Hold On

by Hilary Wynne

I follow Julian into the bedroom and smile when I see the king-size four poster bed with fluffy white linens that faces the ocean. I yank open the gauzy curtains and take in the view.

  “This is so perfect. I want to move in.”

  He comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. “I told you the view is special.”

  We stand there for a few moments and admire the view. We live, well he does, at the beach, but this seems different. It does seem special and I imagine it’s because for the first time in our short, yet very intense, relationship, it really feels like it’s all about us. We spend the next hour unpacking and exploring the cottage and beachfront. Julian asks for my opinion on things to do to the property and it sounds like he’s taking my suggestions to heart. I make a comment about what a good team we make and by the look on his face, and the love I see in his eyes, he couldn’t agree more.

  We spend the rest of the afternoon biking around the island and ducking into art galleries and boutiques on Periwinkle Way. We have a yummy, early dinner of oysters, shrimp, mussels, and beer and finish the evening listening to music on our private deck as we watch the sun go down. It’s truly a perfect day.

  The next day doesn’t start out as well as the night finished, especially when I realize Julian lied to me. When I roll over and reach for him, he isn’t in bed, naked, like he said he would be. If I know him like I think I do, he’s out for a run. Without spending too much time thinking about it, I decide I don’t care and roll over and go back to sleep. I’m going to stay naked and stay in bed. It was an exhausting week.

  The feel of soft kisses on my exposed back, coupled with the smell of a man who is freshly showered lulls me gently out of my sleep. When I look at the clock I see it’s already after ten. I roll over and face Julian who has a big smile on his face.

  “Good morning, beautiful.”

  I give him my best scowl. “I’m mad at you, so stop trying to make me smile.”

  He arches his brows. “Mad at me? Why?”

  “Because you lied to me. I’m naked in bed and you’ve already exercised, probably worked and showered. We were going to spend the day in bed, remember?”

  He chuckles, leans over and kisses me softly on the lips. “I did run, I have worked and I did shower. You know me well. I also brought you coffee, croissants, fresh fruit, and a donut.”

  My stomach starts to growl.

  “You were in trouble until you uttered the word donut, Bauer. Donuts are my guilty pleasure. I can forgive anything when a donut is involved, especially if it has chocolate in it or on it.”

  Julian leans in closer, runs his tongue across my bare collar bone and whispers, “I thought I was your guilty pleasure. All those things I plan on doing to you tonight … maybe some of those will make you feel guilty. I guarantee they’ll make you feel pleasure.”

  I grab his face, put my lips on his and press tightly. When I pull back I can’t help but tease. “It’s really about the donut now, Julian, but I’m anxious to see what you have in mind.”

  I try and pull him closer to me, but he kisses me quickly and backs away.

  “Not now. I know I said I’d like to stay in bed with you all day, but I’d really like to see more of the island and maybe head to Captiva for lunch. We can come back and spend the afternoon on the beach. Sound good?”

  “Not as good as your naked body pressed against mine in this bed … or my donut, but it’ll do.”

  He laughs as he walks out of the room and it makes me grin from ear to ear. After a quick trip to the bathroom, I get dressed and follow him out. He’s lying on the porch in the hammock talking on the phone. I grab my chocolate donut and coffee and join him. I stand above him and look down at his tan, muscled body. His shirt is riding up a little and I can see the smooth muscles of his tight abdomen peeking out.

  “If you want me to stop thinking about sex, you shouldn’t look so inviting, Julian.”

  I say it loud enough for him to hear, but hopefully not whoever is on the other end of the call.

  He smiles and puts his hand over the receiver, “I’ll be off in a minute, it’s Ruben.”

  I wink at him and sit down on the lounge chair next to the hammock. He reaches over and runs his fingers down my legs. It tickles and it turns me on. Julian wraps up his conversation and when he hangs up he looks at me seductively. I know that look. I’m tempted but take a pass.

  “No, not happening. You got my naked body out of bed with the promise of coffee, donuts, and a field trip.”

