The Deadening

by Yvonne Heidt

  When she looked up, she was startled to see the look of compassion on Lark’s face, and not the expected one of judgment or worse, sarcastic derision. Now she knew she must be in an alternate reality.

  “I know exactly how you feel,” Lark finally said. “Do you remember Joe Martinez?”

  “Wasn’t he the guy you used to sneak in your room at night?”

  Lark blushed and nodded. “You knew that?”

  “I’m only six years younger than you. The gap between us shortened as I got older.”

  Lark nodded. “Well, you were only eleven. That’s a huge difference when I was seventeen.”

  “I’ll give you that one. What about Joe?”

  Sadness filled Lark’s eyes, and Raven wasn’t quite sure she wanted to hear what she had to say. She reached out to touch her hand.

  “I cut school one day and did the very same spell you just played with upstairs.”

  Uh oh. Now Raven was certain she didn’t want her to continue, but Lark kept talking.

  “Oh, I was so full of myself back then. I was recklessly selfish.”

  “Yes, you were,” Raven said, “and mean, too.”

  “I’m sorry for that Raven, truly I am. But let me finish. I cast that lust spell on Joe. I thought it would be fun and exciting, so I did. I didn’t consult Mom, the aunties, or anyone else, for that matter. It backfired on me, hurtfully so.”

  “What happened?”

  “I turned up the heat all right,” Lark said. “But I forgot to write into the spell the intention that he would want only me. Joe ended up screwing everyone he could convince to go to bed with him.”

  “I vaguely remember that, the phone calls and how upset you were.”

  “I was devastated in the process. I broke up with Joe, the beautiful boy I loved, because he constantly cheated on me. I couldn’t admit to him it was my fault. He cried and cried and told me he didn’t know why he couldn’t keep it in his pants. I finally told Mama. I had to. I couldn’t stand it anymore, his begging me to come back.”

  “I bet she was furious.”

  “You have no idea,” Lark said. “She said I was too old to spank, but I almost wish she would have rather than make me go to Joe and explain what I did.”

  “She didn’t!” Raven couldn’t remember a time her mother had been mad at Lark. This must have happened behind closed doors.

  “Yes, she did. Then she grounded me for six months afterward.”

  “What did Joe say?”

  “He was outraged. After he sat through a reversal session with Mom and the aunties, he never talked to me again. He’s hated me ever since. So you see why it’s a bad idea?”

  Raven felt a chill. “Yes, but you were a teensy bit late with your story, as I’ve already finished it.”

  *

  Shade came home after an afternoon appointment at a client’s house. When she walked in through the garage door, she took a good and honest look around. Even with the work Raven had done mere days ago, it was still a disaster zone. She’d walked around in it for so long, she didn’t even see the mess anymore. This was way past clutter; this was downright dirty. What was that saying she’d heard? The home’s appearance is supposed to reflect how you felt inside.

  Yup, that sounded about right. She dropped her bag on the counter. Then put the half-rack of beer she bought into the refrigerator. Shit. Where to start?

  It had been a while since she had done laundry; she’d get that going first. She picked up five black T-shirts and a red thong. Instead of being a little perked up at finding sexy underwear, she felt sad. She had no clue who they belonged to.

  After finding a third pair, she gave up wondering, she just made another pile. It wasn’t as though she brought many women home twice, or that they would come and claim them of their own accord.

  She came across Beenie’s faded jean jacket. Now her, she had no problem recalling. Nothing like a trip to the emergency room to make you remember a girl.

  Bitch. Shade still hadn’t found her, which was a very good thing for Beenie, yes indeed.

  It took her almost a half hour to round up all the clothes in the house, and that was after the ten-minute search for a basket. She hauled it all out to the garage and started the washer. When she was done, she could already see a small difference in the living room.

  Okay, now dishes. Raven had rounded up most of the empties three nights ago, so there were few to find. But she hadn’t searched the back bedrooms yet. Shade sighed and opened the door to the guest room.

