Confessions of a Heartbreaker

by Sucevic, Jennifer

  Her eyes narrow as if she doesn't quite believe me. "Really?" And sure, I get where she's coming from. I almost can't believe it myself. But it's true. Totally and unequivocally true.

  My lips tug upward. "Before I met you, I'd never turned down a willing chick-"

  Shaking her head, she gives me a massive eye roll. "I was so right about you, you're a complete man whore, Parker Montgomery."

  "That may be so, but I'm your man whore." I give her a slow sexy smile (panty dropper smile alert). Because it seems called for in this particular situation. Even though I’m actually trying to keep those panties on her...

  Yeah… go figure.

  She snorts and thankfully I feel her muscles loosen as she relaxes against me once again. "Now why doesn't that make me feel better?"

  "Before you,” I continue, “I wouldn't have thought twice about hooking up with some random girl at a party. Hell, that was pretty much my MO."

  "You're not exactly redeeming yourself here," she cuts in dryly.

  Yeah, she's probably right. I need to stay focused and on topic otherwise I’m just going to get myself in trouble. So I cut to the chase.

  "But then I met you and everything changed. I couldn't stop thinking about you. And that scared me. No other girl has ever mattered to me the way you do. I want us to be together. And I want to be your first." Rolling my eyes, I reemphasis my words. "I want that more than anything and if you didn't mean shit to me, I'd take what you're offering and not think twice about it. But you do matter, Jordan." Slowly my fingers stroke up and down her cheek. "You matter more than anyone ever has and I don't want to rush into something you might end up regretting later on. I don’t want to take that chance."

  "But I won't regret it," she whispers, "I want you. I do."

  Her cheeks grow warm as she murmurs the last few words. Bringing her face to mine, I kiss her softly. Then I whisper against her lips, "Let's just take our time with this. We’re not in any rush. I promise you, we'll make it work."

  Pulling away she shakes her head before repeating, "I can't believe you're actually saying no to me."

  Silently I mull over her words before agreeing, "Yeah, me nether."

  "So... no sex?"

  "No sex," I confirm. I'm sure come tomorrow, I'll totally regret taking the high road. But for today I'm pretty sure it's the right decision. Maybe not for me but certainly for Jordan. She has enough to deal with moving back to Boston, leaving her friends and aunt behind, and starting all over again almost midway through her senior year. She doesn't need the added complication that sex brings with it.

  Quietly she closes the distance separating us until she's able to feather her lips softly across mine. Her hands settle gently on my face. And then she's kissing me, stroking her mouth over mine.

  When she finally pulls away, she sighs softly before whispering, "You're right, I guess we should wait." She holds my eyes for a long heartbeat as if she's searching them for an answer to a question she has yet to ask. "Thank you for putting me first."

  "You're welcome." This is probably the first time in my life that I've ever put someone else's needs ahead of my own. And you know what? It feels surprisingly... good.

  With a small smile curving her lips heavenward, she lays another gentle kiss on the tip of my nose. "You're not quite the man whore I thought you were."

  "Thanks...” My brows slide together as I frown. “I think."

  She begins to shake with silent laughter. But you know what? I'm still hard as stone over here. So no, I'm not finding the situation at hand very funny. In fact, that’s probably what I'll be using a little bit later to ah, relief some of this pent up tension.

  "How about I go change and we use the hot tub for a little bit."

  "Sure, sounds like a plan." I'm actually thanking God right now that she isn't slipping into some sexy little bikini because I think my hard on would pretty much explode at this point. And that would definitely be bad for business.

  After she leaves, I continue lying on the plush carpeting, doing my best to focus on horrible things like- the cat we dissected in advance bio or last week's mystery Monday's meat of the week (which Max really seemed to enjoy) or Ms. Fisk droning on and on about Phantom of the Opera (kill me now, please- no for real…).

