Falling Into Infinity

by Layne Harper

  “Well, they are having some sort of meet and greet in Los Angeles. It’s during your spring break. I thought it might be fun to go and then fly down to Cabo for the rest of the week,” he said while he made the face that he knows that I can’t say no to.

  “Fine. I guess I can be persuaded to be your date if I get Cabo in return.”

  “I knew that I could bribe you with the beach and sun.”

  He knew me too well…

  The more time that I spent with Colin, the more that I was reminded just how crazy I was about him. The two nights he was back in Dallas were a nice break, but I was ready for him to come back to me. That was what I’d learned about our relationship. When he was with me, I couldn’t get enough of him, but when he’s gone I tend to be okay. I made a mental note to think more about that on my next run.

  Tomorrow, we were going to visit the kids’ wing of the hospital like we’d done every Thursday when he was still a student. Then, he’s taking me to our gas station BBQ joint. My Statement knows how to show a lady a good time.

  He arrived the next day at 2:45 to pick me up. He had a bag of signed Aggie footballs and Dallas merchandise to hand out. We took off to brighten some kids’ days. On the way, he reminded me about how he was supposed to be born with a genetic abnormality that should have taken his life within hours of being born. His parents had tried for years to have a child. They were not willing to terminate the pregnancy. Then, when he was born, the doctors were shocked. He was perfectly healthy. His mom said that it was divine intervention. His doctors said that they’d screwed up. Colin believed that visiting kids in hospitals was his way of thanking God that he was okay.

  Colin grabbed his bag of goodies and stepped around to my side to help me out of the truck. He held my hand as we walked into the hospital. Nurses, doctors, and patients greeted him, congratulated him and fist bumped or high fived him. It was awesome to witness. He kept introducing me to these people he had obviously built a relationship with over the years as his girlfriend. I knew some of them from past visits but some were new. “Hey Doctor Jones, meet Caroline Collins, she’s my girlfriend.” It made me smile, and my heart sing.

  We took the elevator up to the pediatric wing. We were met by a social worker who indicated which rooms that we should visit. Colin shook hands with the kids, talked to them about football and posed for pictures. One little guy really busted Colin’s chops about a bad decision that he felt Colin made during a game. Colin was so cute. He thanked the boy for the advice. The last patient’s room that we entered had a little boy who obviously had spent a lot of time in the hospital because he and the parents had a relationship with Colin. I wondered how I had never met him. Colin talked to the parents first and got an update on the boy’s condition. He was on the heart transplant list. They were anxiously waiting and praying that one would come available. Colin took my hand and led me to the hospital bed.

  “Hi Colton. I would like for you to meet a special friend of mine. Her name is Caroline,” he said.

  “Hi Colton. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I said politely.

  Colton looked at Colin and said, “Way to go. She is a hotty.”

  I laughed out loud. Colton’s poor parents were mortified.

  He continued, “If you don’t snatch her up, I will.”

  “Colton, that is some great advice. Thanks!” Colin said flashing me his half smile.

  Colton was precious. We stayed thirty minutes in his room. Colton gave Colin lots of advice about football, what ladies like, and good movies to take me to.

  It was so hard to say goodbye to Colton and his family. Colin leaned over and whispered in the dad’s ear, “Call me if anything changes. I’m praying for you.” The dad teared up and shook Colin’s hand.

  Colin and I walked back to the elevator. I reached up and gave him a kiss. “Thank you for bringing me. This is one of my most favorite things about my Statement.”

  My heart was so full of love for this man. There was no press to take pictures and splash Colin’s good deeds on the front of a newspaper. He did this for the kids and himself.

  After we left the hospital, we headed to gas station bar-be-que. It’s literally a gas station about five miles outside of Bryan that sells the best ribs and brisket in Texas. I’m not sure that the restaurant had a name. Colin discovered it one afternoon his freshman year, and it became his secret hole in the wall restaurant that he just shared with a few important people. Colin loved going because the food was amazing, cheap, and everyone left him alone. If he wanted an honest assessment how he was playing, gas station BBQ was the place to go. The old timers who hung out there were more than willing to tell Colin exactly what they thought of his game if he asked. Their advice was rarely unsolicited.

