Surviving the Pain (A Baby Saved Me Series Book 1)

by P. J. Belden

  Sighing, she could feel the tears burning her eyes. “But… what if…”

  “He’ll be fine honey. We are aware of the panic attacks and nightmares he still has from the break in. You need to trust us. You need this time with Sage, and we need this time with Hudson.”

  “His inhaler and anxiety meds are in his bag,” she relented after a moment’s pause. “Don’t forget to give him the one before he goes to bed or he’ll have his night terrors.”

  It killed her to think of her little boy going through so much, but he’s so resilient. They believed that he would bounce back rather quickly when his mind caught up to the fact that the break-in was in the past, and he was safe. Though, Ember personally thought that them still being in that apartment could be causing it to stay around longer. Sadly, though, she had no choice but to stay there. She couldn’t afford anything else. Even if she could, the damn landlord wasn’t letting her out of her lease. She still had three more months left there.

  “We know sweetie. Have your chat, get this straight with you, and we’ll see you for supper on Sunday. Sound good?”

  “Okay,” she sighed.

  After telling her son that he got to spend the whole weekend with her parents and making it through his happy cheers, she said her ‘I love yous’ as did Sage and they hung up. Wiping a tear from her cheek, she hated being away from her son. He’s been her focus since he was in her stomach. So much so, that without him, she was lost. The trip back to her apartment was quiet. Ember was sure that Sage had no idea what to do about her quietly breaking down. Or maybe he understood since he has not wanted to be away from his son since getting here.

  As they walked up the stairs to her apartment, he grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. It was a silent offer of support and understanding, and it made Ember turn her head and smile at him. It was moments like that that she saw her Sage from before he disappeared from her life. These times were when she forgot the pain that she’d gone through and remembered all the love and happiness she had with him. Funny how such a small gesture could give her that reminder, but it did. Somewhere in all the hurt, her heart still longed for the man beside her.

  Silently, they entered her apartment. For several long moments, nothing was said. Ember needed to start this, but she didn’t know which question to start with. Wringing her hands in front of her, she looked at her feet and asked the one that screamed louder.

  “You keep saying that it wasn’t safe, and that’s why you pushed me away. You’ve said that this Rufus guy is not one to be crossed. So why is now safe? You’ve been here for almost a week. So that means you aren’t doing whatever it is you do for this guy. I just don’t get it.”

  He sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to him. Slowly – and even a little shyly – she made her way to the sofa and sat down. There was more silence for a moment. She studied his features and watched as he warred within himself as to what he should tell her or shouldn’t. Ember told him then that she wanted only the truth, not half-truths or lies. If he felt the need to give her anything less than the full truth, then he needed to leave. She wasn’t going to stay in a relationship like that.

  “Okay,” he breathed. “I’m an MMA fighter for Rufus. I bring him in some damn good money. I’m undefeated, and I’m highly sought after for fights. Everyone wants to bring down the top dog, you know?” He shrugged. “As for Rufus missing me, it’s my off time. I don’t start up workouts again for another two months. He isn’t an issue. To be completely honest with you, I don’t know that I want to stop. I make good money and could give you guys a life you deserve.”

  Her head snapped up at that statement. “But you just said…”

  “I know what I said, and it’s the truth. However, Rufus figured out that I wasn’t going to be one of the other pussies he’s had try and screw him over. I love to fight. The power I feel when I knock out a man three times my size is… euphoric almost. I’m good at it. I’ve made a name for myself. Everyone knows me. I’m The Sage ‘Iron Fists’ Jacobs.”

  “Then why has it taken you so long to come back? If he knew you weren’t like the rest…” Ember couldn’t understand why anyone would want to risk their well-being to make money. There were safer, healthier ways to earn money.

  “I’ve told you this before Ems. I’ve tried to come back, but either you wouldn’t see me or Grey stopped me. It took me over a year to prove myself and know that it was okay to come back, but by that time, you already hated me. It has been an uphill solo battle since.”

