Hold On

by Hilary Wynne

  That’s good news and bad news. I didn’t let on earlier but I don’t like the idea of Julian going away. I can’t help but think about last time he went on a business trip and didn’t call me for five days. This is a much shorter trip and I think we’re in a better place, but I like him close by. I really don’t want to take his Jeep either but I know if I make a big deal he’ll get upset. So, I put on my big girl panties and say the right things. “I’m here so you can drop them off or I can get them from the front desk if that’s easier.”

  “I’d rather drop them off. That way I can kiss you goodbye.”

  “That sounds good to me. I’ll see you when you get here.”

  Not fifteen minutes later, Julian is walking into my little office. “I sure hope they give you a better place to work in the building. If you were working for us, I’d never stick you in this little corner.” My mind flashes back to the first night we were together when he made the “nobody puts baby in the corner” comment to me. I can’t help but smile.

  He walks around my desk and kisses me on the cheek. I know he knows this is temporary but he never misses an opportunity to comment on the fact I work for the competition.

  “We don’t all get the corner office with a view. Some of us aren’t as important as others.” I’m totally kidding, but Julian doesn’t think I’m funny.

  “I hope they know what they have in you. Any time you want a corner office with a view, let me know.”

  I can tell he’s a little on edge. I figure it has something to do with his dad. “Are you okay? You seem really tense.”

  “I’m good.” He takes the keys out of his pocket and sets them on the desk in front of me and sits down in the other chair. “I wasn’t planning on doing this today. I have a shit-load of things to do at the hotel and I had plans with you.”

  “Are you meeting your dad there?”

  He nods and a sulky look crosses his face. “At the airport, in an hour and a half. I need to go home and grab some clothes. Any chance you can come with me?”

  I smile and chuckle. “You’re in a hurry and you want me to come with you? You’d end up being late. Just go already so you can come back.”

  I stand up and walk around the desk. I shut the door behind him. He raises his eyebrows and gives me a sexy smile; his mood brightens by what he thinks may be a little fooling around. I set him straight. “Uh uh, Bauer. Just wanted a hug. I also want to tell you everything is good. I’m good. We’re good. Go do your stuff and hurry back.”

  Julian takes me in his arms and pulls me close. “Thank you.”

  As I hug him back, I think about how I still can’t wrap my head around the concept that this man, who really could have any woman he wants, worries I’ll leave him.

  He gives me a sweet kiss and turns to open the door. When he does, we see Serena standing there. I swear she was eavesdropping. She’s so immature.

  “Hi, Julian, I didn’t know you were here.” She gets a huge smile on her face and actually has the nerve to try and hug him. He sidesteps her and walks toward the door. Her face turns a little red and I know she’s embarrassed.

  “Hola, Serena. Lexie, I’ll call you after dinner tonight, okay.”

  I smile, nod, and watch him walk out the door.

  Serena turns and looks at me, her smile gone. “And what are you telling him that made him act so rude? I’ve known him for years, Lexie, a lot longer than you have and he’s never been so rude to me.”

  I doubt that. I shrug and give her a big, fake smile. “Nothing. We don’t talk about you at all. He’s in a hurry. I guess he just doesn’t have time for you.”

  She doesn’t know what to say, so she walks away. I really wish she would go find someplace else to work. After she’s gone, I text my roommates.

  Alexa: Either of you down here today?

  Both Marissa and Shannon are in sales and they come down to the beach regularly.

  Shannon: I am. Why? You ok?

  Geez. Does there always have to be an issue?

  Alexa: I’m fine. Julian was going to drive me home but he had to go out of town last minute. He gave me keys to his jeep but I don’t want to take it.

  Shannon: I can pick you up at 4.

  Marissa: I’m in Broward :-)

  Alexa: Perfect. Slow here

  Shannon: see ya

  I doubt anyone will care I’m leaving early. I finish up a few loose ends and meet Shannon outside at four. When I get in the car, I text Julian to let him know I didn’t take his Jeep.

