Hand-Me-Down Love

by Ransom, Jennifer

  She left close to six, exhausted. She had already called Donna Meadows, a local realtor, about listing the house.

  “You wouldn’t believe how many of my customers have asked me about that house,” Donna said. “They want something like that. I think I might be able to sell it without even officially putting it on the market.”

  And that’s exactly how it happened. A young couple with an eight-month-old baby bought the house. Marla was glad but it made her sad, too. She couldn’t help but think about how Meredith and Sean were planning on a baby when they found out Merrie was sick. They would have been so happy together in that house with their baby.

  Marla arranged for the closing to happen through fax. Donna faxed the papers to the shop, Sean signed them, and Marla faxed them back. It was the only way Marla knew how to deal with it, and Sean was glad he didn’t have to sit around a table at closing and sign a bunch of papers with strangers taking over his house. Sean and Meredith’s worldly belongings were in storage, the house was sold, and that part was over.

  The entire process—from the packing to moving to closing had only taken three weeks. It was a record sale, Donna said. She was happy because she got a nice commission and she had made her customers happy.

  Sean had begun to lighten up and was working down in the shop again with Derrick. His hair had grown even longer, but he didn’t care and neither did Marla. They had resumed their sexual relationship and they were both as happy as they could be, considering.

  Then Cynthia called. Marla was sitting at her desk with a cup of tea, Jada was working on the vintage side, and Sean and Derrick were out at an estate sale.

  “I don’t like asking you this,” Cynthia said after Marla said “hello.” “But I guess I have to. I saw Mrs. Answorth yesterday at the bank.”

  Here it comes, Marla thought. She and Sean had never talked about Mrs. Answorth because of everything else that had happened. They had forgotten.

  “She said she saw Sean at the shop a while back. She said he went out the back door.”

  “That’s right,” Marla said. “He was here that day.”

  “What was he doing there? I thought he was in Mobile.”

  “He was in Mobile, but he came here.”

  “Why?” Cynthia asked. She was relentless and Marla didn’t know what to tell her mother. So she told her the truth. Well, sort of the truth.

  “He was here because he’s been helping me out in the shop. He doesn’t know what he wants to do, so he’s been helping me out.”

  “Well, where is he living?” Cynthia asked. “He can’t possibly be staying in Mobile and driving to Bay Point to work in the shop.”

  “No, he doesn’t have his place in Mobile anymore,” Marla said. This was getting rough.

  “Then where is he? He doesn’t have a house anymore.”

  “Mom, Sean is staying with me. I offered to let him stay here for a while. He’s having a rough time.”

  “Oh,” Cynthia said. There was silence from her end.

  “How long has he been there?”

  And Marla lied to her mother again. “Since after the holidays,” she said. If she had told her mother the truth—since early November—then her mother would have known she lied to her at Thanksgiving.

  “Is he in the other bedroom?” Cynthia asked.

  “Mom,” Marla said, exasperated. “Where do you think he is?”

  “I’m sorry,” Cynthia said. “I’m just trying to figure this out.”

  “Mom,” Marla said gently. “I promised Merrie that I’d look after Sean. She was very concerned about that and asked me to do it. He hasn’t been good. So I offered to let him stay here awhile. So I can keep my eye on him like Merrie wanted.”

  “I understand,” Cynthia said. “I just don’t know what people will think.”

  “Well, I don’t care what they think and you shouldn’t either,” Marla said angrily. “He’s your son-in-law and I’m your daughter. I don’t know what else you need to know about it. Screw everybody else.”

  “You know how much we care about Sean,” Cynthia said. “He’s like our son. I’m just going to have to get used to the idea that he’s over there, that’s all.”

  “I’m sorry, Mom,” Marla said. “I’m not having such an easy time with things myself, and I know you and Dad aren’t. I guess I hope that you can understand that Sean needs me right now. And if I can help him, then I’m helping myself. I’m helping Merrie.”

  “That does make sense,” Cynthia said uncertainly.

  They said goodbye and Marla went up to her apartment and cried. Things were getting complicated and she didn’t know how to deal with it. Sean found her in the bed later. He got in beside her and pulled her over.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  Marla told him about the call from her mother and everything she had told her.

  “I’m sorry, Sean. I didn’t know what else to do.”

  “Don’t worry,” he said. “I guess it’s hard for them to understand.” He turned her face to his and kissed her. Slowly, they removed their clothes and made love hungrily, like it might have been the last night on earth. At their climax, Sean whispered hoarsely, “I love you, Merrie.”

  Their bodies stopped moving.

  “I’m sorry, Marla,” Sean said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I know you’re Marla.”

  “It’s okay,” Marla said. But it wasn’t okay. She did understand how it was a slip of the tongue. She did understand that. But in that moment, all of her fears that she had pushed to the back of her mind about being Meredith’s replacement came right up front, full force. Was it just a slip of the tongue or was it more than that? She definitely had no jealous feelings about Meredith, her sister that she loved so much. But she did want Sean to know there was a difference between the sisters. That she needed to be loved for her, as complicated as that was.

