An Officer but No Gentleman

by M. Donice Byrd

  “I’ll see if I can’t find you an extra sailor suit or two,” Daniel said. “As a matter of fact, I know where there are some clothes. Take that hurricane lamp and follow me.”

  Daniel led her into the bowels of the ship. The areas of the hold she saw were filled mostly with kegs of gunpowder, cannon balls and other munitions. A sailor’s sea chest was tucked into the corner. “Our cousin Jimmy was only a little bigger than you. His clothes should fit better than Jaxon’s.

  “Oh, Daniel, I couldn’t.”

  Did he not know it was bad luck to wear the clothing of someone who died on the same voyage they were lost? Every sailor knew that. Just like they knew having a woman aboard was bad luck.

  “You can and you will. You can return them when we get to shore and buy you some dresses.”

  “Dresses? Me? I haven’t worn a dress since I was six. I wouldn’t recognize myself in the looking glass.”

  He really didn’t know what Jaxon’s plans were regarding Charlie. He dreaded another confrontation with his brother, but knew she was their responsibility.

  “I should imagine they’re all clean since it’s only Tuesday.”

  All sailors washed their clothes on Sunday. It was the only day the men were given leisure time. Adjusting the sails was the only duty.

  “I’ll be sure they get washed again before I return them.”

  Charlie opened the chest and began removing the clothing from the neatly ordered contents. The chest had been packed with care for Jimmy’s family and she hated to disturb the contents.

  “I’ll take good care of them,” she said hiding the unmentionables in the middle of the small stack.

  “Take the sweater, too. The nights are beginning to feel nippy.”

  “I don’t know if I should. His wife or mother knitted that for him. I don’t know if they would want me to use it.”

  “Nonsense, Aunt Pru would be glad someone is getting good use of it,” he said. “Just don’t wear it when we get back to port until we’ve had time to break the news to our family.”

  She removed the striped wool sweater then closed the sea locker. Daniel took the lamp and led her out of the hold.

  “Do you knit?” he asked.

  She laughed. “If it’s something that girls know how to do, I can assure you, I do not. My father didn’t want anyone to view his son as missish. I didn’t even know until you told me, that it was improper to be in your quarters with the door closed. I mean, now that I think about it, it makes sense.”

  He looked at her, only beginning to understand. “Well, that explains why you didn’t slap Jaxon when he kissed you on deck.”

  “Why would I do that? I liked the kiss.”

  Daniel grimaced. He couldn’t believe he was going to have to explain this to her. “Because you aren’t married or even engaged to him. He was treating you like a harlot or his mistress.”

  “He has a mistress?”

  Was that what she took out of his remark? Daniel sighed and rubbed his temple.

  “No, but thanks to him kissing you like that, half the men on this ship think you are his paramour or soon will be.”

  “And a land girl would have known to slap him because he sullied her reputation, even if she liked it?”

  Daniel raked his hand through his hair just like she had seen Jaxon do. “And another thing: don’t go around telling people you liked my brother’s kisses.” He could see the question forming in her mind. “It just isn’t done. Maidens shouldn’t have been kissed, not the good girls anyway and the rest either don’t like it or pretend they don’t.”

  “They’ve never been kissed by your brother then.”

  Daniel was still laughing as they entered the passageway to the officer’s quarters.

  “My watch starts in about fifteen minutes, do you want to use my cabin while I’m on duty.”

  “No,” she said. “I’m going to have to face him at some point. But I do need an escort to check on the other injured men.”

  “You’ll have to do it quickly.”

  13

  Facing Jaxon when she finished attending the other injured men was not to be. His cabin was empty. Charlie found the key in the lock, just as he said it would be, so she took her moment of privacy to change into her new clothing. It had been a couple of years since Charlie had given up the uniform of a common tar. The duck trousers and striped shirt were the universal uniform of jack. It made her feel more like herself to have it on. Charlie even decided to retrieve the strip of cloth she used to bind herself and loosely bound herself again. It just made her feel less on display, less vulnerable.

