Sleepless Nights

by Amanda Heath

  Arms of a man I don’t know lift me away from an unconscious, pale and bleedin’ Ashley and I don’t fight the tears burnin’ my throat. Lola doesn’t fight them either and if things weren’t what they are, I would stare at her in shock. I’ve known that girl for years and she’s had a lot to cry about over them, but I’ve never seen her actually cry.

  My baby sister stands next to her, grippin’ her hand, tears silently fallin’ down her face. It’s because of me they lost their friend five years ago. In light of everythin’ else, my brain sticks to that thought. It’s my fault Ashley left us. I did that.

  But it’s Victor’s fault she got shot.

  ***

  I stand over Victor Gage’s hospital bed. He’s had a few surgeries to repair the damage to his body. They loaded me into an ambulance before I could get my gun outta my saddlebag or I would shoot this motherfucker right now. Though I guess I could wrap my hands around his throat. But that’s probably gonna hurt since I got shot in my shoulder. Every little movement outta that side of my body makes my entire body scream in pain.

  Then I remember the hole in Ashley’s chest and I clench my one good fist. My other arm is up in a sling to keep me from movin’ it. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. But it’ll heal and I’ll be stronger than ever.

  “What are you doing in here?” a female voice asks me from behind.

  I turn slowly, my shoulder screamin’ in protest. I really should have taken a pain pill or somethin’ but I can’t afford to be buzzed right now.

  The woman behind me is Ashley’s mother. I haven’t seen her since that day she kicked me outta her house and Ashley decided to leave with me. It was a proud day for me. I had to hear about all the times Ashley wished she could stick it to her mom but she didn’t. Then I got to witness her standin’ up to the woman for the first time.

  “Contemplatin’ murder,” I say.

  A small smile curves the right side of her mouth. “I was doing the same thing. I’m a nurse you know. I could end his life and they would never figure out how he died.” There’s a bloodthirsty look in her eyes and I’m kind of in awe.

  “I didn’t mean we should actually kill him,” I mumble, hopin’ she wasn’t for real.

  She barks out a laugh and moves to stand next to me by the bed. “You know, I used to think I knew what my daughter needed. What she wanted. But after the past five years, I wish someone would’ve come and kicked me in the ass.” She wraps her arms around my shoulder, careful not to touch my wound. It still fuckin’ hurts. “She always had that fire in her eyes. The one meant for rebellion. I’m honestly not sure where she gets it from.” She sighs and I stay silent. This moment is awkward but I also don’t want her to shut up. I like what she’s sayin’, it’s goin’ in a good direction. “I don’t think Ashley ever fit in until she met you. Something inside of you calls to something in her. I should have listened when she told me about you. I shouldn’t have tried to make her choose. I had a man in my life like that. He turned everything upside down and he wasn’t perfect. Though I think you’re more trustworthy then he was.”

  “Ashley’s dad?” I question, turnin’ my head to look down at her.

  She nods. “Sean had his problems just like the rest of us. Only he took it to extremes. He didn’t think about me because it was all about him.” She keeps her hand on my shoulder but reaches down and grabs Victor’s hand. “The difference is you. Victor might not have the same problems as my ex but he still only thinks of himself. He didn’t realize that Ashley needed him to see her.” She looks from Victor to me. “You see the real her and you don’t push her aside or ask her to change. I never had a Damien, just a Victor. Though if I had a you I don’t think I’d have my three wonderful children.” She looks back at Victor and kisses his forehead. She smoothes the brown hair off his brow before leanin’ up to kiss my cheek. Then she’s gone.

  I guess that’s her way of sayin’ welcome to the family.

  I leave Victor alone after that. I head back to the waitin’ room where everyone has gathered for Ashley. And I mean everyone. The brothers line the walls outside and inside. Her brothers sit with their heads down while Rachel and Paisley sit at their feet. Ryan holds on to a silent Lola who just looks off into space. She never does well with death or the promise of death.

  But Ashley’s not dead yet. If there’s anythin’ to know about my Glossy it’s she’s a fuckin’ fighter. She has all these people to fight for and help protect. Ashley once told me if she couldn’t contribute to the population then she was goin’ to protect those in it. I thought she meant she wanted to be a cop so I was surprised to learn she went to vet school.

