At Her Feet

by Rebekah Weatherspoon

  Pilar comes into my room just as I’m stepping into my heels. “Another long week?” she asks, sitting on my bed.

  “Yeah. We launch the mobile site next Monday. We have to QA all week, and that’s just the mobile site.” I sigh. I can’t wait to hop on this vacation time.

  “Have you named this guy yet?” She pats the head of Sir Bears-Alot’s replacement.

  “For now I’m just calling him Bear.”

  “I see how you’ve gotten so far in marketing,” she says before she laughs at the glare I shoot her. “I want you to take him home with you.”

  I freeze with my earring halfway through my lobe.

  “Uh, okay.”

  “I’ll tell you why when it’s time.”

  I swallow nervously.

  Once I finish getting ready, Pilar helps me shove the oversized bear into the backseat of my Jeep. I have a sinking feeling that I won’t see my Mami before the end of the week.

  “I’ll text you,” I say.

  Pilar kisses my lips. “I’ll see you soon.”

  *

  At the office, I give myself five minutes to connect with the real world before I’m swallowed up again by 21 And Up’s bullshit. Junk e-mails fill my personal in-box. There are a few event announcements from kinklife, but I delete those, too.

  For the first time in ages, opening my Facebook account brings a smile to my face. I’m glad to see my brother and his girlfriend had a great time at a friend’s wedding over the weekend. The pictures are adorable. I like and comment accordingly, but it’s the handful of friend requests from Pilar’s nieces and nephews that I get a kick out of. There’s one from Pilar, too. That’s the request that really makes me smile. I accept it immediately. Erica’s tagged me in several pictures that I love. One in particular of Pilar and me dancing. We look so happy, and instantly I remember how it felt swaying in her arms. God, I want out of this office. I check my in-boxes and find two more surprises. A message from Josh and one from Laurel. The message from Josh is short, but curious.

  Hey, Suzanne, I’m sorry I bounced without telling you, but Val and I weren’t seeing eye to eye on some crucial things. I had to move on. I hope things are going all right now.

  Maybe the issue wasn’t with the job after all. I shudder, thinking about my own run-in with Valerie. I know Josh’s problems were of a strictly professional nature, but I feel bad that it was something between them, something procedural, that drove him away and not an issue with a client. Or maybe he wanted a raise she didn’t want to give.

  Ready to rip the scab right open, I click on Laurel’s message. It’s over a week old.

  Hey, sweetie. I just wanted to see how you are doing.

  I think of something petty and snide to reply with, but in the end I just erase her message. I’m happy now. There’s no need to prove that to someone who found me clingy and annoying. I send Erica a message to thank her for the pictures, and just as I hit send, my office phone rings. I check the number on the display. 21 And Up is ready for another round.

  Chapter Ten

  I work overtime for the next three days. I send my panty pictures to Pilar, of course, but we barely have time to talk. She texts me, which helps, but I’m so stressed our exchanges don’t last long. Thank God, she understands. Wednesday night, she texts me and tells me to check my e-mail. I find her message buried in a stack from Monday afternoon. I open it, cursing myself for not checking it sooner.

  Hello, baby, I know you’re busy, but you need to do one thing for me.

  I want to see you with Bear. Tape yourself on your webcam. Here’s some inspiration to get you going.

  There’s a link and a picture of Pilar lying on her bed completely naked. Her breasts and her curves are simply mouth-watering. I click the link and a video of a girl in nothing but a pair of white panties starts to load. I hit play and watch the girl as she moves around her room. She adjusts her cam so it’s facing her bed, covered in stuffed animals. She grabs a large white bear from the bunch and centers it on her bed. She climbs over its fluffy, round stomach and settles down.

  This is different from watching Holly. It’s hot. My clit starts to throb and my wetness starts to drip. I’ll be saving this link. I wonder if I can do what Pilar wants. I know I can. I’ve humped pillows before, been strapped to a Sybian for Laurel’s amusement. I’ve even rubbed myself against the side of my mattress as a horny kid, but can I do this? It’s so…embarrassing. This is something I would do, but I’d keep it a secret, evidence of my private desperation.