  The trousers were a little large in width, but the buttons could be moved easily and the length was perfect as she had always been long-legged. Charlie decided to remain barefoot. She wondered if she should ask Daniel if it was inappropriate for her to go around shoeless. He’d probably let her know eventually if it wasn’t.

  The rattling of the doorknob alerted Charlie to Jaxon’s return.

  “Charlie, may I come in?” Jaxon asked.

  She turned the key, opened the door fully and stepped to the far side of the room where the hammock stretched across the corner of the room. Piece by piece, Charlie refolded her newly acquired clothing as Jaxon stepped in and closed the door.

  “Shouldn’t we leave it open?” Charlie said despite the fact she didn’t want to talk to him at all. Now that she realized it was improper, she had to stand up for herself.

  “Been talking to Daniel?” It was more of a statement than a question. Jax reopened the door with a sigh, then sat down at his desk and opened a ledger.

  “Jimmy’s?”

  “Aye. If you have some thread, I can move the buttons over so they fit me better and I can give you back your belt. Dr. Kirk had needles in his bag, but only catgut for sewing wounds.”

  Jax set down his quill and opened a drawer of his desk. He handed her a small wooden box. It contained everything she needed.

  “Are you still mad at me?” he asked.

  “Aye,” she met his gaze. Her pulse increased as she peered into his handsome face, with those amazing steely blue eyes. She found it difficult to stay mad at him when she wanted to feel his lips on hers. “But I’m mostly past wanting to hurt you.”

  “Mostly?”

  A half-smile surfaced. “Aye, mostly.”

  They each returned to their respective tasks. A few minutes passed before Jax spoke. He did not lift his head from his task.

  “I’m curious about this Morty you mentioned.”

  Charlie was glad he didn’t look up because she couldn’t hide her smile. Was Jaxon jealous of Morty?

  “What about him?” she said nonchalantly.

  “You said he loves you.”

  “Aye.”

  “Do you love him, too?”

  Morty was her closest friend. Of course she loved him. She loved him the way one might love a brother. “Aye.”

  Still angry, Charlie would answer truthfully, but she wasn’t going to voluntarily give him any information he didn’t ask for. She knew how it sounded and hoped she was making him jealous.

  Jaxon raked his hand through his hair. “So it’s safe to say he knows you’re female?”

  “Aye.”

  “You’re just not going to make this easy on me,” he said tersely. He set the quill down hard and turned in his chair so he could see her. His eyes seemed to have lost some of their color leaving them an icy gray color.

  “I’ve answered your questions,” she said with a little smirk. “I dare say I’ve been more honest than you. If there’s something you want to know, keep asking your questions. I’ve got nothing to hide.”

  Jaxon met her eyes and held her gaze. His blood boiled with her game. He wanted to know everything about his rival.

  “Do you think he’ll know it was not your body we gave him?” He wanted to understand how familiar was this man with her body? Had he kissed her? Had he held her in his arms? Had he made love to her?

&nbs
p; Charlie felt the wind leave her sails. He wasn’t jealous at all. He just wanted to know if she thought they were still being pursued. It had been satisfying to drag out his torment when she thought he was jealous, but now she realized it was all for naught. Charlie frowned.

  “I don’t know. The last time I saw Morty, he was locked up in the brig. It’s possible he wouldn’t have seen the corpse at all,” she said and realized she wasn’t sure she even wanted to go back to the Arcadia. “They would have released him as soon as they remembered he was there. But Mr. Byron is the one who wanted me gone. It would be within his power to keep everyone away from the Jimmy.”

  “What did he do that he ended up in the brig? Did he attack you? Is he the one who put those bruises on your back?” Jaxon sounded angry.

  “Morty would never hurt me. I put him in the brig when I realized he knew I was not a man. We were going to put him ashore in Portugal. I’m sure that’s why the crew went along when Byron set sail without me. They’ve been really upset because we gave them no reason why I locked him up.”

