Searching for Glory

by Hunter J. Keane

  The night before the sentencing, you ended things with me saying that even if I stayed you wanted nothing to do with me. You would refuse to see me if I tried to visit you in jail and you wouldn’t answer any letters I might send. Deep down, I knew that you were just trying to set me free. To give me the chance to live the life I had always dreamed about living. I no longer wanted to live that life if I couldn’t live it with you. In that moment, I couldn’t see past my broken heart.

  I left town the next day; all my worldly possessions packed in the car you had rebuilt for me two years earlier. I swore that the only way I would return to that town was if you asked me to come back to you.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  When I woke the next morning, Johnny was long gone. He had snuck out before the sun was even up but I knew he would be back later. It had been a healing night, and the past had been forgiven. I had forgiven Johnny for sending me away and I was starting to forgive myself for what happened to Travis. He hadn’t been an innocent victim and his death had been an accident, but that hadn’t made me feel any less guilty about taking his life. Time was beginning to heal my wounds and for the first time in a long time I felt like I was going to be okay.

  It was my last day with the kids before Vic and Jake would return home. I also knew that it wouldn’t be long until I would have to return to L.A., at least temporarily. I had signed on to a movie that would start filming in a couple of weeks and I had another movie coming out soon that would require press appearances. Not to mention award season. It was practically guaranteed that I would receive an Emmy nomination for my work on Silver Lining.

  I hated the thought of leaving my family just when they needed me the most but I knew that Vic would want me to keep living my life. I would visit as often as possible, whenever I could get away from my prior obligations.

  I would also need to have a discussion with Johnny about what would happen with us when it was time for me to leave. He couldn’t exactly pack up and come with me, and I hated the thought of leaving him so soon after getting him back. And then there were the kids; I had fallen in love with my nieces and nephews over the past couple of months and I couldn’t imagine not seeing their faces every day.

  “Aunt Gloria?” Marta called from the doorway.

  I rolled over in bed and wiped the sleep from my eyes. “What is it sweetheart?”

  “I had an accident.”

  “An accident?” I was still half asleep. “What kind of accident?”

  “I wet the bed,” Marta confessed meekly. “And J.J. just spilled an entire carton of orange juice in the kitchen.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at the perfect timing. Just when I was painting golden halos over their heads, they quickly brought me back to reality.

  My Sunday was filled with bed changes, kitchen floor mopping, chauffer duties for the older kids, a stop at the market, and a geometry study session with Julia. There was no doubt left in my mind that being a parent was the most exhausting job ever created. I was ready for a vacation.

  Johnny called around dinner time to let me know that something had come up at the shop and he wouldn’t be able to stop by after all. I had been looking forward to seeing him again but I had to admit that I was looking forward to a full night of sleep.

  Vic came home Monday morning while the kids were in school and I ran around the house trying to make her comfortable. She looked tired and had lost at least five pounds while she was in the hospital. I made it my responsibility to get Vic to eat, even offering to make her anything she wanted, which ended up being dry toast.

  The kids were ecstatic to see their mother when they got home from school. They all piled onto the couch around her, giving her a good dose of affection. I caught up with Jake in the kitchen and noticed that he was looking even more tired than his wife.

  “How are you holding up?” I said as casually as possible.

  Jake stared off into space for a long time. “Not so good, I guess.”

  “Well that’s understandable, Jake. I bet you haven’t slept more than a couple of hours these past few nights.” I placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

  “It’s not that. I can do without sleep.” Jake let out a suffering sigh. “It’s not looking good, Glor. The doctor says we shouldn’t expect more than six months.”

  I choked back a sob, trying to be strong for my brother-in-law. Six months wasn’t long enough. “They might be wrong. Doctors can’t always predict these things.”

  “I’m afraid this time they got it right. She doesn’t have a lot of fight left in her. She’s trying to be strong for the kids, but I can tell in her eyes that she’s in a lot of pain. And maybe the worst part of all is that I keep thinking how I’m only 33 years old and how I’m not ready to be a widower with four kids. How selfish is that?” Jake laughed humorlessly as tears welled up in his eyes.

  “That’s not selfish at all, Jake. You have every right to feel sorry for yourself right now. You’re going to lose your wife, and your kids are going to lose their mother.” I felt a few tears slide down my cheeks.

  “And you’re going to lose your sister.” Jake looked at me with more sorrow than I had ever seen in one person. I wanted so badly to take his pain away but there was nothing I could do. I wrapped him in my arms and hugged him furiously. I could feel his body shake as he sobbed quietly on her shoulder.

  “It’s going to be okay, Jake. I know it doesn’t seem like that now, but I promise that it will all be okay.” I had known Jake for half of my life and he had always been the strong one. Now here I was, holding him together as he was about to fall apart. Life can be surprising like that.

  “Dad! Come here!” Christopher called to his father and I could hear the kids laughing in the other room.

  “I better go,” Jake said as he stepped back. He used the back of his hand to clear the wetness from his face. “Thanks for being here, Glory. And I don’t just mean now. Thanks for taking care of my family these past weeks. I can never repay you.”