  It wasn’t okay, as much as she wanted it to be. But she patted Sean’s arm and told him not to worry, she understood. She had been doing a lot of understanding of Sean’s feelings, she realized. She had been taking care of everything for him when she was suffering her own grief, just as real as his. She had sublimated her own grief, her own feelings, to get him through his. For the first time, she felt resentful.

  And now she was dealing with her mother and probably the rest of Bay Point by this time, if Mrs. Answorth had anything to say about it. And she always had plenty to say about things that were none of her business. Suddenly, everything seemed so complicated.

  When Marla woke up the next morning, she was still thinking about the complications. Sean going over to his house and having to face its emptiness had changed everything. Maybe he needed to start dealing with things. Was Marla impeding that? Were they impeding that with each other by having a relationship that went way out of the bounds of brother-in-law and sister-in-law? Were they fooling themselves into thinking that Meredith would condone what they were doing?

  Sean came into the kitchen as she was making coffee and put his arms around her from the back as she stood at the counter.

  “I know I’ve hurt you,” he said. “I don’t know how to take it back or convince you that I do love you for you. I don’t know what to say that will make you believe me.”

  She turned around, but he kept his arms around her as she twisted against his body. She looked into his grieving gray eyes. “I know how it happened,” she said. “I know. But it makes me wonder if we need to do our grieving, face our grieving, without putting a band-aid on it. I just don’t know. Maybe I’m making too much of it.”

  He held her for a moment longer, then released her. They got coffee and she took hers to the bedroom to get dressed for the day. When she left, Sean was sitting on the couch with Lucy in his lap. “I’ll see you later,” she called as she closed the door at the top of the stairs.

  It was a busy day and at one point, Marla left the shop to visit a customer who wanted her to look at her dining space and help her with a table and chairs
. When she got back, she asked Jada if she’d seen Sean. She hadn’t.

  Marla went upstairs calling his name before she stepped into the kitchen. Why did she have to make him feel so bad about accidentally calling her the wrong name? It wasn’t important, not at all. She could understand it. She felt panicky as she walked through the living room. And then he appeared, walking in from the hall.

  “I’m sorry,” she said as he hugged her. “I do understand. I really do.”

  “I know,” he said. “That’s because you are the most understanding person I’ve ever known.”

  She didn’t want to cry but couldn’t help herself. Sean cupped her face in his hands and looked at her. “Marla, I’ve been thinking about everything you said. I’ve spent the whole day up here thinking about it. And I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re right.”

  “Right about what?” she said trying to remember exactly what she had said.

  “Right that maybe we need to do our grieving. Go through it and deal with it, separately. Somehow, our being together is keeping us from finishing what has to happen with it.”

  “I don’t want you to leave,” Marla said. “I know we can work it out.”

  “I don’t want to leave either. But I know now that I have to leave. We have to deal with everything. If we don’t, then it’s going to jump up one day and hit us in the face.”

  They stood hugging for several minutes. Marla tried to accept what he was saying. “Where will you go?” she asked.

  “I’ve been researching on the Internet today. Do you remember that I hiked part of the Appalachian Trail after I graduated high school?”

  The Appalachian Trail? Marla knew nothing about that or about hiking at all. Did Sean? She shook her head.

  “It was one of my best experiences. I talked to Meredith about it sometimes. Probably talked her ear off about it. She wanted us to plan a trip where we would hike the same place. I don’t know when we were really going to do it, but we talked about it.”

  “Is that where you’re going?” Marla asked tearfully.

  “Yes. I think I should take the hike that Meredith and I always said we would one day. I need to do it somehow.”

  “When are you leaving?” Marla asked, not wanting to hear the answer.

  “Tomorrow,” he said holding her tight. “I’m leaving tomorrow. I called your dad today and told him I knew he couldn’t keep holding my job. I officially resigned from the bank.”

  Marla couldn’t believe her ears. Sean was really doing this. He was cutting his ties to her family, his job, his town, her. And he might never come back.

  “Let me take you out to eat tonight,” he said. “Let’s go to Gulf Shores and eat on the pier. I’d like to see the ocean again before I go.”

  They drove in silence to the restaurant. Marla was sad and so was Sean. After they had ordered seafood platters, Marla asked Sean if he would be in touch with her.

  “Of course, Marla. I don’t want you to worry about me. I will definitely be in touch with you.”

  Relieved, Marla was able to eat her dinner. Afterward, they walked on the beach for a while. It was February and it was cold, but the waves crashed against the shore like always. Sean put his arm around her as they walked and they didn’t talk. Then they drove back to Bay Point and got ready for bed.

  Sean reached for her and kissed her. “I love you, Marla,” he said softly. They made love together sadly and sweetly. “I love you, too, Sean,” she whispered as they were falling asleep. He rubbed her arm. “I’m going to miss you a lot,” he said before falling into slumber.

  The next morning Sean woke her up kissing her forehead. She pulled him to her and held onto to him. Finally, he pulled away. “I’ve made coffee,” he said. “Let’s have a cup before I go.”

  They sat at the kitchen table like so many times before. “Sean, you don’t have to go, you really don’t,” Marla said, pleading.

  “Yes, I do, Marla. I have to do this. We have to do this so we can be clear about our feelings.”