  I do know she started trainin’ with Lola and Ryan shortly after she said that. So maybe she meant she could run around fightin’ off bad guys. Like catwoman or some shit. Wait is catwoman even a superhero or was she a bad guy? Who cares? Ashley would look sexy as fuck in a leather suit.

  Down boy.

  I’m startled from the doorway when a tiny blonde girl runs into the room with tears fallin’ down from her eyes. “Is she going to be okay?” she whispers, her eyes locked on Court’s. When Court just shrugs, the tiny thing falls to the ground and puts her face in her hands. I’m about to lean down when a tall man comes up behind her. I look at his face and do a double take. Then I look over at Rachel who’s watchin’ us. She covers a laugh at the look on my face. “My twin,” she mouths at me before she gets up off the floor.

  I might think it’s a horrible way to treat a woman by makin’ her sit on the floor but you should have seen the fight those girls put up. I thought Rachel was gonna smack Court if he didn’t sit in that chair. Paisley just kicked Channing in the shin. Van, bein’ the smart one, just sat down.

  “Wesley,” Rachel says, bendin’ down to squat in front of the girl. “This is Ashley. She’ll fight it and be just fine.” She looks up at me and grins. “I mean, the bullet had to go through her man before it got to her.”

  Wesley. This must be Ashley’s cousin, Greyson’s daughter.

  I meet a pair of gorgeous green eyes filled with tears. I’m shocked back a step at the ghosts filling her eyes. This girl knows death better than the rest of us. I even get a chill down my spine just lookin’ at her.

  “Royal, help me out here,” Rachel stage whispers at her brother.

  Royal sighs and bends over, scoopin’ Wesley into his arms. “Duchess you’re scaring everyone. You promised me you weren’t going to fall apart.”

  Wesley sniffles and looks at him with those big green eyes. “If I calm down can I still punch Victor in his fucking face?”

  The whole room pretty much has the same reaction. Mouths dropped open. Royal just sighs and kisses her forehead. “Yeah, girl. You can punch him in his fucking face.”

  “Rage gets first shot,” Channing says from his chair. His eyes are closed and he appeared to be asleep, but I’m guessin’ with that one you never know what’s goin’ on. I think the guy only has one facial expression, which is expressionless.

  “Who’s Rage?” Royal asks, lookin’ at the group gathered around. About ten hands point to me.

  Royal and Wesley look at me and take in the sling on my arm. “You the husband?” Royal asks.

  I nod.

  “Duh. He’s got her name tattooed on his neck,” Wesley says softly, still lookin’ at me. “Who’s Glossy?”

  “Same person as Ashley, gorgeous,” I tell her, watchin’ the boyfriend scowl at my pet name. “It’s nice to meet you. I’d come shake your hand but I kinda got shot.”

  “No worries,” she replies with a tiny smile on her face.

  After that everyone settles in. I assume Ashley’s mom is somewhere watchin’ the surgery since this is where she works.

  I feel like hours pass with nothin’ goin’ on. Everyone shifts in their seats restlessly or they fall asleep. Charlie found a chair for me to sit in after awhile since gettin’ shot takes a lot out of you.

  I’m actually asleep when all hell breaks l
oose.

  “Oh. My. God.” Rachel spits out every word like it tastes foul in her mouth. “Who let the crazy bitch in here? Shouldn’t you be in the psych ward?”

  I blink my eyes open to see Victor’s little sister standin’ in the doorway. “Nice Rachel. It seems motherhood hasn’t given you any maturity.”

  “Well, you do that to me. You walk into the room and I regress into a pre-teen.” Then she gives Annabella a smirk when Court leans over her and kisses her neck. “Apparently Court does too.”

  “Look, I don’t give a shit about you or Pierce. I have better things to worry about.” Then she looks at me. “Victor is asking for you.” She turns away from me to glare at the room before turnin’ to exit.

  I stretch my good arm before gettin’ out of my seat. I don’t look at anyone as I leave the room. The longer her surgery takes the more likely that she isn’t gonna make it. I need to keep my mind off of that. And the best way to do that is to go and beat the shit outta Victor Gage. Hopefully I don’t get arrested.

  “Wait.” I stop and sigh. I knew all three of them would follow me out.

