Confessions of a Heartbreaker

by Sucevic, Jennifer

"I think that’s probably for the best."

  We continue walking and talking about all sorts of things. Everything and anything. Whatever pops into our heads. It's all fair game. She tells me what it was like growing up in Boston. I describe what it was like growing up in a small shit town in Michigan. We talk about baseball which she loves (go Red Soxs!) and football which of course I live and breathe for.

  And yeah, the fact that she actually likes sports and isn't simply pretending to like sports is reason number seven. Come on, how could it not be?

  We laugh and tease and a few times, I hug her so tightly to me that I can't actually believe I'll have to relinquish her at the end of the day. More than a handful of times, I kiss her until my head starts to spin. I'm pretty sure hers does too.

  Number Eight- her luscious lips which apparently I can't get enough of.

  And I'm not even going to try to get enough of them because it would be impossible. And I'm not really one to set myself up for failure.

  When we're about a quarter mile away from the cottage, Jordan suddenly untangles herself from me before dashing quickly away. Almost instantly I feel the loss of her. A few strides later she throws a smile over her shoulder before shouting, "Race ya! Loser has to do the lunch dishes."

  For just a moment I can't help but watch as she sprints further away from me.

  God but this girl is absolutely freaking gorgeous.

  Sure, there are other girls who have some serious T and A going on, because I'm not going to lie- we like a nice full ass (it's totally true). Something to grab onto. Kim Kardashian isn't exactly famous for her scintillating personality and out of this world IQ.

  But Jordan... her body is petite and small. Fine boned. No junk in the trunk or huge rack on that girl. And yet, somehow none of that matters. I love her slender, athletic form. She completely steals my breath away. Every single time I see her.

  I'd do just about anything for her.

  Anything.

  Except, of course, the dishes. Man but I hate washing dishes.

  So I do the only thing I can and take off after her. Because we all know that I love me a good chase. Especially one that involves a girl. This particular girl, of course. And she may have a decent head start on me but I've got speed on my side. I'm fast, lightening quick. Always have been. It doesn't take much for me to eat up the distance stretched out between us. Within a minute, I'm so close that I can hear her huffing and puffing as she tries to outdistance me.

  Aw, it's almost cute the way her little legs are pumping away but it's not going to do her much good. Even though this race isn't technically over, it's over. I watch as she continues to push herself, picking up just a bit more speed. But still... my legs are longer. And I've been practicing running drills in football for the past three months. I also train in the off season. I'm in tiptop shape.

  Not that she isn't.

  Because that girl is in damn fine shape.

  Damn. Fine. Shape.

  I smile to myself because yeah, I am definitely enjoying the view from back here. She may not have a lot of extra padding on her backside but what she does have is absolute perfection.

  Just as we crest the sand dune towards the cottage I grab hold of her, all but wrapping myself around her as we tumble onto the sand. Luckily I'm used to being tackled, so I know how to take a fall without injuring myself. Or her. We roll a few times until I end up on my back with her draped across me.

  Yeah, there are definitely worse positions to be in...

  "You're a cheater, Parker Montgomery."

  I search her eyes as they sparkle with humor. She's still breathing hard from our run. We both are. There's a small smile curving the edges of her lips as she stares down at me.

  "How so? Even with a massive head start, I still caught you, you slow poke."

  "Is that what happened?" Her lips hover oh so temptingly right above mine, "You finally caught me?"

  The meaning of our conversation totally shifts. "Yep."

  Still those irresistible lips of hers don't quite make contact. I can all but feel them suspended over mine, teasing me mercilessly. I want to run my tongue along the lines of her mouth but I don't. It’s all but killing me not to take her lips with my own. "You can run," I whisper, "but I'll catch you ever time. No matter where you go."

  She shakes her head. "I don't want to run anymore. Not from you. Not from us."

  Just when I think she's finally going to kiss me, she wiggles her way down my body. Laying her head gently against my chest, she whispers, "I'm glad you're done running too."