  Alexa: Shannon came and got me. Jeep at your house.

  I send this text thinking that he’s probably in mid-flight. I don’t expect the quick response I get.

  Julian: ?? Not sure why you made her come get you. Makes no sense.

  Alexa: She was down here. Not a big deal. Really. Don’t make it one.

  Julian: Taking off. Talk to you later.

  Shannon notices the look on my face and asks what’s wrong.

  “He’s annoyed I didn’t take his Jeep.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  I tell her about the moving my stuff in comments, the baby comment, and the marriage comments. “It’s all a little much for me. I know it’s just a car, but he’s going full steam ahead and I want things to be a little slower. I’m trying not to screw anything up. I know it sounds weird but I just feel uncomfortable.”

  “Do what feels right, Lex, but it’s just a car. And not even the Jag. I mean if he was really serious, he would’ve let you use the Jag.” That comment makes me laugh; it’s so true.

  I didn’t see Ellen last week. I told her I was sick because I couldn’t deal with anything. I’m in a much better place tonight and not dreading seeing her. Her door is open, so I walk in and sit on the couch.

  Her smile is warm. “Hi, Lexie, it’s good to see you. Are you feeling better?”

  I feel bad I lied but oh well. It’s the least significant of lies I’ve told her. “I’m good. It was a twenty-four hour thing.”

  “Glad to hear it.” She jumps right in. “How have you been otherwise? What’s been going on?”

  I can’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice. “Oh you know how my life goes. Nothing and everything.” I want to talk to her about what happened with Luke and with Julian, but she doesn’t know everything so I can’t tell her the whole story. That’s the worst part of withholding information; it’s hard to balance what to divulge.

  She smiles. “Okay, then. Tell me the everything part.”

  I give her the condensed version of what happened with Luke, Julian, and I. “Luke and I aren’t talking anymore. He told me he loves me. I told him I’m with Julian. Julian knows how Luke feels and that’s that.”

  She stares at me quizzically for a moment. “That’s that? A seven-year friendship is over and you’re fine with it?” Of course she doesn’t fall for my nonchalant attitude about it. She knows how close Luke and I were.

  “No, but what can I do? I’m with Julian and Luke decided he needed to share his feelings with both of us. Apparently he was making Julian think he and I were together, so now Julian hates him. He even quit working at the hotel. It’s all messed up. I fought with Luke and I fought with Julian. Julian and I are good now, but Luke is out of my life.”

  “I’d be lying if I told you any of this surprises me. You had to have known Luke felt this way and I’m not surprised Julian isn’t okay with it. You made a choice and I’m sure it wasn’t easy. But, if you want to be with Julian, it really may have been your only option.”

  I want to tell her not to feel bad for Luke because he was a total asshole, but I skip that part. I don’t want to talk about it anymore because I’m afraid she’ll figure there’s more to the story. My pause gives her the green light to continue.

  “And things are going okay with Julian? I’m happy to hear that.”

  “Too good really. He’s always so patient and steady with me. It’s not normal.”

  “Why is that? What isn’t normal about him having patience
with you?”

  “C’mon Ellen, we live in the real world with real people. It doesn’t work this way. Seriously, I’ve been nothing but drama since day one and he just sticks around. Most guys would’ve bailed weeks ago. I’ve never been with a guy who would put up with some of the crap I’ve pulled.” I think about a few of my freak-outs. “It’s almost too good to be true.”

  “It sounds like he thinks you’re worth it, Lexie, and you need to believe that too. There are good guys out there and it sounds like you found one. So, embrace it and let him be there for you. It’s a good thing.”

  I tell her about how fast he’s moving, how I didn’t want to take his car, and how I don’t want to leave my things at his house. I tell her I’m not sure why it made me so uncomfortable.

  “Are you worried he’ll change his mind and sharing things like his closet or his car will just make it harder if he leaves?”

