Darkest Sin

by Ashton Blackthorne

  Finally, one fateful night my mother stumbled into the house around 3 AM. I had just gotten home myself. I was lying in bed when I heard the door slam.

  Walking downstairs, I saw her sitting at the table with a needle stuck in her arm. She was just about to push the plunger down.

  Instantly, I raced towards her and jerked the needle out of her arm.

  “Ayden! What the hell are you doing?” She screamed. Her blue eyes were bloodshot. Heavy alcohol fumes poured from her mouth as she spoke.

  Ignoring her, I took the balloon of heroin and dumped it out in the sink. I turned on the faucet watching the white powder wash down the drain.

  My mother went crazy grabbing at my arms scratching me with her long nails. “Ayden! How could you? My God, what have you done?” She screeched frantically trying to scoop the remnants of the powder out of the sink.

  “What I should’ve done a long time ago, Mother, dear. You’re fucking killing yourself!”

  She collapsed to the floor howling in anguish. “Ayden, you’re insane! Don’t you that was everything I had? I’m sick! I need it!” She began to bang her head against the cabinets.

  I stared at her in disbelief. “I’ve fucking had it, Mom. I’m out of here. I’m not going to watch you die anymore.”

  Turning away from her, I rushed up the stairs. I grabbed my backpack and stuffed it full of clothes. Running back down the stairs, I found her digging through her purse searching for more dope, no doubt. “Bye, Mom.” I pushed past her towards the kitchen door.

  She threw herself at me. “Ayden, you get back here! You’re not going anywhere! You’re only fifteen years old. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” She grabbed my wrist attempting to pull me back towards the living room.

  Giving her a violent shove, I moved away from her.

  “No, Ayden! Get back here. You’re my son! You’re all I have!” Brokenly, she began to sob. Her faded pink dress was falling off her thin shoulders. Long, nasty track marks decorated her arms. Her skin was a sickly shade of gray. I knew she’d been out turning tricks again and shooting dope.

  Fucking disgusting.

  “I’m supposed to stay because you’re my mother? Are you fucking kidding me? Have you ever been a real mother to me? Tell me, Mom, when all the kids at school were talking about what their parents bought them for Christmas what was I supposed to say? Nothing, my mom spent all her money on dope! Or when I was in the school play in fifth grade and everyone’s mother was there to cheer their kids on and I was the only kid without anyone there. Were you a mother then? Where the fuck have you been the past fifteen years?” I spat my words at her. My fists clenched around my backpack tightly.

  Her sickly gray skin paled. She shuddered, as my words must’ve cut her at least somewhat. “Ayden, I admit I haven’t always done right by you, but you’re my son and I love you.”

  I watched as her eyes became more unfocused and glassy. Hell, she was probably about to pass out now. “Fuck it, Mom, I’m done watching you throw your life away. I’m done listening to you fuck some loser in the next room. I’m done….with you!” I pushed past her towards the door.

  In an instant, she hurled herself through the air at me. She crashed at my feet and wrapping her arms around my legs.

  “Ayden, you’re all I have left. I’ll try to do better, I promise!”

  I rolled my eyes. I’d heard it all before. Things never changed. “Sorry, Mom, it won’t work this time. I’m leaving.”

  “Ayden, please, you’re the only son I have left!” She sobbed curling her fingers around my ankles.

  The only son she had left? Had she ever had another? “Who’s my dad, Mom? I can go live with him.” I knew that would enrage her.

  “Your father? Fat chance of that happening. He’s a cheating bastard!” She screamed as she rolled over on the floor. She scrambled to her feet. “You want to know who your dad is so badly, Ayden? Watch the fucking news sometime.”

  What?

  “What the hell do you mean? You always said he was dead or that you couldn’t remember who he was. Fuck, Mom, get your story straight!”

  She snorted. “Oh yes, Ayden, I know exactly who he is and where he is. But you’ll never know if you leave.” She smiled sadistically.

  At that point, I no longer cared. It didn’t make any difference to me at all who my father was. I just wanted to get away from her. “I’m done, Mom. Goodbye.”

