Zombie Rules

by Achord, David

  “It sounds wonderful! Let me wash my hands and I’ll help.” I nodded appreciatively. I did not want to be constantly chiding her about hygiene. I washed up in the kitchen and went to work with the newly acquired copper cookware. Julie joined me a few minutes later. “Those are nice. They look like they were expensive.”

  “I imagine they were. Did you know copper is an incredible metal? When it is heated, it can actually kill bacteria. It has a very high thermal conductivity as well. Copper was used in cookware before the birth of Christ. Did ancient people somehow know that it killed the bacteria in the food they were preparing?”

  I don’t think she was impressed. She shrugged and pointed. “So, what are you going to dump in there?”

  Note to self: not everyone is impressed with your factoids of information. “I thought I’d boil some rice, we’ve got some ground burger I put out to thaw this morning. I’ll cook it and then throw them into a pot together. Add some chopped onions, some salt and pepper, tomato sauce, throw it all together, stir it up, put it all in a casserole dish and then put it in the oven for about twenty minutes. The recipe book calls for cheese, but we’re out at the moment.” I remembered the last time I cooked up this particular dish it was pretty bland. I got some salt out of the cabinet and put a decent amount into the heating water.

  “What do we have to drink?”

  “Right now, just grape Kool-Aid and coffee.” I said. “I’m out of sodas and juice. Sorry.”

  Julie shook her head. “No, don’t be. It all sounds delicious.” She grabbed the box of rice and began to open it, but stopped. “Zach, I have this speech prepared and I was going to do it over dinner, but I’ve got to get it out of me.” She turned and looked at me. “I was a real bitch before, and I want to say that I deeply regret my behavior. And, it was really stupid of me to go along with mom’s bullshit. For some unknown reason she has to create drama wherever she goes. I went along with it, although I’ve no idea why, so I guess I’m just as guilty. When you guys made us leave, I was missing you before we even made it halfway down the road. When that asshole thought he was going to rape me, I kept thinking if you and Rick were around he’d be too afraid to ever try something like that. And, I kept watching all those so-called men. It was like the difference between night and day. You two plan, organize, and take action. You’ve got your shit together. Those idiots don’t do much but sit around smoking weed and talking in one syllable words about their glory days in high school. You would have thought Jason was the next Peyton Manning or something, the way they talked.”

  Yeah, he was going to be a superstar, but it did not matter anymore. I really did not want to talk about them at the moment. Maybe later I’d fully debrief her about them.

  She continued. “Anyway, what I’m saying is, none of us appreciated you two, me especially, and I am truly sorry. I’m so glad you found me when you did. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance and I’ll try my hardest to make good on it.”

  I must admit, it really did sound sincere, but just in case, I was still going to sleep with my gun. I responded with a small grin. “Apology accepted. I think the water is hot enough for you to take a shower. I’ll get dinner finished up. It should be ready by the time you get out.”

  “Would it use too much hot water if I shaved? I haven’t done that since the last time I was here. My armpits feel like two miniature jungles.” I said it would be fine, but I honestly wondered how long it’d take to shave a month’s worth of growth. “Thanks Zach, you really are a good guy.” She said quietly. She began to walk back to the bathroom. I turned toward the stove. She suddenly kissed me on the cheek and then hurried to the bathroom before I could react. The boys were sitting there on the kitchen floor, raptly watching the whole encounter. I guess it was more entertaining than sniffing each other’s ass.

  Chapter 18 - Training

  I did not sleep well. It must have been something to do with the way she smelled after she got out of the shower, her scrubbed face with no smudges of dirt. Oh, and the shiny damp hair she had carefully combed out. Maybe it was what she was wearing when she joined me for dinner, which was one of my flannel shirts, some socks, and nothing else. At least, nothing else I could see. I imagined she was wearing a pair of those sexy panties I was tempted with earlier. I stole a few looks at her legs. They had a wonderful silky smooth, freshly shaven look.

  We conversed as we ate.