  “Hey, baby,” he asked me. “Would you like your usual?”

  “Sure,” I replied. “See if they have banana pudding.” I needed to eat more calories and quick before Colin started getting suspicious about my weight loss.

  I chose a bright orange booth and took a seat while Colin placed our order. I studied him while he waited at the counter. He carried himself with such confidence. His size made him stand out in a crowd but not in a scary way. Colin had charisma. Even if he was an average size guy with average looks, people would still have been drawn to him. I knew why he had become such a popular football player so quickly in the NFL. Every guy wanted to be his best friend and every girl wanted to sleep with him. He was special. He turned and looked over his shoulder as if he could feel me studying him and flashed me a heartwarming smile. It made my whole body tingle. This beautiful man was smiling just at me. I smiled big and waved at him. He winked and turned back to the counter to place our order.

  He grabbed our drinks and walked to our table flashing me his half smile, “Hey there pretty lady! Were you checking me out?”

  I giggled and said, “I think I was.”

  He reached out and took my hands across the table. “I’ve missed bringing you to gas station bar-be-que. I will always think of this restaurant as our place.”

  “I brought you to go orders a couple of times when I came up for games because I know that you love it so much,” I reminded him.

  “You did, and I appreciated it. It’s not the same though as sitting here across from you knowing that this is our place to just be Colin and Charlie. No one cares who we are, or what we do for a living. We are just us.”

  I rubbed his hands and said, “I love you Colin. Just you. I forget to tell you sometimes, but even if you didn’t throw a football, I would love you.”

  “I know that you do, Charlie. It’s one of the things that I love most about you,” he said while he caressed my hands in response.

  When our food arrived, I asked Colin to tell me about the upcoming football season.

  “Wake up sleepy head. Today’s the day that you marry me,” Colin breathed into my ear at 6:15 in the morning.

  I rolled over to try to escape him. “Not today, Mr. Sunshine.”

  Before I knew it, he was on his feet, the covers were on the floor and I was being dragged out of bed by my ankles. He yanked my naked body to his and grumbled in my ear, “One day, you will say yes.”

  I was rewarded with a swat on my bare behind.

  Oh! I thought while I was getting dressed, he will pay today.

  Colin and I stretched on what we had come to call The Statement Bench. Apparently, Colin liked being my mission statement.

  At mile eight, I asked him very nicely if he would buy himself a new truck or car. I assured him Bertha could stay, but I would feel more comfortable if he was in something equally safe… You know, like my car.

  He flatly refused without so much as a discussion.

  So, I increased our pace by fifteen seconds.

  At mile ten, I once again politely asked him to purchase a more reliable vehicle.

  Once again, he politely refused.

  I increased our pace by thirty seconds this time. I could run like this all day. We’d see h
ow long Colin could take it before he gave in.

  At mile twelve, as I heard him huffing and puffing, I asked again very politely if he could trouble himself to spend some of his ridiculous money on a new car.

  He huffed and puffed and said, “I can do this all day, baby.”

  “Awesome, because we are increasing our pace,” I said, barely breathing hard.

  At mile fifteen, still able to talk while I ran, I said, “Colin, you are the love of my life. I adore you. That’s why I want to keep you safe. Please allow me to buy you a suitable car for you to drive while you crisscross Texas. Big Bertha will always be a part of our lives. Hell! She can be the best man at our wedding if I ever say yes. Please let me do this.”

  He stopped running, bent over, and sucked in huge gulps of air. “Fine, buy whatever you want with the credit card. Oh! And you will marry me.”

  I did a quick victory dance and allowed him to walk back to the apartment.

  The rest of my day was spent fantasizing about what I was going to buy him. Part of me was tempted to purchase him a tiny car like a Fiat, but the practical side of me couldn’t waste money. Then, about halfway through one of my study groups, I had a stroke of pure genius. I knew exactly what he needed.

