The Deadening

by Yvonne Heidt

  “We were aiming a little higher,” Jordan said.

  “Touché,” Shade said and gave her a quick nod. “I’ll give you that one.”

  “These are some good ideas,” Aura said. “But I have a better one.”

  “I’m all ears,” Shade said. “Because I can do any of these with my eyes closed. It has to be fantastic, over the top, and she has to love it.”

  “Oh, it’s perfect.” Aura smiled. “I saw it.”

  Shade grinned. “Now, that’s what I’m talking about. Give it to me.”

  They chattered around the table, outlining the plan. The mood was enthusiastic and happy. Shade thought she couldn’t have come up with a better solution than asking her family for help.

  This was going to be epic.

  When they were done, Kat stood up and cleared her throat. “Before we go, I have something I need to do right now, here in front of all of you.”

  Tiffany looked surprised. “How come I don’t know about this? I know everything that’s going on.”

  “I helped her,” Aura said. “Just a bit.”

  Kat took something from her inside coat pocket, turned Tiffany’s chair to face her, and then got on one knee.

  “Oh!” Tiffany gasped. “Oh,” she said again when she saw the ring, and began crying.

  “Will you marry me? I promise to love you and Angel forever. Again.”

  Tiffany couldn’t speak, but nodded vigorously while she held out her right hand.

  Shade caught Kat’s eye for a second and she winked at her. The table erupted with excited cries and tearful congratulations.

  “Yay!” Sunny said. “We have so much planning to do. Mom, who can we get for the flowers?”

  Shade realized her own eyes watered a bit, and she was happy for all of them, but was anxious to begin her own new life.

  With Raven. If she could catch her.

  Shade said her good-byes and left quickly. She finally had a plan, and she wanted to get everything into place.

  *

  Raven recognized the young boy from the neighborhood when he rushed into the store. He waved an orange envelope and rushed over to her, out of breath and clearly excited.

  “Some lady outside paid me to bring this to you!”

  “Did she now?” Raven asked and tried to look out the front window.

  “Oh, no,” he said. “She’s gone now. I saw her leave. Here, take it.”

  Raven took the package that felt like a CD. She took five dollars out of her pocket and held it out to him. “Thank you,” she said.

  “More money, thanks!” The boy rushed out, probably afraid Raven would change her mind, and she laughed.

  She tapped the envelope against her palm and debated whether to open it right away. Who am I kidding? She ripped the side and looked at the plastic cover.

  Play me.

  Nothing else, just the two words. Raven excused herself from the counter and went into the back office where her laptop was sitting on the desk.

  Her hands trembled slightly as she put the disc in.

  “Um, hi. Raven. I wrote this for you. I have words and stuff, but I’m not a very good singer. Thank you for giving me back the gift of music. Um. So, anyway, here goes.”

  Raven’s heart lurched in her chest at the sound of her voice. It was different somehow, but still all Shade’s.

  There was a small pause, and guitar music poured from the tiny speaker. She didn’t need the lyrics, she could feel the energy behind the melody. The dark chords turned even darker before they lifted and soared. The guitar’s strings sang straight to her soul. Within the notes, she felt the words Shade hadn’t been able to give to her.

  Her eyes filled with the aching beauty of it and the force of Shade’s love for her.

  When the guitar music faded out, she heard a click, then Shade speaking again.

  “Well, I hope you liked it. I, uh, I’d love to see you tonight. Could you please call me?”

  There was another pause.

  “I love you, Raven.”

  The timer on her music program showed the recording was over.

  Raven wasn’t going to play any games, or waste any more time. She’d heard all she needed in the music, and in Shade’s voice.

  She reached for the phone.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Shade’s heart pounded against her ribs. She was nervous and hoped she hadn’t forgotten any details for the evening. She looked down at her white dress shirt and black slacks. Oh shit, she had even worried about looking like a waiter when she’d bought them. It was too late to change now.

  She took a breath and knocked.