  “But there are other ways, safer ways, that you can earn a living Sage.”

  “Not like this.” He said simply.

  “You have a child and a wife to consider,” she screamed without thinking. It wasn’t until the words she just said registered in her head that her hand flew to her mouth, and she felt her face heat. “I mean you have a child to consider.” Ember corrected herself softly.

  “No,” he smiled. “You had it right the first time. Whether I’ve asked or not and whether you’ve said yes or not, that’s how I’ve always viewed you, Ems, long before I left. You’ve always been more than a girlfriend. Truthfully – and you said you wanted complete honesty – when I came here… Hold on a minute.” Sage left the room and went to her room.

  Ember had no clue what he was going in there for. He’d followed her in there the other day when she tried to give him the money back and saw that everything he sent was still in the box. He was shocked when she told him that she’d never opened the boxes. Sage refused to take the money back from her. It was his money and she knew that Sage brought nothing with him because he had to go to the store to buy new clothes.

  A few moments later, Sage returned to the living room. Without a single warning, he dropped down to one knee and opened the small box that had been in the package he’d sent. Tears filled his eyes as he smiled.

  “I’m not expecting a miracle here. I know as I ask this question it will be a no because you’ve made it clear I need to earn back what I destroyed, and that’s fine. I still want to say this, though. See, had you opened this box, you would have found this ring sitting on the inside. It was my first purchase. I had it for a while, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to ask you. When I saw you last, I didn’t know if I’d ever get that chance again. So, I put it in your birthday box and wanted you to know that no matter how much time had passed this was still a future for me. A future that I had still envisioned for us. There were nights that I’d fall asleep thinking about what our wedding would look like, what our future kids would look like. You were all I thought about. But, had you looked in this box, you would have seen the message on the top too…”

  He tipped the box back, and she looked inside the lid of the small blue container. Scrawled in Sage’s writing were six words. I hope to earn this yes. Ember’s eyes flicked up to meet his. Tears filled her eyes and his form danced in the blurred sight. One tear slipped from her eye and then another. She was stunned silent. Sage truly wanted only her. His love had never died over the years, just as hers hadn’t. They’d merely learned how to survive the pain they’d been thrown into at the time. The big question here was, did she trust him? Did she trust that he’d do all he could to keep her and Hudson his priority over all else as she would them? Looking him in the eyes, she knew, deep in her broken – but healing – heart that he would.

  “I know that trust is a hard thing to earn back, but I hope I can. And I hope that when I say, ‘Ember, I love you more than anything in this world. Love is about making unknown dreams come true. Dreams that never end and never fade are where true love lie. You are my dreams, my true love, will you marry me?’ I hope one day that the answer will be…”

  “Yes,” she breathed, tears falling mercilessly down her cheeks.

  “Yeah, I want that answer. Maybe just like that too,” he smiled sadly.

  “No, Sage. I’m answering. There’s one thing you’ve taught me – and my parents – is that there comes a time when decisions need
thought and when they need gut instincts. This is a gut instinct one, in my opinion. My answer is yes. I will marry you.”

  Sage sat there with his mouth gaped open and his eyes wide. It was a comical sight, and Ember couldn’t stop the laughter from bubbling over. The truth was Ember wasn’t fully sure this wasn’t going to bite her in the ass later on. At the same time, she felt like this was the right decision to make. When Sage still didn’t say anything – or even move a muscle or blink – she rambled on before her insecurities stopped her from making a decision she knew was the right one to make.

  “I want a real wedding, though. I want all our friends there. I don’t know if you have any friends from your life for the past five years, but if you do, I’m sure you’d want them there too. Hudson needs to be involved too.”

  Shaking his head, he finally blinked. “You’re serious.”

  “Yes,” she smirked. “Seems I’m saying that a lot in the last few minutes and I’m not getting anything out of you.” Ember couldn’t help but tease him. He looked so… so… lost right now.

