Crazy About My Best Friend

by Hazel Keys

  “Ring-designing. I’m trying. I have a few orders already. Getting some new ideas for winter.”

  “Well, you can’t live on your father’s inheritance forever. It’s time to start thinking about the future.”

  “I make more money at ring-making than you think mother,” I remind her with a squint of my eyes. She can’t help but be a little patronizing, even if every word comes out battered in love.

  “And are you still single?”

  I sighed. “Yes mother, I haven’t jumped into another bad romance, if that’s what you’re implying. I thought you’d be relieved.”

  “Well, of course I’m not relieved. Taking time to yourself can quickly become a lifetime of loneliness. Forgive me for looking out for the future.”

  “Nobody knows the future…we live day by day. That’s what I’m doing now.”

  Mother sighed. “Amelia, I will not have you become a spinster. You’re still in the prime of your life. Haven’t you heard that thirty is the new twenty?”

  “Everybody says that, mother!” I replied, holding my head in frustration. “Actually, I think it’s forty is the new fifty, or fifty is the new sixty.”

  “Well, when you’re forty it IS too late.”

  I laughed but mother just stared at me, totally without irony. “I’m merely trying to remind you to keep your options open. Have you had any interest from the boys?”

  “No, not really,” I finally confessed.

  “Who’s the ‘Not Really’?”

  “It’s just an expression.”

  “No, Not Really means there’s something and I want to know who he is.”

  “He’s nobody. Say, did I tell you that I got David to come help us this weekend, with the shrubs and branches?”

  “That will be fine,” she replied, but not before a long and thinking silence. “It’s not David, is it?”

  “What?” I laughed heartily. “No, mother, he’s already engaged to be married.”

  “Hmmm,” she said with a frumpy look. “He always liked you, you know.”

  “And I liked him.”

  “I’m not talking about that way. I mean he liked you. He fancied you.”

  “No? What? David?” I shook my head and giggled, a bit nervously, since this was a very taboo conversation, given mother’s views on cheating.

  “Well sometimes a woman can tell. Didn’t you ever notice how often he sought out our company?”

  “Well, no, not really. I mean…I don’t know. All I know is, he’s engaged. Maybe a long time ago, there could have been something…but nothing ever became of it, so there’s no point in discussing the past. I treasure our friendship.”

  “Well then. Good. Now get to meeting some suitors. I want grandchildren before I die.”

  “You’re so subtle, mother,” I said with a smirk. “Very indirect, but I think I understand what you’re saying.”

  “There’s nothing direct or indirect about it. Women in their forties have a higher risk of having deformed children.”

  “Mother that is not true!” I said with a shake of my head. “Anyway…if all I can find out there is a man less than David, then it’s not really worth looking, now is it?”

  “You speak of David as if he’s a paragon of manhood.”

  I smiled and she definitely noticed. “I’m not in love with him, I’m just saying, I wouldn’t settle for anything less than him. I want something better than him.”

  “Well I always thought highly of David,” mother said proudly. “I always thought you two might grow to like each other.”

  “Well we did and we do.”

  Mother began the “stare”, an eyes forward, peering into my soul sort of look that always provokes discussion. She was dueling me, wanting to know if I was holding anything back.

  “I love David,” I said, correcting myself. “But we haven’t known each other as…you know, that. Even if I did want that…”

  I looked at her but her expression never changed.

  “I couldn’t do that to Crystal. It’s cruel. Isn’t it?”

  “I don’t think anyone could tell you what to do, it’s your decision. And one that you will have to live with, whether you tell him or not.”

  “What does that mean, mother? I’m trying to decipher your hidden message here.”

  “He’s not married yet. This is your last chance before he is married. And if a man is married, he will never fully give his attention to you.”

  “I know, I’m not a home wrecker.”

  “Let me tell you one thing,” mother said strongly.

  “Oh boy, here we go.”

  “Sometimes the best men you can find are not aggressive and don’t just want to charm you and take you to bed.”

  I looked at her in confusion. “Say what? I think I need more of the ‘I want grandchildren’ bluntness to figure out all your code talk, mother.”

  “There’s no code talk, big meanie,” she retorted. “I’m saying maybe David is shy and doesn’t just want to come right out and say that he’s interested in you.”

  Finally I laughed hard. That’s a big laugh, especially if you know David like I’ve always known David. “That’s where you’re wrong, mother,” I said politely. “David has never had a problem asking girls out or ‘paying attention to pretty girls.’ So he’s just not into it. And frankly, neither am I. The last thing a woman wants to feel is that she has to badger a man into dating her.”

  “Well it worked with your father,” she snapped back. “I badgered him good and he came around.”

  I laughed so hard I almost spilled my tea.

  Chapter 5:David

  There is something holy about gardening. I don’t really know what I believe about the universe, but there is something very spiritual about growing life from the earth. It’s an activity that rejuvenates the soul and strips away the triviality of our finances, our worst fears, and even our out-of-reach dreams. This is life, this is really as good as it gets. Growing food, creating flowerbeds, and watching trees bear fruit before your very eyes—it’s magical.