  The door opened in a flash, and Juanita stood in front of her. “You clean up nice,” she said. “Raven’s not done yet. Come in.”

  The creepy smile scared Shade a bit, but she entered. She felt Juanita trying to slip past her thought guard. “You don’t have to sneak,” she said. “Go ahead.” Shade dropped her mental shield, and let her look. She showed her what was in her heart. Shade knew it was pure, and she wasn’t worried about acknowledging how she felt, but she was going to stop her before she saw what she’d planned for the night. “Enough,” she said.

  “Bueno. You realize it’s going to take me some time, sí?”

  “I’m sorry, I really am.” And she was. “I’ll make it up to you.”

  “You make Raven happy. That has some weight. But words are cheap, and only time will prove to me you’ve changed.”

  “Of course.” She heard heels clicking on the wood floor. The butterflies in her stomach seemed to kick into high gear, and she prayed she wouldn’t get sick right there in the hallway. She didn’t think she’d ever been this nervous in her life.

  Raven turned the corner of the hall, and Shade felt struck by lightning.

  Ohmifuckinggod. Shade looked around quickly, but she was almost certain she hadn’t said it out loud.

  Raven smiled seductively at her, and Shade knew that she, at least, had heard her first reaction. Her tongue stuck to the roof of her dry mouth, and when she tried to say hello, nothing came out but a grunt.

  Juanita glared, and her expression told Shade she had heard her inside voice as well. She shook her head in apparent disapproval, and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Shade alone with Raven.

  Her hair was loose and flowing around her shoulders, her lips full and red, matching the slinky dress that accentuated every beautiful curve on her body.

  “Ack,” Shade said.

  “I’ll take that as you like it?”

  She nodded. Raven’s scent enveloped her, and Shade was paralyzed by it. She felt like an ass. Where were her smooth moves and confidence? She felt as if she’d never been on a date before. Well, really, she admitted, there weren’t many actual dates. Hookups was a better word. Pure panic began to take over when she realized she didn’t know how to behave at all, because she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been with a woman, and she hadn’t been fucked up in one way or another. “Nnng,”

  Raven pressed her cheek to Shade’s. “You look fabulous.”

  Shade shook her head. “Nn-ng.”

  Raven stepped back and then turned around in a slow circle, giving Shade an additional view of the way the dress dipped low, revealing the dimples on the small of her back, before draping around her hips, and the material left little to the imagination. It fit her like a second skin, hugging her ass and the tiny strip of a red thong underneath it.

  Shade desperately attempted to speak normally. “Ff-f.” God help me. I may have swallowed my tongue.

  Raven picked up a silver, lace shawl from the hall tree and wrapped herself in it, leaving her shoulders bare.

  “Hnk.”

  “Really?” Raven asked, then yelled into the kitchen. “Mother, stop it!”

  Shade heard laughter, and a quick exchange in Spanish before the gleeful giggling returned. She was more than relieved that her inability to speak wasn’t her own doing. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Can we go
now?” Shade turned the handle and hoped this was a warning and not a sign of things to come with Raven’s mother.

  After she closed the door behind them, Raven grabbed each side of Shade’s collar and tugged her face down to her. “Here,” she said. “Let me help you with that.”

  Shade nearly lost her balance, but steadied herself by pulling Raven’s hips closer.

  She slid perfectly against her and molded to her body with a rush of warmth. Shade didn’t have any time to think before Raven’s lips met hers.

  They were soft, sweet, and oh so incredibly sexy. A half growl, half purr started at the back of her throat, and the kiss started a chain reaction of heat that started from her toes and rose to the top of her head.

  Raven hadn’t even opened her mouth. She hadn’t done anything but touch her lips, and Shade nearly forgot they were standing on her mother’s porch.

  If this is what a simple kiss was doing to her, what was going to happen later?

  Raven leaned back and wiped red lip gloss from Shade’s mouth with her thumb, and then dabbed at the rest with a small tissue she’d pulled from her purse. After wiping her thumb, she smiled up at her.