  She took one look, closed the door, and backed away. She wasn’t feeling that ambitious. Her room then. The sheets needed to be changed. She stripped her bed, picked up more dirty clothes, then headed back to the garage. Jesus, she thought, how many pair of black jeans did she own, anyway?

  Two hours later, she sat in her armchair and opened her third beer, pleased with herself and the progress she’d made. She’d forgotten how nice a clean house was. The energy was lighter and without static.

  She felt a slight push in the air surrounding her. Her senses perked, and she searched for the source. She picked up a trace of Raven’s signature a few seconds before she felt some serious heat building between her legs. She was slightly puzzled before she realized what was happening. She reluctantly but easily pushed the effects of the spell away.

  Sneaky little witch. Shade chuckled. She was proud of Raven. She hadn’t expected this from her, especially after her mean performance in the kitchen. Apparently, the kid was stubborn and didn’t give in easily.

  Now the question remained, what should she do about it?

  She would definitely have to teach her a lesson about trying to impose on someone’s will, especially hers. Shade lost her train of thought as she pictured Raven’s naked, slippery body grinding against hers.

  What was the problem again?

  She stood, then paced to clear her fuzzy head. The problem was Raven’s dreams of Shade, butterflies, puppies, rainbows, and all that happy shit.

  Shade had been an absolute dick to her. But all she could see right now was how Raven had looked so beautiful lying beside her. But sending a spell? Impressive as it was, she had to ruthlessly nip this behavior in the bud, and stop her from repeating it.

  She was certain that Raven hadn’t had much of an idea how Shade would react. The spell’s energy was built from youthful longing, but she had managed to weave in a truly lustful intention. Shade could still feel the echo of it pounding between her legs.

  Raven had quickly made her feel things she’d long buried under drugs and a parade of women. Ironically, years ago, when Shade had returned to Juanita, instead of the love spell she had initially asked for, she’d asked for another to keep the feelings buried instead. Together, Shade and Juanita wove an intentional shield of ice to encase Shade’s heart, ensuring she wouldn’t fall in love with another woman.

  Shade would rather die than go through that pain again.

  A broken heart felt as if it could kill you, but it didn’t. Instead, Shade had walked around like a zombie; she couldn’t eat, sleep, or even function in the daily world. The dead hounded her constantly, trying to tell their stories, and Shade hadn’t cared. She shut them out and closed her psychic connection the best she could. She drank and whored until Sunny saved her a second time, bringing Shade into her parents’ business when she took it over.

  Sunny had been the air she breathed.

  Shade rubbed the pain in her chest, hoping to sidestep the memory.

  Juanita’s spell had never taken away the stark emptiness she felt after Sunny broke up with her, but it had kept Shade safe from feeling that way about anyone else.

  She knew she lived in a dark place, and it didn’t bother her. She hated that Raven made her realize she was lonely. She hated that she made her feel, period.

  Raven was dangerous. The fact that she was sitting here and thinking about her at all was proof enough of that. She was nowhere near a faceless substitute for Sunny, which is all she should
have been. No, Raven brought several unique responses out of Shade all on her own.

  Damn it.

  She grimly hatched a plan that would have to wait until tomorrow.

  Now she felt itchy and agitated. She checked her watch. It was still early, and she could hit a couple of the bars to find some easy company, someone who came with no emotional strings.

  Shade realized that this time, her actions would be an attempt to put Raven out of her head.

  Fuck.

  She needed to shower first.

  The clean house that she was proud of was now throwing her off. She felt as if she didn’t belong in it. But that was an issue she wasn’t willing to address right now, or any time, really.

  When she entered the bathroom, even the shiny nickel finish of the faucet seemed to mock her. The mirror was clean, and she could see herself clearly. She hadn’t enough of a buzz for the edges of reality to become softened.

  There she was, in all her glory. Shade, the necromancer, with her hard reputation and kick-ass attitude.