  “Y’all can come, but I’m doin’ the talkin’,” I say without turnin’ around. It’ll probably be more entertainin’ to have four guys threatenin’ him than just me.

  We walk through the hospital without talkin’. Annabella isn’t around when we get to his room and I think she knew who’d come. There’s a past in Ashley’s family involvin’ Annabella and Victor. One that made several of the members miserable. Let’s hope today gets them both out of their lives.

  Victor is sittin’ up when we walk into the room. Me first, followed by Van, then Court and finally Channing.

  Victor just looks resigned. “No need to threaten me. I’m leaving the state once I get out of here.”

  “Look at you all diplomatic and shit.” I laugh but there’s no feelin’ behind the noise. I move closer to Victor and I see him flinch. I move closer still while the boys follow behind me. “If you think I’m gonna let you get away with this without revenge, then you’re not very smart.”

  I stand in the same place as I did before. Lookin’ down at him so helpless. Or so he thinks he looks helpless. But I see the muscles under his gown and I know all about him. I wouldn’t let my girl be with just any man after me without checkin’ him out.

  Victor was in Special Forces. He’s trained to be deceptive. He lies as easily as he tells the truth. He can kill me with his pinky but it’s not like I’m afraid of him. “I’ll make you suffer for the rest of your life Victor,” I tell him.

  I watch the change come over his face. Gone is the helpless look. Gone is the pain around his eyes. What’s left is calm and controlled. “What exactly is it you think you can do to me?”

  I shrug. “You think you’re safe because of all that trainin’, but you’re not.” Before he can stop me, I rip the IV needle out of his arm. I make sure to do it roughly and I’m happy to see I ripped his skin.

  Pop got me a copy of his medical chart and I studied it. I know exactly where he got shot. I take one of my fingers and press it to one wound. Unfortunately he’s been stitched up but that doesn’t mean it won’t fuckin hurt. He grabs my wrist to move it but I’m stronger than him.

  Ashley’s mom remarked on the difference we have in Ashley’s life. Victor is truly the good guy in all of this. I, on the other hand, am a very, very bad man. Victor killed people to better our country. I killed people for the fun of it. I like to watch them suffer and I like to hear them scream.

  And when it comes to Ashley I’m worse than that.

  I lean over Victor, my hand still pressin’ into his wound. I even press so hard I rip his stitches. “You can run Victor, and you can hide, but I’ll find you. And once Ashley forgets about you and all you mean to her, I’ll come. I’ll make you fuckin’ suffer like you can’t even imagine in your darkest nightmares. And I know you have them. And once I’m done playin’ around, I’ll kill you slowly.” The temperature in the room drops and it’s almost as if the air we breathe out is foggy.

  Victor looks into my eyes then and pales. I know what he sees in there and he should be scared. “That’s a promise. You don’t take what’s mine. And I know what you did to get sent home from Iraq, so you did take her. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure Ashley never knows any of it.”

  Maybe it’s wrong and maybe I shouldn’t have promised all that. Somethin’ you need to know about me is I always keep my promises. But I said it and I won’t take it back. I’d do anythin’ for the woman I love. She’s the reason there’s good inside of me to begin with. She taught me how to feel. And I would do anythin’ to keep her alive and safe.

  I back away from Victor and watch as Ashley’s three brothers swarm around him like hornets, takin’ punches while he tries to fight back. Victor hasn’t been fed properly in days. He didn’t get enough water. Now he’s weak from blood loss so it’s actually not a fair fight. But no one cares but him.

  I watch all this with a smile on my face.

  He may not have physically shot either us but his selfishness put my girl in the line of fire. And that’s a place she’ll never be again.

  We leave Victor in his room, bruised and beaten, but he’ll live.

  For now.

  No one speaks as we leave and head back to the waitin’ room. When I first met Ashley’s brothers, I thought they were pussies. I mean, they all come from money and have that wealth seepin’ from their pores. What d they know about fightin’ and the real world?

  Turns out they know a lot.

  I don’t know much about the oldest, but the two younger ones have had their fair share of the harsher aspects of life. If Ashley wouldn’t kill me, I’d talk to them about prospectin’.

  I might feel bad about beatin’ up a helpless guy in a hospital room but then I think about the hole in Ashley’s chest. All the tears she’s cried for Victor over the past decade. Now I know he’ll never be in the way again.

