Road Trip

by Andie M. Long

  'That you done for the night is it?' Laughs Felix.

  'It’s certainly me done for the next few minutes.' I reply. 'Come join me.'

  He quirks an eyebrow but follows suit though he doesn’t wash his glass out. Boys are so dirty. With it being a king, he could lay right at the other side, but he doesn’t, he scoots right up next to me.

  'I’ll raid my mum’s bags next and see what else we can have for our in bed picnic.'

  'Yaaayyy.’ I clap my hands together, spreading crisp dust everywhere. ‘This is gonna be so much fun.' I grab the remote off the bedside table and find a repeat of Tipping Point.

  Felix rummages in the carrier bags his mother gave him and emerges with another bottle of wine, a tin of chocolate biscuits like you get given at Christmas, a packet of Cheesy Wotsits each and some breadcakes. We make crisp sandwiches. He shows me an apple, but I shake my head. Healthy eating can come later. For now, I’m enjoying myself.

  ‘Think of the baby,’ he jokes.

  'So tell me more about yourself.' Felix suddenly says out of nowhere.

  I raise my eyebrows. What is he trying to find out about me?

  'I know you don’t get along with your sister, but I want to learn more about you. What do you like and dislike? That kind of thing.'

  I feel my cheeks flush from the sudden attention.

  'I think you already know me a lot better than Dick ever did.’

  He meets my gaze, his eyes full of something I can’t put my finger on.

  ‘Okay, let me think.' I tell him, desperately trying to think of something interesting to tell him about myself. 'Let's see. I like having really lazy days and eating junk food, so this right now is right up my street.' I stuff another chocolate biscuit in my mouth and don’t say anything else until I’ve finished eating.

  'I’m quite sensitive. You know like if you hear people sniggering on a bus, and I’ll think it must be about me. I realise I’m not very confident because I was prepared to settle for Richard as a boyfriend and husband, and well, now I seem to be having some sort of epiphany or mid-twenties crisis as I feel like I want to reach for more.'

  He smiles kindly. 'You’re just starting to value yourself. I wish you could see yourself like I see you.'

  Why the heck is he suddenly being so nice to me? It's like we’re on some kind of weird date. But then, any date where I get to sit in a dressing gown and eat crisps is a win for me.

  'Why, how do you see me?' I ask, intrigued.

  He looks over my face. I don’t doubt I have crisp crumbs around my mouth.

  'I see a beautiful, intelligent woman with a ton of career potential who just needs to believe in herself a bit more.'

  I almost choke on another biscuit. Yes, it’s my fourth. I’m having a picnic here, leave me alone.

  'Oh, well, thank you.' I eventually say, unsure of what to say to that.

  'You’re welcome. Now, what are we doing this evening? We can carry on drinking here and just crash out, or we could head down to the seafront and have a look around? We’ve two pounds left to spend.' He laughs and I stare at him a bit too long cos I’m kind of crushing on that beautiful face of his in my inebriated state.

  What if I just leant forward and kissed him?

  What indeed? I do a strange flop face down on the bed and crush the remaining food.

  'Whoa, you a bit drunk there, missy?' Felix lifts me up and I try to focus on which one is his face. Whoa, how have I got so drunk? 'Right. I’m making you a coffee and we’ll just hang here for a bit longer until you sober up.'

  'You have a beautiful face and soul.' I tell him.

  'Fucking hell you ARE pissed.' He says, with wide eyes. 'A compliment.'

  I lay back against the headboard, just feeling mellow and entirely awesome, while I drink my coffee.

  'You take care of me so well, my beautiful friend.' I tell him with a giggle. 'If you need me to take care of you anytime, I will do.' Then I begin to giggle harder. 'Oh that sounds rude. No, I don’t need to take care of you in THAT way. I know now you can handle that by yourself. Handle that, hand. You get it?' I crease up laughing.

  Felix chuckles, amusement dancing in his eyes as he pushes a stray bit of hair out of my eyes. 'Yes, Kitty Kat.'

  I sigh. 'I love you calling me Kitty Kat.'

  My eyelids are suddenly so heavy, it's hard to keep them open, a fresh bout of fatigue taking over me. I let them close and allow sleep to take me.

