Secrets of Submission

by LK Shaw

  “Wait. Just like that, you’re leaving? After everything, this is the goodbye I get? You give me some bullshit reason about having to take care of things, yet you don’t even have the balls to tell me what you need to take care of? It sounds like a cop out. You know this isn’t gratitude, Marcus. How do you explain last night? You and I both know last night was different.” With each word I spoke, the confusion and sorrow gave way to fury. “You call it what you want. Last night we made love and suddenly, you’re throwing it away for reasons you can’t, or won’t, explain?”

  “Penny, I’m sorry I can’t say any more.” Marcus sighed, as he finished putting his shoes on.

  “Bullshit,” I spat. “You just won’t. Fuck your gratitude, Marcus. I’m not going to beg you to love me or beg you to stay. You want time away? Fine, I’ll give you all the time you want. Now, get out.” I rolled over and turned my back to him. A few seconds of silence passed before I heard the light snick of the door being shut behind me as Marcus walked out without even a goodbye.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Marcus

  One month. Thirty-one days. Seven hundred and forty four hours. Thousands of minutes. That was how long it had been since I walked out of Penny’s bedroom after the night we’d made love. I had done my damnedest to stay away from her even though it was killing me. I went to work every day, going through the motions. Existing, but not really living. It sounded melodramatic when I thought about it, even if it was true. I made sure that Penny was still being protected. Even though it seem as though he’d moved on, I wouldn’t put it past that bastard Evan to try something. At least I hoped he’d moved on. I had no new reports that he was still following her. If I had gone through all this effort to push Penny out of my life to protect her and something happened anyway, I’d kill that son of a bitch. Donovan told me she still went to Eden every weekend, although she never played with anyone. Not even him. I was spending yet another late night at work, burying myself in paperwork, when my phone rang.

  “Hello,” I answered after the third ring, not bothering to check the caller ID. I had hoped whoever was calling would have given up when I didn’t answer quickly enough.

  “Marcus?” came the familiar voice on the other end of the line, its tone speaking volumes.

  Dread hit me hard. A lump formed in my throat, and I was barely able to respond. “What’s happened, Connor?” I finally choked out.

  “Marcus, you need to come to the safe house. Now.” My stomach dropped when I heard this. Oh God, Hailey, Grace. I knew, then, that the world as I previously knew it would be changed forever. “I called the police, but you need to get over here right away.”

  “Is Hailey alright?” I choked out.

  “Marcus, I think it would be best if you —”

  “Answer the fucking question, Connor. Is my daughter dead?” I felt a scream building.

  “Hailey is fine. Marcus, Grace is dead. So is Evan.” Connor reluctantly offered the news.

  “I’m on my way.” I disconnected the call before he responded.

  Not even bothering to shut anything down or turn out the lights, I raced out of the building and sped away in my car, driving like a bat out of hell to get to Hailey. Within forty minutes, I turned down Coach Street, and in front of the safe house where I’d placed Grace and Hailey were police cars and other emergency vehicles. The flashing lights lit up the night sky. I moved in what seemed like slow motion. I’d had to park two houses down and walk up the sidewalk toward the house. I hadn’t even made it to the driveway when I was stopped by a police officer.

  “Are you Mr. Allen?” the officer questioned.

  In a daze, I was slow to answer. “Yes. Where’s my daughter? I need to see her.”

  The officer held his hands out to me palms forward. “Sir, your daughter is being cared for at the moment. We need to ask you a few questions first. Please come this way.” He led me up the walkway and under the crime scene tape across the front door. A quick survey of the living room showed everything in complete disarray. Overturned furniture. Broken glass everywhere. Luckily, there were no signs of any bodies. We walked farther into the house toward the dining room where he directed me to sit at the table. “Have a seat please. I’ll be right back. I trust you won’t go anywhere.” It wasn’t a question.

