Follow The Wind

by Janelle Taylor

  Dear Jessica, Gran, and Tom,

  You must be surprised to hear from me again after all these years of silence. I beg your forgiveness for the wicked things I did. I realize I was a terrible person, and I’m sorry. I was selfish, defiant, impulsive, and cruel. If you can’t find it in your hearts to forgive me, I shall understand. You’re wondering what caused this drastic change in me. Love, Jessica, something you can understand. But not only love.

  I was so confused when I returned home from school and left home years ago. I had convinced myself Father hated me and that I had to escape. I was so mean to myself and all of you. Being on my own and alone was frightening, but I could not admit it, not after the awful way I behaved there. When I reached Boston and related my news, the Fletchers took the money you gave me. Wilbur’s will left them everything. He lied to me and used me, as you warned. He sent his money here and made an iron-clad will the day we wed to keep the Lanes from getting his estate! I was forced to survive off their charity and had to aid their cause to get it. I couldn’t confess my stupidity and dire straits to you. They composed that wicked letter I wrote to you. When you called their bluff, I told them you couldn’t be tricked or scared off your land. When they were forced to yield, they blamed me, and my life worsened.

  I used the final payment you sent for survival and a second escape. I fled to Philadelphia and was fine for almost a year. But I had more to learn, all the hard way. I sought another rich man and profitable marriage. Again, I was used and discarded by several targets. Looks and wiles aren’t enough without a good heart behind them. I was living high to gain attention and success, so my money was running out fast. Then a terrible thing happened to me. I was robbed and beaten, and worse. I nearly died. I wanted and needed my family, but I had betrayed them. I feared you would think it was only a trick to get more money or sympathy. I was so ashamed and scared. A wonderful and gentle—and handsome, too, Jessica—doctor saved my life and tended me like a child. Under his care, I realized love and family are what’s important in life. He’s so like Matt, a good and kind man. His name is John Blye. He’s thirty-three.

  After I’d healed, John dismissed me. He had heard what an awful person I was, and he wanted to escape my greedy clutches. But I had fallen in love with him. I chased him until I convinced him I had changed. We had a glorious courtship, and we married. He has an office in our home. Many times I help him with patients. We love each other so much and we’re so happy. Each day I changed even more. I’m so like Jessica now that no one at home would recognize me.

  But I’m writing for another reason, too. I told John about Tom’s problems. John is certain he can help improve them or find a specialized doctor who can. If you’ll send Tom to us, we’ll help him. He can live with us during treatments, for as long as it requires. Please allow him to come. His life can be so much better.

  Jessie put the letter down and rubbed her eyes, tired from sewing all day. She heard Lane and Matt playing in the parlor and smiled. She wanted to join them, but she had a serious decision to make. She lifted the astonishing letter again and read on about Mary Louise’s life and work with Dr. John Blye, about her experiences before and after her marriage, about her many changes, and about her dreams for helping their brother.

  Jessie got up to pour herself a cup of coffee, then sat down to think. She yearned to believe she could trust her sister. She prayed it was possible to treat Tom’s clubfoot and bad eyes. She hated to think of him going so far away to endure pain and loneliness in his effort to seek a better chance in life. Yet Tom deserved any help he could receive. Jessie knew he would want to take this risk when he learned of this opportunity. He was going on sixteen, but times weren’t much different for him today than years ago. He didn’t want to be a rancher, and could never manage a spread on his own. Yet, if surgery and treatments couldn’t improve his conditions, she didn’t want to give him false hopes. But it was Tom’s choice to make, not hers.

  Jessie took the letter and headed for the parlor stairs. She told Gran and Matt she was going to talk with Tom. Neither tried to discourage her. Jessie knocked on his door, then entered after he responded. She looked at her brother. He was tall and lanky, and sat erect. His dark-auburn hair was mussed from running his fingers through it countless times while studying. Many of his childhood freckles had vanished, but there was still a charming smattering of them across his nose and cheeks. He had become quieter and more serious over the last year. He spent a great deal of time reading and studying.