  I was relieved that he was not at my apartment when I got home. I took his credit card out of my wallet and googled car dealerships. I started giggling to myself as I made my phone calls.

  There was only one located in the state of Texas. I gave the very stunned sales person my credit card number over the phone and then provided him with my delivery address. I asked the very nice gentleman if he could take care of personalized plates for me. Of course, he obliged.

  If I had not had Harvard hanging over my head, I would have felt a whole lot more light hearted. So far, Colin hadn’t noticed, but he was going to pick up on it soon enough. My deadline for a decision was the first week of April. I hadn’t shared my acceptance with anyone. It might be time that I unloaded my burden on someone else.

  I grabbed my phone and texted my advisor to ask for an appointment. He quickly responded with a time that worked with my schedule tomorrow. I knew what he was going to say… Choose Harvard. However, I was hoping that he would give Dallas a few more pluses in the yes column.

  I felt overwhelmingly lonely. It had been a long while since I had been alone in my own apartment. I sent a text to Colin.

  Me: Hey big boy! How’s it hanging?

  Colin: A little to the left How are you?

  Me: I miss you. Come home to me.

  Colin: You know if you marry me, we’ll have our own home…

  Me: Home is where the heart is

  Colin: Touché, Caroline, touché. How about if I pick up my best girl and take her to dinner tonight?

  Me: How long will you be?

  Colin: Probably at least one more hour. I’m stuck at a 12th Man function.

  Me: Have fun. Guess I’ll have to pull out BOB

  Colin: You wouldn’t?!?

  Me: I would!

  Colin: If I find him, he is getting smashed.

  Me: Guess I’ll hide him super well…

  Colin: I hate that bastard. Be home in 10

  I smiled and hugged myself. Usually just the threat of my battery operated boyfriend got me Colin on my terms.

  I slipped off my jeans and long sleeve shirt, and slid on the lavender wrap dress and silver ballet flats. The outfit he’d bought me on our first date.

  True to his word, he was parking Bertha and headed toward me like a man on fire.

  I stepped out of the apartment and met him on the front porch.

  “I’m ready for said promised dinner,” I said as I planted a chaste kiss on his cheek.

  “What about BOB?” he asked.

  “It was a movie from the 1990’s. I was forced to watch it as part of family night. I’m famished.” I said as I looped my arm through his.

  “You think you’re funny, don’t you?”

  “I know I’m funny.” I gave him a girly wink.

  “Fine, Funny Girl, I’ll take you to dinner, but you have to ride in Bertha for the little stunt you pulled this morning.”

  “Does that mean that you will help me in the truck?”

  “Always, Caroline, always. By the way, I know the game that you’re playing. The dress and shoes are a nice touch,” he said as he grabbed my behind.

  After the 417th time our dinner was interrupted by one of his biggest fans, I wished that I hadn’t played sassy, and we had stayed at home.

  He could feel the tension radiating from me. He flashed me pleading eyes for me to be patient. This was part of the Colin McKinney Mission Statement, but it had never gotten easier. I really wanted to ask these people, “Do you not see that he is having a private dinner?”

  Finally, when our food arrived the people got a clue and left us to eat in peace. By that point, I was in such a foul mood that I was no longer hungry, but I didn’t dare push my plate back. I didn’t want the fans to sense weakness and swarm us again.

  “Colin, you know how Rachael and I are getting our Aggie rings on Friday?” I started as I pushed my food around my plate.

  “Yes. Of course. How could I forget?” he said.

  “Well, we want to dunk them on Saturday at the Dixie Chicken with everyone else,” I stated.