  I understand instantly why Naomi, Amelia’s mother, and Amelia herself have taken to their gardening. It may not be a career but it’s a nourishing hobby, maybe even therapeutic.

  Of course, I was the one they asked to help clean up the yard. Naomi is getting older and struggles with medical problems, so she can’t do a lot of physical labor, like chopping down crooked trees, mowing out of control and taking shrubbery and dumping it down into the forest pit.

  Amelia…well, Amelia is still young and active. Why didn’t she take care of it? And why did she specifically request that I come over instead of a gardener or lawn care specialist?

  Maybe it was selfish of me, or egocentric, but I couldn’t help but wonder if she felt the same way deep down, the way I felt about her. She’s the one who never seemed to think of me as a romantic kind of guy. Maybe something changed. Maybe she changed or I changed, and one chemical incompatibility was corrected.

  Oh but wouldn’t it be embarrassing if I was the only one that felt this way? Oh Jesus, and right in front of her mother!

  This was going to be a very difficult “flirty” conversation. I had to imply things to Amelia without coming outright and saying them. If I knew anything about Naomi, her mother, is that she was very keen on manners and politeness. To be crude about dating Amelia now would be an unforgivable trespass.

  I smiled, exhausted after a long haul outside in the massive back yard. I was also freshly showered, as they insisted “their home was my home…” Oh if only!

  I sat on the couch and faced Naomi and Amelia, who did seem a little on edge.

  “Well like I said, it’s been so nice seeing you again. It kind of sucks that we don’t hang out like we used to.”

  “Oh yes, even when you were children you were both very good friends. And that friendship has persisted to this day!” Naomi said, always eloquent as was her style.

  “Yup. It’s a shame so many people lose touch no
wadays. I mean, we live in a generation that values social media, email…we’re losing the physical connection.”

  “Yes, we are!” Naomi replied.

  “Yep,” Amelia said, keeping conspicuously quiet.

  “You know, I still remember…Amelia…”

  I said her name and neglected to say Naomi…I felt a chill go down my spine. I was making the implication. It felt right. It felt bold and a little exhilarating. Especially considering how many times I neglected to ever speak of Amelia like an attractive woman and not just a friend.

  “The times we spent in Galveston. Sitting on the beach. Riding on the ferry.”

  “Of course we remember those times,” Amelia said with a friendly smile, kind of smacking down my implication. “We all had so much fun. It was a home away from home.”

  True, Naomi was always with me and a few other mutual friends. It’s easy to see how she could have misconstrued that as innocent and wholesome friendship.

  I sighed, almost backing down.

  I should just let it be.I’ve already chosen. I chose Crystal. The timing is wrong. She’s single but I’m not. Maybe it’s just time to let this thing die once and for all.

  I paused and smiled, spacing out and feeling each second passing by as if it were a full minute.

  “You know all I really remember about those vacations is you.”

  “Awww, well we remember you too-”

  “No, YOU, YOU.”

  I blurted it out. Like I feared, time stopped in that moment and all I heard was the sound of my own voice ranting.

  “I didn’t really notice a lot of the scenery or how much fun I was supposed to be having because I was staring at you most of the time.”

  Amelia and Naomi stared at each other, definitely getting the vibe.

  “I kept thinking to myself, as beautiful as the beach is…all I’m ever going to remember about this moment is staring into Amelia’s eyes. Chatting about silly little things that seemed like nothing back then…but which now I realize were about everything. And wishing that this moment never had to end. That it could go on and on forever.”

  Amelia chuckled to herself. That wasn’t a good sign.

  “Well…we were both young, weren’t we?”

  She smiled as she looked into my eyes but her shields were up. Poor Naomi had no idea what to say, and looked back and forth at us, probably annoyed that neither of us were communicating what we really felt.

  “Well, we never appreciate our youth until it’s gone,” I said with a grin. I tried to laugh off the weird moment we had—that realization that I had been in love for a long time.

  Maybe Amelia knew, or maybe she just found out. One thing seemed for sure: there was nothing that could be done about it, or at least that’s what she implied with those stoic and distant eyes.

  I made a few more jokes and talked about a few other mutual friends whom we haven’t seen in a while. I can’t even remember what I said. Mostly, I was breaking inside and trying to stay calm. Truth is, it felt exhilarating to just confess what I was really feeling.

  Maybe the dreaded conversation didn’t matter, maybe we had all outgrown it. Or maybe I screwed up the big dramatic conclusion, I don’t know.

  But after that day, I resigned myself from every entertaining the thought again.

  So what. So Amelia finally knew that I was in love with her. That was ten or twenty years ago. Things change. We’re mature now. We outgrew the past.

  Now it’s all about living like an adult, and all god damn happily ever after.

  Chapter 6:Amelia

  Mother never said much about David’s very scandalous and inappropriate confession. I suppose there wasn’t much to say. It seemed almost arbitrary and rude. And I’m not even talking about the “being in love with me” thing, which he very clearly indicated. That’s a whole other story I don’t care to think about.

  I mean the idea that he would make such a statement while still engaged to another woman. How would such a confession affect Crystal? Crystal, whom he already agreed to marry?

  It was very rude to say it, especially in front of mother.

