Wastes of Space

by Darcy Town

  Rake heard shuffling and moaning inches away. He couldn’t look. It was happening again, as it always did, but he’d never reach her in time. No matter how many times he relived this moment. He couldn’t breathe, everything was so cold. He’d die if he didn’t save himself, but he had to get to her. He had to stop this from happening again. Her breath cut off in a choked gasp.

  Rake screamed. He wanted to leave, wanted to hide from his memory, from her. He wanted to run away, but he couldn’t move, just as stuck there as he had been in his past. His life drained out through the gash in his leg. He struggled to stop his bleeding, but it just kept flowing and he grew weaker. He had to—

  A hand grabbed his. He looked up. Ravil stood with the moon at her back. Stars danced in her hair. “Do you want to run with me?”

  “Yes.” Young Rake looked at her red eyes glowing in the darkness.

  She nodded. “I can take you wherever you want to go, Rake. Just tell me where.”

  He placed his other hand in hers. “I just don’t want to remember this. Get me out of here, Ravil. Take me anywhere.”

  She smiled, hooked a finger in the air, and his world turned blue and white.

  Rake’s eyes popped open and the dream vanished. He stared at the gunmetal gray ceiling of the refueling tanker. He sighed and let the nightmare slip away. A bad taste sat at the back of his tongue. He felt unwell, that was odd this soon after a dose. He touched his head, his chest. There was no specific feeling, no ache that he could pinpoint, just a general sense of negativity and unease.

  Rake puffed his cheeks and looked at his feet, he was still intact. No one was trying to kill him or take Ravil. This had been a good idea. He stretched and smiled, pinning his unease on the fading nightmares. He pulled on his leather jacket and licked his dry lips.

  He stared at the ceiling. He did not hear Ravil moving about. He wondered if she were asleep or watching the movies. He smiled at the thought; she was becoming quite the fan girl. His smile got bigger, she was an okay kid, reminded him a lot of his sister. He touched his necklace. They would have gotten along all right those two. He snorted, imagining the pair of blondes running around the swamp he’d grown up on. He had a hard time imagining Ravil being okay with the mud and smell of the bayou. She was a bit of a prissy kid, but she put up with a lot of shit.

  Rake scratched his head, confused but happy. He hoped she had not seen him passed out. He didn’t want her to think less of him. He jerked, surprised. He waited for the thought of her to settle like a dead weight around his neck, but he felt good, more alive than he had felt in a long time. He took a deep breath. He looked at his hands. Was he a new Rake or just back to being the way he was before Bangkok?

  His stomach rumbled, bringing him back to the present. He sat up, hungry. He wondered if she were as well. He’d take her out to dinner, something she hadn’t tried yet, not the terrible food they’d been eating so far. He still had some cash. They’d get something good, and then he would take her to Danny. Danny would have something for her to do, maybe even have a real job.

  Hopefully he’d never have to see Mica again to tell the prick that he’d had a good idea for once. He cracked his neck. “Hey Ravil?”

  No response.

  Rake jumped out of his cot, knife in hand. She was not in hers. He ran to the cockpit, she was not there either. He looked up to the rungs above him, but they were empty.

  He ran back to his cot and spotted blood on the floor. His eyes flicked to the door, seeing it open for the first time. His heart skipped a beat as fear hit him first and anger followed. He clenched his jaw and held his knife at the ready. He threw himself out of the ship and skidded to a stop on the concrete. It was going to be near impossible to find her if she had been taken. There was nothing worse than—

  She was sprawled out on the floor. He forgot to breathe and his world spun. The image of her crumpled on the floor induced terror that verged on pain. He took a step towards her. “Ravil?”

  She did not move or say anything in response.

  Rake sprinted for her. He fell to his knees at her side. “Ravil! Wake up, Ravil!” There was dried blood on the floor, on her clothes, under her nails. She was paler than death. Nothing alive should be that white. He clutched at his chest as a panic attack set in. “Ravil?”

  She did not stir at the sound of his voice. He reached out, but his hand stopped over her shoulder. His body shook as he fought with his hand. He was afraid to touch her. Parts of him said run and hide from it. If he never touched her, he’d never have to know if she were dead, if he’d caused it. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t run, he couldn’t leave her.