  I threw open the door and walked out into the night. I could hear her screaming all the way down the block. I didn’t care. I was just glad to be gone.

  Ash looked at me incredulously.

  “Really, Ayden? A bit dramatic, don’t you think? You expect me to believe that?”

  I ran my hands through my hair. “Ash, it’s the truth. You know what a psycho bitch she is. How can you blame me for wanting to get away from her?”

  As I hit the streets for real, I gradually sank into despair. I was shooting up multiple times a day.

  Slipping a needle full of heroin into my vein felt better than sinking deep inside a hot tight pussy. There was no comparison. The rush that exploded in my body after hitting that plunger pushing the liquid into my veins was like nothing else. I couldn’t get enough. For the next two years, I lived on the streets sleeping in flop houses and doing anything I could to score my next fix. It was the only thing I cared about.

  “Hey sexy,” the hot blonde next to me on the sunken couch eyed the full needle I was about to push off with. As soon as the dope hit my veins, sex would be the last thing on my mind. I just liked to ride the high. I’d done so much it took a lot to get me high.

  And cost a lot more money too.

  “Go away,” I growled at her as I hit the plunger. In mere seconds, I went from down in the depths of despair to soaring on cloud nine.

  “Wow. I’ve never seen anyone push off that fast!” I could hear her voice, but the words didn’t make sense to me. I fell back on the couch and closed my eyes.

  Hours maybe days passed, I awoke to exploding pain in my head and her mouth on my cock. She wasn’t quite so hot now that I was sober, but her mouth felt incredible. I grabbed her head and bounced it up and down my cock. The house was infested with bugs and one raced across my foot.

  That did it. I lost my erection immediately.

  “Get off me,” I stood up and pulled my jeans on.

  “Out with it, Ayden. You’ve wasted two hours of my time going on and on about your struggle with heroin. I can appreciate that must’ve been painful, but nothing that’s happened to you excuses what you did to Amber.”

  “Oh, I know that, Ash, and if you thought that’s why I’m telling you my story you’re wrong. I just wanted you to know.”

  Ash stood up and poured himself a glass of water. He handed me one as well. He walked over to the enormous picture window overlooking the ocean.

  “So, how did you get sober, Ayden? Based on what you told me, you’d been using for years. What stopped you?”

  Gulping down the water, I leaned back on the sofa. I felt the veins in my arms pulsate. “First, let me tell you about the time our father came to see me in prison.”

  Ash’s eyes grew wide. “Yes, Clayton mentioned that. I guess that must’ve been a surprise to you.”

  “You have no idea, Ash.”

  “Visitor’s call! Line up! Andrews, Butler, Cody, Connors, Davis, Donovan, Marks, Nightshade, Owens, Phillips, Warren, Yardley.”

  I rolled over in my bunk.

  “Hey, Donovan! Wake the fuck up! You got a visitor.” The burly guard banged his club against my bunk.

  “What? Who the hell is it?” I hadn’t had a visitor since I’d been here.

  “Do you think I give a shit? Get out here now or you lose visiting privileges.”

  I stumbled out of my bunk. I ran my hands through my hair and jumped into line.

  “Donovan, since when do you get visitors?” Davis, a heavily tattooed burly guy who was doing life for murdering his ex-wife, asked standing n
ext to me.

  I shrugged. I’d been in here exactly nine months to the day.

  “You got some hot piece of ass coming to see you?” Another inmate who was in there for sexual assault asked me. Ignoring him, I continued walking. The guard roughly shoved me towards the visiting room.

  The gray walls of the prison seemed to rise up all around me.

  I shuffled down the hall to the visitor’s booth. I sat down on the stool looking down at metal counter. No one was there yet.

  A man dressed in an expensive Italian suit sat down across from me. At first, I didn’t recognize him.

  Initially, I thought it was my attorney. Perhaps the appeal had come through.

  He motioned at me to pick up the phone. “Ayden?”

  His voice. Oh my God. “Ashler?”

  His eyes, so like my own, gazed at me. The corners of his mouth turned up in a smile. His dark brown hair nearly black was streaked with a touch of silver. “I was hoping you’d call me Dad.”