  I sat where he’d indicated and waited, my leg bouncing in impatience. Within a few minutes, the officer returned, following behind a man in a suit. I stood as the man reached within an arm’s length.

  “Where’s Hailey? And Grace?” I asked again, impatience threading my voice.

  “Mr. Allen, my name is Detective Daniel Webber, please take a seat.”

  Reluctantly, I took the seat I’d vacated. I felt irritation building. “Someone needs to tell me what the fuck is going on. My security company said Grace is dead and no one will tell me where my goddamn daughter is.” I pounded my fist on the table in frustration and anger.

  “I’m sorry about Ms. Hathaway. She was apparently killed by a Mr. Evan Banks earlier tonight. Your daughter was upstairs during the confrontation. After speaking with your security team, it seems as though Mr. Banks forcefully entered the premises and began arguing with Ms. Hathaway. A physical altercation took place during which Mr. Banks pulled out a gun. From the reports, there was a struggle between Ms. Hathaway and Mr. Banks for possession of it. During the struggle, the gun went off and Ms. Hathaway was fatally wounded. Your security team entered the room, and Mr. Banks turned the gun on himself. He was dead before he hit the ground. Please accept my condolences on your loss.”

  Even though I already knew Grace was dead, hearing it confirmed by the police only made it more real. The adrenaline rush I’d experienced since Connor’s call had disappeared, and in its place, numbness had taken over. My whole body began to shake as reality kicked in and a sob I tried to disguise as a cough escaped against my will. I grieved for Grace. More importantly, I grieved for Hailey, who would never get to know her mother beyond this moment. Detective Webber and the other officer excused themselves. I barely heard them leave, my sobs now uncontrollable.

  After speaking with the police, they’d finally allowed me to take Hailey, who had fallen back asleep, from Connor who had her sequestered in her room. Even though it was the middle of night and I was exhausted, I’d left with Hailey and drove the two hours to Grace’s parents’ house. I had asked the police to let me be the one to tell them what had happened. It had taken a lot of convincing before they relented, but I knew it would be best if they heard it from me. Her father knew something was wrong when I showed up at 2:00 a.m. with only Hailey in tow.

  “I’m so sorry,” was all I said before Grace’s mother sobbed into her hands and would have fallen to the ground had her husband not been there to catch her. Stoic and almost too composed, Grace’s father ushered me in as I cradled a sleeping Hailey in my arms. Having been to their home before, I knew which room was Hailey’s. I gave them a few moments to grieve privately as I carried Hailey up to her room. I laid her on the bed, and after tucking her in, I leaned in to kiss her forehead and breathe in her sweet baby scent.

  With a heavy sigh, I closed the door, keeping it cracked slightly before heading back downstairs to talk to Grace’s parents. Her mother sat on the couch with silent tears running down her cheeks, while her father paced the room with a tumbler in his hands, pausing every few steps to take a sip. I took a seat on the upholstered chair next to the couch, leaned my elbows on my knees, and hung my head between them.

  Her father abruptly stopped and turned on me. “What the fuck happened, Marcus? How did Evan find our Grace? I thought your security team protected her and Hailey. Please explain to me how this happened.”

  I lifted my head to peer up at him and shrugged in despair. “From my understanding, sir, there was a breach. Evan had someone working on the inside of the security firm. I don’t know how the man made it past our background check, but he did. I will forever live with the regret that Grace is dead. I can offer nothi
ng but my deepest sympathies to you and Martha.”

  Thomas finally moved to sit on the couch next to Martha and wrapped his arms around her, comforting her, and I think, himself a little. We all sat in silent grief. Eventually, I swallowed hard and broached the topic I’d been dreading since I wasn’t sure how they’d take it.

  “I know it’s a lot to ask, but I was hoping you’d be able to keep Hailey for a little while. I’ll take care of all the arrangements for Grace so you won’t have to worry about it.” Soon after that, with the assurances that all arrangements would be taken care of, I drove the long hours back home. The minute I walked in the door, I collapsed on my bed without even taking off my clothes and slept for a full twenty four hours.