  My hands stroke up and down her back. "My running days are long gone. I’ve finally found the right girl."

  We lay there silently, almost as if we're allowing the quiet words and their meaning to settle around us, to blanket us.

  Reaon number nine- whatever this is that beats in my chest- she's the only one who could have put it there. It's taken me a long time to get to this point. Trust me, I know exactly what a dumbass I've been- it's not lost on me. And I may be a little late to the game, but I'm here now.

  My hands go to her face before lifting it gently off my chest. As I search her gorgeous eyes, I see all the heavy emotion brewing within them. She's thinking about what comes next, not the here and now. Those words are like a mantra inside my head today. I need her to focus on the here and now with me instead of what her life will be like without me.

  "You ready for lunch, Speedy Gonzales?"

  Her lips lift as she releases the chuckle buried deep within her chest. And just like that, the tension and sadness dissolves.

  "So show me this incredible lunch you packed for us with your very own two hands. I've mentally prepared myself to be impressed." Suddenly she's straddling me and I have to admit that lunch is the absolute furthest thing from my mind.

  One side of her mouth slides skyward as she stares down at me. Apparently my face is just as expressive as hers.

  "Wipe the look off your face, Montgomery, we're going in to eat lunch."

  "What look?" I ask in my most innocent sounding voice. Key words- innocent sounding. "There's no look."

  "Oh, there was definitely a look."

  "Nope, that's just me salivating over the awesome roast beef and cheddar sandwiches I packed." Actually, now that I think about it, I am kind of hungry... and those sandwiches do sound pretty damn tasty. I piled them high with meat and cheese as well as lettuce, tomato and mayo.

  Jordan gets to her feet and I do the same before we dust the sand off ourselves and head back into the cottage. I make a fire and bring the basket of food I packed over to the plush area rug in front of the fireplace. My eyes become ensnared by her as she holds her icy cold hands out towards the orange flames.

  "Mmmm, that feels so good."

  She practically moans the words. I can't help but continue staring, taking in her rosy cheeks and windswept blond hair as it spills over her shoulders. Her petite little body is encased in tight black leggings and a form fitting sweater that hugs her slight curves.

  God but she's beautiful.

  I mean really beautiful. Suddenly there's a thick lump stuck in the middle of my throat and I do my best to quietly clear it before forcing my eyes away from her and onto the lunch I'm busy spreading out before us.

  Oblivious to the moment I'm having, Jordan sits down across from me. Her eyes widen at the amount of food I keep pulling out of the basket.

  "Is that a never ending basket of food you have there?" Her voice is light and teasing and I want to keep it that way.

  I give her a little wink. "I know what a big eater you are."

  She rolls her eyes before picking up a small cluster of red grapes. Then she begins popping them one at a time into her incredibly kissable mouth. There's no way eating grapes should be that sexy. But it is. It so is.

  Crap.

  Watching her munch on those grapes is totally stirring things south of the border. The last thing I need is a massive boner while eating lunch. Talk about an awkward mo
ment.

  Forcing my eyes away, I chant in my head over and over agin- must think about something else. Must think about something else...

  We take our time eating, feeling the warmth of the fire (also built with my very own two hands- yeah, I could so be that Man vs. Wild guy), and talking. Here's a real shocker- I like it. I like talking with Jordan. I like hearing her views and opinions. I like listening to the cadence of her voice. I like hearing the slight Bostonian accent that slips through every once in a while because apparently Boston isn't the only place she's lived.

  Reason number ten- I just like being with her.

  When we're done, we repack the rest of the food back into the basket before pushing it off to the side. I grab a pillow from the couch and stuff it behind my head. A moment later Jordan settles herself against the length of me. I wrap my arm around her as she places her head on my chest. One of her legs slides slowly across mine. The fire continues to dance and twist in the grate as the floor to ceiling windows allow the bright sunlight to spill over us, bathing us in warmth.