  I point at him and make a circle with my finger. “Get those thoughts out of your head for now and get up. We have plans.” I reach down and grab his hand to help him get out of the hammock. Not that he needs my help, but he lets me. When he’s in a sitting position he wraps his arms around my waist and puts his face against my stomach. He kisses my belly and looks up and smiles.

  “Te amo, Lexie.”

  My heart swells. “I love you too, Julian.”

  We have a fantastic day in Sanibel sightseeing, shopping, and eating lunch. We decided earlier in the day to go to Captiva for dinner and to listen to live music. Julian made reservations for us at eight so we wouldn’t miss the sunset, so we have a few hours to kill before we go. I know what I’d like to do with those few hours, but Julian pretty much shuts that idea down and for some reason I’m unable to entice him into a little afternoon delight. He keeps telling me we have plenty of time tonight to get busy. He doesn’t use those exact words, but it’s what he means.

  I’m feeling a little sticky from being outside all day so I get in the shower and get ready for our night out. I have the time, so I spend it getting my hair just right. I put on a little makeup, and paint my fingernails while Julian takes a shower and takes care of a few work calls. When I’m done I look at the clock and see it’s still only five forty-five. We need to leave at seven-fifteen to get to Captiva for dinner so we have more than an hour to waste. I slip into the turquoise, black and white, tie-died, high-low maxi dress I brought and put on a pair of black, Tory Burch, thong flats. I walk out to towards the water and look at shells while I wait for Julian to finish getting ready. I’m down the beach a little ways when I see what looks like a wedding taking place a hundred feet away. A white canopy is set up near where the sand meets the water and about twenty guests are witnessing the nuptials. I’m drawn to the image and find myself trying to get closer without being intrusive.

  I’m so lost in my thoughts and the scene unfolding in front of me that I really don’t hear Julian walking up behind me. I don’t turn around until I hear my name.

  “Alexa …”

  His voice is soft and gentle. When I turn around, my heart skips a beat. Julian Bauer is on one knee in front on me. His smile is as bright as the sun reflecting off of the calm, blue ocean to my left. Oh. My. God. I literally feel weak in the knees and I start to tremble.

  “Julian?”

  “It’s okay, baby. Don’t freak out. I have a question I want to ask you and it’d be better if you didn’t pass out first.”

  His gentle teasing and awareness of my body language calm me a little. But, just a little. I can’t speak so I give him a slight nod. He reaches up and takes my hands and starts rubbing his fingers gently over the tops of them in a soothing way.

  “I had a big speech planned for when I did this and I’ve been running through it in my head over and over for weeks. I wanted to do the grand gesture and come up with the most original proposal ever, but when I saw you standing here, with the ocean behind you and the wind blowing through you hair, I knew it had to be now.”

  I nod again.

  “Te amo, Lexie. I love you and I can’t imagine a life without you in it. I want to marry you. I want to be your husband and the father of your children. I want to be your best friend. I want to spend the next seventy years telling you everyday how much I love and treasure you for the beautiful, strong, loving woman you are. You’re the one, Alexa Reed. I knew it the moment I met you and I don’t want to wait any longer t
o start our future. Will you marry me?”

  I want to ask him if he’s sure. I want to tell him it’s too soon. I want to tell him he can’t take this back now that he’s said it. I want to tell him I’m not sure I’m worthy of this kind of love. But, more than anything else, I want this man to be mine, forever. So I push all the negative thoughts I have out of my mind and focus on the beautiful, perfect words that just came out of his mouth. I sink to my knees before him, place my lips on his and whisper the word he wants to hear, “Yes.”

  I don’t realize I’m crying until Julian gently wipes a tear away with his fingertip. He kisses me passionately for a minute and then pulls away. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a black ring box.

  “Well then, I guess you get to have this, mi amor. I hope you like it.”

  Julian hands the box to me and I take it with my trembling hands. When I flip open the box, I’m at a loss for words. Inside is the most gorgeous ring I’ve ever seen. I might be a little biased because it’s about to go on my hand, but it’s awesome in every sense of the word. When I look at the ring it reminds me of how well this man knows me. We’ve never talked about wedding rings yet he picked out a ring, a dream ring, I would’ve chosen for myself.