  “Jake, your family is the most important thing in my world and I love being here with them. You don’t owe me anything. Taking care of one another is what families do.” Jake and I smiled at one another and Jake started to leave the room but stopped suddenly.

  “I almost forgot. I talked to John earlier and he told me about the two of you. I’m really glad you guys were able to work things out. If there were ever two people meant to be together, it’s you guys.”

  “That’s funny,” I told him, “because that’s what I’ve always said about you and Vic.”

  He smiled faintly and shook his head in disbelief. “You just always think you have more time, you know?”

  He was right- humans are conditioned to depend on tomorrow. But tomorrow is never guaranteed, and forever can be over in an instant.

  The kids wanted to play board games, so the family gathered in the living room. Vic was still worn out so she watched from the couch with Jake by her side while the kids and I all sat on the floor around the coffee table. Julia was just about to win at Life when someone knocked at the door. Christopher ran to answer it, knocking over the board in the process. There was some good natured arguing before it was decided that Julia would be declared the winner by default.

  J.J. was setting up the Sorry! board when Christopher returned with Johnny in tow. My face lit up and a familiar warmth spread in my chest. All of the people I loved most in the world were now gathered in one room. I barely recognized the emotion but I knew I was feeling what other people called happiness.

  The kids all yelled in excitement upon seeing Uncle John who first gave Vic a big hug and then took a seat on the floor next to me. He gave me that very special smile that he saved just for me and I couldn’t help but throw my arms around him. The kids all let out teasing “oohs!” and Christopher made a convincing gagging noise. I laughed and tossed the dice in his direction.

  The night was bittersweet. I had finally gotten what I always wanted, but it wasn’t going to last. I wo
uld be leaving soon, temporarily, and I would be losing my sister not long after that. Permanently. Just thinking about it was enough to make me feel sick. I tried to focus only on the present, enjoying being with my family with Johnny at my side.

  The others must have been feeling the same because the night dragged on until Marta had fallen asleep, curled up on the floor with her head in Johnny’s lap. Vic’s eyelids were drooping heavily and Julia couldn’t stop yawning. Despite all of this, no one was ready to call it a night. There was a palpable feeling that there wouldn’t be another night like this again.

  “I should probably go,” Johnny said softly just after midnight. I knew he was right so I nodded sleepily. He scooped Marta up and carried her to her room while I trailed behind. I watched as he tucked her into bed, gently tucking the blankets around her.

  I needed to talk to him but I didn’t know the best way to bring up the subject. I decided it was best to be direct. “I have to go back to L.A. soon. There are some things I need to take care of and I want you to come with me.”

  Johnny froze at the edge of Marta’s bed. The light from the hallway didn’t quite reach him so I couldn’t see his face. “You’re leaving again.”

  “No!” I checked quickly to make sure I hadn’t woken Marta, then I took a couple of steps forward and lowered my voice. “I’m not leaving like last time. I just have some prior commitments to take care of so I have to go back for a little while. But I want you to come with me this time.”

  Johnny reached out and took my hand; he was close enough now that I could see the pain in his face when he answered. “I can’t, Glor. My life is here.”

  “I know that, Johnny. I’m not asking you to give up your life, I’m just asking you to come out to L.A. with me for a little while so we don’t have to be apart. We just found each other and I don’t want to lose you again.”

  “You’re not going to lose me again. I promise. You can’t get rid of me that easily. ” Johnny kissed me lightly on the forehead. “I wish I could drop everything and go with you, but I have responsibilities here.”

  “I know.” I struggled not to feel hurt. I knew that Johnny needed to stay in Princeton but I still selfishly wanted him to come with me.

  “I’ve got the shop to worry about, and I just promised Jake I’d help him out here at the farm for a while. And there’s also my dad. He depends on me for things-”

  “You don’t have to explain, Johnny. I know you can’t go. It was selfish of me to even ask.” I watched as Marta rolled over in bed. “We should go.”

  “Don’t worry, we’ll make this work. You’ll go do your thing and when you come back we’ll pick up like you never left,” Johnny said.

  “I know. I’m just really going to miss you when I’m in L.A.” I had barely finished speaking when Marta sat straight up in bed.

  “You’re leaving? Why? You can’t leave, Aunt Gloria!” She started crying and I felt terrible. It was only going to get worse the closer the time came for me to leave.

  “You should go,” I told Johnny as I moved to comfort Marta. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  * * *

  I had been right about it being traumatizing saying goodbye to my family. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with them over the next week which only made me more attached to them. I thought seriously about cancelling my plans in L.A. at least a dozen times.

  With all of the time I was spending with the kids and Vic, my time with Johnny was limited and we were never alone together. Johnny said that he didn’t mind but I hated not having quality together before leaving him for two months.

  The only significant time we had together was on the ride to the airport. It had taken almost an hour for me to say goodbye to everyone at the house. The kids were inconsolable and Vic’s goodbye hug almost ripped me apart. I just prayed that it wouldn’t be our last hug. Johnny had offered to drive me to the airport which was over an hour away.

