Love's Secret Torment

by Stacy L. Darnell

  His eyes lit with pleasure as I turned around in a slow spin, modeling the fourth garment. He wore a look of hunger as he tried to remain stoic for the store staff. The slight squirming in his seat gave away how much he approved of my selections.

  “Well, which ones do you like?” I teased.

  “Umm, I . . . I can’t decide. I think you should try them on again.”

  I gave him a sideways glance.

  “Okay, okay,” he laughed. “Just get all of them. You look incredible.”

  I couldn’t stop the smile as it spread wide across my face. It felt good to incite the reaction in him. He cleared his throat as I turned around one last time before slipping around the corner, back to the changing stall.

  We made our purchases then stopped in a local superstore and bought some snorkeling gear and body boards, grabbing a few snacks and drinks for the drive.

  We counted the states license plates as we made the almost four hour drive from Auburn to Panama City Beach, arriving at The Summit Resort just after lunchtime. After Emmett checked us in, we unloaded our bags and supplies onto a luggage cart and rode the elevator up to our room on the eleventh floor. I was surprised to see it wasn’t so much a standard hotel room but rather more like a condo. It had a warm, home away from home feeling, with a coastal paradise twist.

  It was almost dinnertime when Emmett suggested we try a restaurant he’d heard about called Hammerhead Fred’s. The hostess seated us at a booth, and we ordered oysters as an appetizer, we were excited to see it was served on a slab of driftwood nearly as long as the table. As we ate, he told me about a trip his family had taken to the beach when he was ten.

  “My little brother, Alby, was eight years old and had a bad ear infection, so he was cranky most of the drive here. I remember feeling so bad I couldn’t help him feel better. I stayed in the room with him though, and didn’t go to the beach until two days later when he was finally feeling better. We were really close, like best friends. He’s my half-brother. My biological father died a couple months after I was born. Mom remarried, and had my brother a couple years later. It sucks not ever having the chance to know my birth father, but our dad was awesome and loved us very much. I’m thankful to have had him raise me, and ended up with the best little brother.”

  “Oh, Emmett, that sounds awful for him to have been so sick,” I said, reaching for his hand.

  “I always remembered that trip, and wanted to come back to the beach, but Dad’s work was hectic and life was too busy. Then we lost our parents just a few years ago. I just never felt at ease about coming back here.”

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine losing my parents. I wondered why you never brought them up.”

  “Anyway, one morning I was lying in bed, playing with your hair, and the idea hit me. So I booked the trip.”

  “I’m happy you did. It means so much to me that you’re willing to share this special place with me.”

  After we finished with dinner, we walked behind the resort along the beach, watched in awe as the sky began to fill with beautiful shades of yellow, red, and orange.

  That night, the balcony door stood open, letting the lightly salted air breeze through the condo. I stood at the railing looking out over the horizon as the sun kissed the water’s edge. He walked up behind me and wrapped me in his arms.

  I rested my head back against his chest with a sigh. “It feels so good out here.”

  He ran his hands up and down my arms as his lips left a trail of kisses on my neck.

  “Yes,” he whispered in my ear. “It does.”

  As I turned around to face him, he dropped his arm down beneath me, picking me up in his strong embrace. He kissed me slowly, methodically, as he cradled me to his chest and walked us into the bedroom.

  “You’re so beautiful, my Peach. I want to make love to you all night,” he said, then pulled at my bottom lip with his teeth.

  I felt the heat in my cheeks, as he looked deep into my eyes.

  He reached down and slowly lifted my shirt off. His hands brushing against my skin left a heated trail of tingles.

  “Me, too,” I breathed out while he gently laid me on the bed.

  He unbuttoned the top of my denim skirt, pulling it down over my hips. As his fingers traced the contours of my leg to the back of my knee, a giggle slipped out.

  My hands flew to my mouth as we both chuckled.

  “I’m sorry. I know how ticklish you are, but I couldn’t resist the temptation to feel your soft skin.”