  God I am so fucking content in this moment that I can’t even believe it’s real. With her all wrapped up in my arms, I'm happier than I've ever been in my whole entire life.

  She traces light circles across my belly before her fingers skim along the waistband of my jeans. Her fingers hover there for a hesitant moment or two before pushing their way under my shirt, sliding the soft cotton upto my ribs until there's a large strip of bared flesh. Her delicate little fingers glide across me, teasing me mercilessly before sliding downward. A heartbeat later, she pops open the button of my jeans.

  My breath catches in my throat- yeah, that's right, my breath totally catches. Hell, I'm almost choking on it. And let me be clear here- girls have popped the fly of my jeans before. And they've done a whole lot more than that too. As I'm sure you can guess.

  But not this girl.

  Not this girl who has, for all intents and purposes, hijacked my heart. A heart I never even realized I had beating inside my chest.

  Very slowly, she pulls the zipper down until it can't go any further. The sound of it fills the quiet air between us making my heart pound in double time. And yeah, I'm hard as steel over here. My boner is desperate to come out and play. Or just come... he isn't picky. Not really.

  Her hand settles gently, almost tentatively, over the bulge before she turns her face towards mine. Our eyes lock and hold as her fingers begin to move over me. A low raspy groan slips from my mouth because this is the stuff wet dreams are made of- Jordan unzipping my jeans and stroking her beautiful little fingers over me. Okay- so maybe she's totally naked in those dreams but still...

  "I want to be with you, Parker. I want us to take that next step… I'm ready."

  My eyes are still locked on hers as I raise one hand to cradle her cheek within the palm of my hand. I seriously can't believe she's giving me the green light on this. That today, on the eve of her walking out of my life, she wants us to sleep together.

  Her fingers continue stroking over me and I have to squeeze my eyes tightly shut so that I’m able to think coherently. Because right now, all the blood seems to be rushing away from my head to the woody in my pants. I mean, of course I want to have sex with this girl. I want it more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life. I've literally dreamed and fantasized about it (see paragraphs above). Over and over and over.

  And then over and over and over some more.

  Yeah, I could totally keep going with that but I won't.

  "Parker?" She whispers, "Did you hear me? I want you to be my first."

  And that brings us to the last reason why I'm going to miss Jordan like crazy- because she can totally turn me inside out and upside down, shocking the very hell out of me. Leaving me to gasp for breath, for sanity. But damn, I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't have her any other way.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  "Jordan, I..."

  Okay, I'm going to be completely honest here- I'm feeling totally out of my element. Now the old me would have flipped Jordan onto her back, no questions asked, and had my wicked way with her. It wouldn't have even crossed my mind to consider if this was a good idea or not because I wouldn't have given a shit.

  At all.

  But I'm not that guy anymore.

  And you know what? I don't ever want to be that guy again.

  Her eyes widen, I see all the little golden flecks swimming around within her greener than green eyes. "I don't understand," she finally whispers.

  Well, fuck... I guess that makes two of us, now doesn't it.

  "I-I thought you wanted to do this..." Confusion washes over her gorgeous face just as her body stiffens in my arms. It literally kills me that I'm the one causing her this anguish.

  "I do," I cut in hastily. Trust me, I want that more than anything.

  Pausing, I take a long moment to think things through because I want her to understand where I'm coming from. I don't want her to misunderstand my feelings or my intentions. And it's been my experience that girls usually don't take rejection all that well. I may not completely understand the inner workings of a chick's mind, but I do know that much.

  "You don't want me?" Her voice is so thin that it literally squeezes my heart to the point of painfulness because it's the last thing I want her to think. For Christ's sake, I couldn't want her more. She seriously has to know that.

  Her cheek is still cradled tenderly within the palm of my hand. And my fairly impressive boner is, at this very moment, being cradled rather tenderly in her small hand. So obviously I need to tread carefully. The last thing I want is for something unfortunate to happen to my junk. I nod my head towards the pop tent in my pants before raising a brow.