  The idea of disappointing Pilar pricks my throat. I can do it. It might take the edge off from work. It’s late, but this also might be exactly what I need to help me fall asleep.

  I look around my bedroom. Bear is still in my car. I go down to the parking garage and get him. Back in my apartment, it takes me another ten minutes to get ready. I strip down to my panties and braid my hair. I watch the video again. It’s another few minutes before my laptop camera is situated across from my bed.

  I give myself a silent pep talk and then I hit record. The girl in the video rubs her nipples and tugs on her breasts, but it’s clear her focus is on getting off. At first, I imitate her moves, but after I few thrusts of my hips, my pussy makes its needs more than evident. I grind myself against the rounded plush stomach, holding myself up with my fists balled against his large stuffed head. I think of Pilar. I think of her watching me and it becomes easier. I open my eyes and look at myself moving on my monitor, and I’ll confess that I look pretty sexy. I don’t bother to hush my moans as I hump the bear with harsher strokes. It feels really good.

  Soon, I’m coming. I hear myself saying Pilar’s name. I’m coming for her. I bring myself down then up once more, orgasming again against the girth between my legs. I sag against my bed just for a moment before I jump up and go over to my laptop.

  “I hope you liked it,” I say as I wave to the screen. “Love you.”

  The next day, Pilar texts me. She liked it a lot.

  *

  I work all weekend. The mobile bugs are out of control, exactly what happens when you push up a deadline and force people to rush through coding. Valerie asks that I be on call for Leah and Simon, but before I leave on Friday I realize that on call means working.

  I almost start crying as I dial Pilar. Her voice sounds so sweet when she answers, I do wipe away a few tears. “I don’t think I can come over.”

  “Why, baby?”

  “I have to work.”

  “Oh.” Pilar sounds relieved, and it occurs to me that she thinks I might ditch her for personal reasons.

  “There is nowhere else I want to be than with you.”

  “The feeling is mutual,” she says. I can almost see her smiling. I want to firebomb 21 And Up’s main offices. “Just make sure you take food and water breaks.”

  “I will.”

  My office phone rings again. Gritting my teeth, I hang up with Pilar and get back to work.

  *

  I did something wrong. I must have; otherwise the universe wouldn’t be punishing me this way. It’s Sunday afternoon and I’ve only stopped replying to e-mails and taking calls to eat takeout and sleep, and even then I’m on the phone half the time I’m eating, and I feel like I’m answering e-mails in my sleep.

  I find copy errors on the checkout page. The privacy terms won’t load. The shoe section insists that you’ve ordered the same pair of size-seven silver heels, no matter what pair you put in the cart. There are so many bugs we might as well start the fucking mobile site from scratch. Worst part is I don’t have a landline at home so I can’t test portions of the site while I’m on the phone. Leah, who is a perfectionist, is so pissed, but we keep reminding ourselves that 21 And Up is to blame. We need more time.

  I’m on the phone with her again when my doorbell rings. I’m too exhausted to grab a butcher knife. I probably ordered food in a trendy T-shirt haze and just don’t remember. I check the peephole, then rest my head against the door. I can’t do this right
now. But I don’t tell Pilar to go away. I open the door and let her in. She strokes my butt as she makes her way to my kitchenette. I watch her, half listening to Leah as Pilar puts a few containers of food in my fridge. She passes me again with a wink and makes herself comfortable on my couch. Of course she’s brought her knitting with her.

  “You know the worst part about this?” Leah says.

  “What’s that?”

  “Even after we launch, we still have to update this fucking thing every time they update their inventory.”

  I groan before I let a curse rip. Pilar doesn’t so much as flinch, but I hang my head.

  “This is the worst account ever,” I say.