  But…to David’s credit, I think I finally understand him now. When he said what he did, he took responsibility for his slip up. He didn’t make a scene and he didn’t betray Crystal’s trust. That was the manly thing to do. And for that I am proud of him.

  Still, I guess it is a bittersweet moment to realize that he really did feel that way for so many years. I don’t blame him for not saying anything. We were both seeing other people. And David is not the type of guy to sneak around behind someone’s back.

  Neither am I. I was really stupid…really faithful. To you know who, who didn’t really deserve it. Just a lot of stupid mistakes.

  But it’s all in the past now.

  Funny though…thinking about David’s speech, or half a speech I should call it. I just wonder…if he really made a move, what would I say to him?

  I’ve always cared for David, I’ve just never thought of being with him in that kind of setting. I can’t deny that there have been…moments…when I’ve felt something.

  But nothing can come from it.

  The sad thing is, this may be the last chance we both get, to explore anything. Do I wish that Crystal would suddenly leave him? Would that be the safe way to do it?

  Well…that’s not going to happen. It’s just something we’re going to have to accept.

  I do hope that David is one hundred percent sure about his marriage, it’s not something he should be rushing into if he has all these distracting thoughts about other women he’s known!

  I mean…okay so let’s say he’s really…in love with me. What does it change?

  If he were to end it with Crystal—the only way I would EVER consider doing something like this—would it be worth it?

  Damn it, I know what he’s afraid of. He wants to preserve our friendship and I don’t blame him. I would hate, HATE, to ruin what we have for a complete disaster of a romance.

  I’m not even sure David knows what he wants. Maybe he’s just projecting onto me or something. I mean…I don’t think he was always in love with me, was he?

  I guess the thing is, I don’t want him to marry Crystal or anybody if it’s not what’s going to make him happy. As a friend I owe him that.

  Maybe that’s what David knows. Maybe David knows, deep down, that we’re not going to be compatible. Friendship works because we respect boundaries, we don’t invade private matters. We respect each other’s personal lives and we keep a respectful distance.

  Maybe David, being the deep thinker he’s always been, realizes that we’re just not going to end up together. Maybe he knows that friendship really is more important right now.

  And if that’s the case, I respect him more than ever. He really has matured into a great guy. If only I could find someone like him…but I guess that’s the problem with romance and friendship. You have to choose one in the end.

  Chapter 7:David

  Well, now here’s where the friendship / romance experiment got complicated. Honest to God, I was ready to forget Amelia and just appreciate the fact that I had a beautiful woman in my life. I mean, when I got out of high school I dreamed of getting a girl as hot as Crystal. She was like the girl you see in the movies, the kind of girl that marries a complete dork like yours truly, and you wonder, what could she possibly see in him?

  Whenever I asked Crystal that, she always said the same thing. “You have a good heart, a rocking body and a superior intellect.” I mean that right there, told me she was the one!

  So why do I still get breathless every time I hear Amelia’s voice? Why, when I was in her presence, did I feel like I was in heaven? Why do I see her in her quaint purple dresses and want to undress her and make love to her, instead of appreciating someone like Crystal who could easily appear on the cover of Maxim on any given month and loves stripping for me?

  It has to be lust and that’s what I told myself, even down to the l
ast minute, when I unfortunately let one slip at the worst time possible.

  “David!” Crystal called out to me. “Why do you always jump out of bed in the morning? It’s like, programmed into your male brain or something. Gotta’ go hunt. Gotta go kill something.”

  She laughed, as always, piquing my mind right after I first wake up in the morning. The fact that Crystal and I had a pretty good sex life was all the more confusing, since when I was thinking about Amelia I still felt as horny as a virgin on prom night.

  “I don’t know, I guess I do want to kill something and eat,” I said with a laugh.

  “Silly, don’t you know that lying in bed talking to your woman is the best part of married life? This is where you make your true confessions and share your real feelings.”

  God, when Crystal called me “Silly” I got weak at the knees all over again. It reminded me of Amelia. And I felt guilty just as much as I felt joy.

  “Come on. Share with me something new. A new potent thought. I want to listen to your resonating mind.”

  I giggled. “Okay. Well…in the interest of conversation and, you know, holding nothing back, I have something on my mind.”

  “Yeah you have been very distracted lately. I’ve noticed that.”

  “Well…the thing is. I’ve been feeling guilty. Because I really like you. But I’ve been distracted because…well, this girl that I knew before I ever met you…she became single again recently. She was a girl I grew up with. And I sometimes think about her.”

  “Oh really?” Crystal said, suddenly losing her smile and staring a hole through me.

  “I’m sorry…” I quickly replied, losing my smile. Apparently, pillow talk was not as intimate as Crystal made it sound. “I didn’t mean to imply anything. Just admitting…”

  “Are you fucking her?” Crystal said, hopping out of bed and assuming fighting position.

  “No, no! I just…wanted to be upfront and honest.”

  “Well why are you thinking about her? Are you in love with her?” As the moments passed, her tone became more caustic and unforgiving. This didn’t seem like the kind of honest marital communication I heard about from Doctor Ruth.”