  We were quiet for much of the ride, each of us deep in thought. I gripped Johnny’s hand between both of mine for the entire ride, trying to commit his touch to memory. Two months seemed like an impossibly long time.

  “They’ll be okay. Try not to worry,” Johnny said. “I’ll look in on them and make sure they’re doing okay.”

  “Don’t you ever get tired of being such a good guy?” I teased, scooting closer to him on the seat.

  “It’s all an act. I actually don’t care for people very much. And I hate children.” Johnny smiled, looking devilishly handsome. I once again couldn’t believe that I was leaving him. I kissed him on the cheek and then rested my head on his shoulder, breathing in his scent.

  “I’m really going to miss you, Jay,” I said, choking up a little bit. “Promise you won’t forget about me?”

  “I don’t think the paparazzi and tabloids will leave me much choice. You seem to be their favorite celebrity.” Johnny turned his head for just a second to kiss me on the lips. “Besides, you’re already the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing at night. I’d say I’m a lost cause. Hopelessly in love.”

  “You are such a girl,” I said with a laugh as I closed my eyes. Riding in the truck with Johnny with my head on his shoulder made me feel like I was sixteen again; back to a time when Vic was healthy and had her whole life in front of her. “But I still love you.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “You can’t really be leaving me. Not again.”

  “I am. I have to. If you really loved me you would understand.”

  “I guess I don’t really love you then because I don’t understand at all.”

  “Someday you will.”

  “Cut!” The director yelled, clapping his hands and tossing off his headset. “That was perfect. One take!”

  I fought the urge to roll my eyes as I walked off set. The movie I was filming easily had one of the worst written scripts I had ever seen. The problem was, it had big name actors and an astronomical budget which meant it would still rake in a decent amount of money at the box office and no doubt lead to an even worse sequel.

  At the beginning of my career, I would have jumped at the chance to even be an extra on a movie like that. Now here I was, the lead actress, and most days I could barely drag myself into work. At some point, no amount of money was worth the precious time away from my sister.

  “Take ten and when we come back we’ll film the fight scene,” the director said as he consulted with one of the cameramen. I headed off to find a bottle of water. I had been back in L.A. for almost a month and it was my last day of filming. I just had to make it through my movie premiere and the Emmys.

  I found my cell phone near the make-up chair and saw that I had a missed call. My initial thought was that it was one of the kids but it turned out to be Franny, reminding me about my interview with Vanity Fair in the morning.

  “Delete,” I muttered. I was going through the motions of being a celebrity but that didn’t mean I had to be happy about it. I flipped through three texts; one from Julia about finding the perfect homecoming dress, one from Jake with Vic’s daily health update, and one from Johnny reminding me to book my flight home.

  With the long hours at work and the time difference, most of my communication lately had been done through text messages, voicemails, and e-mails. The one bright spot was that Johnny had agreed to fly out to attend the Emmys as my date. I just had to make it three more weeks. It wasn’t the amount of time that bothered me; it was who I would be with during that time. My new movie, Someday Soon, would hit theaters in a week and I already had a jam packed press schedule that required me to jet set around the country with none other than Richard Masterson, my Someday Soon co-star. If that weren’t bad enough, Franny was accompanying us to make sure her two biggest clients didn’t do anything to embarrass her. I wasn’t making any promises.

  * * *

  “Well, I’m glad you asked, Ben. Because there’s nothing I like better than talking about myself. Haha. But seriously, I feel as though this was
my best performance yet. I really embraced this character.” Richard’s smile oozed arrogance. I clamped my lips in a stiff smile and tried not to projectile vomit on the interviewer from MTV, Ben Torres.

  “It was a rather intense role and the authority with which you commanded that character is commendable,” Ben Torres said with a charming smile. “And you, Gloria. Did you feel a special connection to your character?”

  I sat up quickly and cleared my throat. “Well, Ben, as I’m sure you can understand after having seen the film, I was able to relate to my character on a very intimate level. I really felt a deep empathy for her, and I wanted to use my talents to make other people feel that way, too.”

  “It showed, Gloria. It definitely showed.” Ben was now smiling big enough to show off all of his teeth. “Now I’d like to get a little more personal. Is that alright with the two of you?”

  “Absolutely. I don’t mind getting personal with an old friend,” Richard said with a conspiratorial wink. I nodded demurely while groaning on the inside. This was the point of the show where we would answer questions about our relationship and infamous break-up.

  “As the viewers already know, the two of you were involved romantically while filming this moving. In fact, you were engaged.” Ben leaned forward and lowered his voice, fixing us with his serious interviewer face. “What happened? How did it all go so wrong?”

  “That’s an excellent question, Ben. And I think we do owe our fans an explanation.” Richard matched Ben’s serious face with one of his own. “Sometimes these things happen. Two people who seem perfect for one another can grow apart. It was devastating for both of us, but I’m so happy we were able to remain friends.”

  “And you, Gloria? How have you been handling the break-up?” Ben’s gaze travelled to me, subtly resting on my chest before finding my face.