  I take a deep cleansing breath before blowing it out slowly. Okay, I think my johnson is finally deflating. Yeah, that Phantom of the Opera is some seriously boring shit. Hmmm, I guess Ms. Fisk was right- I actually was able to take something away from it. Or should I say- it was able to take something away from me (wink-wink).

  I'm just about to get up and change into the sexy little speedo I brought to dazzle Jordan with because it shows off all my finer qualities... Yeah, I'm totally joking. I don't actually own a speedo- sexy or otherwise. What the hell am I? Some hairy European dude? Get real. I got some long board shorts. And trust me, I rock them like nobody’s business.

  Okay, so here’s some good news- I am totally and completely in command of my body once again. There's nothing more than a limp biscuit hanging between my legs right now. And that's exactly the way it needs to stay. For everyone's sake. Mostly mine.

  And wouldn't you know that's precisely the moment Jordan steps out of the bathroom.

  "Oh. Hell. No."

  Is she seriously out of her freaking head?

  “What the hell happened to the Amish get up you were going to wear?”

  A slow smile dances its way across her lips. "I lied."

  Let it be known right now that Phantom of the Opera is absolutely no match for Jordan standing in front of me in a teeny tiny pink bikini. Oh my God, I have never seen her showing so much gorgeous skin. All I want to do is drop to my knees and worship at the alter of Jordan.

  Damn but she looks crazy beautiful.

  Yep, I am definitely schwinging over here. Or should I say down there...

  And I turned down that?

  I must be seriously stupid.

  "Are you trying to kill me?"

  Without realizing it, I find myself standing right in front of her. My hands go to her hips before I lean down, feathering my lips slowly across hers. She opens her mouth under the pressure of mine and within moments I'm deepening the kiss. I’m like a damn Viking as I plunder her sweet warm mouth. I couldn’t stop my hands from stroking up and down the sides of her lithe little body even if I had wanted to. Which I don’t.

  Breathless.

  That's the only word I can think of to describe how I’m feeling right now. Utterly and completely breathless as I finally find the strength of will to pull myself away from her before resting my forehead against hers. "You are so freaking beautiful." Eloquent it is not, but it's the damn truth.

  She smiles. "So you'd prefer for me to wear the Amish get up instead?"

  "At this point, yeah- yeah, I would." This girl has absolutely no mercy within her heart. And yeah, I love it.

  "Unfortunately this is all I have with me."

  I close my eyes. My erection is back in full force. Pulsing like a drumbeat in my head. I think it's chanting (if a boner could chant anyway) Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan. Yeah, not good. Not good at all. "You're going to ruin all my noble intentions here."

  Her hands slide tenderly up to my face. "I love you, Parker. Whatever happens, happens. Okay?"

  My eyes widen and my breath catches at the back of my throat. She watches my reaction carefully, quietly. Even though she continues to hold my face between her hands, she doesn't move a single muscle. It's as if she's suddenly frozen in place. We both are. Our eyes cling.

  One beat. Two beats. Three slip by.

  Silence.

  Finally she whispers in a strangled voice, "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I don't want to ruin the mood between us. Forget I said anything." She starts to pull away but I'm quicker. My hands tighten around her impossibly small waist before I yank her against me.

  "I love you, too."

  But still she doesn't release the pent up breath she's holding.
Her muscles remain tense. "You don't have to say it if you don't mean it," she whispers softly. Her greenish-gold eyes slide swiftly away from mine before she sinks her teeth into her lower lip. "I guess I just wanted you to know."

  A small smile tugs my lips upward as I suddenly start laughing. She looks so damn embarrassed but I can't seem to help myself. Her eyes widen and she looks at me like I'm a total douche. "Jordan, I have never told a girl that I loved her before- hell, I've never even told a girl that I liked her before. And the first time I do, she doesn't even believe me!" I shake my head at the irony of it all. Yeah, whoever said irony was a bitch was totally right. It is. "Look, I'm glad you said it first. As usual where you're concerned, I was too damn chicken shit to say the words. But I feel them. I really do love you, Jordan Whitnall, whether you believe me or not." I chuckle again before picking her up and spinning her around a few times.

