In a quiet, hushed whisper I reply, “Bryce, I want you.”
“Oooh . . .” he moans out this breathless message.
Electrical shivers run up and down my spine. A pulsing sensation ignites my desire increasing the throb of passion coursing through me, and within an instant, I’m wet. Of it’s own free will, my hand glides beneath my boy shorts, my fingers drawing circles around my clit. A soft moan escapes me, releasing an exaggerated groan from Bryce.
“Imagine my mouth exploring every inch of your body. Feel my warm breath against your skin. I’m brushing my lips down your neck to your chest. With my hand wrapped around your hard cock, I’m stroking you up and down,” I say in a seductive tone.
“Ali,” he breathes my name, barely audible. I would give anything to be with him right now.
In a low husky voice I continue, “Slowly, my mouth glides down your cock, its tip touching the back of my throat. I’m lightly squeezing your balls. Is this what you want? Tell me.”
“Yes, oh god . . . faster. Squeeze my balls,” he groans out.
In a tender but commanding tone, I tell him, “Pinch my nipples, Bryce. Do as I say. Now.” My words push him over the edge.
“Ali . . .” My name is followed by a long, drawn out muffled cry. Hearing him call my name as he comes, is too fucking sexy.
It’s quiet. Did we lose connection? Did he hang up? “Bryce?”
“I’m here.” He’s trying to get his heavy breathing under control.
“I’ve never been awakened like that before,” I say, smiling like a fool.
“You didn’t mind?” His words are clipped but he sounds more like himself.
“Mind? No, I didn’t mind. It’s the first time I’ve had phone sex. I feel like I need a cigarette.” The boisterous laughter from him is contagious and I join in.
“For a first timer, you did an excellent job.” His change in attitude is abrupt. “Friday can’t get here soon enough. I’m serious when I say I need you. I crave you, Ali.”
Swoon. Thud. Yes, that’s my libido jumping from my body ready to catch the next flight to L.A.
That was by far the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. “I can’t wait to see you either.” My body and mind are finally on the same page and we’re ready. We’ve only had a few dates, but those few times, much to my surprise, have fueled my determination to be with him. I would gladly lie down and offer myself as a sacrifice if it meant his mouth would devour every inch of me. He’s turned my world around 180 degrees. I can give him what he wants, what he needs, what he’s never had. Me.
“As much as I don’t want to hang up with you, I need to get ready for work,” I say.
“I know. I don’t want to hang up either, but I also have to get up.”
“Okay, have a good rest of the day.”
“After this morning, it’s going to be great day,” he says in an upbeat tone.
“I’ll let you call me, since I know you’re busy with meetings.”
“I’ll talk with you tonight. Have a great day, baby.”
Baby? I know it’s a term of endearment, but it’s shocking to hear him say it to me. I like it. “You too.”
It’ll take surgery to remove the now permanent grin on my face. I’ll have to talk about my past at some point, but I don’t have to divulge details to have sex with him. That’s not a requirement.
He’s right. Friday can’t get here fast enough. Leaning against the tiled wall, thinking about Bryce and our phone call, the water finishes what I started with Bryce on the phone.
CHAPTER 19
There’s something about doctors’ offices I don’t like. They’re too sterile and all have the same antiseptic smell. I guess they’re running behind because I’ve been waiting forty-five minutes past my appointment time.
“Alixandra Quinn?” the nurse calls out. I get up and follow her to the scales.
After we go through the usual intake routine she admonishes, “You’ve had this pain for a year and you’re just now coming to see the doctor?”
“I’ve been busy and thought being on the pill was supposed to help or stop it. I use heat and ibuprofen…”I trail off, dreading explaining it to the doctor as well.
She hands me the gown. “Take off everything from the waist down. The doctor will be in momentarily.”
Lying on my back, staring at the poster stapled to the ceiling, I think about Bryce and all of my worries seem to disappear. There’s a quick knock on the door, then it opens and I sit up.
“Hi, Ali. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you,” she says, extending her hand.
“Hi, Dr. Warner. Yes, it’s been a while.”
“So, I see here you’ve been having some pain and discomfort.”
Discomfort isn’t how I would describe it. “Yes.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I always get it at the beginning of my period, but over the years, the pain’s increased.”
“When did your last menstrual period end?”
“A few days ago. Once my period stops it doesn’t bother me.”
“On a scale of one to ten, what is the pain level when it happens?”
“Twenty.” Her stare is deadpan.
