Zombie Rules

by Achord, David

  She nodded, and I watched as she tore into a Three Musketeers candy bar. Damn, I was saving that for desert. “Aren’t you coming with me?” She asked between bites.

  I remained seated. “I’m going to watch for zombies.”

  She stared at me with those bright baby blue eyes. The chocolate smeared lower lip stuck out for a moment. “Are you going to leave me?”

  She had me on that. I must admit I had considered it. I considered it strongly. Something about the way she looked at me though caused me to make a decision.

  “No. but we might have to have a little talk in a minute. Now go get some clothes and don’t forget feminine hygiene stuff.” She smiled tentatively and jogged to the front door.

  While I waited, I let Moe out so he could do his business on the snow covered lawn. He sniffed a bit, dug at the snow, and then dropped a big steaming turd. He sniffed his creation and then looked at me for approval. I gave him a thumbs up. One less pile I would have to shovel out of the yard back home. A couple of minutes later Julie came running out of the front door with two overstuffed black plastic bags and put them in the back of the extended cab.

  “Just one or two more loads!” She said breathlessly. I handed her some more trash bags. She nodded gratefully and ran back inside. She came back out two more times. The last time, she showed me a bag full of bras and panties and then put them in back with the rest. “I found some shoes and socks too.” I hoped she chose something like running shoes or hiking boots. Her brow was glistening with perspiration. “All of that running got me hot.” She laughed as she unzipped her jacket. She was wearing a plain tee shirt which offered me an occasional glimpse of her breasts pushing out. They were not as large as Macie’s, but they were still nice. You know, it was a stupid thought. I’d not seen any breasts from a living woman since the fateful night with Macie. Almost any breasts would look nice right about now.

  I waited for her to get settled in the truck. She was still breathing hard and her cheeks were a rosy red. The way she looked, and the way she looked at me, caused my loins to start aching. I focused out the window, like I was watching for zombies and not imagining her all sweaty and naked. “So, did you find any hygiene products?”

  She nodded. “I found a travel bag with a lot of stuff in it.” She pointed it all out. Good, she found a few boxes of tampons, something I definitely did not have back at the farm. Maybe that was what Rick was thinking about when he tried to get me to buy them back in November.

  I pointed at the pile of clothes. “So what’s with the bras? Seems like they’re a little too big for you.” Yeah, I know. I could not resist.

  She reached over and punched me in the arm. “You are so mean sometimes. I’ll have you know my boobs are a decent size for my age. I’ve lost a lot of weight recently, as if you didn’t know. Don’t think you won’t be staring at them when I gain my weight back.” She finished with a scoff. She was probably right about that, but I was not going to admit it. Moe snorted and licked a spot of chocolate off of her face.

  I stifled a sigh. “Well, about that. I think it would probably be better for me if I put you up in a house on your own. Maybe this house, or one like it.”

  “But, why?” She asked.

  “Because I am convinced you and your family were being untruthful when we first met, and therefore I’m not so sure that I trust you now. What do you have to say to that?”

  She caught her breath, held her hands in front of her and spread her fingers. “All of that wasn’t my idea, it was Mom’s, and she told us to go along.” I made another ‘continue please’ motion with my hand. “Don is not really my grandfather, he was Mom’s boyfriend. She was screwing around on dad, who apparently had his own girlfriend. Don owned a car dealership in Fayetteville and she worked for him. He is, or was, pretty rich, and he spent a lot of money on mom. She was always driving a new car. He even bought her a boob job.” She sighed, held her hands up, and then dropped them limply in her lap.

  “It was just a fucked up situation. The part about the gym and dad getting killed by zombies is true. When that happened, the rumors started. They were saying that somehow Mom set dad up to be killed.” She shook her head in disgust. “He’s the one that volunteered to go out. They didn’t set him up. He was just trying to impress the women. My dad was like that. He wanted to be a hero, but there were too many zombies to shoot and his group was overwhelmed. People are fucking crazy.”