  I think about what she asked and answer truthfully. “Yes. I guess that’s what it is. Last time he went out of town it was a big mess, I was a big mess. I tried to break-up with him when he came back. If I had his car, it would’ve been worse. And if anything of mine was at his house, it would’ve been a pain to get it back. You know I can’t leave my shoes behind.” I try to make a joke about it but as the words come out of my mouth, it really hits me that I’m still convinced this isn’t a long-term thing and that Julian will eventually leave. Ellen voices what I just admitted in my head.

  “You’re worried about the end of the relationship, so if you don’t have any real ties it’s easier? Are you planning on ending it with him?”

  “Me? No, I never plan stuff like that. I just get all worked up and decide I’m going to be the leaver instead of the one left behind like I usually am. It would be worse this time.”

  “Why would it be worse?”

  “Because he’s the one, Ellen. I know it. I’m just not convinced I’m the one for him. Not in the same way.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because he could have anyone: he’s gorgeous, rich, and he really is a great guy. He’s a little like a prince in a fairy tale and I’m not so sure I’m princess material, at least not right now.”

  “So you’re not good enough for someone like him?”

  I don’t want to admit that aloud, but yes, that’s pretty much how I feel. Deep down I’m nursing some serious self-esteem wounds as a result of what happened with Brady.

  “Julian has dated a lot of women, a lot, and never for long.” For some reason my mind thinks about Cinderella and how Prince Charming went all over the countryside looking for the girl who’s foot fit in the glass slipper. I can easily make a parallel to my life, being obsessed with shoes and all.

  “The glass slipper hasn’t fit anyone yet and I’m not sure it fits me either.”

  “If I look confused, Lexie, it’s because I am. Didn’t you tell me he told you he loved you and that he’s talking to you about things like moving in and babies? That doesn’t sound like a man who’s planning on leaving soon.” She pauses for a moment and then finishes her train of thought. “Do you trust him? Because if so, you need to hold on to what you have together and trust what he’s telling you is true. To use your analogy, it sounds like he wants you to be the one wearing the slippers.”

  I look down at my shoes and laugh sarcastically. “Trust isn’t my strong suit, Ellen. You know that.”

  “I get it, but if you want to make this work, you’re going to need to trust him and you’re going to need to trust yourself. And by the way, the car, the shoes, and shampoo are completely irrelevant and you know that. It sounds like you’ve already given Julian your heart and no matter what happens, that’s something you can’t uneasily undo. You might as well let go and live because from where I’m sitting, the only thing you have to lose is him.”

  I think about Ellen’s words on my way home. I’m a little disappointed in myself. I kept trying to convince myself the reason I wanted Julian to slow down was because we’ve only been together such a short amount of time. But the truth is, I get why he talks about wanting more. I know this is different and I know it’s serious, no matter the length of time. I just don’t want Julian to wake up one day and realize the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. I’m so over myself.

  Marissa is home when I get there; I make myself some popcorn and join her on the couch. We’re watching a re-run of Project Runway when my phone rings. It’s Julian. I can’t help but smile. I answer the phone as I walk into my room. “Hey you. I didn’t expect to hear from you this early.” It’s only a little after eight.

  “Hey yourself. I miss you.”

  My smile grows. “I miss you too.”

  “I only have a minute. I had to take a call from the hotel so I thought I’d check in with you too. No going dark this time, right?”

  I laugh. “No plans on going dark on this end. How are things going?” I’m curious about his dad more than work and he must know that.

  “Actually fine. My dad is good, which is always a plus, and this really is going to be a good deal for the company. So far so good, but the night is young.”

  “Glad to hear it. Call me when you get done. Doesn’t matter what time, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  I fall asleep close to eleven and Julian still hasn’t called. I don’t stress about it though which is a step in the right direction. I’m tired from not sleeping last night, so it’s not hard to fall asleep. I do put the phone next to my head on the pillow.