  It’s a five stone ring, set in platinum. The diamonds are all emerald cut with the center stone looking to be at least three carats. The setting is a simple stair-step design with two more diamonds on each side of the center stone. The rest of the band is a smooth finish. It’s classy and elegant and ridiculously expensive. I can’t believe this is happening. I look up at Julian who’s waiting for my response.

  I somehow find my voice. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen and I’m so honored you want me to wear it, Julian. It couldn’t be more perfect.”

  I let him take the ring out and slide it on my finger. It fits like it was made for me. When I look down at the sparkling beauty on my left hand I can’t help but giggle.

  Julian puts his finger under my chin and forces me to look up. “Something funny?”

  “This is a pretty grand gesture. If I walked into the ocean right now I might drown.”

  That makes him laugh and he takes me in his arms and holds me tightly. “I’d save you, baby.”

  I pull back and look at him with nothing but love in my eyes.

  “You did, Julian. You did.”

  Our dinner plans get thrown out after the proposal as we silently agree that going back to the cottage and celebrating is a better idea. On the way back down the beach, I glance at Julian and really take in what he’s wearing. He has on white linen, drawstring pants and a turquoise-blue linen, short-sleeve button down. He’s wearing dark brown leather flip-flops and looks like he just stepped out of a Tommy Bahama catalog. He looks so handsome and I tell him so. He points out that we match again, like the day at the beach when we were both wearing the same color swimsuits, and says I look beautiful as well. He tells me that again as he slips the dress over my head and lays me down on the bed. He undresses himself and lies down next to me. When I look into his eyes I see something I’ve never seen before. A depth of emotion is there that’s new to me. I put my hand on his cheek.

  “Julian, the look on your face is different than I’ve ever seen. I know what you look like when you want me, but this is different?” I pose it like a question.

  He nods slowly and pulls me to him. Our faces are so close the only thing separating our mouths, are the breaths we’re taking.

  “You just agreed to marry me, to be my wife. I’ve never felt closer to you than I do right now. Any distance between us is too much. I want to devour you.”

  His words touch my soul. They turn me on too, but the connection I’m feeling is so much more than physical. It always has been. I’ve felt a deep-down soul connection to this man since the minute we met. And I agree with him, any distance is too much. I want him to devour me, to consume me. I want him to entwine his heart and soul with mine so there’s no place where he starts and I end or vice versa. I want to be one.

  I don’t have the words to tell him how his love makes me feel so I do what I can to show him with my body. We spend the next few hours literally wrapped up in each other in every way possible. It’s just the two of us, blending together and taking the next scary, but wonderful steps toward our future.

  A few hours and orgasms later, I actually start to feel weak from hunger. I’m not in the mood to go out anymore so we call in for room service. While we wait I decide to ask the questions that are still running through my mind. I look down at the ring on my finger and then back up at him.

  “Why me, Julian?” I feel like I’m in a dream.

  He pauses for longer than makes me comfortable. “Never mind. You don’t need to answer that.”

  He smiles warmly at me. “I want to answer. I just want to say it the right way.”

  “So I don’t freak out?” I poke a little fun at myself.

  “No, so you get it. There are a ton of reasons it’s you. You’re smart, ambitious, and witty, and always keep me on my toes. And although it took some getting used to, I love your flair for the dramatic. You’re passionate and you do things big. You work hard and you play hard and you love hard. I’m attracted to your strength, the strength only you don’t see.”

  He reaches over and touches my cheek.

  “Before I met you my life was good. It was full of work, friends, my family, and a lot of women. I kept looking for the one who would make me feel like I couldn’t live with her. I dated all types of women from all types of backgrounds and tried to make one fit, but they never did. Nobody ever fit until you came into my life and turned it upside down with your smart mouth and sexy shoes. From the minute you touched me I knew I wanted more and it grew the more time I spent with you.”

