Reflections of Me

by Yumoyori Wilson

  "Oh..." I replied, wondering about Nixon's family.

  All I knew was his mom used to be a Mage Warrior and used the same technique that I was currently using to maintain my male image. She wasn't alive anymore, and I had no idea if Nixon had a dad or any other family members. I need to learn more about Nixon.

  "Okay,” I replied, dropping the topic. I had to make a mental note to try and spend more time with the guys, particularly Kage, Nixon, and Zane.

  I felt like I had a good understanding of Braxton and Maximus, and even though I knew bits about Kage and Nixon, it wasn't enough. I wanted to learn more about their pasts as well.

  As for Zane, I wasn't sure what to do. I'd had an early therapy session today with Savannah, and she explained how therapy would go. I'd be doing two sessions every week, or more if needed, and she stressed that I come to see her if I felt unwell or suddenly got headaches.

  One of the activities was to try and talk about each of the guys and what I loved about them. When it got to Zane, I'd just have a blank, and aside from knowing what he looked like and that he was related to Brax and Kage, I felt like I knew nothing about him.

  Even though we lived in the same dorm, it seemed like he'd grown distant. I knew after the guys gave me a detailed explanation of everything that had happened leading up to the incident, that Zane had distanced himself and had been getting close to his "new friends" because they had threatened to hurt me, and he didn't want that to happen.

  I didn't know if it was due to my family background as a Starfire, but I basically narrowed the whole incident down to Zane trying to prevent me from getting hurt, or the common term of "taking one for the team."

  Whatever his reasoning, it clearly backfired in some way. Even though we caught the guys involved and they had all been expelled, some facing charges for abuse of property and magic, the damage was already done in our relationship and contributed to this riff between all of us.

  I felt bad that Zane looked so lonely at times. I'd take quick peeks during group conversations, or even when he chilled around the house. It seemed like he had a sad aura around him, and his facial expression was usually filled with regret.

  Kage and Zane barely looked each other in the eye, and after my last nightmare on Sunday night, Kage had been sleeping in my room. I could tell it was beginning to affect Braxton, as he too had appeared a bit frustrated since Monday evening.

  I wanted to help solve all the problems that were happening, but I felt helpless. One, because I couldn't remember enough about Zane to have a deep, personal conversation with him, and two, I was dealing with my issues and attempting to recover before classes began next week.

  I needed everything to be solved, but I was just one person, and there was only so much I could carry on my plate.

  "Jewel?"

  I glance at Alice who had a worried look on her face, the expression making me frown. "What's wrong?"

  "That's the third time I've called you."

  "Ah...sorry, Alice. I was just thinking about something," I confessed. I walked over to grab my pink suitcase before I laid it on the bed and began putting my clothes inside.

  "I think this week you should stay in your female form," Alice suggested.

  "Are you worried?" I asked, knowing Alice didn't suggest anything unless she wanted to annoy me or she was seriously concerned for my safety.

  "Yes," Alice said with certainty, the tone unusual even for her. I turned to look into her purple eyes and sighed.

  "I need to work on staying in my form for school."

  "Yes, but the point of the trip is for you to relax, not spend too much mana trying to maintain your male form, especially when you're still recovering," Alice countered.

  "Did what happened to me scare you?" I spoke quietly, focusing on packing my clothes.

  Neither of us had taken a moment to talk about the incident, either because I didn't want to relive what happened so soon, or because everyone was trying to focus on preparing me for the next semester rather than linger on the past.

  "Yes," Alice whispered, the vulnerability in her voice so raw that my heart ached for my familiar. I glanced over to see sadness etched on her face as she stared at her hands in her lap.

  "Alice," I murmured, but she remained where she was, and I knew if I didn't comfort her she'd be depressed for the rest of the evening.

  After I placed the t-shirt I was holding in my bag, I moved to where she sat. Instead of sitting next to her, I knelt down before her, my eyes meeting her tear-filled gaze.