  “For real. Okay, I’ll call you back.” I let Leah go so she can solve the shoe problem once and for all. Then I face Pilar.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” She looks up from a fresh ball of yarn with a calm expression.

  “I’m so stressed and I still have a ton of work to do. I can’t—I…” I almost say I can’t be your little girl right now. Aside from that being a completely insane thing to blurt out to a mistress that you practically want to marry, I know I’ll have to do even more explaining than my brain or heart can handle. Pilar smiles. I want to cry. She understands.

  “I don’t want you to do anything. I came here to keep you company.” She nods to the empty pizza box on the table. “And I wanted to make sure you ate something other than junk. You keep working and I’ll just sit right here.”

  I flop down on the couch beside her and put my head on her shoulder.

  “Thanks.”

  “No need to thank me, baby.”

  “I actually have a little time if you want to tie me to the TV stand and bang me out.”

  Pilar lets out a surprisingly loud laugh. I chuckle, too. “I didn’t bring the cuffs, but why don’t we try this? Come here.”

  Pilar motions for me to lie down in her lap. She pulls up her shirt and her bra. Her breasts practically fall into my mouth.

  “Go ahead and suck me,” she says, her voice sounding thick with arousal. I don’t know how she does it. Still, just like that I’m in my little-girl space. I grip her breast and suck her nipple between my lips. Her skin puckers instantly, the delicate ridges and bumps pebbling against my tongue. I move my hand to her other breast and stroke her nipple with my thumb. My Mami groans and rests her head against the back of the couch. I snuggle closer, rubbing my other hand down her side.

  She looks down at me again and touches my hair. “That feels good. Mmm, that’s a good girl.”

  I squeeze my thighs together. This time Pilar doesn’t scold me for squirming. She slides her hand between the fabric of my panties under my pajama shorts and my skin. I almost cheer with glee as she starts to finger my pussy. I bite down lightly on her nipple, then kiss it before I pick up with my sucking. We bring each other off, me just with my tongue and her with her amazing fingers. She lets me between her legs to feast on the juices coating her thighs, but I can’t make her come again before my phone rings. She rubs my back as I tell Simon not to freak out about another bug. She rubs my feet as I get back to my e-mails. Later, though, before we eat, we find ourselves spread out across my couch, my head between her legs and her head between mine. She comes before my phone rings again.

  *

  Having Pilar spend the night helps me relax more than I expect. And I mean beyond the sex. There are times I need to be her little girl, and even though we haven’t really discussed it, though she did introduce me to her family that way, sometimes I just need a girlfriend by my side to support me when I’d rather quit my job than spend another minute reviewing glitch corrections or answering e-mails. Monday morning I feel much better, even though I’m still exhausted. Pilar makes breakfast and sends me off to work, not so much prepared but at least with a reduced rage level. I tell her I have no clue how the week will go, but I won’t mind if she feels the need to pop in during the next few nights to check on me. I get no promises, just a smile and kiss. Always wanting, that’s the way she has to have it.

  My calm turns to energized determination as I drive to West Hollywood. The mobile site goes live in an hour, and I’m almost positive we’ve caught every bug. I’m also strapped with a scripted list of reasons to offer 21 And Up when a customer finds the inevitable fuck-up in the site. The minute I step in the office, something feels off. People are moving around, but no one really seems to be working. I drop my stuff at my desk and then walk over to Mitch’s cube.

  “What’s going on?”

  “The servers are down.”

  “What?” Already, I start walking backward toward my desk.

  “Yeah. Been fucked up ten minutes or so.”

  “Shit.” I run to my phone and call Leah. She sounds terrible when she answers. I think it would be a little too much to think she has someone like Pilar to help her through the roughest patches of overtime.

  “Hey, hon,” I say. “You heard about the servers?”

  “Yeah. Simon just called me. This is actually good.”

  “How so?” I say, scoffing. My other line is already beeping in. The fan is plugged in. All I need is a nice scoop of shit.

