The Deadening

by Yvonne Heidt

Raven kissed Shade’s unresponsive lips lightly and whispered, “I’ll see you soon.” She crossed to the window and watched the full moon rise from the third floor of the hospital.

  She was as prepared as she could be. She had fasted, bathed in sacred herbs, and meditated in preparation. Her last experience had made it crystal clear she needed to go in with major protection, and a wealth of experience she didn’t yet possess. So the little experience she had would have to suffice.

  There was no way the staff of nurses would allow the painting of symbols or burning candles, let alone the smoke of incense, and Shade couldn’t be moved.

  Anxiety bubbled in her stomach, but Raven did her best to quell it. When it was time, the spell would set and she had to have concrete faith in herself, along with the purest intentions.

  She turned from the windows and crossed back to the bed with a vial in her hand. It contained her personal scent, a special blend of oils and pheromones she’d worn since she’d been sixteen. The one Shade told her drove her crazy the first night they’d been together.

  Granted, Shade hadn’t remembered the conversation—but Raven did. She resisted the urge to hurry, but her sense of urgency grew with each minute she spent here while Shade remained trapped. They hadn’t yet caught Beenie, and she remained elusive to Raven’s magic, apparently protected by someone who must be far more powerful. That concerned her, but it wasn’t her first priority.

  Raven dabbed each of Shade’s pulse points and main chakras with her oil and then did the same to her own. She kissed her again.

  The sharp electric shock when she made contact stung her, but it also let her know she’d been successful. She finished the ritual, tucked her in neatly, and smoothed Shade’s hair.

  Before she put the brush back in her purse, she checked to make sure there were strands of Shade’s hair remaining in the bristles. Raven secured the bag, then bent over and whispered in her ear.

  “My love for thee is strong and pure, my intention is to find and cure. I weave my soul to yours with light, but use the dark to aid our fight. As I will it, so shall it be.”

  She repeated the spell three times and when she straightened, Raven noticed their matching goose bumps.

  Excellent. It meant that Shade had heard her on some level. “Give me strength and courage.” Though she wanted to stay, she went out to meet Tiffany and Kat in the hall. “This is going to work,” Raven said. “I feel it in the air.”

  “I feel something building,” Tiffany said and hugged her. “We’ll be right here with her if she wakes. Sunny and Aura are on their way.”

  Raven blew out a breath. “Well, okay. If anything tries to piggyback Shade on the way out, Aura can handle it.”

  “Of course,” Kat said. “And you’re stalling. We’ve planned this down to the last detail.”

  Insecurity threatened her resolve. “I don’t want to fail or disappoint anyone.”

  “Then don’t. Get out of here.” Kat put her arm around Tiffany. “We’ve got this.”

  Raven nodded, then hurried down the hall to leave the hospital.

  *

  Each time Phaedra left, Shade felt more of her vitality go with her. She imagined herself emptied out, a mummy husk leaning against the wall of the cave by the fire pit.

  She ran her fingers along the soft ridge of the feather and smelled it, inhaling Raven’s scent before she tucked it under her thigh and out of sight.

  It was her talisman of hope she’d used against the growing despair. Shade knew she didn’t have much time left, but she also knew the window to go home wasn’t yet closed. A small crack remained, but she needed help, as her own astral trail was nonexistent.

  The waiting was the hardest, and she was at the point she’d rather die than spend any more time here. She remembered the peace she’d felt when she’d been drowning. Really, why was she even still fighting? They’d all be better off without her.

  As if on cue with her internal thoughts, a waterfall appeared in front of the tunnel entrance, and the floor flooded within seconds. Shade put Raven’s feather in the back of her jeans, at the small of her back, and startled when she felt an electrical shock against her lips. A phantom kiss.

  The air stirred next to her ear, and a chill blew across her neck.

  Shade knew someone spoke, but the noise of the waterfall drowned the words. She leaned against the stone wall, and waited.

  *

  Raven entered her aunt Reina’s home. It had been decided to hold the necromancer ritual here, as she possessed the most experience in the dark magics.