  I must have fallen asleep because the next time I open my eyes, Felix is sitting in the lounge chair reading the Scarborough magazine from the coffee table.

  'What time is it?' I ask, pushing my hair out of my face. I move my hand and feel the dried saliva at the edge of my mouth. Sexy.

  'Eight. You’ve not been asleep that long, maybe forty-five minutes or so.'

  I still feel a bit merry, I think. Excellent, nice and buzzed.

  'So can we go out now?' I ask, jumping out of bed to go to the bathroom. I stumble slightly. Okay, must move slower.

  'Sure,' he shouts back. ‘Just wash the dribble from your face and we’re ready to go.’

  We wander around the seafront. The smell of fish and chips is amazing, and we pay a pound of what we have left to buy a small cone to share. As we wander further up the street we walk past a face painter drawing a tiger face on a young boy who looks about five. Bit late for him to be out.

  'Oh my God, there’s a big scary tiger.' I say, pretending to hide behind Felix. The boy laughs and makes a roaring noise. Felix pretends to be scared too which makes the boy fall about laughing. I’ve never seen him with kids this young.

  'It’s face paint,' the boy explains. 'I’m not really a tiger.'

  His mum smiles in thanks at us as they finish up and pay the painter.

  'Do you want yours doing?' the face painter asks.

  'Ah, thanks, I’d love to, but we don’t have a penny left to our name.' I tell her. It’s not entirely true, we have a quid left, but that’s our last quid and so an emergency quid.

  'Sophie.' The woman yells though the car window behind us. 'My friend is practising,' the woman says. 'If you’re willing to be guinea pigs, she’ll do it for free.' She looks at our faces. 'They’ll look just as good, I’m sure. She’s an artist. She just needs to be able to practice using the paints before we let her loose on the paying public.'

  'Then yes please.' It must be my lucky day. I take a seat.

  Sophie comes out of the car and the face painter whose name is Mandy explains we’re volunteers. Sophie looks at us and grins. 'I’m going to do you as an angel and him as a devil. He has that wicked look about him.'

  'Ha she’s got you pegged.' I goad Felix, secretly wishing every female didn’t flirt with him.

  'Who, me? I’m never naughty,’ he says, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

  Sophie stares back at him hungrily. I feel a tightening in my throat and the words ‘back off, bitch’ come into my mind. Whoa! I can’t be getting jealous over a total manwhore like Felix. It must be the alcohol.

  Sophie puts a pale white all over my face and then paints elaborate angel wings using silver and light blues over my eyes.

  'Oh my God, thank you.' I tell her, not able to drag my eyes away from the mirror she holds up. It’s absolutely beautiful. 'You are really talented. Both of you,' I add as I don’t want Mandy feeling jealous.

  She smiles. 'Come on then, devil, let’s have you,' she says. There’s a definite flirt to her tone. Little whore.

  I hold my stomach. 'Felix. I think I just felt the baby kick.’ His eyes widen to twice the size. Ha, ha, that’ll stop her getting into his pants. ‘Here,' I grab for his hand. 'Can you feel it?'

  Felix eyes become bemused. 'Oh my God. Really, my angel?’ he asks theatrically. He holds his hand on my stomach. It feels weird having his hands on me. ‘Was that one then?’ he asks excitedly. ‘Was that a tiny flutter, or is it wind?'

  'It’s a flutter.' I tell him pointedly.

  'You don’t look pregn
ant,' Sophie says, eyeing me suspiciously.

  'She doesn’t, does she? It’s because she’s an athlete. Super fit and still runs every day.'

  I’m going to kill him.

  'Ah, okay.' Sophie’s lost all enthusiasm for face painting now she knows she’s not going to get some. She paints Felix’s face bright red and then adds black wings at the edge of his eyes. A quick bit of black paint added to his eyebrows and a goatee beard. 'All done.'

  Felix looks a tad disappointed but soon picks himself back up.

  'Thank you so much.' He says, giving both ladies a peck on the cheek. 'Now, come on, Angel, you’ve not done as much running today. You must keep it up. We don’t want you getting chubby.'

  The women look back at him, horrified.

  'Yes, you’re so right, darling.' I say through gritted teeth. I take off at a leisurely jog.