  That had been two weeks ago. Since then, I hadn’t slowed down even after the funeral. I dove full force back into work. I was still slightly numb with grief, but trying to stay strong for Hailey, who I’d seen only a handful of times since that night. I’d known Grace for close to twenty years, we’d had a child together, and now she was gone. I mostly grieved for Hailey, but a small part of me felt a little empty. At one time, I’d loved Grace and wanted to marry her. While that ship had sailed, I still felt heartache at the loss of my friend. Even in my grief, Penny was always on my mind. I needed to get my shit together and get back the woman I loved. I also needed to have another talk with Grace’s parents. I didn’t want to have the conversation over the phone. They deserved better.

  I headed to their house and knocked on the door. Martha, with bags under her eyes, answered the door. She directed me to the living room where I took a seat in the chair. She settled on the couch after I declined her offer of something to drink.

  “There’s something I need to speak with you and Thomas about. Is he home?” No sooner had I asked the question than Thomas entered the living room. He had aged several years since the night Grace was killed.

  “Hello, Marcus,” he greeted as he sat next to Martha, cuddling her close.

  “Sir,” I nodded in response. I took a deep breath as I braced myself for their reaction to my next statement. “I know this might not be the most appropriate time to bring this up, but I wanted to let you know that I plan on getting married. That is, if she’ll have me. I cared about Grace, even if I didn’t love her, and she was the mother of my child. I understand you both might need time to adjust. I at least wanted you to know what my plans for the future were.”

  Martha finally regarded me. “It’s going to take some time to get used to the idea. I know, though, Grace would have wanted you to be happy. We know you cared about her. We don’t want Hailey to ever forget who her mother was.”

  I reached out for her hand, gripping it tightly in mine. “God, Martha, I would never let Hailey forget Grace. She will always be Hailey’s mother, and if you knew Penny, you’d know she’d feel the same. She has the same loving heart Grace had. We’ll make sure Hailey knows everything about her mother. I promise you that.”

  I stayed for a while after our conversation and went upstairs to play with my daughter. She cried when it was time for me to leave, but I promised her I’d see her very soon.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Penny

  It had been almost two months since Marcus and I had broken things off. Well, since he had broken things off. I was still reeling from the pain. I didn’t understand his reasoning, but what else was I going to do? I’d gotten over the anger. In its place, remained confusion. I swore I wouldn’t be that woman, but I called him a few times still not understanding why he left. His phone went straight to voicemail when I called. When he didn’t return my call after the first two messages I’d left, I stopped leaving them. I’d even spent every weekend at Eden to no avail. He was avoiding me. Even Bridget said she hadn’t seen or heard from him.

  I kept waiting for him to deal with whatever he needed to deal with, but I was beginning to lose hope. Maybe he just needed an excuse to break up with me. Immediately, I ruled that out. Marcus was anything but a liar. If he had needed to figure things out alone, then that’s what I had to believe. I kept holding out hope that he’d be back soon though. I never thought I’d fall in love this quickly and this deeply. Marcus fulfilled every fantasy I had and even ones I never knew existed. He met all of my needs and made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with that man. I didn’t know if that would ever happen now.

  I’d been asked to come in and work in the ED today. It was close to the end of my shift, and I was ready to head home and continue to wallow in self-pity. Maybe even continue to sit by the phone and wait for the call that I was beginning to believe would never come. I headed to the locker room to get my purse and jacket before getting to the time clock to punch out. I heard the sounds of an ambulance drawing closer as I walked to my car. I was almost halfway there when I realized I had forgotten my keys on the top shelf of my locker. Kicking myself for my forgetfulness, I headed back inside.

