“It’s not too late?” Anna asked.
Lucinda laughed. “No way. It’s the last Friday night of spring break. In fact, I was just getting ready to go out to a club. Want to come along?”
“A club?” Anna tried to imagine what that would be.
“You know, music, friends, dancing. Why don’t you come—”
“No thank you.”
“Okay. How did it go with Jacob today? You promised to call me, remember. He is so good-looking, Anna. You didn’t mention that. Tell me everything—did you have a fabulous time? Let me guess, you guys are getting married, right?”
“Wrong.”
“Oh. But he did talk you into staying—”
“No. I am going home tomorrow.”
“Anna!” Lucinda sounded genuinely disappointed.
“I have to go home—I need to—” Her voice cracked and she began crying again. “I’m sorry. But it is upsetting.”
“Oh, Anna. I’m sorry too. You’ve had a rough day.”
“A rough week.”
“Yeah. Poor Anna. I won’t even ask you for the details if it’s too painful.”
“Thank you.”
“But you did call me,” Lucinda reminded her. “So what’s up?”
Anna explained her dilemma over how to get bus tickets and needing to leave early in the morning, but she wasn’t sure how it was done. “I told Madison I could do it, but now I do not even know what to do. Can I take a taxi all the way to—”
“Wowzers, that would be expensive. Although Madison is good for it.”
“I don’t want to waste her money. But I want to go home.”
“How about if I come up and we’ll figure this out together?”
“Oh, thank you!”
“Besides, I have money for you.”
“Money for me?”
“For the work you did for my mom. I told her the truth about who you are. I hope you don’t mind. She promised not to tell. Anyway, she wanted to write you a check, but I thought that you might not have a checking account. She’s paying you in cash.”
“Please thank her for me.”
“All right. I’m on my way up now.”
Within minutes, Lucinda was sitting in Madison’s bedroom with Anna. Using Madison’s Blackberry, she soon figured out the bus schedule, purchased a ticket with a credit card, and called the doorman downstairs to request a taxicab at five in the morning. She handed the phone back to Anna. “There you go.”
Anna threw her arms around Lucinda and hugged her. “Thank you!”
“Sure you don’t want to go clubbing with me tonight?” She grinned. “Last night in the Big Apple.”
Anna frowned. “Big Apple?”
Lucinda laughed. “Another name for New York City.”
“Oh. The Big Apple.” She frowned. “It has given me a big tummyache.”
“Okay then.” She pointed to the clock. “Maybe you should set your alarm and get some sleep.”
“Set alarm?”
Lucinda chuckled as she reached for the clock. After fiddling with the buttons, she set it back down. “That will wake you at 4:30. Is that early enough?”
“Ja. That’s good.”
“I’d offer to go with you to the bus station, Anna, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to wake up that early.”
Anna waved her hand. “No. It’s all right. You have done enough.”
Lucinda handed her an envelope. “Here’s your pay. My mom says if you ever change your mind and need a job, just call.”
Anna forced a smile. “I do not think you will be hearing from me again. But thank you. Thank you for everything.”
“See you around.” Lucinda grinned as she stood. “Tell Madison hey for me.”
Anna nodded. “I will do that.”
After Lucinda left, Anna considered taking a bath. But the last one she took had not been as wonderful as she had imagined it would be, and she figured this one might be even worse. No, she decided, better to go to bed. That way the morning would hasten.
It was dark when Anna awoke to the sound of voices talking. Lying frozen in bed, she felt certain that someone had broken into her room. As she listened, she realized the voices sounded like those of the television, and when she looked over at the clock by the bed, she discovered the voices were coming from there. According to the green numbers, it was 4:30. Time to get up and get ready to go to the bus station!
She had already decided to wear the exact same outfit that Madison had worn on the Saturday they’d met. First she opened the bottom drawer of the big dresser, removing her own undergarments from where she had hidden them last Saturday. She’d been afraid that Nadya would discover them and grow suspicious. She put them on, then put Madison’s clothes on over them. She felt as if she should have a bag to pack and take with her, but she realized her bag was already at Aunt Rachel’s.
No, the only thing Anna needed was Madison’s purse, cash, and credit cards. She even decided to switch back to the orange purse that Madison had taken with her on that day. Everything would be the same. Everything except for Anna. She would never be the same.
At 4:55 a.m., Anna tiptoed through the penthouse, let herself out the door, and pushed the elevator button. Hopefully Nadya was not a light sleeper. Although even the stern-faced housekeeper would have a hard time stopping Anna at this point. Anna was so eager to make her escape that she felt certain that no one—not even the police, although she hoped it wouldn’t come to that—could keep her in New York City after the 5:50 bus pulled out.
“No luggage?” Henry the doorman looked surprised.
She forced a smile. “No. This is just a day trip.”
He nodded, returning the smile. “Have a good day then, Miss Van Buren.”
Outside, the taxi was waiting. Feeling like she was halfway home, Anna got in and sighed.
“Where to?” a man with a dark complexion asked with a thick accent that was unfamiliar.