  "Alice. I'm not going anywhere, see? I'm okay." A tear escaped her left eye and rolled down her cheek. I lifted my hand and pressed it gently against her left cheek, sliding my thumb to catch the next tear that rolled down.

  "I watched you fall, and I couldn't do anything," Alice whispered, sorrow lacing her tone. "I literally saw everything happen in slow motion as if my life was about to end, and I couldn't even move to try and catch you...or stop you. Or do anything! Koa even reacted and tried to catch up to you, and then Nixon, all while I hovered there in shock. What a pathetic familiar I am for not being able to protect my Mistress when I needed to the most." She cried, tears rolling down her cheeks as her body quivered.

  "Alice, it's not your fault."

  "Yes, it is! I watched Gabriel fall and couldn't do anything! To watch my own Mistress fall... and I couldn't even do one spell. I couldn't even heal you when Nixon was able to stop you guys literally inches from the ground." Alice spoke vehemently, lifting her gaze to meet mine.

  "You were a second away from death, Jewel. Not a few seconds or minutes. One second. Yet your familiar did NOTHING. Why? Because I couldn't process that I was about to lose another person I loved. I knew how hard it was for you to lose Dad. Then there was Gabriel...but when I saw you...and realized that there was no magic spell I could do to save you, I...I just froze like a fucking deer in headlights."

  I stood up from my kneeling position and sat next to her, wrapping my arms around her. She wept, pressing her head against my chest. "In that one second it seemed like it lasted minutes, and I saw all the good times we had—the childhood we shared and your cute, mischievous self laughing with your bright eyes. I remembered everything, and I watched you grow as if I was watching a playback of your life. All of that happened, and STILL, I couldn't do anything. I was hopeless, and if Nixon...if...if..." She couldn't finish, sobbing harder into my shirt.

  I blinked back tears as I tightened my hold on her, rubbing her back gently.

  "Enough, Alice. Please, don't blame yourself for what happened. I understand. I don't resent you or anything." I tried to reassure her, to soothe her with my words.

  After the five weeks that had passed, I hadn’t imagined her to have such negative thoughts about herself as my familiar. I hadn't thought badly about her after the incident. Even though I knew she had been there, I didn't hate her or despise her for not trying to save me.

  Alice and I had been through so much together, and I could only imagine what it was like to be in her shoes watch the person you vowed to serve fall to their end. We'd both seen Gabriel's end, and it was a memory that haunted me for years until he finally passed over.

  I could envision Alice watching me fall and experiencing the same emotions during my impending doom that she felt when Gabriel fell to his death. The helplessness and the agony of the memory of Gabriel's death compounded with my ultimate fate would have wreaked havoc on her.

  "Alice, please don't beat yourself up. You're such an amazing familiar who contributes to my life every day. What happened was out of the blue and fast. With our past and everything we've experienced, if I were in your shoes...I'd probably freeze up too. I love you so much for always worrying about me. One incident doesn't determine whether you're a good or bad familiar, Alice. Look, you took all that time when I was catching up with Mom and Ms. Landsford to come up here and organize clothes for me. Male and female clothes. You make me laugh whenever you can and brighten up my day if it's been shitty.
You never left my side when I was in the medical center, and you've been the rock I needed many times in my youth when Dad and Gabriel died. You're the best familiar I could ever ask for. Please don't think otherwise."

  She nodded, and I continued to hold her in my arms. I couldn't be more thankful for Alice as my familiar and best friend.

  I didn't know what awaited us this semester, but I knew she'd remain at my side the entire way.

  I stared up at the starry sky, my mind drifting as I thought of Alice's breakdown. After I'd calmed her down, we just talked for a long time. I told her about my insecurities with Zane and my concerns about Brighten while she shared similar concerns about the magic academy and Koa.

  She said Koa seemed a bit down lately, and it may have been due to everything that was going on between the brothers. She did share her interest in Koa and that he had asked her out, but with everything that happened recently, they hadn't been putting that as a priority.