  “Were you involved in any sports when you were in high school?” She asked between bites.

  I nodded. “Cross country track. I was a long distance runner.” Being tall and skinny were positive attributes for long distance running. “How about you?”

  “I was on the swim team, but I kept getting ear infections so I quit. After school I had a part time job at a grocery store. Were you planning on going to college?”

  I nodded. “Sort of. I was going to need a scholarship, or become hopelessly in debt with student loans. I had considered joining the military after graduation, but my Grandmother and Rick both were against the idea.”

  “Rick was against it? Isn’t he a veteran or something?” She asked.

  “Yeah, he was a highly decorated Vietnam vet. He said the military isn’t so bad as long as nobody was shooting at you.” We both laughed at his logic. There was a pause in conversation as we ate. I decided I needed to make sure Julie was on the same page as me.

  “Okay, let’s talk about some slightly serious stuff.” I said.

  Julie stopped with a fork halfway to her mouth. “Okay.” She replied quietly.

  “Well, where to start.” I scratched my chin, much like Rick would scratch his beard. “Lately, I’ve been a little bit depressed.” Little hell, I was so far down in the doldrums I was ready to eat a gun. I squashed the thought and continued. “I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, the world as we know it has irrevocably changed and it will not recover anytime soon. You seemed to have been in a bit of denial the last time we spoke about it.”

  Julie nodded. “Yeah, I guess I was. It was really hard for me to get it, you know?”

  “I agree. It’s a real kick in the ass when you get over the denial stage and realize it. I let it get the better of me, and I had become quite depressed.”

  “What about Rick?” Julie asked. I suddenly realized I was speaking as though Rick were not around. I had to be more attentive.

  “We never discussed it directly, but I think he knew. I had been doing a lot of moping around. But, I got up this morning and made a decision, enough moping. I am going to survive no matter what happens. I’m going to make it work. It’s not going to be easy. In fact, it’ll probably be tough as hell. There are going to be a lot of obstacles along the way and a lot of long days with very little sleep. If you want to be a part of our team, I need to know if Rick and I can count on you.”

  Julie started to answer and I held up a hand. “Before you respond, let me give you your options. Stay with us and you can expect a lot of long days, hard labor, and orders being barked at you constantly, which you will be expected to follow without argument. If you want no part of it, it’s no problem. We can set you up in a vacant house, or we can even rig up that van for you to travel and live out of until you find other people to join up with.” I took a breath and was about to continue when Julie stopped me by tapping her glass of water with a fork.

  She fixed me with those beautiful blue eyes. “Treat me good Zach Gunderson and I’ll be with you until the end.” I did not know how to correctly interpret her statement. Instead I nodded, uttered something unintelligible, and finished my meal quickly. Later, I lay awake for a long time after lights out. I imagined I could smell her, even from the other bedroom. I drifted off to sleep wondering what it would feel like to have her in my arms.

  I tossed and turned most of the night. When I realized I was not going to get any sleep, I rolled out of bed and stretched the kinks out. It was still dark out. I dressed quietly, grabbed some night vision gear, an AR-15, and some other stuff. I
closed the door quietly and made a roundabout route to the bridge. I was probably just being paranoid, but I was certain Jason and his group would be paying us a visit sometime soon. I checked the concertina wire for any evidence of tampering, but it appeared secure. I then rigged up some chlorine bombs with some soda bottles. They would not kill anyone, but when triggered, they would explode, and anyone within close proximity would receive painful burns on any exposed skin. I rigged them to sections of the concertina. As long as nobody jiggled them around they would not activate. But, the first time someone tried to move the concertina wire, boom! They’d get a fiery surprise.

  I jogged down the drive toward the state highway. When I neared the intersection, I left the road, hid behind a large tree, and had a look around. The intersection was T-shaped, an unremarkable joining of two rural roadways. I did not see any kind of movement, no people, nor any zombies. The green glow from the night vision equipment made the trees seem surreal. I was going to have to get used to the effect.