  “You locked him up because he found out your secret?”

  “Every plan my father had for me was based on that lie. No man will follow me if he knows the truth.” Her eyes suddenly welled up and she blinked back the water. “He is the best friend I ever had. Do you think I liked what I did? Everyone likes Morty. He’s always making everyone laugh and he’s loyal to his mates. He’s the kind of man you want beside you in a fight; because you know he would take a bullet for you.”

  Charlie didn’t see the look of hurt that crossed Jaxon face as she described Morty because Jaxon intentionally turned his head away. He heard the sincerity and admiration in her voice and wanted to slam his mouth on hers to drive the word away. They were like a knife in his heart. He could never remember wanting a woman more and she was in love with another man.

  “Do you think the ship came back for you because they let him out of the brig?”

  “Aye. I don’t know if he would tell them why I locked him up, but he never held any animosity towards me. He knew I was only trying to protect myself and he would never intentionally put me in danger. Aye, it would have been Morty’s doings that turned our ship around. But I don’t think it would occur to him that someone would try to pass off one body for another. His mind doesn’t work that way. Mr. Byron is in control and since Dr. Kirk was shanghaied. I was his only obstacle to full possession of the Arcadia. It is only a matter of time before he gets through the lock on my father’s door and locates my father’s coffers. Luckily, it has not been so long since we were in homeport, so I know most of our money is in the bank there. Perhaps when you have replaced me, you can take me Charleston rather than leaving me elsewhere.”

  “I have no plans to replace you. You seem competent at your job.”

  “I am no surgeon. I only know what I have been exposed to and what I have read in the books.”

  “Do you want to leave?”

  She met his eyes and he saw a moment of uncertainty flash in her eyes. It hurt him to think he was responsible for that fear.

  “I have nowhere else to go. No prospects. No family. No home. All I have is a ship that I will never see again thanks to you.”

  “Charlie….”

  The scope of how his rash action had affected her grasped at him with sharp claws. It was almost enough to make him turn the ship around. Almost. But he couldn’t do it. He wanted her. Not just her body, but all of her. He knew she was the woman he had to have.

  “You have my protection. I am responsible for you and what happens to you. Never doubt it.”

  Charlie knew, unless she was willing to pose as male again, she would need his protection. Even aboard the Arcadia, it was only due to her father’s protection that she had managed to live as free as she had. It was true that women who didn’t have a man’s protection had a poor outcome.

  “Aye, but for how long? What will happen when you tire of me? A day will come when you realize this arrangement of sharing your cabin is inconvenient and what then?”

  He stood up from his desk and crossed to her. He took her hands and pulled her up to him.

  “I know you’re scared, Charlie. And I’m sorry for my part in that. You may feel you’re on a boat with no rudder, but I’m telling you now, there’s a towrope I’m pulling in. All you have to do is give me time and trust me and you’ll find a safe harbor.”

  She searched his face trying to understand what he was saying. What choice did she have but to trust him? Charlie already knew he was drawing her in, but to what ends she didn’t know.

  He wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer, but she pulled away stepping back with one hand on his chest.

  “Not until you apologize to Daniel.”

  “If anyone owes someone an apology; it’s Daniel who owes me.”

  “That’s right the captain has absolute power therefore no one can question you.”

  “I was defending you.” Jaxon’s voiced rose in anger.

  “After you implied you were going to kill him. I was in the corridor, Jaxon. I heard the end of the conversation.”

  “He knows I didn’t mean it?”

  “You take it for granted you will have his unconditional love. So what if one brother hates you, you have another. You don’t know what it is to have no family, or you would cherish them more.”

  Jaxon returned to his desk as if by doing so the conversation was over.

  Charlie noticed the willow bark tea she had made earlier was still there.