  "You're starting to scare me," she says breathlessly with just a hint of laughter in her voice.

  "Trust me, I'm scaring myself right now as well." Yeah, I am so scaring myself right now. But it's okay. Because it feels good to say the words. It feels good to have her know how I feel. How I've always felt about her... even when I was running scared.

  And then I smack my lips against hers, kissing the hell out of her. Kissing the hell out of the girl I love.

  Yeah, that's right, I love her and I'm man enough to admit it.

  After she did, of course.

  Epilogue

  Nine months later...

  Walking through the quad, I haul my backpack onto my shoulder. My last class of the day just let out and I've got two and a half hours to kill before football practice starts. And let me tell you something- that shit makes high school practice look like a game of patty cake. It's grueling. Every single damn day. Sometimes twice a day.

  But you know what?

  I freaking love it.

  College is way cooler than I imagined it would be. And I pretty much assumed that it would rock.

  "Hey Montgomery!"

  I fist bump a teammate as we pass one another, each of us heading in a different direction. "What's up, Conners?"

  He turns towards me as he starts walking backwards. I do the same as we continue carrying on our conversation oblivious to those around us who are hurrying to their next class. "I heard coach is totally pissed and plans on working our asses over today-"

  Before he can even finish with his pissing and moaning, I cut in, "And we're going to love every single moment of it."

  His face contorts into one of disgust as he shakes his head in disbelief. "That's sick, dude, just plain sick."

  "True that." Giving him a wave, I turn back around. “Catch you later, Conners.”

  “Not if I catch you first,” he hollers back.

  Yeah, maybe I am sick but I had to seriously work my ass off to get here so there's no way in hell I'm going to blow it by slacking off now. Nope, not going to happen. Last December, when it started coming down to the wire and I was still dragging my feet about which colleges to apply to, Coach Monroe called in a few favors and got my highlight tapes looked at by some college football coaches he knew. Luckily for me they ended up being interested. I probably owe that guy my firstborn son or something like that for all the ass kicking he did when I needed it the most.

  You know who else helped kick my ass into high gear?

  Drum roll please...

  Ms. Fisk...

  Yeah, you heard me right.

  That woman was as much of a lifesaver as coach was. I think those two were involved in some sort of tag team effort to help get me to college. When one would finally back the hell off, the other would totally be all up in my grill, bugging the hell out of me. The woman who I once upon a time referred to as an old bat (but it was always said lovingly... okay maybe not..) tutored me herself four times a week for the remainder of the school year just to make sure I aced every single paper, quiz, test, quest, practicum and report. When I brought back anything less than a solid A, she'd make me meet up with her on Saturday afternoons.

  Do you have any idea what a total buzzkill that was?

  And I don't even want to get into what we did in preparation for the ACT and SAT...

  A shudder actually slides through my body because that shit's the stuff nightmares are made of. Hell, sometimes I still wake up screaming in the middle of the night trying to wrack my brain for answers to questions like-

  If f, g, and l are consecutive integers such that 0 < f < g < l and the units (ones) digit of the product fl is 9, what is the units digit of g?

  (A) 0

  (B) 1

  (C) 2

  (D) 3

  (E) 4

  I think I just broke out in a cold sweat...

  Lord knows I've said it before but it bears repeating- that woman is a total ballbuster.

  But thank God for it. Like we're talking me, Parker Montgomery, on my knees worshipping at Ms. Fisk's feet because guess who got straight A's for second, third, and fourth quarter? Not to mention mind blowing scores on both the ACT and SAT?

  Yeah, that's right- this guy.

  Has your mind been totally blown?

  I know mine has.

  Guess I'm not just a pretty face anymore. That's right, I now bring the brains, the brawn (did I mention that I've packed on thirty pounds of pure muscle?) and the pretty face. Because come on people, I am so damn pretty.