  “It’s ok.” I whispered, running my fingers underneath the waistband of his shorts and tugging at them.

  He lowered and stepped out of his shorts, and I smiled in anticipation at the sight of his tanned, muscular body.

  He lay down next to me and kissed me softly, pulling me into his arms. But it soon turned heated and hungry as our passion consumed us. We were like an inferno setting our love ablaze in the night. Afterwards, I snuggled into him and rested my head on his chest.

  “I love you, Emmett.”

  “I love you, too, Peach,” he replied, kissing the top of my head.

  “Thank you for brining me here. It’s beautiful.”

  “You’re welcome. I couldn’t wait to get you here and all to myself. I’m a greedy bastard and got sick of sharing your time with the girls.” He laughed.

  I smacked his shoulder. “You are not a bastard! Greedy with my time, maybe, but I love that, too.”

  We spent the weekend switching between drinks at the tiki-bar by the two Olympic-sized pools and hot tubs to the blue-shaded lounges on the beach. We body surfed and swam to cool off from the hot sun. Every night, we walked along the beach, picking up shells for me to use as charms.

  As we lay in bed on the last night of our weekend getaway, wrapped in each other’s arms, Emmett kissed the top of my head and twined his fingers with mine.

  “I’m so happy you’re in my life. I’ve never needed anyone this way before. I can’t imagine going back to my cold existence before you,” he whispered.

  “Me, too. It scares me sometimes. I feel like I need you as much as my next breath.”

  “Don’t worry, Peach. We’ll always have each other.”

  I had a flash of pain at those last words. A deep-rooted fear surfaced, a remnant of my days with Alec when he had promised me the same thing, and that had ended in the worst pain of my life. Again, I pushed those thoughts and fears away. I had to live in the now, not the past. I refused to let his actions diminish the happiness I had in my life.

  After returning home, we finished out the fall semester, and everything seemed to fall into step, until one morning, when I woke to caresses along my spine. Emmett was watching me sleep again. I tried to be still. I didn’t want him to stop. The gentle care he took with me was mesmerizing, and the tingle his hands left behind prickled up the back of my neck.

  Then a buzz sounded before the ringtone. I didn’t want to move, but as soon as “Uptown Girl” sprang from the phone in my discarded jeans pocket, I knew Emmett would race to get it before it woke me up.

  I shifted and reached to grab it, but he beat me to it. Oh God! I squeezed my eyes closed at the thought of him reading “My Lover” with Alec’s contact picture. I really didn’t want my boyfriend seeing my ex-boyfriend’s face. I’d never had it in me to delete his contact information, or even look at it to change the name. Seeing his picture always threw me into a hard sadness and flashes of pain at that last memory of him. Why was Alec calling me? Why now, when everything with Emmett was so perfect?

  “No fucking way this is happening.”

  I popped my eyes back open and froze at the pale expression on Emmett’s face. He wasn’t angry. No . . . it was . . . hurt. Utter disappointment and pain.

  He turned the phone and showed me the picture.

  “I’m so sorry, Emmett. I didn’t think to take his number out of my phone.”

  He spiked his fingers through his hair on a heavy exhale. His hurtful exp
ression morphed into resignation. He looked from my phone then across his bedroom at me with an awareness I knew wasn’t good.

  “Do you . . . know Alec?”

  He nodded, slowly handing me my cell phone as it continued to play Alec’s ringtone. I felt my world crashing in on me.

  “Hello?” I answered, my voice hesitant and uncertain. I heard a sigh on the other end of the phone.

  “Samone. I wasn’t sure if you would answer.”

  “Yeah. I almost didn’t.”

  “Well, I’m relieved you did. I want . . . no, wait, I need to see you. To talk to you. Please say you’ll see me. I know I don’t deserve it, that I hurt you. I’m so sorry for that.”

  I sat in silence and looked up to Emmett standing at the foot of his bed with a blank stare on his beautiful face.

  “I’m sorry, Alec, but I’m with someone now. I’ve . . . I’ve moved on.”