  Sometimes, Raven wondered if she and her cousin, Lyric, had been switched at birth, as Raven took after her aunt the most, both in personality and appearance.

  Her aunt was also the baby of her mother’s siblings, and she possessed the same streak of stubborn independence. It was Reina Raven went to when she fought with her mother. Raven even had her own bed in Lyric’s room.

  Her mother and aunt had been pregnant with them at the same time, and Lyric had been born only twenty minutes before Raven.

  Strangers always asked if they were twins when they’d been younger, and although they disputed the question or corrected the inquirer, they’d always been proud of their bond.

  Raven felt a powerful rush of love and held it close while she braided it within the spell she’d been building all day. She set her purse on the entry table, took the brush out of her bag along with her vial, and brought them with her to the bedroom to change.

  Here, she felt strong. Raven thought briefly of how she’d moved from acting like an impulsive teenager to becoming a compassionate, confident woman. It felt damn good, and she knew she could handle Shade when she came back to them.

  When, not if.

  She finished the last preparation, then walked down the hallway to where her family waited.

  *

  “Since you’re choosing to be a coward,” Phaedra said. “There are some things we need to get out of the way.”

  It rankled Shade to stay quiet, and Phaedra’s presence and insults agitated her, instigating, reawakening her natural instinct to fight. It was when she was alone she had the fortitude to end this torture. She had no doubt Phaedra pushed her buttons on purpose. But she didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of an answer, either.

  The water level had risen to lap against Shade’s waistline, and she shivered. If she ignored Phaedra long enough, soon she wouldn’t have to worry about being cold at all.

  “Oh, come on, Lacey. Give me a little fight at least.”

  Push. Shade reacted. “Stop calling me that.”

  “Why?” Phaedra asked. “Lacey is alive and accounted for inside you. You may have her locked away in a cell with no light, but her screams, her torture, echoes in your soul.”

  “I’m not eight years old anymore.”

  “No, you’re not. But girl Lacey is rattling the bars of her prison. Why do you bother to hold on to that shit?”

  “I’m not.” Shade’s defenses went on high alert. Phaedra’s insight kindled an emotional turmoil in her stomach. The water level had now risen to her nipples, and her teeth chattered. She looked around the cave to gauge how long it would take to fill, and in the corner, she spotted a blue-gray orb as it shifted into a black bird.

  Raven.

  Shade forced herself to stay calm and not focus on the spot. Through the chill of the water, she felt the feather heat up, and it radiated heat along her skin.

  “Pay attention,” Phaedra growled.

  Shade looked at her. Anything to keep Raven safe while she unobtrusively hopped along the rocks near the top of the cave.

  “Let’s get on with it.” Phaedra waved her hand dramatically at the waterfall and it disappeared into the floor, sending the standing water flushing down the tunnel.

  Shade had a moment of pure terror when the resulting air current knocked Raven off a boulder before she balanced herself with her wings to keep from being sucked into it.

  The fire roared to
life and the dancing flames created deep shadows. Shade exhaled when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Raven’s bird image back into a nearby niche, not too far from where she was sitting. She was close enough Shade could hear an odd, muffled trilling noise from her throat, but couldn’t understand what Raven was trying to tell her.

  Phaedra sat on a rock and held a long wooden pointer, as if she were teaching a class and Shade was her only student. While Shade had been distracted by Raven, the entire wall of the cave had become transparent, and a street scene came into view.

  “Oh, look!” Phaedra pointed with the stick. “It’s little Lacey!”

  Shade’s heart stuttered in her chest when she saw her eight-year-old self who was huddled in a doorway during a Seattle winter storm. “I don’t want to fucking see this!” she yelled. Worse, she didn’t want Raven to witness her humiliation.

  “Want some popcorn?” Phaedra asked.

  “Bitch.” Shade attempted to get up and move, but was knocked back against the wall with a flick of Phaedra’s wrist. “I really, really hate you.”