  Shade knew she would always remember this moment—Raven radiant on the porch under the glow of a full moon. And she would cherish it forever because she also knew her life could really begin in this minute, on the porch, under the full moon, with a perfect kiss.

  The night was still young, and Shade had plans to add many more memories to it.

  “Ready?” Shade held her arm out, and Raven tucked her hand around her elbow while Shade helped her down the stairs to the car.

  Shade opened the door for her, and was rewarded by the sight of bare, beautifully tan thighs as Raven folded herself into the low passenger’s seat.

  “Nice ride.”

  “I feel like I’m riding in a roller skate sometimes.”

  “But it’s hot,” Raven said. “Or you wouldn’t have bought it.”

  “Seems I’m taking a liking to things that are—spicy,” Shade whispered. “Muy caliente.”

  “Your Spanish is improving.”

  Shade chuckled. “No, I just know ‘hot’ in any language.”

  “Ooh la la.”

  “My point exactly.” Shade was enjoying the banter, the easy flirting, but the pace didn’t match the high rate of her pulse. In the depths of Raven’s eyes, Shade saw herself—the person she could become, the woman she wanted to be.

  She shut the car door, and the sound felt like a period on the end of a long sentence that was once her past. Shade jogged around to the driver’s side.

  Raven crossed her legs, and something sparkled in her strappy high heel. Shade faltered when she threw the car into first, and spun the tires before they pulled away from the curb. She didn’t know why some women wore such high heels, but right then, she was grateful to be the one to witness how amazing they looked on Raven’s feet. Shade’s gaze shifted upward and stopped at the splendid shadow of Raven’s cleavage.

  “Watch the road,” Raven said.

  “Huh? Oh yeah, sorry.” Shade was going to kill them both if she didn’t stop staring. She deliberately looked at the road.

  “I’ll make you a deal,” Raven said. “You pay attention to your driving now, and I’ll let you look later.”

  The promise projected images in Shade’s mind, and almost distracted her as much as her bare skin had. “Jesus, Raven. We have a long way to drive.” And to Shade it felt as if two blocks would be too long. “And I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you right now.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Seattle.”

  “That is a long way.” Raven’s tone was teasing, and smooth as butter before it turned serious. “Sometimes, the very best things worth having, take some time.”

  Shade detected the nuance of unsaid words. She’d lived an instant gratification lifestyle for so long, it would be an integral part of her recovery to learn patience. “Something tells me we’re not just talking about—”

  “No,” Raven interrupted. “We’re not.”

  “Let’s start with this. I am so sorry for the way I treated you.”

  Raven touched Shade’s shoulder. “You don’t need to—”

  “Yes, I do. I was mean and ungrateful.” Shade wanted to look at her expression, but she knew how Raven was feeling. She felt the flash of hurt. “When I cut through all the bullshit, mine, not yours, I realized after being beat over the head with it that I was terrified of what you represented to me.”

  “Why? I’m an excellent catch.”

  “My point exactly.” Shade chuckled. “You were everything I thought I didn’t deserve. Honestly, after Sunny and I broke up, I convinced myself I had reached way too high.”

  “But—”

  “Let me get it all out, okay? Hang on.” Shade changed three lanes and followed the next Seattle sign before moving over two more, keeping herself in the fast lane. “Okay, where were we?”

  “Sunny.”

  “No, this isn’t about Sunny. It’s about me. And you.” Shade wanted Raven to understand that above all. “I used the breakup as an excuse not to be involved in my own life. Of course, I was heartbroken then. But really, the breakup validated how I felt about myself to begin with. It allowed me to justify my bad habits and behavior.”

  “Raven, you saw what happened to me as a child, as much as I wish you didn’t, I’ll be forever grateful for your help.”

  “I’m not sorry,” Raven said. “Though I’ll freely admit your father telling us it was our second trip freaked me out a little.”

  “I know, right?” Shade laughed. “I’m not even anywhere near processing that yet.”

  “Me neither,” Raven said.

  “If you let me, I’ll make it up to you every day.”