  “Samone, please. I need to make this right,” he pleaded. “Just meet me for lunch, or breakfast, or even a quick cup of coffee. Anything.”

  “I don’t know, Alec. I mean, I would like to know why you hurt me, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea to see you.”

  I cringed as I saw Emmett in my peripheral vision slide down to a sitting position against the wall of his bedroom. I didn’t know what their connection was, but I was filled with dread.

  “Please, Samone. Please.”

  “You wrecked me! You know that, right?” I hissed.

  “I know,” he groaned. “I think about it all the time. You’ll never know how much I regret that, Samone.”

  I sighed. “Fine, but just breakfast and you will explain yourself to me.”

  “Thank you, baby. I love you.”

  “You don’t get to call me that, or say you love me anymore.” I startled when I heard Emmett’s head smack back against the wall. “Just breakfast and your complete honesty. That’s it, Alec.”

  “Okay. Sorry. I know. See you at Reveille the day after tomorrow, eight a.m.?”

  “Fine. Whatever. Eight a.m.”

  I hung up and dropped my phone onto Emmett’s bed. When I looked up I saw he was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, with his hands at his sides. He wouldn’t look at me.

  “Emmett,” I whispered.

  He just shook his head and held his hand up.

  I wanted to see his eyes. I needed to see them. My throat felt like it was closing up, and my chest was tightening with heartache the longer he hid them from me. “Emmett,” I tried again.

  “Just give me a damn minute Sam.”

  His clipped tone and use of my name instead of Peach tore at my heart. We sat in a stifling silence for what felt like an eternity.

  “Did you know?” he asked.

  “Know what?”

  “That he was my fucking brother?” he seethed.

  His words were like a slap to my face. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. Alec and Emmett were brothers.

  My stomach roiled and churned, weighed down by a ton of bricks. I nearly threw up as I ran to the bathroom down the hall. I grabbed the toilet seat and dry-heaved into the bowl as my gut twisted with pain.

  I sank back onto the cold, tile floor. My mind was spinning as I attempted to rein in my thoughts. Why hadn’t I noticed the striking resemblances? Was this why he’d always felt so comfortable to me? So many things clicked in my head and began to make sense.

  Although the subject of exes had come up before, the pain of losing Alec, and what he’d done was so raw, I dismissed the subject immediately whenever Emmett brought it up. I never even referred to Alec by his real name, just referring to him as the asshat. Then the realization he might even consider that I knew they were brothers hit me, and the sting of tears ran from my eyes, burning me with anger and devastation.

  I heard his feet shuffle into the bathroom and looked up as he leaned against the doorway. His eyes were as bloodshot as mine felt.

  “Sam, I need to know if you knew that Alec was my brother,” he demanded.

  “Of course not! What kind of person do you think I am?”

  His words cut at me.

  “Damn it, I’m sorry! I just don’t know what to fucking think right now!”

  He turned around and punched a hole in the hallway wall, then leaned his head against it. He pulled his hand out of the wall and plaster stained with his blood fell to the floor. He walked away, and like a punch to my gut, I heard each step as he descended the stairs. The front door slammed and his car roared to life then sped away.

  I stood in Emmett’s room, packing my things into an overnight bag, when I heard the front door open and close hard. My heart pounded as the anticipation of the next moments swirled in my head. I looked up as Emmett walked into the doorway of his room. He leaned against the doorframe, staring at me.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “I’m just packing a few things for the drive back to Atlanta. I’m . . . going to stay with my parents for a few days.”

  He huffed a breath. ”And see Alby right?”

  I looked at him in confusion.

  “Alby . . . it’s what I call him. Stands for his full name, Alec Byron Morris, and he calls me Emjay for Emmett James Walker. It’s just something we did as kids, and it stuck.

  “Oh, that explains a lot. Well, yes, I’m going. I need answers. That’s all. He really hurt me, Emmett. I need to know why. I didn’t realize how hurt I still was until I heard his voice. I’m sorry, but I need this closure, and I deserve an explanation.”