She told him the name of the bus terminal Lucinda had written down for her, then leaned back, attempting to relax. Suddenly she grew anxious and clutched Madison’s purse to her chest, wondering if the taxi driver might actually be a criminal of some sort. What if he was a robber? A kidnapper? One of those bad people she had been warned about since childhood? So far she had met none, but that didn’t mean this man wasn’t dangerous. She looked out at the still, dark streets and wondered what she should do. Should she jump out at the next stop? If so, what then?
Anna bit her lip and thought hard. What to do? Suddenly she remembered that day in Madison’s closet, when she had been frustrated and frightened and lost, and she had prayed. It had made a difference. Why hadn’t she prayed since then?
She knew the answer. It was because of Jacob. Somehow when Jacob had stepped back into her life, God had stepped out. Or perhaps she had pushed him out.
Anna bowed her head now and silently prayed. She asked God to help her, lead her, and protect her. By the time she was finished, the car was pulling up to the bus station.
“Here you are, miss.” The driver turned around and told her the amount of her fare.
She fumbled in Madison’s purse, pulling out one of the twenties, which was too much. Remembering a line from a book, she decided to try it as she handed him the bill. “Keep the change.”
“Thank you.” He smiled broadly as he hurried to open the door of the car, then ran on ahead of her to open the door to the bus terminal. “Have a good trip, miss.”
“Thank you.” She smiled back. “I will.” She took another deep breath and looked around, wondering what to do next. Seeing a counter where a few people were milling about, she decided to start there. She decided to go for the gray-haired woman, who reminded Anna of her grandmother.
“I am here for the bus,” she said nervously. She explained where she wanted to go and that her friend had called last night. “But I have no ticket.”
“Name?”
She was so nervous she almost gave her real name but stopped herself. Lucinda had pur
chased the ticket under Madison’s name. “Madison Van Buren.”
The woman pushed some buttons on her computer, then asked to see a credit card. Anna fumbled to get the wallet, extracting a card that she handed to the woman with trembling fingers. She did not want this to go wrong. Not now when she was so close.
Barely looking at Anna, the woman pushed more buttons, eventually handed Anna a slip of paper, and told her where to wait for the bus. “It should be here in a few minutes,” she said in a friendly tone. “If you want to get something to eat or coffee, there’s time. The bus won’t leave until 5:50—but no dillydallying because it leaves promptly.”
Anna thanked the woman, then went directly to the area where about a dozen other people were already waiting. Although her stomach was growling and she noticed a place to get donuts, she was not willing to take any chance of missing this bus. She would rather be starving on a bus headed home than stuck in New York with a full belly.
The minute the bus pulled in, Anna got in line and got on. She chose a seat near the front, moved next to the window, and leaned back. Finally, she could relax a bit. Just not too much. She did not want to miss her stop.
Anna’s sigh of relief mingled with the loud hiss made by the bus as it pulled out. Soon this city and everything in it would be behind her—a murky memory. And not a moment too soon.
Anna closed her eyes, trying to block Jacob from her thoughts, but he was all she could think about. Her thoughts and feelings swirled round and round like a whirlpool in a fast-moving creek in springtime.
What if things had gone differently with him yesterday? What if he had fulfilled her daydreams by proclaiming his love for her? What if he had begged her to stay here with him . . . asked her to marry him? How would she have reacted?
A part of Anna wanted to think she would have had the boldness to say yes to him. That she would have chosen him above her family and her upbringing. That she would have given up her former life, her home, everything she’d been trained to believe—all because she loved him so much.
Another part of Anna knew that was a lie. She knew from the top of her head to the tips of her toes that she could not—and would not—ever live in this city. Not even with the promise of having Jacob by her side. She knew that the English lifestyle went against everything inside of her. Even Jacob’s love could not have changed that. If he had asked her, she would have said no.
But, she sternly reminded herself, Jacob had not asked. He did not love her. He had actually seemed relieved when she told him she was going home.
What if Jacob had reacted as she’d hoped? What if he had proclaimed his love to her, and what if she had insisted he prove his love by going home with her? If he had agreed, how would she have responded? That was a hard question because part of her felt certain she would have been delighted. She would have felt victorious. As if that was her reward for all she’d been through this week.
In the light of day, another part of her knew that she would have feared she’d been dragging him home against his will. Jacob had a strong will. Where would the victory be if he came with her reluctantly? What if they got home and he changed his mind? What if they married and he realized he’d made a mistake and left her? Or worse, what if he stayed but was miserable . . . made her miserable? No, she didn’t want to live like that either.
The only thing Anna had truly wanted was for Jacob to come to his senses! She had wanted him to realize that he couldn’t keep living on the outside and that he couldn’t keep living without her. She had wanted him to get down on his knees and beg her to marry him. She had wanted them to go home together and to live happily ever after. Or something like that.
She realized now that she’d been daydreaming. Or perhaps she’d been trying to live out a scene from one of those English novels her father disapproved of. She suspected her only way to experience that sort of storybook happiness would be through the pages of one of those books. Maybe that would be enough.
Anna decided she would rather be an old maid than settle for what her options might have been with Jacob. In reality, she had no options with him at all. Sure, he had encouraged her to stay in New York, but not so that he could marry her. No, all he had offered was a halfhearted suggestion that she might create some kind of life for herself—with or without him. Why would she want to do that?