  “I can run a few more bugs from this end and get them corrected, and then we can tell them the servers are up. For all they know, our servers are down all day.”

  I consider the idea. It has merit, but on the few occasions that our servers have crapped out, it’s been one hour max before we’re up and running again. “Use the time you need to, but I don’t think I can stretch them more than an hour before it starts looking like we just don’t have our shit together. Besides, I think Valerie will want to know about the launch as soon as the servers are back up. I can’t lie to her about us needing more time.”

  “Don’t lie,” Leah suggests. “Tell her the truth. She knows what pains in the ass they are. She might be on board.”

  I hesitate, thinking of how I can phrase this to her. “Tell her I need more time. While the servers are down.” I stand up and squint to see if I can catch a glimpse of Valerie in her office. She’s not in yet.

  “Go for it. I’ll tell her when she gets here.”

  “Thanks.”

  *

  I catch up with Valerie on our way into what turns out to be a three-hour status meeting with 21 and Up. They’ve already been informed that the servers are down. And while Alex, their account point person, assured me they understand, I am treated to a thorough chewing out by Larry, their marketing VP. When I get back to my desk, I find an e-mail from Leah. She’s done all she can. I realize then that if I’m reading her e-mails the servers must be up and running. We’ve pushed the mobile site live, an hour late. Valerie swings by my desk to pat me on my back. Too bad I’m in no mood to celebrate.

  I suffer through another late night because, of course, more tiny bugs are caught throughout the day. More phone calls with Alex and a promise to Leah that I’ll take her out to dinner once the dust settles. I almost forget to text a picture to Pilar. I slip into the restroom and send it off, but for the first time the thrill is missing. It’s not Pilar. Not even close. I love her. It’s the job. Or maybe not even the job. It’s the account. I can’t mess with 21 And Up much longer. I would rather work on fourteen accounts like Clear Vision and Bee’s Candy than deal with 21 And Up’s whiny bullshit. I really hope Valerie was serious about the promotion and the raise.

  Back at my desk, I text Pilar a short love note, telling her how much I miss her. She texts me back almost immediately, saying she feels the same way. That does lift my spirits, and I know if I can just make it to the weekend, we can be together again. I can be her little girl the way I want to be.

  *

  The next day, I get a brief reprieve from the madness. First thing, I have a meeting with Valerie and Donna Praiser, our president of production.

  I meet Valerie in the hall on my way to Donna’s office. Valerie tells me how nice I look. I take the compliment at face value, grate
ful she doesn’t throw in a reassuring pat or stroke on the back for good measure. I’m too stressed to decode her behavior today. Once we’re in Donna’s office, the three of us sit at a small table Donna has overlooking the fountains in the building’s courtyard.

  Donna is pleasant, but I have to admit that I don’t know her very well. She’s Valerie’s boss, and I only see her in our part of the office when something is going terribly wrong. She was at the Christmas party, too. The rumor is that she’s pretty old-school and still cares only about our print and broadcast departments.

  “I hear you have your hands full with 21 And Up?” she says as she smiles. She opens a manila folder on the table in front of her. Something tells me Valerie’s briefed her on the status of the account. 21 And Up doesn’t run a single broadcast ad, and the print ads are basically limited to teen magazines. Still, I smile back, shoring up my confidence.

  “My hands are very full, but I am definitely learning a lot about producing digital campaigns under pressure. Especially with their mobile app.”

  “It looks fantastic. I had my assistant walk me through it this morning. Good job.”

  “Thank you.”

  Through some silent communication, Donna suddenly defers to Valerie. “Suzanne,” she says. “We’ve hired four new producers. One to help Mitchell with Dylon Motor sports, one to handle a new account with R.J. Major’s, and two to take on 21 And up.”

  “We signed R.J. Major’s?” The chain restaurant fits in with the Chili’s and TGI Friday’s crowd. Their location near me looked like it was lacking in the business department.