  After finding my keys and leaving the locker room for the second time, I made my way toward the exit. I wasn’t paying much attention to what was happening around me, because I was so exhausted. Even in my exhaustion I caught the tail end of the conversation near me. The charge nurse was relaying information from telemetry about an incoming MVA, motor vehicle accident. The victim, a 40-year-old white male, was in critical condition. They rattled off the victim’s vital signs including blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen, etc., but my mind remained focused on their first statement. Somehow, I knew who was being transported into my hospital.

  A sharp pain to my gut had me clutching myself in agony and I ceased to breathe. Dizziness threatened to overcome me and I blinked away the black spots in my field of vision. Gathering my composure, I braced myself for the EMS’s arrival. There was no way I was leaving until I saw for myself that it wasn’t Marcus being wheeled in. I ran back to triage and waited, tapping my foot impatiently. Before I knew what was happening, the EMS raced the stretcher into the closest trauma bay. The trauma team swarmed and I only caught a glimpse of the man. Whether or not it was Marcus was indistinguishable from all the blood.

  “Penny, what are you still doing here? I thought your shift ended thirty minutes ago.” I heard from behind me.

  I turned toward Rita, the charge nurse working the current shift. “It did. I heard there was an MVA, and I think I know who they just brought in. I needed confirmation before I left. Can you find out for me?”

  “Let me go see what I can find out.”

  I sat down at the desk while I waited for Rita to confirm what I already knew in my heart to be true. I prayed that no matter how badly injured he was, he was going to be fine. I’d never been so scared in my entire life. No matter that he’d pushed me out of his life for reasons unknown, I was still very much in love with Marcus Allen. I needed him in my life. Time dragged by until Rita finally came back and the expression on her face spoke volumes.

  “You know I’m really not supposed to share personal information with anyone, even other employees.”

  “I know this Rita. I wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important. Please.” I begged.

  She sighed in resignation. “His name is Marcus Allen, a forty-year-old…”

  “I know how old he is,” I interrupted her. Grief crushed me. “Do you have his status? I know the information I heard said he was in critical condition. Can you give me any more details?”

  “He appears to have a head injury, which is what is concerning them the most. It’s possible that his head hit the windshield and they’re worried about internal bleeding. Radiology has been notified and once he’s stabilized, they'll know the extent of the damage. He also has a broken leg and some internal injuries. That’s all I have for you, Penny, I’m sorry.”

  “Thank you, Rita. I appreciate it more than you know.” I fought the tears building, blinking rapidly to keep them from falling. I needed to be strong right now. Marcus had always been the strong one in our relationship.
This time, it was my turn.

  Believe it or not, I’d never actually sat in the waiting room of the emergency department. I’d always been on the other side of these walls. After I received confirmation it was Marcus, I called Bridget. Within twenty minutes, she showed up at the hospital.

  “Oh my God, honey, are you okay? Has there been any change? What happened?” Bridget peppered me with questions.

  “I don’t know how I feel right now. I’m scared and worried and nervous all at once. I know the team that is working on him is doing the best they can. But I’m torn between being glad that he arrived when he did and sad that he didn’t arrive earlier so that I was in there with him.” I sank into the waiting room chair next to Bridget, beyond exhausted.

  “Although, it’s probably for the best that I’m not in there. My focus would be elsewhere knowing that Marcus was the patient I was working on. My friend and co-worker, Rita, is updating me as she is able. But this waiting is killing me. I don’t even know if he’d want me here. He pushed me away months ago and hasn’t returned any of my phone calls. I was almost done waiting on him even though I love him and I thought he loved me. But after this length of silence I wondered if I should give up the ghost. If he wanted me in his life he would have contacted me by now.”

  Bridget leaned over and hugged me close, “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but I know that Master Marcus loves you and would want you here.”

  Resting my head on her shoulder, we continued to sit and wait for any news. I don’t know how long we sat huddled next to each other, but I must have fallen asleep because I was suddenly startled awake by someone shaking my shoulder. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I raised my head up, forgetting for a moment where I was. Well, until I saw Rita. Then it all came rushing back to me. I jerked myself out of Bridget’s arms.