  He pauses for a minute. “Should I keep going?” Um yes, please. I nod and smile.

  “All my life I’ve heard that when you meet the person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with, you just know. I thought that was bullshit. I thought it was a total choice and we all just had to find a person who was a good fit for us and who we could see ourselves growing old with. I continued to think that until you ran into me in the stairwell and I realized it wasn’t about a choice at all. I know it sounds corny, but I know you were chosen for me. So, to answer your original question, me doing this, asking you to marry me, isn’t just a choice. It’s a necessity. Being with you has always felt right, you feel right, even when things are tough. I knew you were the one I was supposed to be with from the beginning, but I didn’t know why. When I think about it now, I see how much it mattered to both of us to be put in each other’s lives when it happened. We’re meant to be together, Alexa Reed. I know it with everything that I am.”

  Julian leans over and kisses me softly, his lips warm and moist against mine. He pulls back and smiles.

  “Oh, and this is the best sex I’ve ever had.”

  I don’t even try and hide the tears of pure, undiluted happiness that have started streaming down my face. There’s nothing else he could say that would make me feel more loved, and more wanted than what he just said. Since the beginning, he’s had no problem saying how he felt and all I can think is how thankful I am for that. I want to tell him how I feel about him and hope I’m as articulate.

  “Julian, your words are the grandest gesture you could ever make. I do get it, because those are my words back to you. I always knew you were the one for me. I was stubborn and scared, but I knew and I thank God every day for putting a man into my life that would fight for me and believe in me. You’ve touched my soul in a way nobody else ever has or ever could. I hope you realize how incredible you are, how strong and patient and loving. You’ve changed my whole world. Thank you for staying and holding on. Thank you for seeing all of me and loving me like this.”

  I lean in and kiss him softly. “And yes, the mind-blowing sex doesn’t hurt.”

  After we eat a very late dinner, we go lie in the hammock. We’re both
naked, but covered by a sheet and the warm night air and balmy breeze feel decadent on my skin. Julian tells me he told my dad he wanted to marry me the other night when we were at the bar. He also says my dad seemed okay with the idea, even if he didn’t know it was going to be happening so soon. I know my parents and I have a feeling they’ll be thrilled for me. I’ll call them in the morning because I’m sure they’re asleep already. He also tells me he talked to his parents about it. They were supportive as well. He tells me his mom wasn’t surprised by the news because she could tell by seeing us together it was going to happen. He didn’t tell Danny though because he didn’t want it to slip out in some drunken pillow talk with Lauren. His mention of my friend makes me want to tell all of them. It’s late but I can’t wait anymore. I’m too excited. Julian gets up and gets my phone for me.

  I send a group text to Marissa, Shannon, Lauren, and Jenna and attach a picture of the ring.

  Alexa: I said yes

  Marissa: OMG…call me NOW!!!!!!

  Jenna: I’m blinded. Is that an engagement ring or a glacier?

  Shannon: Sweet! Congrats Lex. So happy for you.

  Lauren: OMG. I’m with Danny. Does he know?

  Alexa: Will talk to you all tomorrow. Come over in the evening. Danny doesn’t know, but Julian says you can tell him and he’ll call him in the morning. Sorry I blinded you, Jenna. It’s very sparkly!

  I get out of the group text.

  Alexa: I’ll call you in the morning. Just couldn’t wait to share the news.

  Marissa: OK. :-( I want details. SOOO happy for you, Lex. So happy.

  We spend a few hours at the beach in the morning and leave Sanibel around one. Julian reluctantly drops me off at home in the late afternoon and leaves me there to catch up with my friends. He’s going to grab dinner with Danny and his friends and wants to spend a few hours at the hotel, so this works out. I spent a good chunk of the ride home talking to my parents and sisters and they all seem very happy and excited for me. Neither Jenna nor Lauren can come by because they both have plans, so we agree to go out for drinks tomorrow to celebrate. After Julian leaves, I share the majority of the proposal with Marissa and Shannon. I keep the most intimate details close to my heart.