  “Yes, Jessie?” he asked in a voice that seemed to deepen more each day.

  Jessie sat on his bed. He was such a nice and smart young man, with excellent manners. When she remained silent, he squinted to see her better through his thick glasses.

  “Is something wrong?” he pressed.

  “I have some news to share with you, Tom.”

  When she hesitated once more, he grinned and asked, “Another baby?”

  Jessie laughed and sent him a sly grin. “Yes, but don’t tell Matt before I do. Due next fall, you perceptive young man.”

  “He’ll be excited. Why tell me first?”

  Jessie noticed how his grammar had improved due to all his hard work and her assistance. “That isn’t what I came to say, but you’re so clever to have guessed my secret. I was waiting to make certain before I told Matt. But what I wanted you to know is that we received a letter from our sister today.”

  Tom frowned. “What does she want now?”

  “That was my first reaction, but we’re wrong this time. I want to read it to you, then discuss her suggestion.” Jessie read the letter to a shocked Tom. As she lowered it to her lap, she asked, “Do you want to think about it for a while, or talk about it now?”

  Tom glanced at his disabled foot, then removed his glasses to rub his strained eyes. He replaced them and looked at his older sister. “Do you think it’s possible?”

  “I don’t know, Tom. But I doubt a doctor would say he could help if he knows for certain he can’t. He will have to examine you first to make sure. I hope he can, but I don’t want to raise your hopes.”

  Tom drifted into deep thought. His eyes darted about as he deliberated this unexpected opportunity. “He can’t make things worse, but he might make them better. It’s a risk, Jessie, but I want to take it. When did she say to come?”

  Jessie was not surprised by his choice. “There’s a train from Dallas on December second. Mary Louise will meet it in.Philadelphia on the chance you’re on it. That’ll give us time to get your things ready. I’ll send Rusty with you.”

  “I’m not a baby, Jessie. I can travel by train alone.”

  “But it’s such a long trip, Tom. You’ve never been away before. You aren’t grown yet, little brother.”

  “I’ll behave and study all the way. Will you and Gran and Lane be all right without me? She said it’ll probably take a year of surgery and exercises.”

  “We’ll miss you terribly. It’s going to be scary, hard, and probably painful, Tom. You’ll have to be brave and work hard to get well. You’ll also have to be patient and not push too fast to recover. I would go with you to get things started, but you know why I can’t. There’s Lane and…” She patted her stomach.

  “Don’t worry, big sister. I can take care of myself. I can take the pain and work to be normal. Even if Dr. Blye can’t cure me, Jessie, can I stay there to go to college? Could I get in and do the work?”

  Jessie’s eyes widened. “You want to attend college back East?”

  “More than anything,” he confessed. “I’ve dreamed about it. This is my chance to make it come true. Please; Jessie, say yes. I’m not dumb.”

  “Of course you aren’t. I’m sure you can do it, but it would keep you away so much longer. It takes years, Tom.”

  “Only a few. I don’t want to ranch or farm, Jessie. I want to study business and lots of other things. I want to be around other students. I want to learn and do fun stuff. I want to see what it’s like over there. Please.
”

  “So many surprises in one day,” she murmured. Jessie studied Tom’s pleading look and realized how sincere and serious he was. “I’m sure John could help. And I’ll give you the funds, if this is really what you want.”

  “Whoopee! It is, Jessie. I’ll make you proud of me; I promise.”

  Jessie returned his impulsive embrace. “I am proud of you, Tom.”

  “But it’ll be better for me after I’m fixed and educated. Even if the doctor can’t repair me, who laughs at somebody who’s been to college? This will give’me the chance to be somebody, to get respect, to stop the jokes. I’ll become too smart for them to hurt me or ignore me anymore. I can live at school, Jessie, so I won’t be any trouble for Mary Louise and her husband.”

  “You’ve learned enough at home to do any of their lessons.”

  “Then, it’s all right?”

  “Why not gamble for the whole pot while you’re at the table?” she quipped. “I’ll bet John tries to talk you into medicine or law. Just don’t let that eastern school ruin you like it did Mary Louise.”