  I nearly fell off the stool. Never in my wildest dreams did I think he’d come.

  I opened my mouth to talk, but no words came out. I was stunned.

  He laughed at my astonishment.

  Finally, I found my voice again. “How did you know I was here?”

  “It wasn’t hard. I had my attorney do a little digging. When I read about your alleged crimes online, I knew I had to find a way to see you.”

  My mind was still reeling .“How did they let you in to see me? You usually have to be on an approved visiting list.”

  He smiled and shrugged. “That’s one of the perks of being a Blackthorne. Money talks.”

  I smirked. I’m sure it was nice. I wouldn’t know.

  “If you’re upset that I came, I can always leave. I didn’t mean to cause you any distress.” Ashler looked down.

  Shaking my head, I held the phone tightly. I still couldn’t believe he was here. “I’m glad you came. No one’s been in here to see me since I got here.”

  “Not even Debra?”

  I shook my head. “She’d be the last person they’d let in. She couldn’t make to see me without getting high first.”

  “It’s still bad with her? I knew she was using some when she was with me.”

  I nodded. “Oh yeah, wasn’t a night that went by she wasn’t drunk or high. It’s been like since I was old enough to remember.”

  Ashler looked pained. “I had no idea it was that bad, Ayden. That must’ve been very hard for you.” His hazel eyes reflected compassion.

  “It is what is. Nothing I can do about it. She’ll never change. That’s why I left a long time ago.”

  “I know we don’t have much time here, Ayden, but I wanted to apologize for the way I treated you the first time you came to see me. It was quite a shock to hear that I had another son I knew nothing about. I knew Debra had been cheating on me, so I didn’t know if I could trust you were really mine. But just looking at you confirms it for me.”

  Amazed, I couldn’t stop smiling. This was all I had ever wanted since I’d came to New York.

  “Ayden, I know you’re here for a pretty serious crime. That concerns me. The stalking of that young woman was terrible to say the least.”

  “I know, Ashler. I never meant to hurt her. In case you didn’t realize it, I am, was an addict.” I held out my scarred arms for him to see.

  His eyes looked sad. “I’m sorry, Ayden.”

  “It’s no excuse, I know. I’ve been working hard since I’ve been in here to try and live my life differently, to acknowledge my mistakes.”

  “That sounds great.”

  “Five minutes!” the guard shouted.

  Ashler looked down at his watch. “Ayden, I know you have a three year sentence. I’ve got some attorneys that can try and help you. I want you to get out of here as soon as possible.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I feel I’m partly to blame for why you’re here. Your mother was a disaster and I’ve never been a part of your life. I want to change that. I want us to have a relationship. I want you to come and work for me after you’re released.”

  My eyes misted. This was more than I’d ever dreamed. I couldn’t believe he was really here. The father I’d always wanted.

  “And you must meet Ashton. Why, it’s a shame two brothers have been kept apart their entire lives.”

  I didn’t let him know that I’d seen Ash a few times when I’d picked Amber up from work. “I’d like that.”

  “One minute!”

  “Well, Ayden, it looks like our time is up. I hope we can start to build some kind of relationship. That would mean a lot to me.” He smiled at me.

  He looked so warm and kind. I wanted to hug him.

  But the glass was between us.

  I placed my hand on the glass. Ashler stared a moment and then placed his there against mine.

  “Thank you for coming.”

  He smiled at me.

  “Dad.”

  Ash looked at me stunned. His normally tanned face was dead white. “When did that happen?” he whispered.

  “June 2015.”

  Ash bit his lip and looked down.

  “Can you imagine my heartbreak when I received word he passed in December?”

  “No, I can’t. I was devastated myself.”

  “Did he ever mention me to you?”

  Ash shook his head.

  Night had begun to fall and darkness seeped in all around us.

  “So, after I heard he was gone, I lost it. I didn’t give a shit what happened to me. I had been keeping my nose clean and following all the rules. After Dad died, I decided fuck it, what did I have to live for?”

