said everything he needed to say, so he waited to hear what had brought her out to the farm. A part of him hoped she would tell him something to make him understand why she’d hidden her past. He had never been able to find the words, but Sophie always had. He wanted her to do that now...find the words to make everything okay again.

  Sophie sighed, as if his silence was somehow a great disappointment. What did she want from him? She’d certainly been silent on her past, hadn’t she?

  “Fine.” She widened her stance and looked as if she were preparing for a battle as she inhaled a long, deep breath and blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”

  “What?” He’d thought she was here to try to explain why she hadn’t told him about her daughter. He desperately wanted her to give him some explanation he could accept and understand. Missing her was simply too hard. He realized he wanted an excuse to take her back. But not this. “Pregnant?”

  She nodded. “Pregnant. I went off my birth control after the holidays because we wanted to start a family right away, remember?”

  “We used other protection,” he protested.

  “Yes. But obviously it didn’t work.”

  He walked onto the porch and sat on the other rocker, and Sophie returned to his grandmother’s. All that separated him from Sophie was a small table...and a million small lies.

  Sophie sat patiently while he mulled over her bombshell. He wasn’t sure why he hesitated, because there was only one option open to him, and even as he made the decision, he realized that he felt nothing but relief. He had his excuse to get back with her in spite of her lies. “I guess we’ll marry after all.”

  Colton wasn’t sure what reaction he expected, but it wasn’t her laughing in such an un-Sophie-like way. It was laughter he didn’t recognize. Cold. Hard. Cynical.

  It was the opposite of everything he’d ever experienced with Sophie.

  She stood again, walked off the porch, then turned around. “Thank you for the offer, Colton. But I know what a marriage without love looks like, and I’m not interested. I will keep you apprised of the baby’s development, and when he or she arrives, we’ll work out some sort of custody arrangement. I’d like to keep it amicable, and between the two of us, but I understand if you want to take a more formal route. If you decide on seeking legal representation, let me know. I’ll give you my attorney’s name.”

  She paused a moment and when he didn’t say anything, she continued, “I’m planning on telling Lily and Mattie soon, and if you want to tell Finn and Sebastian, I understand. But if you and whoever you tell keep it quiet for a while, I’d appreciate it. I have to think about how to break this to Tori. I can’t even imagine how she’ll cope with the news. I gave her away. That’s how she sees it. ‘Threw her away’ is how she put it. Not that it was like that at all. But right after she found me, she’s now going to discover I’m pregnant with a baby I’ll be keeping and raising. She has parents who love her, but I don’t know if that, or anything I can say, will help her cope with this. So, please, give me some time to break it to her. After that, you can tell whoever you want.”

  He nodded.

  And she spun around and left without saying anything else.

  Colton sat in the rocker on the porch and watched as her car pulled down his driveway, turned and disappeared from view.

  He’d thought he’d sorted everything out in his mind.

  Sophie had lied to him. She’d had a relationship with someone else, borne a child and given it up for adoption. Not it. Her. Tori. Sophie had given Tori up for adoption.

  And despite what she’d led him to believe, she had parents. A family.

  He’d spent every minute since the wedding ceremony reviewing their relationship. Replaying and trying to analyze it in light of these new revelations.

  For the life of him, he couldn’t understand why she’d lied about something so simple as her real name.

  He’d have accepted her, whatever she chose to call herself. He’d have tried to understand if she’d told him about her daughter. He’d have tried to support her no matter what her deal was with her parents.

  She’d said she knew what a marriage without love looked like. Obviously, it didn’t look good, and he was sure she was talking about her parents.

  But she’d lied to him about all that, or at least omitted the information from their discussions, which was as good as a lie. He couldn’t help but wonder what else she’d lied about. He couldn’t know, because she still hadn’t offered him a proper explanation.

  Now she was here telling him she was pregnant. Yet, when he offered to do the right thing, she’d said no.

  She’d acted disappointed in him, as if he was the one who’d lied.

  All he’d ever done was treat her with respect, honesty and love. How on earth could she feel she was the injured party?

  When he’d told her goodbye, that the wedding was off, she’d accepted the news, but then refused his offer of friendship. She’d said she’d be friendly, for their friends’ sakes, but being friends was off the table.

  Now she was telling him they were going to have a baby and talking about visitation and lawyers?

  Colton sat in the rocker for the longest time, trying to make heads or tails of any of it.

  “Colton?” Mrs. Nies said, surprising him. Connie worked at the wine shop that was on the opposite end of his property. There was a well-beaten path between the house and the shop. He’d formed a partnership with Mattie’s brother Rich, so he didn’t need to be on hand. Between Rich and Mrs. Nies, it was well looked after. But most days he made a habit of pitching in where he could, and he knew in the fall, during the grape harvest, he’d be around more often. He and Rich had set aside part of this year’s crop to try their hand at ice wine. The winery was a never-ending source of excitement for him. But he hadn’t been there since the wedding...the almost-wedding.

  “Hi, Mrs. Nies,” he forced himself to call out.

  The woman was timeless. The kind of age that s
eemed set. She looked the same to him as when he was a kid. He used to joke with Sophie that Mrs. Nies was the Dorian Gray of Valley Ridge.

  “I saw Sophie’s car,” she said. “Is everything okay? I heard that the blue-haired girl was her daughter. She had to have been little more than a girl herself when she had her. I can’t imagine how hard it was deciding to give her up for adoption. In my mind, it was brave.”

  “Brave?” he asked. Brave to give away your own flesh and blood?

  “She was young. She had to ask herself what sort of life she could give a child. What kind of parent she could be if she was little more than a child herself. She picked an option she thought was best for the girl. That’s brave in my book.”

  “I guess,” he allowed. He hadn’t thought about it in those terms. Sophie, young and alone. Where was the girl’s biological father? Had he stood up and offered to do the right thing, or had he left her high and dry?

  “I wanted to check on you, sweetie.”

  Mrs. Nies was one of the very few people who could get away with calling him sweetie. Her and his mom.

  “I’m fine,” he said, though he wasn’t sure that was true.

  “Rich is worried about you. And I saw Finn and Sebastian come over the other day. I’m guessing they’re worried, too.”

  “I’m fine,” he said again, as if repeating would make it so.

  “Well, you remember, whatever’s going on, you have friends. You call me anytime you need something.”

  The older woman’s offer touched him. “Thanks, Mrs. Nies.”

  She started back toward the shop, then turned to face him. “Rich put up another wine quote today.”