  Rachel stands right outside the door once we return. She looks up as we approach and she grins. “Ash made it out of surgery. They said she’d make a full recovery.” Then she’s runnin’ into Court’s arms.

  A heaviness leaves my shoulders and I fall to my knees. I knew she would make it through because if anythin’, Ashley is a fighter. A hand lands on my shoulder and I turn to see my pop. I raise one of my eyebrows and he nods.

  I don’t say anythin’ as I get off the floor and follow Pop out of the hospital. Ryan is on my heels. “What about Lola?” I ask before I climb into the middle seat of Pop’s truck.

  “She made friends with those three little hellions in there. She’s gonna stick around and see Ashley when she wakes up.” I nod and lean back, restin’ my head on the back of the seat. What I wouldn’t give to be able to sleep for one hundred years.

  I’ll have to wait for a nap. After the bullet went through Ashley and me, Pop put one in Micah’s head. Then the rest of the brothers proceeded to put a bullet wherever they could. I heard from Charlie that you couldn’t even tell who he was anymore.

  Sounds like a damn good way to die.

  After that, Pop had the body moved and told the police the guy got away. Then they hand delivered the body to Barney. That’s where we’re headed now. And there’s only two ways it can go. Either war or peace.

  When Pop pulls up to the expensive house, adrenaline pumps through my body. I’m ready for a fight even though I’ve lost blood and I’m in pain. Somethin’ is gonna have to come to a head. We can’t keep this shit goin’.

  We killed one of Barney’s men, his own son. Though in fairness, he did shoot at a crowded lot full of bikers. Not the smartest move. I guess he thought we wouldn’t shoot back.

  Fuckin’ dumbass.

  Sage Benito stands at the entrance to the backyard. He glares at us but we ignore him. The three of us stop by him. Pop waves his hand forward. “No offense but I had one of you crazy Italians shoot up my club today. I ain’t givin’ you my back.”

 
Sage narrows his eyes but doesn’t say anythin’. He goes ahead of us and we follow in behind him. When we get to the backyard it makes me sick about how Barney made the money to pay for this place. They have no regard for human life, these people. They live by greed and savin’ their own skin. I could never sell flesh or get kids addicted to drugs. Don’t get me wrong, I do illegal shit myself but I’m not cruel or sadistic. The people I have killed are all grown adults who did somethin’ to deserve it.

  “Blade. Rage. Storm.” Barney’s old ass nods at everyone while he sits on a throne on the back patio. His other bosses sit around him, all younger but still look as if they lived a harsh life. That’s how Barney picks them. They have to rise through the ranks from the bottom and these men didn’t let anyone get in their way.

  “Barney,” Pop replies, standin’ with his arms behind his back. Pop’s hand’s aren’t usually very far from his gun. I learned to live that way myself.

  “Can I offer you gentlemen anything to drink? Or to eat?” Barney asks while he brings a coffee up to his lips. Looking at him you wouldn’t even know his youngest son died. Hell, the only one who seems to give a shit is Sage.

  “Thanks but I’m gonna have to say fuck no.” Pop nods at Barney and I can tell he wants to go over there and strangle the bastard. “If we could get on with this meetin’? My daughter–in-law is gonna live so I’m keen to get my boy back to her.”

  Tensions seem to disappear after Pop’s words. Barney stands to his feet and walks closer to us. “I’m happy to hear that. I was afraid I’d have to find a new doctor and put hits out on all of Ashley’s brothers.”

  “Don’t worry. If Ashley had passed, you wouldn’t have seen it comin’. We’d sneak in the cover of darkness and slit your throat where you sleep,” Pop tells him before lookin’ back at Sage. “Man boy back there would have gained a similar fate.”

  Barney sucks in through his teeth. “I don’t much like being threatened.”

  Pop chuckles and brings his hands in front of him to crack his knuckles. Everyone tenses up again. “I ain’t threatenin’ you. I’m statin’ a fact. I told your ass to get a hook on that boy of yours. I told you he was gonna do somethin’ stupid and look what happened. He’s dead with eighty somethin’ bullet holes in his body. Had about five minutes to scrape him off the sidewalk for the cops got there. Wasn’t much fun.”