  “Yeah. I get it. But I don’t fucking like it. I don’t fucking like any of this! I hate that you and my brother were together. But I love you, Peach, and I need you with me. Just promise you’ll come back to me.”

  I walked over and pulled his strong body into mine, wrapping my arms around him. I looked up into his eyes.

  “Of course I’ll come back to you. Always.”

  As he leaned down and kissed the top of my head, a small part of me wondered why I suddenly felt unsure of my answer.

  I should have known Alec was too good of a person to leave things the way they were between us. I guess it was better in the long run, rather than running into him at some family gathering, and seeing him face-to-face.

  As I drove away from Emmett’s house, I saw him in my rear view mirror, standing in his doorway looking broken and sad. Driving back to Georgia, I was confused and upset. I tapped my phone screen and called the girls, grateful my parents had insisted on the hands-free Bluetooth. I was having a hard enough time driving.

  “Sam?” Alison answered.

  “Hey,” I murmured.

  “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  “Is Tamron with you? Could you put me on speakerphone? I, umm, need to talk to y’all.”

  “Yeah, she’s here. Hang on.” She muffled the phone or pulled it away then yelled, “Tamron! Sam’s on the phone, get in here. Something sounds really wrong with her.” Then her voice rang clear once again. “Okay, I’ve got you on speaker and, Tamron’s right here.”

  “What’s going on, Sam?” Tamron asked.

  “Alec called me,” I whispered.

  “What the ever-loving fuck does he think he’s doing?” Tamron yelled.

  “Sam, sweetie.” Alison paused. “Don’t worry about it. His guilty conscience is probably finally showing its worthless ass. I hope you told him to get bent.”

  I didn’t answer. I couldn’t find the words. They were going to flip when they found out was going on, not to mention what I was doing.

  “Sam. Why aren’t you saying anything? Come on. Tell us how you told him to fuck himself. It’ll be therapeutic for all of us.” I cringed at Tamron’s urging.

  “Was that a horn honking? Are you in your car? Where are you going? Are you on your way over? Tamron, turn the coffee pot on. No, wait. It’s after four. Grab a bottle of merlot instead. We can celebrate her being able to tell his no-good ass off.”

  They were making it hard to think. I took
the next exit and pulled into a gas station. After putting my car in park, I leaned my head back against the headrest, and ran my hands down my face.

  “I’m not on my way over, Alison. I’m on my way back to Atlanta.”

  “What did she say?” Tamron screeched in the background.

  “You heard me, Tam, I’m going back to Atlanta. And before you ask, yes, I’m going to see Alec.”

  “Sam. Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. Are you insane? You’re thinking crazy. Just get your ass back to Emmett’s house. He’s your future, not that shameless, heartless prick,” Alison fumed.

  The tears streamed down my face. What was I doing? They were right. Emmett was my future. I loved him. I was happy with him. I sighed. “I just need answers. I deserve to know why Alec hurt me.”

  “Oh, Sam. We know how bad he hurt you. But sometimes, you just gotta say screw it and don’t look back,” Tamron said.

  “You can’t just leave Emmett, sweetie. He loves you, and you love him. How do you think this is making him feel? Y’all are all happy, then the prick calls you, and you just up and leave? Even if it is just for answers, you have to think about how that would make you feel, if it were reversed,” Alison added.

  “Oh God, it’s even worse than all of that,” I cried.

  “What on earth could even come close to making this situation worse?” Tamron sighed.

  My head fell forward into my hands. “They’re brothers. Alec and Emmett. They’re brothers.”

  “Oh my God,” they said in unison.

  I pulled into my parents’ driveway and put my car in park. I sat there for a few minutes before going inside. I wanted to see Mom and Dad, but I wasn’t sure how they would feel about me coming back to talk to Alec. The abrupt way I’d left after that party had worried them, and even though I never told them how Alec had stomped on my heart, they knew it had gone down badly.