“Let’s start with an exam and go from there, okay?” This is the part I hate. As she ‘digs’ around, feeling and pushing down on each side of my abdomen, I feel a sharp twinge and cry out. I know it’s still sensitive from my period. “Okay, I definitely feel something, but I want to do an ultrasound. Today, if you can. I don’t want to put this off any longer.” She raises an eyebrow, daring me to defy her.
“Okay. What time?” I ask.
“I’ll have the nurse call in the order now. It’s downstairs, so you won’t have far to go.”
As I finish dressing, the nurse knocks and opens the door. “The lab can work you in, but the appointment is in two hours.”
I don’t like hanging around in waiting rooms. I saw a deli a couple of blocks away and decide to go there and get a snack while I wait. I pull out my phone and see a text from Bryce.
*I enjoyed our morning conversation. Maybe we could have one tonight? *
This makes me smile. Have I created a phone sex monster? I laugh a little to myself, and text him back.
*Only if you’re good*
A couple of minutes later, I get another text from him.
*You have no idea but I hope to show you soon*
I text him back.
*Looking forward to it*
A second later, my phone rings and it’s Bryce. My heart races and my limbs go weak as I answer.
“So, you’re looking forward to it, are you?” he asks, not giving me time to say more than hi.
“Yes,” I breathe out the word as I bite down on my smile.
It sounds as though he’s doing the same. “I can’t wait to see you. I made a dinner reservation for Friday night.”
“Where are we going?”
“Some place special,” he says then adds, “it’s not a jeans wearing type place.” Smart-ass.
“That’s good to know. I wouldn’t want to embarrass you by wearing the wrong clothes.”
“Ali, you could wear nothing and that would be fine. I’m looking forward to that moment.” And, Mr. Sex is back.
“Well, I wouldn’t want to scare off the other patrons.”
“Oh, I think they would drop at your feet in deep admiration. I know I would,” he says in a low growl.
“Bryce, I’m in a restaurant, and as much as I’d like to, I can’t have this conversation with you right now.”
“Too public for you? We’ll have to see what we can do to shed that inhibition.” What? Is he saying he’s had sex in public? I’m not the only one with layers.
“Right now, yes. Hey, I have to go. I have an appointment in ten minutes.”
“Okay, I need to get going myself.”
“Call me later?” I ask.
“You can co
unt on it.”
#
Lying back on the table, I feel the warm ooze of the gel being squeezed across my abdomen. As the technician rolls the probe across, pushing down, I look up at the screen and I’m amazed he knows what he’s looking at. To me, it’s nothing but a black and white void. He scrolls over the middle and presses down harder, making me wince and cry out a little as he records images. Damn, that hurts. Once finished, he tells me to stay here until he comes back. About ten minutes later he returns.
“The radiologist took a look and called your doctor. She’d like to see you upstairs,” he says, not giving anything away.
My whole body is shaking as I punch the elevator button. Several scenarios of what could be wrong swirl through my head while I sit in the waiting room. I’m alone and scared and wish Steven were here. Finally the nurse shows me to a room. Dr. Warner comes in a few minutes later and gets right to it.
“I could do a hysteroscopy under general anesthesia for a more reliable diagnosis, but given your history I have no doubt you have Asherman’s Syndrome, also known as scaring of the uterus. How long ago did you have the surgery?” she asks while looking through my file. What the fuck?
“Ten years.”
“I’d like to schedule a hysteroscopy laparoscopy.”
“Surgery? Isn’t there something I can do besides that?”
“If you had come to me about this when the symptoms first started, I would have said, ‘possibly yes.’ Now the only remedy is to remove as much of the scar tissue as we can, and the only way to do that is through surgery. Baring complications, there won’t be a hospital stay. You’ll come in the morning and go home that afternoon.”
“When do you think it should be done?”
“Soon, definitely before your next period. We can schedule it for next Monday, if that works for you.”
Hell no, that doesn’t work for me. None of this works for me, I want to scream at her.
“I book all surgeries for Mondays, if that helps. Word of warning: don’t drag this out much longer. If the episodes are as bad as you’ve described, I recommend you take care of this problem now.”
I know this.
Her voice softens and her hand touches my arm in a calming manner. “I know the trauma you suffered was horrific, Ali. The scarring from those wounds caused tissues in your reproductive organs to fuse together. You could be lucky and have adhesions only in a small area. I won’t know the full extent of the damage until I get in there.”
“Okay, I’ll talk with my boss and call back and get it scheduled.” She shakes my hand and I leave, feeling defeated. As I walk to my car, memories of what caused all this comes rushing into my mind like a tsunami, leaving me feeling lost and alone.
