The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works
Page 352
man, woman, or child.
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POMPEY Sir, she was respected with him, before he
married with her.
ESCALUS Which is the wiser here, Justice or Iniquity? Is
this true?
ELBOW O thou caitiff! O thou varlet! O thou wicked
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Hannibal! I respected with her, before I was married
to her? If ever I was respected with her, or she with
me, let not your worship think me the poor Duke’s
officer. Prove this, thou wicked Hannibal, or I’ll have
mine action of battery on thee.
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ESCALUS If he took you a box o’th’ ear, you might have
your action of slander too.
ELBOW Marry, I thank your good worship for it. What
is’t your worship’s pleasure I shall do with this wicked
caitiff?
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ESCALUS Truly, officer, because he hath some offences
in him that thou wouldst discover if thou couldst, let
him continue in his courses till thou know’st what they are.
ELBOW Marry, I thank your worship for it. – Thou
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seest, thou wicked varlet now, what’s come upon thee.
Thou art to continue now, thou varlet, thou art to
continue.
ESCALUS Where were you born, friend?
FROTH Here in Vienna, sir.
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ESCALUS Are you of fourscore pounds a year?
FROTH Yes, and ‘t please you, sir.
ESCALUS So. [to Pompey] What trade are you of, sir?
POMPEY A tapster, a poor widow’s tapster.
ESCALUS Your mistress’ name?
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POMPEY Mistress Overdone.
ESCALUS Hath she had any more than one husband?
POMPEY Nine, sir; Overdone by the last.
ESCALUS Nine! – Come hither to me, Master Froth.
Master Froth, I would not have you acquainted with
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tapsters; they will draw you, Master Froth, and you
will hang them. Get you gone, and let me hear no
more of you.
FROTH I thank your worship. For mine own part, I
never come into any room in a tap-house, but I am
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drawn in.
ESCALUS Well: no more of it, Master Froth: farewell.
Exit Froth.
Come you hither to me, Master tapster. What’s your
name, Master tapster?
POMPEY Pompey.
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ESCALUS What else?
POMPEY Bum, sir.
ESCALUS Troth, and your bum is the greatest thing
about you; so that, in the beastliest sense, you are
Pompey the Great. Pompey, you are partly a bawd,
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Pompey, howsoever you colour it in being a tapster, are
you not? Come, tell me true, it shall be the better for
you.
POMPEY Truly, sir, I am a poor fellow that would live.
ESCALUS How would you live, Pompey? By being a
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bawd? What do you think of the trade, Pompey? Is it a
lawful trade?
POMPEY If the law would allow it, sir.
ESCALUS But the law will not allow it, Pompey; nor it
shall not be allowed in Vienna.
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POMPEY Does your worship mean to geld and splay all
the youth of the city?
ESCALUS No, Pompey.
POMPEY Truly sir, in my poor opinion, they will to’t
then. If your worship will take order for the drabs and
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the knaves, you need not to fear the bawds.
ESCALUS There is pretty orders beginning, I can tell
you. It is but heading and hanging.
POMPEY If you head and hang all that offend that way
but for ten year together, you’ll be glad to give out a
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commission for more heads: if this law hold in Vienna
ten year, I’ll rent the fairest house in it after three
pence a bay. If you live to see this come to pass, say
Pompey told you so.
ESCALUS Thank you, good Pompey; and, in requital of
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your prophecy, hark you: I advise you, let me not find
you before me again upon any complaint whatsoever;
no, not for dwelling where you do. If I do, Pompey, I
shall beat you to your tent, and prove a shrewd Caesar
to you: in plain dealing, Pompey, I shall have you
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whipped. So for this time, Pompey, fare you well.
POMPEY I thank your worship for your good counsel;
[aside] but I shall follow it as the flesh and fortune shall
better determine.
Whip me? No, no, let carman whip his jade;
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The valiant heart’s not whipt out of his trade. Exit.
ESCALUS Come hither to me, Master Elbow: come
hither, Master constable. How long have you been in
this place of constable?
ELBOW Seven year and a half, sir.
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ESCALUS I thought, by the readiness in the office, you
had continued in it some time. – You say seven years
together?
ELBOW And a half, sir.
ESCALUS Alas, it hath been great pains to you: they do
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you wrong to put you so oft upon’t. Are there not men
in your ward sufficient to serve it?
ELBOW Faith, sir, few of any wit in such matters. As
they are chosen, they are glad to choose me for them;
I do it for some piece of money, and go through with
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all.
ESCALUS Look you bring me in the names of some six
or seven, the most sufficient of your parish.
ELBOW To your worship’s house, sir?
ESCALUS To my house. Fare you well. Exit Elbow.
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What’s o’clock, think you?
JUSTICE Eleven, sir.