  Anyway, my dad just about fell over when he saw my grades at the end of the semester. And my mom went on and on (and then on some more) about all that untapped potential that was sitting right there beneath the surface. I think she felt somewhat vindicated for all the years she spent yammering at me about what I was actually capable of. Yep, a whole lot of blah, blah, blah... Okay, so maybe I could have lived without all that. But in the end it was worth it.

  So, so worth it.

  Here's another epiphany (FYI- that means a sudden realization- yeah, you learn something new every day here at college), Ms. Fisk isn't so bad after all. But let's just keep that on the down low, shall we? Maybe Jordan was right after all when she said that her aunt really does care about her students.

  Because without her, I wouldn't be here.

  At college.

  Playing the sport I love.

  Pretty much living the dream.

  "Hey Parker," giggles some random chick as she sidles up beside me. I think she might be from one of my classes but I'm not sure.

  Smiling, I give her a slight nod. "Hey, what's up?" Girl I don't know...

  Hopefully that sentiment doesn't come across on my face. And no, my smile isn't what I fondly refer to as my panty dropper smile. That oldie but goodie has been, for all intents and purposes, retired from public use. But worry not, for it shall live on in infamy in both our hearts and our minds. It was a good smile... Always worked so well on the ladies.

  The random girl at my side giggles again knocking me out of my silent reverie. Man I seriously hate when that happens. Sometimes a dude just wants to be alone with his innermost thoughts. Even if they are about a panty dropping smile...

  My eyes slide to hers as I wonder, not for the first time I might add, why girls always seem to giggle like that. Are they under the mistaken impression that it's sexy or cute? Because it's actually kind of annoying.

  "Not much." Then she nips rather coyly at her bottom lip before asking, "So, are you going to the Delta Sig party Friday night?"

  My gaze latches firmly onto hers and, very much like an obedient dog, stays put. I’d like to give myself a little pat on the back for not allowing my eyes to stray downward because this girl just pulled out the big guns. It's the- I'm-going-to-bite-my-lower-lip-all-the-while-giving-you-a-sexy-little-smile. Yeah, I'm on to you random girl and I'm definitely not falling for any of your sly flirty trickery.

  And trust me when I say that I can tell from the single cursory glance I took that this girl is bouncing in all the right places- if you know what I mean but there's no way in hell my
eyes are detouring south again for another look.

  Nope, not gonna do it.

  There's absolutely no checking out going on here folks.

  I shrug my shoulders wanting to cut this chick loose. I'm not interested in the least. "Not sure what my plans are yet."

  "Well, a bunch of us from the third floor are going to be there." She smiles again only this time it's as full blown as it can get. I'm almost blinded by her whiter than white teeth. One of my brows slides slowly upwards. Yeah, that's a whole lot of teeth she's got going on in there... Makes me squirm just a bit thinking about the kind of damage teeth like that could do on a guy.

  Although, it certainly won't be this guy.

  That's for damn sure.

  "Yeah, well, we'll see. Alright, I gotta get to the library and study."

  No, seriously, I'm not just blowing smoke up this girl's ass, I'm actually on my way to the library to study.

  And with those parting words, I carefully extract myself from the situation before making a beeline for the library. A moment later I'm pulling open the glass door before heading inside the massive brick building. Believe it or not, I actually spend quite a bit of time here. And that's in addition to the mandatory two hour study halls that we do twice a week as a team.

  Yep, this is the newly improved Parker 2.0. All the bugs and glitches have finally been worked out.

  I study hard for my classes.

  I work my ass off in practice.

  And I'm in love with the most perfect girl in the world.

  Yep, Parker 2.0 is here to stay, my friends. So embrace it. I have.

  Jogging up the stairs, I catch myself just as I start to hum.

  Have I mentioned just how freaking good life is right now?

  And I pretty much owe it all to the girl who changed my life. Or maybe I should say that I owe it to the girl who made me want to change my life. To be a better man. To be more than just some stupid punk kid constantly chasing after a piece of ass. I actually wanted to be worthy of a girl like her.

  And you know what? I think I am.