  He did not want to touch corpse-cold skin. He did not want to see empty eyes, not a child’s, not again. He strained with indecision. He could not sit here all day. If she were still alive, he had to do something to help her. Now.

  Rake forced himself to feel for her pulse at her neck. His fingers brushed her pale skin. He snatched his hand back. She was burning hot. He noticed the spots on her skin. He scooped her up into his arms. “Christ! Just hold on, you’re going to be okay!”

  Her eyelids slid open at his touch, her eyes unfocused. “Rake?”

  He ran towards the exit. “Don’t try and talk, you’re sick.” He fumbled with the key by the door, dropped it. “Goddamn it!” He grabbed along the floor. “How long have you been like this, hours?’

  Her head rolled to the side. “I don’t know. I haven’t really been conscious. A few minutes after you passed out I think.”

  Rake found the key, tore it off the floor, and jammed it into the lock, turning it frantically. He threw the door open, tossed the key behind him, and ran up the stairs into the dark hall beyond. He could barely breathe. “Fucking idiot!”

  Ravil flinched. “I’m sorry, Rake.”

  He stumbled. “You’re sorry?”

  “You’re angry at me.”

  Rake held her to him. “I’m not angry with you, I’m angry with me! I’m so fucking stupid!” He tripped in the darkness, scraped his arm against the wall. He clenched his jaw and kept his grip on her. “I should have known you were unwell, I could see it. I was just so self-absorbed.”

  Ravil swallowed painfully. “You can set me down and leave me.”

  He hissed. “I am not setting you down! I’m not leaving you! You’re very ill, you could die!”

  “I know.” She turned her face towards his chest. “I want to.”

  He glared at her and reached the hole to the surface. The sky overhead was dark red as the sun went down. He heaved her onto the tarmac above and followed. He threw barrels over the hole, picked her up, and sprinted for the fence. He scanned for an easy exit. There was no way she could climb over the fence herself. He spied an old gate, padlocked shut. He shifted her weight and ran for it. Sweat poured down his face. Running with her was like carrying a sack of burning potatoes.

  She could see the effort strained him. “Why are you helping me?”

  “Don’t ask me fucking why!” He reached the padlocked gate. “Why didn’t you tell me you were sick? Why, Ravil? Damn it!” He kicked at the rusted lock. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I would have gotten you help first. I could have gotten you help first, fuck, open!” He slammed his foot into the lock, but it would not break.

  Rake looked around frantically, searching for another way out. His hand brushed the lock. The metal warped and snapped in two. He looked down. “Thank fuck.” He shouldered the gate open with a screech. He got his bearings and took off running.

  Ravil stared at the blurry sky. “Doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes it does!” He struggled to breathe. “It does matter!”

  “Why?” She could not even muster the energy to cry. “I don’t matter anymore.”

  “What kind of stupid talk is that?” He dashed past closing shops. He pushed through crowds of pedestrians.

  “I’ve lost my purpose.” She went limp, her eyes rolled back into her head.

  Rake spared her a glanc
e. He shook her as he ran. “Wake up! Wake! Up!”

  Ravil opened one eye. “What?”

  “Keep talking to me.” His thoughts whirled. “What did you say you lost?”

  “But you said you don’t want to know my story.”

  “Stop listening to the stupid things I say! I’m an idiot! Christ I don’t even believe half the shit that comes out of my mouth.” Rake shouldered men and women out of the way. “Just tell me your story, Ravil!”

  “I’m a Navigator, I am supposed to, to…” She struggled to stay conscious. “Navigate ships to fight against the Empire, for the Resistance.”

  “Okay, tell me about that.” He didn’t care if she was delirious; keeping her conscious was his priority. “Tell me about navigating. How does it work? Are you an expert with maps?”

  “It doesn’t matter!” Ravil wailed. “I have to bond to a pilot, a star pilot with a ship. All I’ve managed to do is bond to you and you’re not going anywhere.” She burst into tears and leaned into him, hating herself, but unable to hate him. “I’ve failed them. I failed Calpsan, Sirana, and Paulos. They died to keep me away from the Empire, died for it, Rake! I owe the Resistance my life, and I’m fucking everything up. The Empire will get me now.”