  Felix sprints past me, 'Loser.' He yells.

  I try to keep up, until we’re out of sight of the face painters. We’re near the harbour now and I find a bench and collapse back against it.

  'You’ve fucking killed me.' I yell. 'I need to lie here a minute and get my breath back.'

  'Must be the pregnancy knackering you out,’ he says with a knowing wink. ‘Was someone feeling a bit jealous back there?’

  I scoff. ‘Don’t be ridiculous!’

  ‘Okay, if you say so. I’m going to wander around the amusements across the street. Don’t worry, I’m not spending. Just had an idea.'

  I’m too tired to argue.

  It’s a bit breezy, so I pull my feet up on the bench and place my arms around my knees. After ten minutes there’s still no sign of Felix and I’m getting chilly now. I look around but the only thing I can see is an abandoned newspaper. Don’t the homeless use newspaper to keep themselves warm? I go to get it and lie back on the bench, tucking my bag under my head like a pillow and then look around, making sure there’s no one watching me as I tuck a bit of newspaper around the top half of my body.

  When I’m done, I do actually feel a bit warmer. I think I’ll just put a piece over my head for a minute to block that breeze out of my face. Surely, he can’t be much longer? What the hell is he doing?

  'Look, Monty, there’s one of those less fortunate people I was telling you about. Now stay there and watch mummy. I always try to help people.'

  Aww, I think from under my newspaper. I do that. If I see a homeless person I always buy a big issue, or if they’re on the street, I buy them some food from the nearest shop. I want to show myself and smile but figure an angel popping out from under a newspaper would make the poor kid jump. Then a slow realisation takes over me. Fuck, do they think I’m the homeless person? I lie very, very, still. A voice sounds near my body.

  'I don’t know if you are awake or asleep, but I can see you’re breathing so that’s good. So, I’m leaving some money beside you on the bench. I’ll just tuck it under the newspaper so no-one else steals it. I hope you buy food, but I do understand when things are desperate that alcohol gets you through the night. Hell, I know, I sometimes need one once I’ve got Monty in bed, so no judgement. I hope your situation improves.' Then I feel a press against my abdomen and hear footsteps moving away with an 'Oh mummy that was so kind.'

  I decide to wait for another few minutes to make sure the coast is clear.

  'What the fuck are you doing, Katy?' Felix’s voice is at the side of my head. I pull off all the newspaper having first reached under it and put the twenty-pound note into my hand.

  'I was cold, and it seemed a good idea. Where the fuck have you been?'

  'I’ve been hanging around the amusements waiting for people to leave and looking in the trays to see if they left anything behind. Sometimes coins drop down afterwards.' He holds his hand open proudly, '£1.26.'

  I stand up and stuff the newspaper back into the bin.

  'Where have you got twenty pounds from?' Felix gawps at my hand.

  ‘Turns out I made more money just laying here.’

  He rolls his eyes. ‘That’s women all over.’

  We agree that we’ll save the £1.26 and fill the car up with the twenty quids worth of petrol. We also agree that once we have money again we’ll both give a tenner to someone who is genuinely homeless to make us feel less guilty.

  'Come on,' Felix says. 'You can use this twenty-six pence worth of two pences in the slots. I know how much you like Tipping Point.'

  ‘We sure know how to live,’ I say sarcastically.

  I win a One Direction elastic bracelet and wear it with pride as we walk back to the hotel.

  'It’s been a great night, hasn’t it?' I state to Felix.

  'It really has. I’ve had a lot of fun,' he says in surprise. 'And look,' he points to the wardrobe. 'All our clothes are hung up ready for the interviews tomorrow and we’re back at a reasonable time of night. Let’s get ourselves ready for bed and get a good night’s sleep.' He pauses. 'Do you think you’ll manage to sleep seeing as you’ve already had a power nap?'

  'Yeah,' I yawn, proving I’m still tired. 'It must be my delicate condition.'

  Felix goes to the bathroom and stays in there for over ten minutes. I figure he must be wanking. What else could he be doing for that long?

  He finally comes out, his face still painted. He must have forgotten with all the wanking.

  'You’ve not done a very good job on that, Felix. Your face is still red.' I tell him with a straight face.

  'You reckon?' He says sarcastically. 'The black bits came straight off, but the red base has hardly shifted.'