  “You didn’t drink your tea.” Without thought she reached for his forehead. Still hot. “No wonder you’re so crabby.”

  “Stop mother-henning me, woman,” he snapped, pushing her hand away, remembering the last time.

  “This is why you are paying me…. You are paying me, aren’t you?”

  “Aye, don’t be ridiculous, of course I’m paying you,” Jax said. “Whatever you were making as second mate on the other ship plus ten.”

  “Hardly seems appropriate for me to take that much when I’m doing so little work. Would you mind if I joined one of the watches to earn my keep? I really hate this idleness.”

  “You’re not joining a watch.”

  Charlie knew what his answer would be before she asked so she decided to protest in her own way rather than argue.

  “Drink your tea.”

  “I’d rather not.”

  “I have no duty other than to stand here and make you drink that tea.”

  “It doesn’t contain laudanum or morphine does it?”

  “No, those come from opium which is from the poppy. This is just willow bark boiled in a little water. It’s good for bringing down fever and mild pain relief like headaches and soreness. It tastes like the devil and might upset your stomach, but you won’t feel any of the—” She hesitated trying to come up with the right word. “Drunkenness one gets from the other.”

  “I won’t want to keep using it?”

  “No, but if you prefer I can make a poultice for you that may or may not help, but with a stench so bad, you’ll be airing out your cabin for a week.”

  “I’ll drink it for a kiss.”

  “You’re not getting a kiss until you make up with Daniel.”

  Charlie crossed the room to Jaxon’s bunk. “Drink the tea,” she said stretching out on it. “Drink the tea.” She kept repeating it every thirty seconds just to annoy him.

  “It’s a shame you can’t get rid of me by sending me out on watch. I am an able seaman and you’re wasting my talents. Drink the tea.”

  “I’m only going to drink it if you give me a kiss.”

  “No.”

  After a minute passed she interrupted his work. “It must be hard to get any work done with me interrupting you all the time.”

  “I’m much more distracted by you reclining in my bunk.”

  “Apologize to Daniel and maybe I’ll get up. Or maybe I’d let you join me for an afternoon nap.”

  “When you sa
y nap…?”

  “I mean sleeping. You know, eyes closed, unaware of your surroundings, snoring.”

  She wasn’t tired, but knew with his injury and fever a nap would be good for him and she doubted he would voluntarily lie down in the middle of the day.

  “Can we close the door?”

  She hid the smile threatening to emerge when she knew she was going to get her way. “Aye.”

  Jaxon stared sightlessly at his ledger as he weighed his options.

  “I’m not going to cave.”

  “Fine,” he said. “Do you want to witness this or do you trust me?”

  “You said you weren’t going to lie to me, so I’m going to trust you.”

  14

  Jaxon approached the quarterdeck with apprehension. He couldn’t remember apologizing for anything important in his life. All that mattered to him was making things right with Charlie and if this was what it would take, he could eat some humble pie. Jaxon found himself face to face with his brother before he formed his apology in his mind.

  “Daniel, I’m here to apologize. I shouldn’t have hit you or threatened to kill you.”

  Daniel eyed Jaxon speculatively. “Charlie put you up to that?”

  “Aye,” he admitted, chagrined. “But I am sorry. You’re not only my brother and first mate, but you’re also my best friend. Shake my hand and forgive me.”

  Daniel gripped his brother’s hand firmly. “I know it was just the heat of the moment. Aye, of course, I forgive you.”

  Daniel released his hand. “I hope you understand, I only expressed my concern about you and Charlie because I’m worried about you,” Daniel continued. “And after talking to her today, I’m even more uneasy about how easily you could take advantage of her naivety. She’s not like the girls we grew up with.”

  “You still wear the black eye she gave you and you worry about her safety?”

  “I’m nervous about her welfare not her safety.”

  “Then let me put your mind to rest. I intend to marry her when we get home—if she’ll have me.” Jaxon cast a hard look of defiance at his brother daring him to say anything.