  What a fucking joke.

  She reached into the vanity drawer and pulled out her bottle. There were still several left.

  Hallelujah.

  Behind her reflection, she saw a shadow move to the left. Shit, the last thing she wanted to do was converse with a spirit. She blinked slowly, but the vision remained. A young woman sat in her bathtub, fresh from some kind of bloody accident. She could always tell the ones who had just died, or the people that died very quickly. They always had that look of abject shock on their faces.

  Can you help me? The spirit reached out.

  “Not today.”

  Please. I don’t know where I am. I’m lost.

  “You’re not lost, honey.” Shade popped the pills into her mouth and then chased them with the last of her beer. “You’re dead.”

  She saluted her with her empty bottle. “Go away.”

  She tried not to notice the hurt and confusion on the spirit’s face before she faded away.

  God, she was tired of them coming in and out of her house. It never, ever stopped. Shade prayed the pills would kick in quickly enough to waylay the shame of what she’d just done.

  It was just one more thing to add to her multitude of sins.

  She stripped and got in the shower, letting the water hit her in her face to distract herself. But she knew she would never feel clean. Just as the lump in her throat threatened to travel and open her tear ducts, the opiates began working. She relaxed in increments and was able to detach from her reality.

  It was just where she wanted to be.

  *

  Raven finished making copies of the schedules and headed upstairs to leave them on Sunny’s, Tiffany’s, and Shade’s desks after she turned on the lights and opened the blinds in each room.

  When she reached Shade’s dark office and opened the door, someone pulled her in, spun her around, and put a hand over her mouth to stifle her scream.

  She reacted instantly and bit down, maneuvered her body to face the attacker, and then kicked up to connect with the groin area.

  The body dropped heavily to the floor with a grunt. Raven turned to run out of the office but her ankle was grabbed, and she fell hard on her stomach. The breath whooshed out of her lungs, and she couldn’t get enough air to scream again. She began striking the attacker and dug her nails into his flesh.

  “Stop it! It’s me. What the fuck is the matter with you?”

  Raven froze. “Holy shit,” she exhaled. “I thought you were a rapist.” She’d kicked Shade’s ass, and her fear turned into a satisfied thrill.

  Shade rolled into a seated position, put one hand between her legs, and the other to the scratches on her neck. “I’m bleeding!”

  “You’re tough. You can handle it. That’s what you get when you attack someone in the dark. What’s wrong with you? That’s not even remotely funny.” Raven got up to turn on the lights. She had a horrifying revelation. Was this the result of the spell she cast? Her intention had been that Shade would be attracted to her, not jump her in the dark because she couldn’t control herself.

  Shade finally gained her feet then limped to the door. “It sounded like a good idea at the time. It never entered my mind you were going to go all ninja badass on me.” She stopped a foot away from Raven.

  She was so near, Raven could smell her. Shade’s gaze was hypnotizing, intoxicating. Her dark eyes held her own in an unspoken challenge, and Raven’s adrenaline continued to increase the pace of her breathing.

  When Shade put her hand on the doorjamb next to Raven and leaned in, her heart continued to thump against her ribs. Shade exhaled, and Raven felt her breath feather against her mouth and cheeks.

  She closed her eyes when she thought Shade was going to kiss her, but instead, she felt her body push past hers and into the hall.

  What just happened?

  *

  Shade looked in the mirror and poured antiseptic on her scratches. She should have put a little more thought into setting up Raven’s retribution. She had intended to come on like gangbusters and teach her a lesson about putting spells on someone. Instead, Shade had ended up bleeding from a bite, several nail gouges, and aching between her legs. Raven kicked her ass and not only had Shade not expected it, she hadn’t known Raven had it in her.

  Damn, she’d almost kissed her. Worse than that, when she’d first landed on Raven on the floor, she’d been turned on by the struggle. She’d wanted to take and possess her, to own her. This was exactly why she couldn’t be with Raven in the first place. The way Raven looked at her made her feel like she was an imposter keeping dirty secrets.