Why is this coming up now, possibly ruining any chances I have at finally being able to let go? I think about Bryce and how unsure I was about relationships before I met him, and how in such a short time, being around him has changed me from someone who was afraid to have an emotional attachment, to a woman who is ready to love and be loved.
My past has always been lurking below the surface, but now it’s broken through like a slap in the face that I don’t want or deserve. How am I going get through this? The doctor said recovery would take a week, possibly two. This shouldn’t have happened to me in the first place, and the thought of having to deal with everything again depresses me more.
CHAPTER 20
Unable to concentrate, I stare at my computer’s blank screen. Today’s revelation has left me numb and cold. Crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head sounds like a good idea, but it won’t solve anything. Needing comfort only my mother can give, I pull out my phone and call her. “Hi, Mom. How are you?” I ask solemnly.
“Ali, what’s wrong?” She picks up on my mood instantly.
“Oh, Mom.” Unable to keep my emotions under control, I break down.
“Sweetie, what is it? Hush now. Tell me.” Her voice soothes me and all I want right now is to be cocooned in her comforting arms.
“Some things have been happening lately. Good things, but now . . .” I cry again.
“Ali, calm down and tell me what’s happened,” she commands using her Mom voice, but I hear her underlying fear and panic.
I try to get a handle on my emotions. “For quite awhile I’ve experienced pain with my periods. During the last couple of years it’s gotten worse.”
“Have you been to the doctor? What did she say?”
“I saw her today.”
“Alixandra Jayde Quinn. Why did you wait so long to go and why am I just now hearing about this?” She never uses my full name unless she’s upset.
“I don’t know. I was busy with my job. I never found the time.” I’m such a liar.
“So you found the time to go today?”
“Because the pain doesn’t happen every time I was hoping it was cramps, but this month the pain was so severe it scared me enough to call Dr. Warner.”
“You promised when you moved away, you’d take care of yourself and get regular check ups. Steven promised me to look after you. What happened to those promises, Ali?” Oh shit, she’s really mad.
“I’ve already beaten myself up over this. Don’t be mad at Steven. He only did what I asked him to, which was to leave it alone.”
“What did the doctor say?” Her demeanor is calmer.
“She wants to do a laparoscopy.”
“Okay. When?”
“All surgeries are on Mondays but I haven’t scheduled mine.”
“Alright, I’ll fly in on Sunday.”
“Mom, no. I can get through this. Besides, I’m going to put it off a week.”
“Why would you put something like this off?”
Should I tell her about Bryce? I know it’ll make her angry that I want to put it off because I want to see him this weekend. “I’ve met someone.”
Silence.
Her voice is quiet as she talks, “I see. You’re going to put off doing something that will save your life because of a man. Can you hear how ridiculous that sounds?” I knew if I told her, she would react this way.
“This isn’t life or death, Mother.” I take a sour tone with her and immediately regret it.
“Don’t get smart with me. You’ve told me how much pain you’ve been in, and that the pain has gotten worse. Moreover, you have told me your doctor wants you to have surgery. Ali, I nearly lost you once and I am not prepared to go through that again. You’re all I have left.” Her voice quivers and I know it’s taking all of her strength not to break down.
I wanted to tell her about Bryce and have her be happy for me. Now she’ll have a preconceived notion about him. “It’s not his fault. He’s not aware of any of this. We haven’t . . .”
She interrupts me, “How long have you known him?”
“A few weeks now.”
“I see. Does he know?”
“No, I haven’t told him. It’s too soon. I didn’t want to mention him to you because I wasn’t sure myself where it was going. He’s out of town this week and I want to spend some time with him before the surgery. But I can’t bring myself to tell him. Not yet.”
“I wish you wouldn’t wait to do this because of him.”
“It’s not like that Mom. I like him,” I say quietly and I hear her take a quick, sharp breath.
“Ali . . . have you . . . don’t let him force you into doing something you’re not ready for.” I know she’s concerned, and I have to put her mind at ease.
“Do you think I would let that happen?”
“No, I know you wouldn’t. Are you still doing martial arts?”
“Yes. I just earned my 4th degree black belt.”
“That’s wonderful, sweetheart. I’m proud of you. Now, back to the matter at hand. When are you going to schedule the procedure?”
“A week from Monday” I hear her let out a heavy sigh.
“Okay, if you have to wait that long. I
’ll book my ticket now but let me know if anything changes.”
“I will. Mom? I love you. Please don’t worry.”
“Oh, Button, I love you too. I’ll worry about you until the day I die. Not worrying about you is not an option for me.”
Closely Guarded Secret Page 18