  “Don’t worry; I’ll only change for the better. I swear.”

  “If you’re sure about this, we’ll start preparing for your departure tomorrow.”

  “I’m sure, Jessie. You and Mary Louise have good lives now. I have to seek mine.”

  “I’ll write Mary Louise tomorrow, so she can get things prepared for Tom’s arrival. I just hate to see him hurt and disappointed if John can’t help him. Science and medicine.are so tricky, but they change all the time.”

  “We’ll hope and pray for the best,” Matt replied.

  “Do you think I’m doing the right thing, Matt? It’s so serious. Tom’s never been away from home before. Is he too young to face so much alone?”

  “I don’t think so, Jessie. He’s mature for his age, and he’s smart. He’ll have Mary Louise and John with him. He needs this chance to prove himself. We can afford to send him for treatment and school. That rail strike last year didn’t hurt us. And our sale this time was good,” he added, referring to the long drive from August to November that he had completed two weeks past.

  “I’m glad you started the roundup and drive early this year, so you’re home now to advise me on this. We were lucky that cattlemen’s war in New Mexico didn’t affect us at market. This is the third season I’ve missed.”

  “Lane keeps you busy at home, love. Surely you don’t miss the hard riding and trail dust,” he teased.

  “Sometimes I do. I was used to being a ranch hand. It takes a while to adjust to being a mother and wife who stays home. I miss the excitement and good times with the boys. I don’t feel much a part of my old life anymore.”

  “What about missing me?” he jested.

  She smiled. “I miss you most of all during market season.”

  “Two weeks hasn’t caught me up for what I missed for three months.”

  “Me, either,” she responded. Jessie slipped off her garments and got into bed fast to avoid a chill. “Let’s make up for lost time,” she hinted.

  Matt grinned. “I’ll check the fire in the hall and make sure Lane’s asleep.”

  Jessie snuggled under the covers. She was glad Big John Williams had made a sturdy crib for their son, who loved to climb on things and investigate every curiosity. Jessie had worried over Lane falling down the steps or exploring the fire in the second-floor hearth. John had constructed the bed so the small boy would stay put and not get into dangerous mischief.

  Matt closed the door behind him and joined his wife in bed. He nestled her close to his naked body. “Cold?” he whispered.

  “Not anymore.”

  Matt’s mouth met hers. He kissed her many times before sending his hands on a skilled search for pleasure. His fingers and lips teased and tantalized his responsive wife until she was riding with him toward bliss.

  Jessie’s hands roamed Matt’s well-muscled body as she trailed kisses over his neck and face. Sometimes their lovemaking was calm and leisurely. Sometimes it was urgent and swift. Sometimes it was a mixture of both. But every time it was fulfilling and pleasurable. She had come to love him more each day since their marriage. Both had mellowed, and she knew it was because they were a good match. They were friends and partners and mates. Lane was like their son. She was eager to share her other news with him later, as he would be ecstatic to learn she was carrying his child this time.

  Matt’s touch brought her attention back to the spell he was weaving. She soared with him, knowing he gained as much satisfaction as he gave. She stroked his hard back where muscles rippled with his movements. She arched to meet each thrust he made into her welcoming womanhood. She loved being with him in this special way that bound their bodies and hearts as one. He was such a gentle and skilled lover. He knew what to do to drive her mindless with desire. She enjoyed the taste of his mouth on hers and savored each caress.

  And Matt could never seem to get enough of Jessie. He wanted to be near her every day, if only to see her smile. He savored the way she clung to him and responded with such eagerness and passion. He had no doubts that she loved him, desired him, and found ecstasy in his arms. To realize he could reach her so deeply thrilled him. At first he had worried he couldn’t or might not satisfy her like Navarro had. But those doubts and fears had vanished. He was confident that Jessica Cordell was his forever.

  Matt and Jessie rode the waves that crashed over, around, and through them. Their lovemaking became more frenzied as the power of it urged them higher, then carried them to ecstasy. They kissed and embraced until they lay exhausted and breathless but happy.