  I went back into the woods for twenty-five yards and walked back and forth until I found a spot with a good view of the intersection. Satisfied, I went to work preparing a sniper position. I chose a position behind a fallen tree and drug some additional limbs around and over it for added concealment. I got as many leaves as I could and spread them on the ground where I foresaw myself lying in wait at some point in the near future. I was going to stock it with rations and ammo later during the day. I lay down behind the tree and sighted my AR-15 toward the intersection. It was a decent field of fire. It was getting daylight now and I wanted to get back to the house before Julie woke up. I took off the night vision apparatus and placed it on the log. I walked back to the intersection and turned around. You could only see it if you knew where to look and looked really hard. Good enough.

  Julie was standing beside the bridge when I got back.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked suspiciously.

  “I woke up and you were gone. I was worried.” She said quietly. She was dressed in Jeans, the flannel shirt she’d worn to bed the night before, boots, and a waist length jacket. I did not search her for a gun. Maybe later.

  After a few seconds I caught my breath. “Alright, let me show you something.” I showed her the booby traps and explained what they did when they were moved. “So anyway, I’m glad you didn’t decide to fool with this or else you might have gotten hurt.”

  Her face lit up. “Does this mean you actually like me?”

  I smiled. “I suppose I do. Let’s go eat. I’ll race you!” I took off running. Julie squealed and hurried after me. She kept up pretty well, in spite of my head start.

  I finished first and waited on Julie. “You cheated!” She lamented as she ran up. I laughed, and soon she was laughing as well. “I’ll get you back, you just wait.”

  I was still chuckling as the two of us prepared a meal of eggs along with a batch of biscuits. I had several jars of jam and butter, but the flour would only last us a couple of more months. I ground up some of the coffee I had recently acquired and it was surprisingly good. Julie was savoring each bite. “I’ve not eaten any eggs since before Christmas.

  “I’m glad you like it. Eat up, because we have a lot of chores to do today. Now, while you eat, why don’t you tell me all about the crew your mother is currently with.”

  “And Tommy, don’t forget Tommy.” She said.

  I nodded. “Of course.”

  “Let’s see.” She counted off with her fingers the same way she did yesterday. “There is Darius, Jason, Macie, Chad, Trina, and Trina’s uncle. I never heard his real name but they called him Tay. I guess it’s a nickname or a shortened version of his real name, like Tayvon or something.” Julie stopped long enough to finish eating a biscuit. I fixed another one for her. She definitely needed to gain some weight. “Thank you.” She smiled appreciatively, but then she became serious. “So, they told me all about you and Macie. Trina went into joyful detail about how she dumped you for Jason.” She paused a moment. “They showed me the video Trina made.” So, Trina was the person who made the video. She’s probably the one who posted it on the Internet as well. Obviously she was not very nice.

  I drank some coffee and refilled both of our mugs. “Did they talk about their other friend, the other one who kicked and stomped on me after I was down?”

  “Yeah, somebody killed him. He was found stabbed to death. The cops never had a chance to figure out who did it.” She started to bite into the biscuit, but stopped midway. “Wait, did you kill him?”

  “Yes.” I replied nonchalantly.

  Her jaw dropped. “Holy shit Zach! They said he’d been stabbed over thirty times.” She stared at me incredulously. I did not respond. Didn’t need to.

  Julie stared at me for a moment longer before realizing I was not going to elaborate. “Okay, well continuing, they are currently living in a house previously occupied by some rich people Chad knew. Apparently, Tay is some gang banging drug dealer. He had just gotten in over a hundred pounds of weed and never had a chance to sell it. They’ve been spending their days smoking it all up.”

  “Even Jason and Macie?” I asked.

  “Jason, yes. Macie, no.” She paused a moment and grabbed my hand. “She’s pregnant with Jason’s child, so she doesn’t smoke or drink.” Pregnant. Wow. That was quick. I just nodded and redirected the conversation.

  “What kind of guns do they have?”

  “They have two rifles and two handguns. One of the handguns, the larger one, they’re out of ammunition. The smaller one is a twenty-two caliber, and they have plenty of ammo for it. I don’t know about the rifles.”

