The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works
Page 531
you undertake that with me which with as much safety
you might answer him; therefore on, or strip your
sword stark naked: for meddle you must, that’s
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certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.
VIOLA This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do
me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what
my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence,
nothing of my purpose.
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SIR TOBY I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this
gentleman till my return. Exit Sir Toby.
VIOLA Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
FABIAN I know the knight is incensed against you, even
to a mortal arbitrement, but nothing of the
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circumstance more.
VIOLA I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
FABIAN Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him
by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of
his valour. He is indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody,
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and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found
in any part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him, I will
make your peace with him if I can.
VIOLA I shall be much bound to you for’t. I am one that
had rather go with sir priest than sir knight: I care not
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who knows so much of my mettle. Exeunt.
Enter SIR TOBY and SIR ANDREW.
SIR TOBY Why, man, he’s a very devil, I have not seen
such a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard,
and all: and he gives me the stuck in with such a
mortal motion that it is inevitable; and on the answer,
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he pays you as surely as your feet hits the ground they
step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.
SIR ANDREW Pox on’t, I’ll not meddle with him.
SIR TOBY Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian
can scarce hold him yonder.
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SIR ANDREW Plague on’t, and I thought he had been
valiant, and so cunning in fence, I’d have seen him
damned ere I’d have challenged him. Let him let the
matter slip, and I’ll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
SIR TOBY I’ll make the motion. Stand here, make a good
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show on’t: this shall end without the perdition of
souls. [aside] Marry, I’ll ride your horse as well as I
ride you.
Enter FABIAN and VIOLA.
[to Fabian] I have his horse to take up the quarrel. I
have persuaded him the youth’s a devil.
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FABIAN He is as horribly conceited of him, and pants
and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.
SIR TOBY [to Viola] There’s no remedy, sir, he will fight
with you for’s oath sake. Marry, he hath better
bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
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scarce to be worth talking of. Therefore draw for the
supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt
you.
VIOLA [aside] Pray God defend me! A little thing would
make me tell them how much I lack of a man.
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FABIAN [to Sir Andrew] Give ground if you see him
furious.
SIR TOBY Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy, the
gentleman will for his honour’s sake have one bout
with you; he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has
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promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will
not hurt you. Come on, to’t.
SIR ANDREW Pray God he keep his oath!
Enter ANTONIO.
VIOLA I do assure you, ’tis against my will.
[Sir Andrew and Viola draw.]
ANTONIO [drawing]
Put up your sword! If this young gentleman
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Have done offence, I take the fault on me:
If you offend him, I for him defy you.
SIR TOBY You, sir? Why, what are you?
ANTONIO One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
Than you have heard him brag to you he will.
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SIR TOBY Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
[Draws.]
Enter Officers.
FABIAN O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.
SIR TOBY [to Antonio] I’ll be with you anon.
VIOLA [to Sir Andrew] Pray sir, put your sword up, if
you please.
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SIR ANDREW Marry, will I, sir: and for that I promised
you, I’ll be as good as my word. He will bear you easily,
and reins well.
1OFFICER This is the man; do thy office.
2OFFICER Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit
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Of Count Orsino.
ANTONIO You do mistake me, sir.
1OFFICER No, sir, no jot: I know your favour well,
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
Take him away, he knows I know him well.
ANTONIO I must obey.
[to Viola] This comes with seeking you;
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But there’s no remedy, I shall answer it.
What will you do, now my necessity
Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
Much more for what I cannot do for you,
Than what befalls myself. You stand amaz’d,
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But be of comfort.
2OFFICER Come, sir, away.
ANTONIO I must entreat of you some of that money.
VIOLA What money, sir?
For the fair kindness you have show’d me here,
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And part being prompted by your present trouble,
Out of my lean and low ability
I’ll lend you something. My having is not much;
I’ll make division of my present with you.
Hold, there’s half my coffer. [Offers Antonio money.]
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ANTONIO Will you deny me now? [Refuses it.]