  "Come on, does it really seem like I don't want you?"

  One side of her mouth tugs upward ever so slightly. I think that's a fairly good sign that my balls are safe for the time being.

  "Then what's the problem?"

  I take a breath.

  Then another.

  Her hand flutters over me slowly. And all the really important reasons we shouldn't have sex that I'd been hanging onto only moments ago slide right out of my head. It's the damnedest thing. I can hardly think at all when her delicate little fingers are stroking over me like that. It takes superhuman strength on my part, but I lay my hand over hers, stilling her movements.

  Okay, thought and reason are once again flooding back into my brain. Whew, that was a close one.

  "Just answer me this- would you still want to go through with this if you weren't leaving town tomorrow?"

  Biting down on her lower lip, she silently ponders my question. It takes a moment before she finally answers quietly, "I want my first time to be with someone special. And you're my someone special, Parker." She reaches up before sweeping a gentle kiss across my lips.

  I groan in agony. This freaking wet dream has totally turned into a nightmare.

  Because I want her.

  So much so that it hurts. Literally. As in- I'm literally so hard right now that it's painful. And knowing that I could remedy the situation and that Jordan is totally on board and giving me the flashing green light to do so, only makes this whole situation more difficult to turn down.

  Damn.

  Riddle me this- why the hell am I the one who's thinking so hard about the future and what's best?

  Isn't that the girl's job?

  I mean, it's always been that way in the past. Isn't she supposed to be fighting off my advances? Jeez, here I am-Parker J. Montgomery, having to fight off hers. Has the world completely fallen off its freaking axis or what? Because that's the way it's beginning to feel.

  More disturbing than that? I'm actually turning down sex.

  That bears repeating in italicized shouty caps- PARKER MONTGOMERY IS TURNING DOWN SEX!

  From the only girl he actually wants to have sex with...

  What the hell is wrong with me? Because there has got to be something seriously wrong with me..
. Limp dick-itis? Nope. The big guy is standing at full attention, ready to spring into action at the slightest command.... So that's not it...

  "I can't believe I'm about to say this," I mutter the words more to myself than to her. Jordan's wide eyes are still locked on mine as I clear my throat. "You're my someone special too... which is exactly why we can't do this."

  Her brows draw together probably because she doesn’t understand my logic. "You're really saying no to me?" She stares at me as if I'm a pod person from a galaxy far, far away.

  "I'm saying no with a caveat," I try clarifying.

  Her brows beetle together even more, if that's possible. "I don't think you can add a caveat to sex. Especially when you're turning it down in the first place."

  Embarrassed, she pulls away before laying her head back down on my chest. My fingers slowly thread their way through her long blond hair. "I'm not turning you down, I'm simply delaying it. And I'm doing it because I like you, Jordan. A lot."

  I pull her face back up so that she has no other choice but to stare into my eyes. To see the truth of my words. Of my feelings. The ones I tried like hell to deny. Yeah, those feelings.

  "I want you, but not like this. Not because you're leaving. If we do this today- it's because it's goodbye and this isn't goodbye between us. It would just end up being another mistake and I don't want there to be any more mistakes between us. I think you'd agree that there have been enough of those already."

  She continues searching my eyes quietly before asking, "Have you ever even turned down sex before?"

  Of course I haven't turned down sex before. I'm a guy for God's sake. Guys, as a rule, do not (I repeat- do not) turn down sex.

  Wait just a second here... actually I have turned down sex. At least I think they would have both had sex with me. Naked Natalie. I turned her down flat. I bolted right out of that situation like my damn ass was on fire. I couldn't get away fast enough. And Marissa the barnacle... Yep, I turned her away as well.

  Huh...

  "Actually I have," I say proudly (throw in a dash of self-righteousness as well) as if I have morals and you know... scruples. Stuff like that. Because apparently, I do. Yeah, it comes as a total surprise to me too. But I can't argue with history, now can I?