  “So why the subterfuge?” I asked.

  “The what?”

  “Why in the hell did your mom and Don create such an elaborate crazy story? Why not simply tell the truth?”

  “Oh.” She fidgeted a moment before answering. “Mom thought you two would be all about having a single woman around. We saw Rick and were about to drive up when mom told Don to stop the car. That’s when she came up with the story. She said if Rick thought he was helping out a family who just happened to have a single woman, he’d be more than eager to help. I was so hungry I would have done anything.”

  She sighed. “Well anyway, it seemed harmless enough. Strange, but harmless. And then you pop up out from that boat. Why were you hiding in there? To shoot us?”

  I shrugged. “We did not know if you guys were hostile or not.”

  “Oh. I guess that makes sense. Well anyway, Rick looked like some kind of wild man, and then you popped up holding a rifle. I was scared at first, but you two turned out to be really nice. Later, mom said since you and I were the same age, you two would be even more willing to help us out. She told me to flirt with you at every opportunity and she was going to do the same with Rick. She kept saying when the time was right she and Don would tell you two the truth. But instead of doing that, they came up with some kind of crazy plan to get rid of Rick.” She scoffed. “Getting rid of him, it’s how mom described it. I guess it was a kind way of saying they were going to murder him.”

  I started. “So Rick was right, your mother was planning on driving off and leaving him for the zombies.”

  She squirmed uncomfortably and glanced back at the cooler. “I didn’t know she had planned it to happen exactly the way you said, but she told me about it after they got back when you and Rick were in the barn. I asked her why. She said Rick was leering at me and she thought he was going to try to rape me. Then she had me hide the gun. She and Don didn’t think you two would find it if I were the one hiding it.” She shook her head. “I think she was planning on using it against you two when she had a chance.” Her voice lowered. “Y’all found it anyway and still gave us food and gas. I guess she was lying about Rick.”

  I clenched my teeth. “You’re damn right she was lying! Rick was the consummate gentleman. He would have never raped anyone. His nickname was Righteous Rick for a reason!” She did not respond. I took a deep breath. To think that bitch was talking about Rick like that after all we did for them. It pissed me off. I took a moment to calm down. “Okay, is there anything you left out?”

  She slowly nodded her head. “The group of people we hooked up with. They know you. A few of them went to school with you, and one of them, a guy named Chad, he said you and Rick murdered his friend in cold blood.”

  Chapter 17 – Friends and Foes

  “Who are they?” I asked.

  She held up her fingers. “Jason and Macie. Tay, Darius, Chad, and Trina.”

  So Macie and Jason were still alive! There were a million things that I wanted to know about them. “How are they doing? Are any of them sick? Do they have plenty of food and water?”

  She held up a hand. “Whoa, slow down. Okay, so the answer to your first question is they’re just getting by. Nothing special.”

  “How are they doing with food and water?”

  She made a flippant gesture with her hand. “They just go out breaking into houses and stores looking for anything to eat. Canned sodas are usually what we’ve been drinking, when we can find them. We went a couple of days without finding anything to drink, so one of them got the bright idea of boiling cre
ek water. It didn’t work out so well. Everyone got a bad case of diarrhea. Oh, and they have some guns.”

  I needed to know more. “Tell me what they’re doing to insure their future. Are they distilling water, growing gardens? Anything like that?”

  She shook her head. “They don’t have anything stored, or a garden, or any semblance of planning. So, when everyone got sick off of the water, mom told them about all of the food you two had and the clean well water.”

  Wonderful. It was now a matter of time before they worked up the courage to come and visit. When the hunger pangs got strong enough, they would find the courage. It deserved careful consideration. I would need to think it over more when I got home and got a hot meal in me. If I were to guess, they could be considered foes. Enemies. Even Macie.