As the buildings outside the window grew shorter and spaces between them grew larger, Anna remembered what Madison had told her last night—that Anna should be thankful to have discovered the truth about Jacob. She supposed that was true. Maybe now she would finally be able to let him go. She would no longer waste time daydreaming about him as she did her daily chores. She would not nurture false hope for a life that would never be. She would grow up!
Wouldn’t her parents be relieved to learn Jacob was finally out of the picture? Not that she could tell them how this had all happened or what had brought her to this place of freedom. At least she didn’t think she could. Maybe someday. Hopefully her parents would not use this as permission to marry her off to Aaron Zook. She suspected her parents’ pressure toward Aaron had simply been their reaction to her obsession with Jacob. They probably hoped the threat of being stuck with someone like Aaron would wake her up—make her start looking around for other options. Surely there were other options.
Anna looked out her window to see English homes, trees, and green grass. She realized the city was behind her—as was her anger. Anna had been angry for a long time. At first she thought she’d been angry at the leaders in her settlement, then at her parents, and most recently at herself. Now she realized the only anger left in her—and it wasn’t much—was toward Jacob.
It had been wrong for Jacob to leave her like that, telling her that he loved her, that they would be together again. And then nothing. That had been selfish.
Suddenly, as if the sun had risen and illuminated the darkness, Anna realized that Madison was right. If Anna hadn’t gone to the trouble of hunting that boy down, she could have ended up miserable for her entire life. As it was, perhaps her misery would end someday. In fact, it was ending right now! This really was a new beginning for her.
Finally, as the bus moved through farmlands that looked so much like home that Anna felt a lump in her throat, she was able to pray. She was able to thank God for what he had done with her life during the past week. No, it had not been easy. But it had been good. She could see that now. It had been very good.
As the bus got closer to her stop, Anna began to think about her aunt Rachel and some of the things Madison had been saying about her. For some mysterious reason, Madison had really taken to Rachel. This was truly puzzling. How was it possible that someone like Madison—a girl who by all appearances was spoiled, pampered, rich, decadent, shallow—could relate to someone like Anna’s aunt? It made no sense. Yet it also made Anna curious.
She knew Aunt Rachel’s life was not easy. Uncle Daniel was so much older and set in his ways. Aunt Rachel had grown up as the baby in her family and in a much less restricted community, and suddenly she was married and thrust into a new place where her neighbors turned against her. Plus she had her hands full with the children. Was it any wonder that she grew weary?
As the bus stopped in the small town, Anna’s heart pounded with excitement and anticipation. As she got off, she realized again that she had changed. She was not the same girl who’d boarded this bus last week.
24
Madison felt a nudge on her shoulder, then opened her eyes to see Rachel, still in her long white nightgown, with a candle in hand. Madison sat up quickly. “What’s—”
“Shush,” Rachel whispered. “Time to rise.”
Now Madison remembered—this was the day to exchange lives back with Anna. “Denki,” she told Rachel as she slid out of bed and stood. Rachel handed her the candle, then kissed her on the cheek.
“God’s blessings on you,” Rachel quietly told her.
“And on you,” Madison whispered.
Rachel left t
he bedroom and Madison hurried to gather her things—rather, Anna’s things—taking them to the bathroom to get dressed by candlelight. She chuckled to remember how long it usually took her to get ready for the day—all the steps of showering, shampooing, drying and styling her hair, putting on makeup, choosing the perfect outfit. It all seemed such a waste of time now. Would she ever want to do all that again? Maybe she would just simplify the process.
She twisted her hair into a bun, pinned it, and put on Anna’s cap. She carried the shoes and the candle downstairs and paused in the living room, looking around, taking it all in, then continued to the kitchen where she sat down and put on her shoes—Anna’s shoes. She wouldn’t miss those shoes. Oh, they were comfortable enough, but so ugly. Madison would be glad to get her own shoes back.
As she was about to go out the door, Madison noticed a brown paper bag on the wooden kitchen table, with the name Anna penciled on it. She peeked inside to see some pieces of bread and butter and some dried fruit. Breakfast on the road.
By the dawn’s gray light, she could see a black buggy out front. Unlike Daniel’s buggy, which had an enclosed space in the back, this one was open. Malachi was bent down, doing something with the horse’s reins.
Bracing herself, Madison went out and walked toward him. This wasn’t going to be an easy ride. But she was determined to do what she could to smooth this thing over.
“Good morning, Malachi,” she called out.
He stood up slowly, looking at her with a dark expression. “Good morning.”
“I want to talk to you,” she told him after she was seated next to him. He shrugged, shook the reins, and the horse began to move.
“I know you’re angry with me,” she began. “You have every right to be angry. You said that I tricked you, and I denied it. The truth is I did trick you, but I didn’t really mean to do it.”
“If I wasn’t watching where I was going and I ran this wagon over a small child,” he said, “would it make the child feel better when I told him I didn’t mean to do it?”
“Maybe not.” She sighed. “I really did not mean to hurt you, Malachi.”
Double Take Page 20