ESCALUS I pray you home to dinner with me.
JUSTICE I humbly thank you.
ESCALUS It grieves me for the death of Claudio,
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But there’s no remedy.
JUSTICE Lord Angelo is severe.
ESCALUS It is but needful.
Mercy is not itself, that oft looks so;
Pardon is still the nurse of second woe.
But yet, poor Claudio! There is no remedy.
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Come, sir. Exeunt.
2.2 Enter Provost and a Servant.
SERVANT
He’s hearing of a cause: he will come straight;
I’ll tell him of you.
PROVOST Pray you, do. Exit Servant.
I’ll know
His pleasure, may be he will relent. Alas,
He hath but as offended in a dream;
All sects, all ages smack of this vice, and he
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To die for’t!
Enter ANGELO.
ANGELO Now, what’s the matter, Provost?
PROVOST Is it your will Claudio shall die tomorrow?
ANGELO Did I not tell thee yea? Hadst thou not order?
Why dost thou ask again?
PROVOST Lest I might be too rash.
Under your good correction, I have seen
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When, after execution, judgement hath
Repented o’er his doom.
ANGELO Go to; let that be mine;
Do you your office, or give up your place,
And you shall well be spar’d.
PROVOST I crave your honour’s pardon.
What shall be done, sir, with
the groaning Juliet?
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She’s very near her hour.
ANGELO Dispose of her
To some more fitter place; and that with speed.
Enter Servant.
SERVANT Here is the sister of the man condemn’d,
Desires access to you.
ANGELO Hath he a sister?
PROVOST Ay, my good lord, a very virtuous maid;
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And to be shortly of a sisterhood,
If not already.
ANGELO Well, let her be admitted.
Exit Servant.
See you the fornicatress be remov’d;
Let her have needful, but not lavish means;
There shall be order for’t.
Enter LUCIO and ISABELLA.
PROVOST Save your honour! [going]
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ANGELO Stay a little while.
[to Isabella] Y’are welcome: what’s your will?
ISABELLA I am a woeful suitor to your honour;
Please but your honour hear me.
ANGELO Well: what’s your suit?
ISABELLA There is a vice that most I do abhor,
And most desire should meet the blow of justice;
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For which I would not plead, but that I must;
For which I must not plead, but that I am
At war ’twixt will and will not.
ANGELO Well: the matter?
ISABELLA I have a brother is condemn’d to die;
I do beseech you, let it be his fault,
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And not my brother.
PROVOST [aside] Heaven give thee moving graces!
ANGELO Condemn the fault, and not the actor of it?
Why, every fault’s condemn’d ere it be done:
Mine were the very cipher of a function
To fine the faults, whose find stands in record,
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And let go by the actor.
ISABELLA O just but severe law!
I had a brother, then: heaven keep your honour.
[going]
LUCIO [to Isabella]
Give’t not o’er so. – To him again, entreat him,
Kneel down before him, hang upon his gown;
You are too cold. If you should need a pin,
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You could not with more tame a tongue desire it.
To him, I say.
ISABELLA Must he needs die?
ANGELO Maiden, no remedy.
ISABELLA Yes: I do think that you might pardon him,
And neither heaven nor man grieve at the mercy.
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ANGELO I will not do’t.
ISABELLA But can you if you would?
ANGELO Look what I will not, that I cannot do.
ISABELLA
But might you do’t, and do the world no wrong,
If so your heart were touch’d with that remorse
As mine is to him?
ANGELO He’s sentenc’d, ’tis too late.
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LUCIO [to Isabella] You are too cold.
ISABELLA Too late? Why, no. I that do speak a word
May call it again. – Well, believe this:
No ceremony that to great ones longs,
Not the king’s crown, nor the deputed sword,
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The marshal’s truncheon, nor the judge’s robe,
Become them with one half so good a grace
As mercy does.
If he had been as you, and you as he,
You would have slipp’d like him, but he like you
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Would not have been so stern.
ANGELO Pray you be gone.
ISABELLA I would to heaven I had your potency,
And you were Isabel! Should it then be thus?
No; I would tell what ’twere to be a judge,
And what a prisoner.
LUCIO [to Isabella] Ay, touch him: there’s the vein.
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ANGELO Your brother is a forfeit of the law,
And you but waste your words.
ISABELLA Alas, alas!
Why, all the souls that were, were forfeit once,
And He that might the vantage best have took
Found out the remedy. How would you be
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If He, which is the top of judgement, should
But judge you as you are? O, think on that,
And mercy then will breathe within your lips,
Like man new made.
ANGELO Be you content, fair maid;
It is the law, not I, condemn your brother;
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Were he my kinsman, brother, or my son,
It should be thus with him. He must die tomorrow.