  I was not sure what to think of Julie, or if I could even trust her. It had been so long since I had actually talked to a live person though. I was not going to just kick her out of the truck. At least, not yet.

  I started the truck and soon came upon a business park just off of Old Hickory Boulevard. There were quite a few cars in the parking lot. It was full of cars, which was amazing. There were people still going to work in the middle of a global crisis. I scanned the area with my binoculars, but did not see anything. The office building was dark and quiet. When I stopped, Julie grabbed the binoculars out of my hand for a look. It irked me slightly, at first. She made slow methodical scans back and forth. Impressive.

  “You see any zombies?” I asked.

  “Nope.”

  “You see any indicators that there are live people around?”

  She looked at me and then back into the binoculars. “I don’t think so.”

  “Look at the parked cars carefully and tell me what is significant about them.” She looked them over.

  “I don’t see anything that jumps out at me. They’re just all covered in snow.” Then it hit her. “That’s it, isn’t it! The cars are covered in snow. If they were being used, they wouldn’t have snow on them, right?”

  “Right you are. Also, there are no tire tracks in the snow. Or footprints. Alright, here’s where you start earning your keep. We need fuel. Regular gas. We have plenty of diesel fuel at the moment, but we need gas. Most of the tanks at gas stations and convenience stores were emptied out when people started panicking. Also, cars abandoned on the road are probably going to be empty. So, instead of wasting time, we apply some logic. Here are a bunch of cars parked in a parking lot. When people fled for their lives, did they drive all over, run out of gas, and then park their cars in an orderly fashion in a parking lot? No, of course not. So, the odds are, they still have gas in them.”

  Julie nodded in understanding. “Yeah, it makes sense. Do you want me to crawl under them and drain the tanks while you keep guard?”

  I shook my head. “We’re going to do it differently. C’mon I’ll show you.” I parked near some cars and retrieved my pump. “This way, we’re not ruining any gas tanks. It may or may not matter, but you never know. Now, when we’re done, just leave the gas cap cover open.”

  “So we know we’ve already drained the gas.” She said.

  “Exactly. And don’t forget to look inside every car you can. We might find a present or two. Just be careful there isn’t a bad surprise waiting to sink their teeth into you.”

  She smiled with nice, white, straight teeth. She’d been brushing regularly. “Does this mean I get to live with you and Rick?” She frowned suddenly. “Where is Rick?”

  I kept a poker face and tried to sound nonchalant. “He’s out on a recon mission. He’s going to be gone for a while. And yes, you can stay with us. I certainly hope you’re not the same impetuous brat who I met a month ago.” To my surprise, she squealed and grabbed me in a hug.

  “You won’t regret it Zach. I promise I’ll be good and I’ll do anything you say.”

  I allowed myself to smile. I hoped I was not making a mistake, again. I checked my watch. “Let’s get some gas and then we’ll head back.”

  We started at the back of the parking lot and worked our way up. We had the truck’s tank filled in under an hour and now only needed to fill the five-gallon cans I had. Julie pointed at a utility van. “I bet that one has a big tank.”

  I nodded. “Absolutely. Let’s do it.” We trotted over to it. Julie tried the door handle. It was unlocked. She started to jump in. “Careful.” I chided. She stopped and peered in carefully. Satisfied nobody was inside, she checked it out. I looked around for any company. Paranoia kept you alive, Rick would say.

  “Whoa, hey look!” She said.

  I instinctively reached for my Glock. “What is it?”

  She stuck her arm out the door and held up a set of keys. “They were above the visor. You want me to see if it will start?”

  “Sure. This thing will be a gas guzzler, but we may be able to use it.” To our surprise, it started right up. “How much gas does it have?”

  She looked at the gauge. “Almost a full tank.”

  “Awesome. Can you drive it?”

  She grinned. It was a grin I was quickly beginning to like. “One way to find out. What do you have in mind?”

  “Let’s take it home with us.” I said.