  Aggie rings are huge deal at Texas A&M. Every Aggie gets a ring their senior year and most Aggies wear their ring the rest of their lives. The tradition is that when you get your ring, you must place it in a pitcher of beer. You have to finish the pitcher in the number of seconds that is your graduating class. For example, if you are class of 2006, you have to drink your pitcher of beer in 106 seconds. Then, you have to catch the ring between your teeth. Most Aggies dunk their ring at a bar called the Dixie Chicken. It’s a local legend. Colin didn’t dunk his ring because he doesn’t drink.

  He got a look of horror on his face and put his fork down. “Charlie, you can’t do that. You will be all over the Internet if you dunk your ring at the Chicken. What about if I fly you and Rachael to Cabo? You girls can dunk your rings down there where no one will see you.”

  How did my super fun day turn into this nightmare? “Colin, I don’t want to dunk my ring in Cabo. I want to dunk it at the Dixie Chicken with all of my friends. I want to be a normal senior for once and do something that everyone else who isn’t dating Colin.Fucking.McKinney gets to do.”

  I hurt him… badly. I hated the look that was on his face. “Fair enough, Charlie,” he whispered. “What about if I see if I can get us a section reserved?”

  “No!” I almost yelled at him. “I just want to go up there on Saturday and throw my ring in a pitcher of Miller Lite like my friends. I don’t want special treatment.”

  “Fine,” he said, clearly hurt. “I will not go then. I’ll get Aiden to video it for me.”

  I began to cry. “I want you to come, but I don’t want to be on the Internet, and I want everyone to leave us alone.”

  “Baby, it’s not this bad in Dallas. I promise,” he said while he rubbed my hand from across the table. “In fact, half the people still hate me for taking the other quarterback’s job.”

  I thought very hard and took a deep breath before I continued. “Colin, this is very hard for me. Not only do I have to be jealous of the damn super models and actresses that throw themselves at you, but we are constantly swarmed in public. It freaks me out. What if we had a baby? Would you like these people crowding around your child?”

  He dropped his fork in defeat. “What do you want me to do? The only girl that I want is the one looking at me like this is somehow my fault. I do understand that it’s my problem. No, Charlie. To answer your question, I would be fucking psychotic if strangers approached our children. I hate that because I can throw a football far and accurately that we can’t have dinner in public, and I can’t watch you dunk your ring. Once again, what do I do? Do we start acting like celebrities and only go places that can give us private rooms? You tell me the s
olution because I’m all ears.”

  I dropped my head as the tears flowed. I knew that he was right. There was no solution. We would never have privacy when we were in public. Everyone knew who he was, especially in College Station.Maybe he was right. Maybe Dallas would be a little easier on me.

  He got up and walked around the table to me. I looked up into his beautiful green eyes and saw the pain in them that I’d caused. “I’m sorry Colin. I never feel like I have peace when we are in public.”

  He rubbed my back and tried to soothe me. “I don’t either, baby. It’s just part of me being The Statement, right?”

  I noticed that we were making a serious scene. Colin motioned for the waitress and handed her his credit card. She brought him his receipt to sign and to-go boxes.

  I boxed up our food while Colin took care of the bill.

  It was dark out. He steered Bertha back to our safe haven in College Station… my bedroom. Where we could just be Colin and Charlie, two young twenty-something’s who were in love.

  “Is there any way to salvage this evening, beautiful girl?” he asked.

  All I felt like doing was putting on a T-shirt, closing the blinds and making sweet love to my Colin, not the world’s Colin. “I don’t want to share you with anyone. Let’s lie in bed and watch a movie in my room and make out.”

  “Like we’re in high school?” he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

  “Yup! Like high school. I might even let you touch my boobs but only through my shirt,” I said, getting into the spirit of this game.

  “Oh, Charlie. This is going to be one fun movie. I might even leave a hickey on your neck just like high school,” he teased.

  I punched his arm. “You better not or my dad will see it and get really mad at you.”

  Before he could respond, my phone began blowing up with text messages. I opened the first one from my oldest sister Chelsea.

  Chelsea: Did you and Colin break up? Why are you crying? What’s Libby Maxwell doing with her arm around him? She’s a whore. Let me know if I need to drive up.