The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works
Page 383
of the season too, it shall appear.
Exeunt John and Robert with the basket.
Gentlemen, I have dreamed tonight; I’ll tell you my
dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my
chambers, search, seek, find out. I’ll warrant we’ll
unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first. [Locks the
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door.] So, now escape!
PAGE Good Master Ford, be contented; you wrong
yourself too much.
FORD True, Master Page. – Up, gentlemen, you shall
see sport anon. Follow me, gentlemen. Exit.
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EVANS By Jeshu, this is fery fantastical humours and
jealousies.
CAIUS By gar, ’tis no the fashion of France; it is not
jealous in France.
PAGE Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his
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search. Exeunt Page, Caius and Evans.
MISTRESS PAGE Is there not a double excellency in this?
MISTRESS FORD I know not which pleases me better,
that my husband is deceived, or Sir John.
MISTRESS PAGE What a taking was he in, when your
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husband asked who was in the basket!
MISTRESS FORD I am half afraid he will have a need of
washing: so throwing him into the water will do him a
benefit.
MISTRESS PAGE Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all
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of the same strain were in the same distress.
MISTRESS FORD I think my husband hath some special
suspicion of Falstaff ‘s being here, for I never saw him
so gross in his jealousy till now.
MISTRESS PAGE I will lay a plot to try that, and we will
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yet have more tricks with Falstaff. His dissolute
disease will scarce obey this medicine.
MISTRESS FORD Shall we send that foolish carrion
Mistress Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into
the water, and give him another hope, to betray him to
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another punishment?
MISTRESS PAGE We will do it: let him be sent for
tomorrow eight o’clock to have amends.
Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS and EVANS.
FORD I cannot find him. Maybe the knave bragged of
that he could not compass.
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MISTRESS PAGE [aside to Mistress Ford] Heard you that?
MISTRESS FORD You use me well, Master Ford, do you?
FORD Ay, I do so.
MISTRESS FORD Heaven make you better than your
thoughts.
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FORD Amen.
MISTRESS PAGE You do yourself mighty wrong, Master
Ford.
FORD Ay, ay; I must bear it.
EVANS By Jeshu, if there be anypody in the house, and
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in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgement!
CAIUS Be gar, nor I too; there is nobodies.
PAGE Fie, fie, Master Ford, are you not ashamed? What
spirit, what devil, suggests this imagination? I would
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not ha’ your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of
Windsor Castle.
FORD ’Tis my fault, Master Page, I suffer for it.
EVANS You suffer for a pad conscience. Your wife is as
honest a ‘omans as I will desires among five thousand,
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and five hundred too.
CAIUS By gar, I see ’tis an honest woman.
FORD Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk
in the park, I pray you pardon me; I will hereafter
make known to you why I have done this. Come, wife,
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come, Mistress Page, I pray you pardon me, pray
heartily pardon me.
PAGE [to Caius and Evans] Let’s go in, gentlemen; but
trust me, we’ll mock him. [to all] I do invite you
tomorrow morning to my house to breakfast; after,
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we’ll a-birding together, I have a fine hawk for the
bush. Shall it be so?
FORD Anything.
EVANS If there is one, I shall make two in the company.
CAIUS If there be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.
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FORD Pray you go, Master Page.
Exeunt all but Evans and Caius.
EVANS I pray you now remembrance tomorrow on the
lousy knave, mine host.
CAIUS Dat is good, by gar, with all my heart.
EVANS A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his
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mockeries! Exeunt.
3.4 Enter FENTON and ANNE Page.
FENTON I see I cannot get thy father’s love,
Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.
ANNE Alas, how then?
FENTON Why, thou must be thyself.
He doth object I am too great of birth,
And that, my state being galled with my expense,
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I seek to heal it only by his wealth.
Besides these, other bars he lays before me:
My riots past, my wild societies –
And tells me ’tis a thing impossible
I should love thee, but as a property.
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ANNE Maybe he tells you true.
FENTON No, God so speed me in my time to come!
Albeit I will confess thy father’s wealth
Was the first motive that I wooed thee, Anne,
Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value
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Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags.
And ’tis the very riches of thyself
That now I aim at.
ANNE Gentle Master Fenton,
Yet seek my father’s love, still seek it, sir.
If opportunity and humblest suit
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Cannot attain it, why then – hark you hither –
[They talk apart.]
Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER and Mistress QUICKLY.