  “Don’t…” he choked on his emotions. “Please don’t play with me, Ems.”

  Her smile fell at his words. Sliding down to the floor, she faced him, eye to eye. “I’d never play on this, Sage.”

  “But you said you had to be cautious because of Hudson, and I agree with you. I didn’t say all this to you for you to think I was pressuring you. You need time, and I get that. Take all the time you need, I’m not going anywhere.”

  Ember couldn’t stop the loud burst of laughter that escaped. She laughed until her sides hurt and tears fell from her eyes. It wasn’t until she saw the pain in Sage’s eyes that she realized her mistake. Clearing her throat, she searched for the right words to tell him to make him understand that she actually meant what she said. In the end, no words were going to be good enough, proof enough. So she went with fire. The fire that has been burning inside her since he showed back up.

  Leaning forward, she took the box from his hand and set it on the couch between them. Sage looked down at the box and back at her confused. Ember simply smiled and leaned in kissing him soundly. It only took Sage a few seconds to overcome his shock and kiss her back. Just as quickly as they had when he’d come home the night of Grey’s breakdown, things intensified. Only this time, Ember wasn’t letting him stop them. This time, they were going to finally have what they both have craved for a long time.

  Sage’s hands massaged every inch of her back, arms, waist, and up to her breasts. Her skin tingled with awareness and love. This man has always been able to bring out the very wanton woman that lived deep inside her. No other man had ever made her feel desired – not even Grey… Ember quickly pushed those thoughts aside and focused on Sage. She, too, took her time reacquainting herself with his body. Though he was still the same Sage, his body had changed. It was more muscular, more ripped, more delicious. Making short work of their clothes, Sage lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

  After laying her so tenderly on the bed, he stood back and stared down at her. His eyes roamed her body from the tips of her toes to the top of her head, lingering a little longer in some areas. Every inch that his eyes covered, the more her body heated. The things this man could do to me, she thought as she sighed when his eyes finally met hers.

  Sage wasn’t exactly sure if he was awake at this point, but he damn sure hoped so. His mind was still whirling with her whispered yes and everything after that he almost lost the thread of control he had. Ember deserved to be treasured, just as Sage had when they were first together. He’d show her that she was all he ever wanted. Then, and only then, he’d figure out if she was serious about accepting his marriage proposal was what she really wanted to do or what Ember felt she had to do. But not before she knew exactly what she meant to him.

  “You are so beautiful. I thought you were sexy as hell when you were fifteen, but now… now… Damn babe, I can’t even think while I’m looking at you like this.”

  “Then don’t think. Love me. Let me love you.” Her voice was just above a whisper, but he could hear the lust in there, but even more the love. That emotion alone was what broke him from his trance and he moved on top of her, kissing every inch of her body on the way up.

  Bracing himself on his hands, he looked down at her. “I love you, Ems. I always have and I always will.”

  Lowering down, his lips met hers in a kiss unlike any other. It wasn’t rushed. Nor was it so intense that the moment was lost or rushed. The kiss was simple, sweet, loving and damn addicting. Her lips, her body, her everything, Sage would do whatever it took to make sure she was his for the rest of his life. Whatever it took.

  Moving to his elbows, he cupped her head within his forearms and hands. The kiss continued to get more passionate and without a single word shared, Sage pushed inside of her. The second he was seated to the hilt, he tossed his head back and moaned loudly. God, he missed her. Meeting her gaze, a small smile spread across her kiss-swollen lips.

  “Sage, I was telling you the truth out there. I want to marry you, to spend the rest of my life loving you. Hudson deserves you around twenty-four hours a day seven days a week. But more selfishly, I want to feel you in my arms, in my bed… Inside me like this, for the rest of my life. I want to be loved by you the way we dreamed of and beyond it. I love you, Sage Jacobs. I’ve never stopped.”