  'Here, use my cleanser,' I tell him, throwing him the bottle, 'but leave some for me. You only need a fifty pence piece size.'

  A few minutes later, he re-emerges from the bathroom. 'It’s still not coming off,' he tells me on a heavy sigh.

  I start laughing. 'Oh my God, you might have to attend the interview looking like you’ve stayed out in the sun too long today. You look burnt.'

  'You’ve not tried taking yours off yet, Angel.' He says with a sneer.

  I roll my eyes. He’s obviously being ridiculous. I take my cleanser into the bathroom and remove the angel wings easily, but my white face remains. I look like the undead.

  'This is fucking ridiculous. Why is it not coming off?' I yell.

  He walks into the bathroom and stands behind me, so I can see him in the mirror.

  'I don’t know and I’m too bloody tired to think about it. We’ll sort it in the morning. I’ll Google it. Let’s call it a night.' He stomps into bed and puts his head on the pillow. He’s out in seconds. I decide to take his advice and crawl into bed myself.

  Katy

  It still won’t come off. At least I have make up so after an hour of applying foundation over it I look… well, I still look deathly pale, but it's an improvement. I’ve tried to put some foundation on Felix’s face but he looked like a demonic clown and so we cleansed it back off. It’s a lot better than it was, but he still looks severely sunburnt.

  We quickly have a coffee and a chocolate biscuit for breakfast and then we’re on our way to our interviews at nine am and ten am.

  As we pass the hotel receptionist, she calls out. 'Oh goodness. You really do look washed out this morning. I thought a comfy sleep might help. Have you had something to eat?'

  I have to remember she thinks I’m pregnant.

  I shake my head. 'No, I couldn’t face anything.'

  'Do you think you could handle a slice of toast?'

  'Maybe.' I say thinking yes fucking please. 'God, now you’ve said that I’m in the mood for a bacon sandwich. God, cravings are the worst. We’re going to be late now because I need to go get one right away.'

  'Wait there.' She says, placing a finger across her lips.

  Oh my God, it’s working.

  'You realise we’re going to hell for all these lies, don’t you?' Felix says with an amused quirk of his eyebrow.

  I look at his red face. 'You’re already there, mate. Must be karma.'

  The r
eceptionist comes skulking out with two wrapped sandwiches. 'Here, I know I stuffed my face when I had cravings. If not, I’m sure your husband would eat the other one.' She looks at Felix, her face contorting. ‘My! You must be stressed. Your face is bright red.’

  'God, you are like my guardian angel.' I tell her, taking the sandwiches and giving her a quick hug. When I back away she beams.

  'Well, I’m guessing you have meetings or something today. Don’t work too hard. You need to rest to grow that baby.'

  'Thank you again.' I say as we leave the building.

  Once we’re safely in the car, I hand over a bacon sandwich. 'Just be careful not to get greasy marks on your clothes.' I tell Felix who almost snatches the sandwich out of my hand. Moody pants.

  The school looks really nice as we walk up the long, gravelled driveway. It apparently dates back to the eighteen hundreds and feels like it's been plucked straight out of Midsummer Murders. We’ve managed to keep our clothes clean which is a miracle with how things have been going against us lately.

  The receptionist greets us with an apologetic smile on her face. 'I’m afraid Mrs Tibbins is running behind this morning as her car won’t start.’ Its then she notices our faces, her forehead frowning, clearly trying to work out what the hell happened to us.

  ‘She’s hoping to be here for ten am, so all the interviews are going to run thirty minutes behind. If you could take a seat in the waiting room,' she points to a door. 'The nine-thirty am interviewee is already in there.'

  We knock and walk into the waiting room. Sitting there is a woman who looks to be in her mid-fifties. She has mid-brown wavy hair, between short and mid length; and really rosy chubby cheeks.

  'Oooh, competition, just kidding!' She kind of singsongs. 'Sit down and we can have a singalong or something while we wait. Ha, only joking again.' She says with a laugh that contains a snort.

  I may throat punch her, she’s too fucking happy for words. Especially this early in the morning.

  'Mavis Bromley.' She holds out a hand and Felix shakes it, so I follow suit. I can’t be rude, can I?