SHALLOW Break their talk, Mistress Quickly. My
kinsman shall speak for himself.
SLENDER I’ll make a shaft or a bolt on’t. ‘Slid, ’tis but
venturing.
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SHALLOW Be not dismayed.
SLENDER No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for
that, but that I am afeard.
QUICKLY [to Anne] Hark ye, Master Slender would
speak a word with you.
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ANNE I come to him. – [aside] This is my father’s choice.
O, what a world of vile ill-favoured faults
Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year!
QUICKLY And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you,
a word with you. [Draws Fenton aside.]
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SHALLOW [to Slender] She’s coming; to her, coz. O boy,
thou hadst a father!
SLENDER I had a father, Mistress Anne, my uncle can
tell you good jests of him. – Pray you, uncle, tell
Mistress Anne the jest how my father stole two geese
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out of a pen, good uncle.
SHALLOW Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.
SLENDER Ay, that I do, as well as I love any woman in
Gloucestershire.
SHALLOW He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.
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SLENDER Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under
the degree of a squire.
SHALLOW He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds
jointure.
ANNE Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.
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SHALLOW Marry, I thank you for it, I thank you for that
good comfort. – She calls you, coz; I’ll leave you.
ANNE Now, Master Slender.
SLENDER Now, good Mistress Anne.
ANNE What is your will?
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SLENDER My will? ‘Od’s heartlings, that’s a pretty jest
indeed! I ne’er made my will yet, I thank God: I am
not such a sickly creature, I give God praise.
ANNE I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?
SLENDER Truly, for mine own part, I would little or
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nothing with you. Your father and my uncle hath
made motions: if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man
be his dole. They can tell you how things go better
than I can. – You may ask your father: here he comes.
Enter PAGE and MISTRESS PAGE.
PAGE
Now, Master Slender, – love him, daughter Anne –
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Why, how now? What does Master Fenton here?
You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house.
I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of.
FENTON Nay, Master Page, be not impatient.
MISTRESS PAGE
Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.
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PAGE She is no match for you.
FENTON Sir, will you hear me?
PAGE No, good Master Fenton. –
Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender, in. –
Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.
Exit with Shallow and Slender.
QUICKLY [to Fenton] Speak to Mistress Page.
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FENTON
Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter
In such a righteous fashion as I do,
Perforce, against all checks, rebukes and manners,
I must advance the colours of my love
And not retire. Let me have your good will.
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ANNE Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool.
MISTRESS PAGE I mean it not, I seek you a better
husband.
QUICKLY [aside] That’s my master, Master Doctor.
ANNE Alas, I had rather be set quick i’th’ earth,
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And bowled to death with turnips.
MISTRESS PAGE
Come, trouble not yourself, good Master Fenton,
I will not be your friend, nor enemy.
My daughter will I question how she loves you,
And as I find her, so am I affected.
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Till then, farewell, sir; she must needs go in,
Her father will be angry.
FENTON Farewell, gentle mistress; farewell, Nan.
Exeunt Mistress Page and Anne.
QUICKLY This is my doing, now. ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘will you
cast away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look
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on Master Fenton!’ This is my doing.
FENTON I thank thee, and I pray thee once tonight
Give my sweet Nan this ring. – There’s for thy pains.
QUICKLY Now heaven send thee good fortune!
Exit Fenton.
A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through fire
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and water for such a kind heart. But yet I would my
master had Mistress Anne, or I would Master Slender
had her; or, in sooth, I would Master Fenton had her.
I will do what I can for them all three, for so I have
promised and I’ll be as good as my word – but
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speciously for Master Fenton. Well, I must of another
errand to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses –
what a beast am I to slack it! Exit.
3.5 Enter FALSTAFF.
FALSTAFF Bardolph, I say!
Enter BARDOLPH.
BARDOLPH Here, sir.
FALSTAFF Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in’t.
Exit Bardolph.
Have I lived to be carried in a basket like a barrow of
butcher’s offal, and to be thrown in the Thames? Well,
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if I be served such another trick, I’ll have my brains
ta’en out and buttered, and give them to a dog for a
New Year’s gift. ‘Sblood, the rogues slighted me into
the river with as little remorse as they would have
drowned a blind bitch’s puppies, fifteen i’the litter; and
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you may know by my size that I have a kind of alacrity
in sinking: if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should
down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was
shelvy and shallow – a death that I abhor, for the water
swells a man – and what a thing should I have been,
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