  Without another word spoken, Sage leaned down and took her lips back in a passionate kiss. The words he was afraid he’d never hear again just fell from her mouth. Even more, she really wanted to marry him. He had his son, he’d soon have his wife… Life was better than Sage had ever guessed it would be.

  Ember felt the tears hit her face. At first, she wasn’t sure if they were tears of sadness or happiness. But then he started to thrust into her, in slow, deep, unrushed movements that spoke to her more than words could explain. They were tears of happiness. That assumption was only confirmed when he whispered – in an emotionally choked voice – how much he loved her. This moment between them was so much more than sex. It was so many things rolled into one that it became too much too quickly. Soon, Sage was picking up the pace. Though he’d increased in speed, it wasn’t out of control either. It was still somehow loving. Every inch of their bodies touched, and it only served to heighten the moment. She wanted this feeling, this moment, to last forever.

  Sage’s continued whispered words of love between intensely consuming kisses were what sent her over the edge long before she wanted to fall. The climax was so intense that Sage cursed loudly and followed behind her. As he lay on top of her breathing just as heavy as she was, she thought how wonderful it felt to have him like this again. There was a long while there that she thought she’d never have happiness again. She thought she’d be forever alone with only her son as a reminder of how good things could have been.

  Running her hands down his back and hugging him tighter to her, she let her tears of joy slip from her eyes. “I love you, Sage. I love you so much. Please don’t break me. I wouldn’t be able to survive that pain.”

  Lifting up on his forearms, he brushed the hair from her face. “I’m not going anywhere. You are all I’ve ever wanted. The only place I ever want to be is with you and Hudson.”

  Rolling over, he pulled her to his chest. She rested her hand over his heart and felt the erratic beat behind his strong, muscled chest. Somehow, some way, they reached the place they were meant to be. It only took five years of pain, five years of trying to forget – to move on. They were here, though. They were on the verge of their happily ever after. Sighing, Ember snuggled into Sage’s solid and protective hold. She knew this was the start of being pain-free.

  Jerking awake, Ember almost didn’t know what that distant sound was. It wasn’t until the sleep began to unclog itself from her brain that she realized it was a phone. Her phone? His phone? The ringing didn’t sound familiar. Shoving Sage, she put her hand over his mouth to keep him quiet. When his widened eyes met hers, she
whispered to him.

  “Do you hear that? That’s not my phone.”

  Gently, he wrapped his hand around her wrist. Shifting his head out from under Ember’s hand, he kissed her lips lightly.

  “Honey, that’s my phone. I’ll be right back.” He moved to climb from the bed.

  She reached out and grabbed his arm with force. Sage brought his worried expression to meet her panicked one. But she couldn’t stop the visions of the last time she heard something different. Her body started to shake with each one.

  “Are- Are you s-s-sure?”

  He looked at the clock next to the bed and smiled. “Come on, sweetheart. I’ll find out what Rufus wants, and then I’ll take you to breakfast. Okay?”

  Nodding her head, she never released his arm as she climbed off the bed with him. They walked out to the kitchen where he collected his ringing phone from the counter. Kissing her lips lightly, he held her tightly to his side.

  “Hey, man. Sorry, I was still in bed.” Sage answered as he put the phone on speaker and set it on the counter. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on hers.

  “Where are you?” Came a gruff response from the other end of the line. “Nadine went by your place and said you weren’t there.”

  She felt him stiffen slightly at the mention of the woman’s name. “I told her to leave me the hell alone. I didn’t want her any night, I don’t want her now.”

  “She said y’all were moving in with each other. Even told us that you’d finally gotten over your Ems and were ready to settle down again.”

  “Hell no! Well, at least none of that with her. Do you remember Sasha?”

  “Yeah, she’s my niece, of course, I remember her. What’s this got to do with Nadine?”

  “Well, I just found out that when she was hospitalized, it was because of her. The bitch put a hit out on her for fooling with ‘her man’. The Fox Crew took the job. I’m not hers, and I never have been. Not even for a night,” he said as he looked directly at Ember.