  “Blah, blah.” Phaedra shrugged. “Ssh. Here comes the good part.”

  A large lump filled Shade’s throat and the noises of that day filled the cave.

  The relentless rain as it hit the pavement. The sounds of cars as they whooshed past on the oily street. The sickly glow and buzz of the old streetlights.

  It had poured that day. It was cold and full dark just after four thirty. Shade had been waiting for her mother to pick her up, but as usual, she was late. Or drunk, or couldn’t be bothered. Shade never knew which one until her mother actually showed up, or Shade had walked the three and a half miles home.

  This particular late afternoon, she’d been stuck halfway between the school and the house when the storm hit. Her thin body didn’t protect her from the cold, and her hand-me-down jacket she’d been given by her teacher when she realized Lacey didn’t own one, didn’t help much. It was a patched red down coat, which kept her warm on most days, but not when it rained. It soaked up the water and hung like a heavy wet blanket from her skinny shoulders. She had taken her guitar to school that day for music class, and because she didn’t want it to get ruined, Lacey took cover in an apartment building’s small alcove to wait for the rain to let up.

  If Phaedra wanted to break her, this would do it.

  Shade strained to close her eyes against what she knew was coming but found she couldn’t even do that.

  Dark and ugly emotions bubbled in her chest. Reliving the moment was becoming inevitable, and the shock of realizing she’d have to do so, pushed Raven to the back of her mind.

  The sound of the blue Cadillac as it pulled to the curb.

  The armor Shade had built over the years disintegrated as the scene played out in front of her.

  She watched herself startle when the car’s horn blasted twice. Her heart ached for the child who looked so miserable. Shade had never realized how malnourished and frail she’d been. The guitar, how had she forgotten how much she loved to play that instrument? It had been her only solace when she was young.

  Before.

  The passenger window rolled down, and through the icy sleet, a harmless old man waved at the child. Shade’s adult eyes registered him as late forties, early fifties. But back then, as a child, she’d thought him absolutely ancient.

  “Hey,” he called out. “Your mom sent me to come and get you. She said her car won’t start.”

  The relief Shade saw on her shivering child’s face nearly broke her, and she wanted to scream at her to not get in that car. Instead, twenty-five years later, she was helpless to watch the girl she was. When she was still Lacey.

  The lump in her throat grew larger, and she wanted to choke on her revulsion, watching Lacey, in a wet coat that was too large, and the old guitar case that dwarfed her tiny frame, casually shrug with resignation, and climb into the car. Even at eight years old, she’d known she could never count on her mother.

  Before that day, Shade had no inkling of her gifts. Realization came later that night.

  After the screaming was over and done.

  “Please, please, Phaedra, don’t make me watch this.” Shade knew the gratitude that young Lacey was feeling for getting out of the rain was going to soon turn into abject, indescribable terror in a very short amount of time.

  Phaedra mocked surprise. “But this is the very best part.”

  The feather heated again, reminding her she wasn’t alone, and Shade dared a quick look. The Raven tilted her head and stared back with one dark eye. Shade thought she saw a tear.

  She’d never shared this experience with anyone other than Sunny’s family, and then later, Tiffany. She certainly didn’t want to relive this in front of anyone else.

  Logic and the psychological “there-theres” and “it’s not your fault” had nothing to do with what lived inside Shade. The shame of being so helpless at the hands of someone else tore through her.

  She realized looking away from Phaedra had been a mistake the instant an unholy growling noise rumbled through the ground beneath her.

  The walls of the cave vibrated, sending rocks and boulders crashing down. Phaedra stood in the middle of the chaos with red eyes and her hair snapping with the electricity building in the air.

  Shade watched, horrified, as Raven’s hiding place crumbled and she took flight, making her vulnerable to Phaedra’s attack. Billows of smoke and the smell of burnt ozone invaded the space. She leapt to her feet, jumped between them, and took onto herself the bolt of fire Phaedra threw at Raven.