  She followed him out to his car and he put his duffel bag in the back seat. He walked over to her and hugged her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. “Please don’t go,” she said again.

  He kissed her. “I love you,” he said. He got in his car and started it. “I love you too,” she shouted so he would hear her. He backed out of the parking spot and drove to the corner, where he turned left. She ran to the side of the building in her gown to watch his car go down the street until it was out of sight.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sean drove down Bay Street, passing by the house he has shared with Meredith. You could see it from the street and he stopped in the middle of the road. There was no traffic and he sat there a few minutes, staring up at the house. He knew he should have taken care of things, packed up his and Meredith’s belongings instead of relying on Marla to do everything. He looked at the house and sadness washed through him. Then he drove on.

  After driving through Mobile, he took the exit that would eventually take him to Atlanta. He needed to see his parents before he was out of touch. When he got there, he texted Marla to let her know where he was. He knew she was heartbroken, and so was he. But he was resolute in his quest. He had to get clear.

  His mother took care of him, like mothers do, and he stayed for two nights. He explained where he was going, but he didn’t tell her about Marla. He knew she wouldn’t understand that. No one would understand his feelings for his sister-in-law. Marla’s mother didn’t understand. Most people would think it was inappropriate at best.

  While he was in Atlanta, Sean visited a store specializing in camping equipment and bought supplies for his hike. The backpack held a tent, a sleeping bag and pad, cooking equipment, a solar blanket, and dehydrated food packets and trail mix. He also bought hiking boots and a parka. The weather was cold, but he knew he would warm up as he hiked the trail.

  When he left the store, he allowed insecure thoughts to enter his mind. Am I crazy for doing this? I haven’t been hiking for over ten years. What if I can’t do it anymore? I’ve been a banker, not a hiker.

  But he went forward anyway, and the next day he left his parents’ home in Atlanta by train and headed to North Carolina where the trail awaited him.

          

  Sean put his foot on the trail. He was there. He was going to do it. He began to walk, one foot in front of the other. The trail climbed for about half a mile, then it descended before a bigger climb of nearly two miles. The path was smooth for the most part, but rougher in other parts. He descended again into Sassafras Gap and kept going until he reached the Muskrat Shelter. He’d gotten a later start, and though he had only traveled a few miles, he decided to stop for the day. There was no time limit on this hike.

  Large hardwoods and smaller trees surrounded the shelter. Sean remembered it from his first hike more than a decade before. He had been almost fourteen years younger and just graduated from high school. He and two of his friends, Taylor Williams and Jeremy Salito had planned the trip for months. They researched it to death, and got camping gear, food, backpacks, and maps. Sean wondered where Taylor and Jeremy were. He had lost touch with them a long time ago. But they had taken that hike together, and it had changed all of them.

  Sean made a fire in a well-used pit outside the shelter. The sun was starting to set and he wanted to get into the shelter before it was completely dark. Using the one pan in his backpack, he brought dehydrated chicken noodle soup to life. After he ate the soup, he munched on some trail mix and crawled into his sleeping bag he had laid on a bunk in the shelter. Even though he had only traveled a few miles that day, Sean could feel the muscle aches in his legs and arms. He unzipped a compartment on the backpack and found the ibuprofen. And then he slept the exhausted sleep of the hiker.

  When he woke up the next morning, he could definitely feel his muscles aching. But he knew the only way was to work through it. Outside at the pit, he made another small fire and cooked oa
tmeal, which he ate voraciously, like it was his last meal on earth. Then he set off back on the trail. Unlike the day before, when he was acclimating himself to the hike, the second day his mind wandered as he took each step. Up and down he went that day. And as he walked, he thought about Meredith and how much he missed her. He thought about when he met her.

  Sean had been working at the bank for a couple of years and was moving up in the ranks. It wouldn’t be long before he was manager of the loan department, if he played his cards right. The bank president, Mr. Anderson, seemed to like him. He had told Sean how much he depended on him. And then one day, he saw her. She was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.

  Sean introduced himself to her. She had blue eyes that captured him and held him and he wanted to look into them forever. He wanted to swim in those eyes. Meredith was her name and she had just started working in the credit card department.

  “Nice to meet you, Meredith,” he said. How was he going to ask her out, which is exactly what he wanted to do right that minute? His heart was thumping, but he had to play it cool. “Welcome to South Bay Bank.”

  “Thank you,” she said sweetly, looking at him with her blue gaze.

  All through that first week Meredith worked at the bank, Sean went out of his way to go into the credit department, making excuses to see Meredith. She always greeted him with a smile.

  On Fridays, several bank employees usually went to a nearby bar and Sean sometimes joined them. That first Friday that Meredith worked at the bank, Sean went to the bar. He sat at a booth with Janice, a teller, and Mark, who worked in his department. Sean kept watching the door to the bar hoping to see Meredith walk through it.

  “Hey, Sean,” Mark said. “Why are you so jumpy tonight? Rough day?”

  Embarrassed, Sean made a conscious effort to appear casual. It wasn’t easy. Carol, who worked in the credit department, walked in a few minutes later and plopped down.