  Rake turned a corner. “But you’re not in anyone’s hands but mine and I’m not handing you over to anyone, ever! Fuck, Ravil, I am so goddamn sorry!”

  Ravil sniffled. “They’ll find me. They’re looking for me right now.”

  “No one’s going to find you. I’ll keep you safe.” He stopped to get his bearings. “No fucking Empire is going to get you or me for that matter.” He took off. “Fuck Empires!”

  “They still died for nothing.” Ravil rubbed her eyes.

  “Then what were they supposed to die for?”

  “Keep me safe.”

  “They succeeded, you’re safe!” Rake looked both ways and ran through a break in traffic.

  “I am supposed to get back to the Resistance, Rake, to bond with their pilots, to help them fight back. Now I can’t.”

  “Yes you can!”

  Ravil clutched at his leather jacket. “How? I’m blood bonded to you and we can’t even get off of this stupid planet.”

  Rake was forced to stop at a stop light as cars zoomed past. He looked down at her. He didn’t understand what she was talking about, but he promised her anyway. “We’ll find a way. We will.”

  Desperation gave her a burst of strength. Ravil tore herself out of his grip and took a step towards traffic. Rake wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back towards the wall of a building. “What the hell are you doing?”

  She leaned on him. “I have two objectives, Rake.”

  He held her up. People stared at them. “Go fuck yourselves!” He looked down at her and prompted, “Two objectives yeah?”

  “Get to space, fight back with the Resistance.”

  “Got it.”

  “Or die.”

  He flinched. “What?”

  She closed her eyes. “If I cannot make it back, I have to self-terminate.”

  “What kind of bullshit story is this? Terminate? You’re a kid!”

  She elbowed him weakly. “There are no kids in war, and no Navigators are ever kids.” She rested her forehead on his chest and tried to raise her head. “I can’t fall into the hands of the Empire. I may not be able to fly again, but I can still be bred.”

  The light changed color. He picked her up and dashed across the street. “Bred? I am not letting anyone breed you! Or kill you! Or do whatever other sick ideas you have in your head!”

  She smiled sadly. “That’s why you should set me down. Let me die, and then the Empire can’t have me. I’m a weapon, Rake, a tool either side can use.”

  “Are you listening to yourself or to me? Your crazy story isn’t true, certainly not worth dying over!”

  Ravil shook her head. “You don’t understand, Rake.”

  He snarled. “I understand that even if that were true it’s stupid and wrong!”

  “It doesn’t matter if you think it’s stupid.” Ravil closed her eyes. “Doesn’t matter if I think it’s stupid. I can’t finish my primary objective. I can’t get to space, so I have to—”

  “Shut it!” Rake ran harder. “I will…fuck. I will get you into goddamn space so you can finish your primary objective! If it’s that or you dying, then space it is.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “Yes I fucking do!” Rake stopped on a sidewalk, pointed to his chest, and made sure she watched. “I will get you up there. I will find a ship, fuck I will fucking steal a goddamn ship for you. I will steal one and then take you into space and we’ll both drop a goddamn bomb on this wretched fucking city! Then we’ll go blow the shit out of this Empire! We’ll do it together! There! That’s a promise!”

  Her eyes glinted with hope and a fever. “Really?”

  “Yes really!”

  “But your ship is gone.”

  Rake scoffed. “I can fly anything. I am the best goddamn pilot in the entire fucking universe! So if you want a pilot, I’m all yours Bebette, and screw those Resistance jerks. They sound like a bunch of asses too. You’re my Navigator, got it?”

  Ravil’s pupils dilated, her eyes turned from cerise to crimson red. She hugged him with the remaining strength she had left and smiled. Her heartbeat slowed, the blood in her veins began to stop burning. Her body ached everywhere as she grew, but her impulse to commit suicide was gone. He’d accepted her, she was sealed to him. She exhaled and relaxed.

  Rake tilted her chin up. “Now stop this stupid suicide talk.” He stared into her eyes, wondering what kind of disease she had picked up to make her eyes look blood red. “Okay?”