  The phone rings around eleven-thirty. I’m already in a pretty deep sleep but I hear it. I answer and put it up to my ear. “Hey you.”

  “Hey, baby. You were asleep. Lo siento.”

  “It’s okay, I wanted to talk to you.” My voice is coated with the remnants of sleep.

  “Go back to sleep and we can talk in the morning. Sweet dreams, Lexie.”

  “Night, Julian. I hope I dream about you.”

  “Me too, Corazón, me too.”

  Chapter Six

  I wake up feeling good. I feel rested and ready for the day. I didn’t dream of Julian but I didn’t dream at all. I think that may be better. I get a text from Andrea as I’m getting ready for work asking me to stop by The Towers to pick up some marketing material to bring to The Promenade.

  I take advantage of the extra errand and get there just before nine. There aren’t any customers so Ramon, Lauren, and I get to catch up over coffee. I’ve only been gone a few days and it feels like forever. I stay as long as I think I can get away with before I head down to the beach.

  Andrea and Mark are both in the trailer when I get there and I feel bad I took so long. They don’t seem fazed so I don’t make a big deal of it. They call all of us into the room we’re using as a conference area for an impromptu meeting. Andrea proceeds to tell us we’ll be moving into the bottom floor of the building starting Monday. I think we’re all excited about the news. This space is really too small for us. Actually, no amount of room is big enough for me and Serena. She also tells us about the grand opening event as well as what’s expected of us. After the meeting, I head back to my office with my list of things I need to do and Andrea joins me a few minutes later.

  “Is Julian coming as your date?”

  I chuckle. “That’s the plan. He knew about this about five seconds after I did. He insists. It’s not weird is it?”

  “I forgot you weren’t around for the last one. I should’ve given you some more notice. You guys may be slow here but I’ve been slammed getting ready for this. Bywater does the same type of event and we go to those. It’s a good opportunity to spy with permission. And no, it’s not weird he’s your date. You really will be working though, or networking, so there’s not much time for you to party, so to speak.”

  “Good to know.” I don’t tell her I’m freaking out over the possibility his family will be there too. As she walks out I ask her the final, most important question. “What do people wear? Cocktail attire?”

  “It’s a pretty u
pscale event, so yes. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this because you always look good, but again, it’s a work event, so keep it classy.”

  “You mean I can’t wear the hot pink, sequined dress I just bought. Damn!”

  I hear her laugh as she walks away. Seriously though, I am going to need to go shopping.

  I talk to Julian a few times throughout the day and night. He’s really making an effort to stay in touch and I let him know I appreciate it. He was planning on getting home sometime on Friday but now he says it may not be until Saturday morning. It looks like they’re finalizing the details for the sale. He’s in a good mood, so I assume all is going well.

  On Friday, I get a text from Lauren asking if I want to go out. I agree and send a text to Marissa, Shannon, and Jenna. They all want to go out and they think going to Stellar is the best plan. I think about it for a while and agree it’s stupid to go someplace else when my boyfriend owns the hottest club in South Beach, especially when we can get the total VIP treatment for free. I feel sad when I think about Luke. I’ve never been there when he wasn’t behind the bar. It’ll be strange.

  I send Julian a text letting him know what my plans are.

  Alexa: Hey, the girls and I want to go out tonight. Know any good clubs?

  I don’t hear back from him for about thirty minutes and figure he’s busy. When I do hear back, I’m reminded who I’m dealing with.

  Julian: VIP/bottle for six. Let me know ASAP if you want cabana. See Marty to get in. Park in my spot.

  Alexa: Sweet! Thanks. Helps to be sleeping with the boss I guess.

  Julian: So you’re using me for free drinks and good seats?

  Alexa: That and your body. Don’t forget I’m fond of that too.

  Julian: Feel free to use my body anytime you want, baby.

  Alexa: Deal. Tomorrow?

  Julian: It’s a date.

  Alexa: Thanks for taking care of that for us. Girls will be thrilled.