  “Do you know what caliber they are? What type?”

  “They’re just like the one you were carrying this morning.” She answered.

  “Ah. AR-15 assault rifles.” I said.

  “Are those dangerous guns?” Julie asked.

  “They’re dependable and accurate, if they’re kept clean. Three hundred meters is about the best you can hope for, but an expert marksman can hit a target up to around four hundred meters under good circumstances. If they’re not automatics, they have a sustained rate of fire of twelve to fifteen rounds a minute. Any faster and they’ll overheat. But, they’ve got to be fastidiously maintained. Otherwise, they’re prone to jamming. Did you notice if they cleaned them?”

  Julie snorted. Well, it may have been a laugh but it came out as a snort. “Not at all. Well, let me rephrase. Tay cleaned his one day, but it didn’t seem like he did a very good job. He just rubbed an oily rag over it.” She covered her mouth and burped. “Excuse me. I’ve eaten more in the last twelve hours than I’ve eaten in a week. I feel like I’m going to bust.”

  “I hope you don’t stop up the toilet.” She stuck her tongue out at me. “Okay, you’ve been avoiding some things. Tell me what they said about Rick and me when our names came up.”

  “Darius doesn’t think very highly you. He’s made more than a few snide remarks.” She wrinkled her nose when she spoke about him. “He would act nice, but when he looked at me it was always a dirty leer. I should have known better than to ever be alone with him. Trina is basically stupid. I’m talking like she’s borderline retarded or something. She goes along with whatever anyone else says and laughs at things that aren’t even funny. Tay’s mostly high all of his waking moments. He sits around, smokes his weed, and talks about what a big time gangster he is. Chad seemed to both like and fear you at first, now he says he’s going to kill you and Rick. Whenever they retell the big fight, Jason grins and looks all smug. Macie doesn’t say much of anything.” She paused a really long time before talking again.

  “My mother. Good old mom. She told them they ought to come out here and take over.” She scoffed. “Don’t worry though. She doesn’t remember how to get out here. One night, they sat around a map half the night, smoking weed and trying to get directions out of her. It would have been funny if what they were planning wasn’t so terrible.”

  “Bu
t, you remembered where we live.” I replied.

  Julie shook her head. “I was so turned around I only remembered the Interstate and the road where we first met. I was totally lost. It was a pure stroke of luck we bumped into each other again.” I suddenly remembered my dream of Rick. You old fart, were you taking care of me buddy?

  Julie did not notice my change in expression and continued talking. “Don’t worry, my mom has been smoking weed like there’s no tomorrow. There’s no way she’ll remember.” She finished the last biscuit and began cleaning the table.

  I sat there in silence. There was one small problem. Macie has been here. She may be a lot of things, but she was not stupid. She would remember. And I could not rely on the late great Righteous Rick to protect me from everything. “When they talked about it, what did Macie have to say?” I asked.

  Julie shook her head. “Not much of anything. She’s very quiet. Was she like that in school?”

  I smiled halfheartedly. Macie was very gregarious and popular in school. It seemed like everyone liked her.

  “If they do show up, it sounds like your mother is going to be one of the primary agitators.” I said.

  Julie snorted again. “You got that right. She’s got Tay wrapped around her finger. I don’t get my mom. She calls him a nigger behind his back, but still sleeps with him.” She sat back down and frowned.

  “Once, about a year ago, they were having a birthday party for Don at the car dealership he owned. I overheard some of the salesmen talking about her. One of them said she’s had more cock in her than a used pair of Haynes underwear. They all laughed. I was furious at them at the time, but the more I get to know my mother, well, you know. Anyway, Darius says Tay has killed some people, so if it’s true he might be dangerous.”

  Was it true, or was it just a punk trying to improve his street rep? I did not know, but it was still good information to know. “Hey Julie, I forgot to ask, but did you guys ever see anyone else, or did they talk about seeing any people who weren’t infected?”