  Julie followed me closely. I bet she thought I might try to speed off and lose her. The truth of it was, I was lonely. Very lonely. Achingly lonely. I could have done without a woman I suppose, if Rick were still alive. He and I were a good team. We worked well together and I enjoyed his company. I was no hermit. I needed a friend and a partner. Being an incredibly cute female the same age as me might work out very nicely. I hoped.

  We neared the intersection where the road to the farm intersected with the state highway. I pulled over and stopped about a hundred yards away.

  “What are we doing?” Julie asked when she got out.

  “Let’s park this van off the side of the road right here. It’ll be a backup vehicle.” I said.

  She gave me a confused look. “I don’t understand.”

  “We have plenty of vehicles at the farm, three automobiles, two tractors, and two ATVs. We need to spread it out. We’re going to start parking backup vehicles at various locations.”

  She nodded in understanding. “Ah, smart.” She gave a small frown. “We should disable it somehow, so nobody else can take them, but it needs to be something that we can fix quickly.”

  I nodded in surprise. I had not thought of it. “That’s a good idea.” I pondered it over for a minute and then opened the fuse panel located on the side of the instrument panel. Sure enough, there was one fuse I could take out and the van would not start. “Okay, you see which one I’ve loosened?” Julie pressed up against me and looked closer. Macie was the last girl who had pressed up against me. Even though both of us were wearing heavy coats, the close contact was making me nervous.

  I cleared my thoughts and explained. “This way we don’t have to do something outside of the van to get it going, and it’s a quick fix. Just open the panel and push it back in.” I took the key out of the ignition and put it under the visor and straightened. Julie straightened as well, but remained standing next to me in the doorway of the van.

  “See, we’re making a pretty good team already.” She looked at me expectantly. “Have I done a good job today?”

  “I must admit, you have.” More than you think, I thought silently. You’ve made me smile. I’ve not even felt like smiling since Christmas.

  “Good enough to deserve a hot shower?” She smiled hopefully.

  I laughed now. Something else I’d not done in a while. “I don’t see why not, I could use one as well.”

  I stopped at the head of the bridge and used the binoculars on the house, which was about two hundred yards away. It was on a small rise about thirty feet above the level of the creek. Nothing appeared out of order. I got the backhoe out of the way and motioned for Julie to drive the truck through. I’d been leaving the concertina wire out of the way because it was such a pain in the
ass to move into place, but now I painstakingly strung it across the bridge and tied it down. Larry and Curly ran out of the barn to greet us, and after we petted them they ran over and sniffed Moe’s ass.

  “You get your clothes inside. Oh, and I found some fresh sets of bed linens. How about changing out the beds? I’m going to get the rest of the stuff and get the gas stored. Then, we’ll get the generator going and start supper.”

  Julie smiled again. “Okay.” She grabbed an armful of stuff.

  I have to admit, I got everything unloaded, the gas stored, and the generator going quicker than I ever had before. I was a little winded because of it, and took a moment to catch my breath before I went inside. “Hey, it’s me.” I said as I walked in the door.

  “In here!” She replied. I walked in my bedroom. She had taken her jacket off and hung it up in the closet. The tee shirt advertised the Fayetteville High School. She had lost even more weight since I had last seen her. Still, my loins were awakened. “Oh, I guess I should have asked first. Can I share drawer space with you? I don’t have anywhere to put these clothes. They won’t take up much room.”

  “Oh, I didn’t think of it either. Sure, no problem. You’ll be using Rick’s bed while he’s gone. On our next scavenging trip we’ll see if we can find a suitable bed for you. We have an extra bedroom. It’s full of stuff at the moment, we’ve just been using it for storage. I can clean it out and fix it up.” There was a moment of awkward silence while we stared at each other’s feet.

  “I got the generator on. It usually takes about fifteen minutes for the water heater to warm up. I was planning on fixing up a casserole dish. I kind of just mix different stuff together and cook it up. Does it sound okay?”