  Matt turned and kissed her ear. “You’re the most precious treasure a man could have, Jessie,” he whispered.

  She stroked his cheek. “Isn’t it strange how lovemaking gets better each time. You’d think it would become commonplace after so many times. But the feelings just get stronger. It’s almost as if it’s new and different each time, but…It’s strange and wonderful,” she finished, unable to describe how marvelous each union was.

  “I feel the same way. We’re perfect for each other.”

  “Yes, we are. By the way, you left a gift behind before the drive. Thank you.”

  “A gift? I don’t recall one,” he said in confusion.

  Jessie grinned, candlelight revealing her expression. “I’m three months’ pregnant, Matt. You’ll be a father again in early May.”

  “A baby?” he murmured, gazing into her merry eyes.

  “Yep, cowboy, you’ve saddled me with another child,” she teased. “It happens when two people make love as often as we do. In fact, it took longer than I imagined it would. It’s been quite a while since you and I started these delightful bouts in bed, and Lane is nearly two. Aren’t you pleased?”

  A mixture of elation and dread filled Matt. “You had such a hard time with Lane’s birth. Will-you be all right, Jessie? I’m worried.”

  She caressed his face and kissed him. “I’m fine now, Matt. First babies can be difficult. Don’t be afraid. Your child would never give its mother trouble.”

  “My child,” he murmured. “That’s wonderful, Jessie.”

  “It’ll be a busy time with spring roundup and branding.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll stay home. Rusty and the boys can handle the roundup of calves and colts next year. I want to make certain I see our child born.”

  “Want to play doctor again, huh?” she jested.

  He chuckled, then responded, “I’ll be satisfied just to be in the house this time. I don’t want you to suffer like you did with Lane.”

  “Gran said it’s only hard the first time. The others come fast and easy.”

  “I hope so. You scared me last time. I can’t lose you, Jessie.”

  “You won’t, Matt, not ever.”

  “I wonder if it’ll be a boy or a girl.”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Nope.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “This is good news, woman.”

/>   Jessie spread kisses over his chest. “We have months to get used to it and make our plans. With Tom leaving for school, we can put Lane in his room. Then the nursery will be ready for use again.”

  “I want to fill up this house with our children.”

  “Whoa, boy, one at a time, please. If I get too busy with lots of children, that’ll leave less time for you, for us. For this,” she added, then moved atop him.

  March thirteenth of 1881 was a lovely spring day. The last two years and four months had been successful and happy ones for the Lanes and Cordells. Matt was outside with four-year-old Lane, keeping the boy busy while his birthday meal and cake were being cooked. Alice Cordell—named after Jessie’s mother—was napping in the nursery. At twenty-two months, she was a beautiful child, with Matt’s brown eyes and Jessie’s red hair. Gran was tickled to have a little girl to help raise, and Alice’s father adored both child and mother.

  Gran was stiffer these days from her arthritis, but she still insisted on doing chores. Jessie did as much as possible, but the two children took much of her time and energy. Matt had suggested hiring another girl, as Annie Ortega had two children of her own to tend. With Gran now seventy-five and with Jessie three months pregnant with a third child, the redhead knew she should seek hired help soon.

  “Did you write to Tom and Mary Louise about the new baby?” Martha inquired.

  “Not yet. Mary Louise is depressed about not getting pregnant so far. She’s afraid she can’t have children. She thinks she’s being punished by God or tested to see if she’ll make a good mother. I told her not to worry. It’ll happen.”

  “How much longer does Tom have at school? And is he walking again?” she asked. She was forgetful some days.

  Patient and loving, Jessie gave the same answers again. “He’ll be home next summer. He’s already talking about starting a business in town. Matt and I told him we’ll back him. I’m so glad the surgery worked, Gran. Tom says he only has a slight limp now. His foot is almost straight. One of his greatest pleasures in life is wearing shoes, even if they are specially made. I can’t wait to see his new glasses; he says he can see so much better. Things are going wonderfully for him. He’s happy. Mary Louise and John are happy. All of us are happy and safe.”