  She closed her eyes. “Yes, sir.”

  He made a face. “You are never to call me sir ever again. To you, it’s Rake.”

  She smiled, the pain seeming less important. “Yes, Rake.”

  He broke into a run. “Stop acting like you’re taking orders. You don’t take orders from me or anyone, ever.”

  She shivered. She held onto him and for the first time in a long time, she had hope. She smiled. “Okay.”

  Rake eyed her. “No more suicide?”

  “No more.” She slipped into sleep.

  Rake sagged. “Fucking hell, thank you.” He ran harder than he had in years. He cursed his weakened body and then scowled. He cursed himself, “Fucking idiot! This is your fault, Rake! You and your stupid, weak, junkie body—you idiot!”

  He dashed down a street with red banners hanging from the lights. The buildings began to look nicer, well maintained by constant use. The streets were pothole free and he didn’t smell garbage or open sewage. He was in the right area.

  Rake stopped and scanned the dark street ahead, but there were no cars, no one waiting, and no one watching at least as far as he could tell. At the end of the block, the buildings ended. Tall grass and short trees choked what used to be a construction site. A five-story building sat flush against the field. A few dim lights illuminated the first floor.

  He could feel Ravil’s fever through her clothes. He snarled. “Fuck this.” He ran flat-out for the five-story building at the end of the block. He skidded to a stop in front of it. He looked up at the broken gate before the house and took a deep breath. He pushed through it and ran up the chipped steps and onto the wooden wraparound porch. He kicked at the front door. “Open!” He kicked again. “Open!” A disgruntled voice came from inside. Rake raised his voice, “I know you’re there. So open, you cock-sucking, lazy bastards!”

  The door opened a crack. A middle-aged man aimed a shotgun at the opening; the only things visible besides that were his short-cropped silver hair, his sharp gray eyes, and his well-muscled, tattooed arms. He looked at Rake and did a double take.

  Rake didn’t give him a chance to speak. “I know, bad time to be here, but I don’t have a choice, Danny! Please let me in or at least let her in!”

  Danny set the shotgun down
and held the door open. His voice was hard with a Texan accent, “Rake, you’re the only one that cares about that shit. Get inside.” He stepped back and let Rake by. He flipped the overhead lights on, casting the foyer in yellow light. Danny glanced at Ravil, then at Rake. “Mica called last night.”

  “Fucking prick.” Rake’s eyes narrowed as he scanned the landing and looked into the dining room and kitchen. The apartment building was small, but clean. Hardwoods were worn, but in good condition. The plaster had a few cracks, but wasn’t about to fall on them. A wooden staircase rose from the center of the house and linked all five floors, giving a person on any floor the ability to look all the way up or all the way down. He stopped his search, feeling it was safe enough. “Of course he did.”

  “He didn’t say she was hurt.” Danny reached for Ravil.

  Rake backed up against the wall, keeping Ravil out of Danny’s reach. “You have to help her, she’s sick.”

  “Rake, what do you think I’m trying to do?” He held his arms out, but Rake would not hand Ravil over. Danny sighed. “Take her up to one of the bedrooms.”

  Rake eyed the central staircase. “Who’s here?”

  “At the moment? No one but me.” Danny rubbed his tired eyes. “Katarina and Tasanee are out, and Evgeniy is working.”

  “What about Oro and Ice and Mav?”

  “Everyone else has found other residences, their rooms are empty.”

  Rake looked him over. “What are you going to do once I go up there?”

  “Call Keto and tell him to get his black ass and bag over here. She’s ill, Rake. She needs a doctor.”

  “I can fucking see that, you ancient dick.” Rake ran up the stairs to the second floor.

  Danny called after him, “Nice to see you too, Rake! You’re welcome for the place to stay! I’m doing well thanks.”

  Only one door of the four rooms had decorations, Katarina’s, her name painted on the outside. Rake looked at the room across from hers, the door was open, the room empty, except for a bed and dresser. It was his old room. He carried Ravil across the hardwood floor. He leaned in the doorway to make sure the room was empty. Seeing it was safe, he set her down on the bare mattress. He popped open a window and let in a breeze. He sat next to her and touched her short hair.