  I felt bad that I was holding her back. She'd been so loyal to me, and now that she found someone who was interested in her not for power, but actually wanted to date her for who she was, my problems were popping up left and right.

  Logan came on time to pick us up and Nixon had joined him, saying he just wanted to nap in the car. I thought he just didn't want Logan to be alone during the somewhat long ride from the cottage back to my place and that's why he'd tagged along.

  The original plan had been to go straight to the cottage from Brighten, but I wanted to at least see my mom and reassure her that I was okay and recovering.

  I was also curious about how her treatment was going and was surprised at the progress that the new medication and therapy sessions that Logan's mom, Antoinette, had created.

  It made me happy that Mom was getting better and trying to mingle with other people now. She'd cut ties with a lot of friends over the years who mocked her behind her back, the talk of her illness getting more disdain than empathy. I guess it showed my mom who her loyal friends were and who was just there for personal gain.

  I put my hand into the cool water as I stretched out on the unicorn float I was chilling on. When we'd arrived at the cottage, it was already evening, but there was no way I was going to miss out on getting some well-deserved swim time.

  I'd forgotten how nice it felt to wear a bikini, and it was fun to see the guys’ expressions, half of them looking completely shocked and the other half having sexy grins on their lips.

  Savannah had given all of us a LONG talk and even added the whole safe sex speech which was totally uncomfortable, during my checkup before we left Brighten, but I wanted to spend this week relaxing and enjoying their company.

  Zane was supposed to be with us, but before we even left the campus, he and a boy named Nick were called to a meeting with the headmaster.

  Braxton had tried to find out how long it would be so we could wait, but Ms. Landsford, who'd come over to deliver the message, advised us to go ahead to the cottage and Zane could follow after.

  We still hadn't heard when he'd be arriving, but I hoped everything was okay. My goal was to at least connect to him somehow or maybe have a more in-depth conversation than simple morning and night greetings.

  I lowered my gaze to the navy blue bikini with gold stripes, observing how the gold sparkled in the moonlight above.

  There were still so many things I worried about, and my main concern was the orange haired man I'd seen around campus and in the window before the whole tower incident.

  Lark Huntley. There was absolutely no way he'd been released, so I figured everything I was seeing was either a hallucination of some sort, or someone was just playing games with me.

  I'd yet to tell anyone, but if it got worse, I might have to talk with Logan about it. I didn't want to give the impression that I was crazy or something, but the image of those silver eyes and sinister smile continued to haunt me in my weird dreams of the cloaked man.

  When Logan was driving us here, I'd had the same dream, but Nixon had woken me up before it reached the falling to my death part.

  The same cloaked man was there, but I didn't know what his purpose was. Was he good, or evil? There were so many questions running through my mind but not enough answers.

  "Jewel!"

  I tipped my head back, leaning backward on my float so I could see who was addressing me. My eyes landed on a bare-chested Maximus standing on the sandy shore. I figured he was calling me in for dinner, but I was enjoying my moment floating on the gentle water.

  I fixed my gaze on the flamingo float drifting closer to the shore and pointed to it. Maximus followed the direction of my finger and, even from afar, I could see his stunning white-toothed smile.

  At least he was still wearing his black swimming trunks from before, so spending a little time in the water wouldn't be too bad. He waded into the cool water and moved to get the flamingo float. Mission accomplished, he swam towards where I continued to float on my plastic unicorn.

  Once he reached me, he popped his head out and raised an eyebrow. "We could have just shared the unicorn float you know." A smirk formed on my lips before I answered.

  "This isn't the Titanic, Maximus. This unicorn floaty truly fits ONE person."

  "It totally could fit two people." Maximus pouted which only made me giggle.

  "How would you manage that? Would we need to get some chalk and draw out all the different ways we'd both fit?" I suggested.

  Maximus chuckled, shaking his head from side to side. "I'd get on first, and then you'd sit on my lap. It would work, trust me."

  "What mathematical logic are you using? You plus me will equal this float sinking down under."