Is’t possible that my deserts to you
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
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That I have done for you.
VIOLA I know of none,
Nor know I you by voice or any feature.
I hate ingratitude more in a man
Than lying, vainness, babbling drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
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Inhabits our frail blood.
ANTONIO O heavens themselves!
2OFFICER Come sir, I pray you go.
ANTONIO
Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatch’d one half out of the jaws of death,
Reliev’d him with such sanctity of love;
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And to his image, which methought did promise
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
1OFFICER What’s that to us? The time goes by. Away!
ANTONIO But O how vile an idol proves this god!
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
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In nature there’s no blemish but the mind:
None can be call’d deform’d but the unkind.
Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks, o’er-flourish’d by the devil.
1OFFICER
The man grows mad, away with him! Come, come, sir.
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ANT
ONIO Lead me on. Exit with officers.
VIOLA Methinks his words do from such passion fly
That he believes himself; so do not I:
Prove true, imagination, O prove true,
That I, dear brother, be now ta’en for you!
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SIR TOBY Come hither, knight, come hither, Fabian.
We’ll whisper o’er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
VIOLA He nam’d Sebastian. I my brother know
Yet living in my glass; even such and so
In favour was my brother, and he went
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Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate. O if it prove,
Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love!
Exit.
SIR TOBY A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a
coward than a hare; his dishonesty appears in leaving
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his friend here in necessity, and denying him; and for
his cowardship, ask Fabian.
FABIAN A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
SIR ANDREW ’Slid, I’ll after him again, and beat him.
SIR TOBY Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy
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sword.
SIR ANDREW And I do not – Exit.
FABIAN Come, let’s see the event.
SIR TOBY I dare lay any money ’twill be nothing yet.
Exeunt
4.1 Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown.
CLOWN Will you make me believe that I am not sent for
you?
SEBASTIAN Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow,
Let me be clear of thee.
CLOWN Well held out, i’faith! No, I do not know you,
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nor I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come
speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario;
nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so, is so.
SEBASTIAN I prithee vent thy folly somewhere else,
Thou know’st not me.
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CLOWN Vent my folly! He has heard that word of some
great man, and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly!
I am afraid this great lubber, the world, will prove a
cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy strangeness, and
tell me what I shall vent to my lady. Shall I vent to her
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that thou art coming?
SEBASTIAN I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me.
There’s money for thee: if you tarry longer,
I shall give worse payment.
CLOWN By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These
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wise men that give fools money get themselves a good
report – after fourteen years’ purchase.
Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY and FABIAN.
SIR ANDREW Now sir, have I met you again? There’s for
you! [Strikes Sebastian.]
SEBASTIAN Why, there’s for thee, and there, and there!
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[Beats Sir Andrew.] Are all the people mad?
SIR TOBY Hold, sir, or I’ll throw your dagger o’er the
house.
CLOWN This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be
in some of your coats for twopence. Exit.
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SIR TOBY Come on, sir, hold!
SIR ANDREW Nay, let him alone, I’ll go another way to
work with him: I’ll have an action of battery against
him, if there be any law in Illyria; though I struck him
first, yet it’s no matter for that.
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SEBASTIAN Let go thy hand!
SIR TOBY Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my
young soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed.
Come on!
SEBASTIAN I will be free from thee. What would’st thou
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now?
If thou dar’st tempt me further, draw thy sword.
[Draws.]
SIR TOBY What, what! Nay, then, I must have an ounce
or two of this malapert blood from you. [Draws.]
Enter OLIVIA.
OLIVIA Hold, Toby! on thy life I charge thee, hold!
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SIR TOBY Madam!
OLIVIA Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,
Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,
Where manners ne’er were preach’d! Out of my sight!
Be not offended, dear Cesario.
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Rudesby, be gone!
Exeunt Sir Toby, Sir Andrew and Fabian.
I prithee, gentle friend,
Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
In this uncivil and unjust extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
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This ruffian hath botch’d up, that thou thereby