  Shade was relieved to catch a glimpse of Raven as she flew down the tunnel before she fell face down in the dirt. She heard a soul-wrenching scream of pain echoing back to her, and Shade stumbled to her feet, asking herself for the thousandth time why the people she loved always got hurt.

  She managed to keep her balance while she chased Phaedra over the rocky ground. Raven’s cries had faded, and Shade came to the worst conclusion. Her forward motion was stopped by a gale force wind and then Phaedra’s body slammed into her, curling her claws into her shoulder before she dragged her back to the cursed cave.

  Shade’s soaking wet clothes were freezing, and sharp stones cut into her back as Phaedra’s body covered hers. The ever-present chill ached in her bones. Whoever said this place was hot hadn’t spent any time here.

  Phaedra’s nails ripped into her skin, and Shade felt the warmth of her blood track down her sides.

  Still, her first concern was whether Raven had gotten away.

  Phaedra’s eyes hardened. “You’ll break her. Just like you did—”

  “Shut up!” Shade said. She was so damn tired of feeling guilty all the time. Jesus, hadn’t she been punished long enough?

  She couldn’t control what her gift was any more than she could the need for air to breathe or the eye color she was born with.

  “You know you’re a drug addict, right?”

  “I can quit,” Shade said.

  Phaedra shrugged. “Not really—not all the way. There is always going to be that whispering temptation in your mind. It doesn’t ever truly leave.”

  “What would you know about it?” Shade didn’t like where this was going. When Phaedra smiled sadly, got off her, and sat next to her, she knew it would get worse.

  “I was broken like you,” Phaedra continued. “That’s how I got here. You can’t erase the memory of what happened. There’s a part of you that will always be helpless, crying on your back in that filthy car.”

  Shade’s stomach cramped, and she felt the echoes of the wounds and injuries she’d received that day so long ago. “No.”

  Phaedra tapped Shade just above her belly button. “That’s the part of you that screams for drugs. To make the pain go away, take away the shame and powerlessness. It’s the source of your darkness, the catalyst for your gift.”

  Shade turned on her side, brought her knees to her chest, and started rocking back and forth on the ground. “I never ask
ed to see the dead.”

  “Not in so many words,” Phaedra said. “It was dormant until that day. Some people are born knowing they have gifts, but others can go their entire lives without knowing they have extraordinary powers because nothing in their lives was powerful enough to trigger it. Your deep pain took you there, unleashing the knowledge you hadn’t yet developed.”

  Shade thought back in time and remembered the horror of the experience had only continued when she got home. She crawled from the porch where the old man had dumped her, and knocked feebly on the door, bloody, naked, and traumatized. Her mother answered the door and yelled at her to get in the house, not to lay there like white trash.

  Shade remembered trying to tell her mother the obvious; she’d been raped by one of her mother’s friends. What she got for it was an order to go clean-herself-the-fuck-up.

  Pain triggered it? No, it was a venomous hatred that unleashed the dead that night. Her mind felt splintered. Her mother had actually sanctioned and received payment for Shade’s horrific ordeal. She’d sent the man to pick her up, knowing full well where she’d be. That a human, a mother, was capable of such atrocity was still unfathomable.

  Shade didn’t have the ability to articulate her condition when she was young, but now she knew that she’d been in shock as she lay in the bathtub whimpering quietly so her mother wouldn’t come in.

  It had been the first time she’d seen a dead spirit. While she lay in pink water, with both her eyes blackened in her swollen face.

  “You’re lucky,” the apparition told her. He’d sat on the side of the tub and kept one side of his face hidden from her.

  She’d been in shock, and she’d thought she might be dead.

  The man was near transparent, but solid enough that she could see him. She should have been terrified, but Shade only remembered feeling numb when she asked through split lips what she had to feel lucky about. There wasn’t an inch on her body that didn’t hurt.

  “You’re lucky she didn’t have you killed.”

  Shade had tried to focus better, but her eyes wouldn’t work right. “Feels like I’m dead. I wish I was. Who are you, an angel to come take me away?”