  Which, of course, she was.

  She briefly considered the possibility that Raven’s spell might be stronger than it first appeared, but dismissed the idea and put the blame squarely back on herself. It was up to her to control her impulses. She was the decade older, supposedly wiser, woman. She tried not to think about how Raven felt underneath her while she squirmed. It didn’t help. Raven’s energy still burned from two floors down. Shade needed to leave and get away from her.

  She hated being mean, but she didn’t see another way to make Raven leave her alone. If Shade told her the truth, that she was a hot mess and beyond repair, Raven would want to fix her. As appealing as it sounded, Shade knew better, and in the end, they’d both end up hurt and broken.

  With her mind made up, she applied a bandage to her bitten thumb, and then left the building through the back exit.

  She drove to the seedier side of town where she stood in front of a badly repaired door that had been kicked in several times, and knocked. Sylvia opened it, half-dressed, bleary-eyed, and disheveled. She motioned Shade inside, where she paused to let her eyes adjust to the darkness before following Sylvia down the hall to her bedroom.

  She’d been in it many times, but she only just noticed what a wreck it was after cleaning her own yesterday.

  Sylvia reached from her position on the bed to the nightstand and pulled out a large white bottle.

  “You’re in luck.” She shook the bottle. “I just got refilled yesterday.”

  “Sweet,” Shade said and put her hand out.

  “Nice foreplay.”

  Shade grit her teeth. She just wanted the goddamn drugs. She was so tired of wanting things she couldn’t have. “I don’t have time to play today.”

  “Today is a trade only. I’m flush and I don’t need the money.” Sylvia pouted and then gave her what Shade thought to be a pathetic come-hither look. She took a hard look at the reality of the situation, and what she saw made her sad. Sylvia’s brittle, fake blond hair was snarled and knotted. She was too thin, and looked as if she hadn’t showered in a few days. Raven’s sultry curves and clean scent bombarded Shade in stark comparison.

  Oh, fuck no.

  She wouldn’t let Raven enter this dirty room. Something menacing in Shade’s expression must have been apparent, because Sylvia opened the bottle, and with shaky hands counted som
e pills out for her.

  “That’s all I can spare. You can let yourself out now.”

  Shade had scared her, but she didn’t feel much regret over it. Sylvia had tried to manipulate and play her. She tucked the pills into her coat, tossed some money on the bed, and left the same way she came in.

  God, she was tired of this shit. She didn’t want to troll the bars tonight, and she didn’t want to call anyone she knew. There was no fucking way she would compare every woman she came across with Raven. Damn her. She just wanted to kick back and enjoy some good company with people who didn’t expect anything from her.

  She called Tiffany on her way home, made plans for dinner, and to spend the evening with her, Angel, and Kat. Plus, they could talk more about their past lives. That shit was cool.

  *

  Raven managed to make it through the rest of the day in a professional manner. She took calls, answered e-mails, and checked in with Sunny, who was taking the day off.

  She seemed to know instinctively how to differentiate between those who really needed help and the ones who were screaming for attention.

  The people she felt concern for, she put to one side. So far, the poltergeist call kept the top spot. The caller had sent pictures and a short video of the midnight activity in her kitchen while she and her family were sleeping. Raven watched it several times to analyze its authenticity. With all the fancy editing programs in the market today, it was imperative.

  She detested posers and liars. Whispering Winds received their fair share over the years. If they didn’t believe, why didn’t they just avoid the store?

  One time, unbeknownst to her mother, she’d once cursed one of the horny, sarcastic college boys who wouldn’t leave her alone, with a severe case of night terrors. Raven even kept a straight face when he returned four nights later for something to make them go away.

  She kept waiting for the spell’s backlash, but after three years, she hadn’t received any. She either slipped under the radar or, more likely, the Universe decided it was an apt punishment for the way he treated her. Karma could be an awesome thing as well.