  “Go on,” Raven said.

  Shade finally let herself glance over at her. “You take my breath away.”

  Raven fanned herself dramatically. “Oh? And?”

  “You’re amazing and pure.”

  “Have you fooled, don’t I? I’m not as good as you think I am. You’re under the mistaken impression I’m a nice girl.”

  “Sweetheart, you are.”

  “Take that back!”

  “Really? God, you’re adorable. Okay, make me.”

  “I’ll remember that.” Raven leaned toward her and blew hot breath against Shade’s neck before pulling away. “Later.”

  Shade swallowed hard. “You win.”

  “Win what?” Raven laughed.

  “Um, everything?”

  “So you’re smart now, too?”

  “I’m learning.” Shade relaxed a little bit. Not that she wasn’t still nervous, she was, but Raven’s energy was accepting. The edge thrumming along her nerve endings was a raw sexual buzz. She had so much to tell Raven, and entire conversations flitted out of her brain before she could voice them. Not only was Raven a complete distraction, she was an incredibly strong force in the small car, and her scent filled Shade, making her dizzy from the wanting of her.

  The city lights of Seattle became visible in the night sky, and Shade was grateful they were closer. She couldn’t wait to put her arms around Raven again.

  It wasn’t just the fierce physical attraction, though that was stellar. Traces of Raven’s energy had remained with Shade for the last six months. A loving, healing presence living within her broken spirit, a bond that reassured her daily, and had given her hope while she was gone.

  Shade knew they needed to talk, that Raven needed to hear her story, and she didn’t think that an “I’m sorry,” was quite enough. But they would get to that.

  Right this moment, they were dressed to the nines and on a real date. Shade cared, really cared, about what Raven thought of her today.

  Her new sports car hugged the curves of the freeway and drove like a dream. Life was excellent. She glanced over at Raven and saw that she’d either just licked her lips or reapplied her lipstick, because her m
outh looked luscious, wet, red, and ready to kiss again.

  Shade prayed the drive would go faster. When they hit Seattle traffic, she headed toward the city center and concentrated on the drive. She didn’t have quite the bird’s eye view she had in her van, so it took more finesse. The way everything in her life did now, it seemed.

  *

  Raven kept quiet during the maneuvering it took to get through Seattle’s downtown streets. After their kiss, and brief flirting, she hadn’t known what to say when Shade kept trying to apologize.

  She didn’t want her to be sorry. Everything happened for a reason, and the Universe had played out this situation to get where they were today. She would admit to dressing with torture in mind, and she was happy she hadn’t worn the dress when Lyric wanted her to on that disastrous double date. It had the exact effect she was hoping for.

  Truthfully, Raven had forgiven her the moment the roses came. Lyric had called her a few names in jest, “whupped” being one of them.

  Raven had wonderful dreams of Shade and their future, but nothing was ever set in stone, people had free will, prophecies could change, and Shade could relapse and become the person she’d been once more.

  “I can only promise you today.”

  Shade’s soft statement brought Raven out of her thoughts. She hadn’t realized she was broadcasting so clearly. “Can you explain that to me?”

  “Sure,” Shade said. “Let’s get settled first, okay?”

  Raven smiled at her. “Of course.” She watched Shade walk around to her side of the car. Her belly buzzed pleasantly, and the sensation headed due south. Shade looked hotter than she’d ever seen her.

  When Raven took her hand for help out, the contact of their skin crackled with sharp electric jolts.

  “Sorry,” Shade said. “That happens a lot lately. I feel as if I’m bursting with it.”

  “You are.” Raven stood and nearly tipped over on her heels, but Shade was standing close and pulled her against her body, laying a strong hand on Raven’s lower back to steady her.

  “Thank you.” Raven felt Shade’s heart beating against her palm. The temperature between them rose until she was sure her skin would ignite from the heat. She looked up into Shade’s eyes, which were focused on her like lasers. Raven shivered from the intensity and knew when they made love this time, it would be unforgettable.