  "It's a unicorn float. Let it use its magic or something." Maximus huffed.

  "That's not how it works." I laughed as I sat up and crossed my legs, shooting him a challenging look. "Try it."

  "You need to come in the water with me first." Maximus grinned.

  "Not even. I dominated this unicorn float first. Nixon already had it all afternoon while he was napping on here. If it weren’t for Logan noticing a unicorn float on the other side of the lake, Nixon would have drifted away forever."

  "That was funny though, you have to admit." Maximus snorted, probably imagining the scenario in his mind.

  "You guys are horrible." I sighed with a smile still on my lips. He smiled back before he rested his arms on the edge of my float.

  "See? You haven't sunk yet."

  "Uh huh. Keep goi- EEP!" I didn't finish my sentence as Maximus tried to lift himself onto the float and, instead, I fell forward into him and we both crashed into the water.

  I swam back up and gasped when my head reached the surface, my unicorn float now upside down and already drifting away.

  "Maxi!" I huffed, and his head popped out in front of me, making me gasp. "My heart!" I exclaimed.

  "Is perfectly fine. I think I miscalculated that one," Maxi admitted sheepishly.

  "I told you. Not the Titanic." I laughed, unable to stay mad at him.

  He grinned and looked at my upside down unicorn. "Let me get that."

  I watched him swim over to retrieve my float, but I reached out for the flamingo float and lifted myself onto it.

  My hands moved the wet strands of my long hair that stuck to my face, the thought of cutting it short came to my mind. Short hair. Hmmm. Could be a good change? Maybe...

  "What are you thinking about?" Maximus asked, reaching the flamingo float. He ended up lifting himself onto the unicorn float and sighed in relief as he outstretched his hands on the circular edges. "Much better."

  I giggled before I replied. "Cutting my hair? Maybe."

  "Have you cut your hair before?" Maxi asked.

  "No. I just kinda feel like doing it. Uh..spontaneous thoughts I guess."

  "Just want a change?" Maxi spoke quietly, and I slowly nodded my affirmation, my eyes meeting his hazelnut ones that held hints of gold and red.

  "Is it bad for me to feel completely lost as
to what I should do?"

  "No. Not everything has a clear path for you to stroll on. Some journeys in life are longer and more confusing than others. One way can be short and easy to follow. Another can be strenuous with dead ends and hurdles that slow you down. Feeling lost sometimes happens. You just need to find someone or something to help you if you can't figure something out," Maximus replied.

  I nodded, looking up at the sky. "Can you be the someone that helps me figure things out?"

  I felt his large hand grasp mine. I lowered my gaze to our joined hands, Maxi having reached out for my dangling hand that had been chilling in the water.

  "Sure." He squeezed my hand and shot me a reassuring smile. I gave a responding squeeze and took a deep breath.

  "I feel like I'm doing a pretty poor job with balancing everything. It took me more than two weeks to realize Alice was blaming herself for the tower incident. She broke down and cried like I'd never seen in my entire life. Logan seems to be handling everything okay, but he's the type to lead and doesn't share if he's struggling. Nixon is so quiet and carries all his worries and concerns within him, and I've yet to have time to ask if everything’s okay with him. Braxton would rather comfort me than rely on me if he has problems, which is normally fine because he works it out so smoothly, but my gut is telling me something’s going on with him that he's not sharing with me. I get he's dealing with what happened with Zane, but I think I'm missing something completely." I paused, thinking over what more to share before I continued.

  "Kage and Zane. The tension between those two is palpable, and I don't know what to do to stop it. Kage acts fine when he's around us, but when Zane is in the picture, it's like his whole mood changes and he doesn't want to be near anyone. I know it's affecting Koa and that leads back to his new relationship with Alice, and she's worried about him too. Zane is just putting himself out like he committed a crime, but with all the facts presented to me, he was just trying to protect me. Having no memories about him just makes everything worse, and I feel if I don't do anything...maybe we'll lose him to another group of friends who will give him the attention he needs and deserves."