  Ash looked down at his phone. “Shit, Ayden, I’ve got a major crisis with work. It can’t wait. Can you come back tomorrow?” He ran his hands through his hair.

  I shrugged. I really wanted to finish telling him everything. “Sure, that’s fine.”

  “Do you mind coming back out here tomorrow? Or I can meet you in the city?” Ash stood to leave.

  “Here is fine. I enjoy the drive. After being cooped up in prison, anytime I get to get out and about is fine with me.”

  “Should we say 11 AM?”

  I nodded.

  As I drove back to the city, I thought about my last year in prison.

  The last year in prison had been the hardest. I had gotten a new cellmate, a guy named Sinister Cayne. Like his name, he was an intimidating, imposing guy. He was a hugely muscled, heavily tattooed type. His dark hair was buzzed short and he sported a goatee. He had two deep scars on his forehead. I couldn’t help but wonder what caused them. Sinister also had several MC tattoos and one that meant he killed someone. Most of the inmates gave him a wide berth, but that was going to be difficult for me as he was my cellmate.

  “So, Donovan, I hear you’re about to be released soon.” He asked one day as I was arriving back from lunch.

  “Yep. Don’t know where I’m going though.”

  Sinister ran his hands through his short hair. His arms had track marks too. “I know what you mean. The MC I ran with has it out for me now. Can’t really go back there if you know what I mean.”

  I nodded. Before meeting Sinister, I felt like I was hard core, but Sinister was the real deal. “Who’s your MC?” I casually asked.

  Sinister stood up from his bunk and lifted the sleeve of his long thermal t shirt up. “The Sons of Brotherhood. We used to have ties to the Aryan Brotherhood. We ran out West mostly.”

  Hopping off my bunk, I studied his tattoo carefully. It was well done with a ‘1488’ with a skull and crossbones beneath it and the words, ‘Brothers in Blood’ “What did you run?”

  He shrugged pulling his sleeve back down. “Mostly guns, but meth, smack, you name it.”

  I nodded impressed.

  “They don’t call it the wild west for nothing. I could get anything out there. Women-had them lined up and gorgeous ones too. Drugs, assault weapons, anything I wanted. I could make a call
and have it in hours.”

  “Sounds like a sweet deal. So what happened to get you in here?”

  He laughed. “This ain’t my first rodeo that’s for sure. I’ve been doing time on and off, since I was 15. But this time was the worst. See, every person in the Brotherhood has a job to do. Mine was murder.”

  I had to control myself to keep from looking shocked. Showing astonishment in here could easily be misinterpreted as fear.

  And to show fear showed weakness.

  “Who did you kill?” I asked the question despite my knowing that it was best not to ask something like that.

  He smirked. “It wasn’t like that. I was a contract killer. Murder for hire. I only killed those I felt had a good reason for hiring me. The Brotherhood wasn’t as selective as I was. They only wanted the money. The hit I was supposed to do went wrong.”

  I sucked in my breath. I tried not to look too alarmed.

  Sinister seemed to be off in his own world. He leaned against the concrete wall. “Some fucker wanted me to off his old lady. Said she was cheating on him with some other guy. I said that wasn’t reason enough to do it. Told the Brotherhood that too. But the guy had given them $50k to have it done. The Brotherhood, they try to tell you it’s all about blood taking care of blood, all that shit, but in the end it’s all about the fucking money. So, I started following the guy’s old lady. Turned out she was a petite, gorgeous little thing. I even talked to her one night at a bar even though I wasn’t supposed to. She was one of the nicest women I’d ever met. After following her for weeks, I never saw her with another guy.”

  Sinister sighed as he leaned his head back on the wall.

  “But what I did see was the guy fucking some other chick at a rundown motel. Turned out, he wanted his wife gone so that he didn’t have to pay child support. I told the Brotherhood I wanted off the job. Told them no way in hell would I kill an innocent woman. Chain told me I had no choice. If I didn’t do it, I was out. And if you know anything about outlaw MCs, you know you just don’t leave. They fucking kill you. I didn’t have anywhere else to go and I figured if I didn’t do it someone else would.”