UI 101

by M. K. Claeys

  “Y’all really think so?”

  “Yes,” they chorused. I couldn’t help but believe them. That, and I was afraid that if I brought it up again, they might start making disgusting comments about how the rice looked like maggots and the mushrooms like sliced sheep’s brain to get me to shut my yap.

  After dinner I retired to my room, and even though I knew everyone was shaking their heads at me because they knew I was going to study, I didn’t care. This was my future riding on the line here, and I didn’t want to put it in jeopardy even for a second. Tasha was gone, and even though the room was a disaster, I had managed to keep the area around my desk tidy enough to study by. I opened my books and didn’t even realize how late it was until Jamaal came knocking on my door.

  “Still up, gorgeous?”

  I smiled and closed my book, placing it neatly back on its shelf. “Yup, but I just finished. What’s up?”

  “Besides you? Nothing much. I thought I’d stop by and see if you wanted to chill before bed.”

  “Sure,” I said, standing up, stretching, then moving to flop on my bed, putting my head in Jamaal’s lap. “So what kind of chilling did you have in mind? Read-books chilling, or special chilling where you stay the night afterward?” I grinned cheekily at him.

  “Well, I don’t mind either option, although Derek did ask me to see if I could find another place to crash tonight because he has, um, other plans.”

  “Of course you can stay here. I mean, if he needs to study, you’re always welcome here.”

  “Thanks, babe,” Jamaal said, bending down and kissing me lightly on the lips before he got up to grab his things from his room.

  I thought I heard him mention something about Maliha’s anatomy, but I couldn’t be too sure, so I finished up with my own nightly ablutions while he was back at his room.

  Jamaal came back with two books and a notebook and flipped open to a review page toward the end of the text.

  “Can I borrow a highlighter?”

  I tossed him one and settled down at the foot of my bed with a novel. He could study all night, and I wouldn’t mind, I would just read my book and then crash with my head in his lap. After a while though, I noticed that the pages of his textbook weren’t turning, so I looked up to find Jamaal staring at me.

  “Something the matter?”

  “Not at all. I just…you’re really pretty, Mitzy, and I like looking at you.”

  “I’m in my pajamas, Jay. My hair is up and my face, although clean, has no beautifying products on it. What’s so spectacular about it?”

  “That’s what’s so spectacular about it,” he answered, dropping his textbook to the floor and crawling across the bed to put his head in my lap. “You’re in your natural habitat, where you’re most comfortable, and you look breathtaking. Like, your shirt is orange, and it makes me think of what you would look like if you were standing in front of a setting sun.”

  I blushed, which I’m sure ruined his vision. “Thank you, Jamaal. I enjoy your company, so I’m glad I can at least provide you with something you feel is pleasant to look at.”

  “You know you mean more to me than that, Mitz.”

  “I know. But it’s nice to know that someone thinks you’re pretty. I, for one, find you very attractive. I especially like the way this particular lock of hair”—I brushed it from his forehead—“always seems to fall in your eyes. It’s my favorite feature about you. A close second is how your skin reminds me of the hot chocolate my mama makes at Christmas, the most delicious thing you’ll ever taste. Now see, doesn’t that make you feel nice?”

  Jamaal blushed, in his darkening sort of way. “It does.” And he pulled me down to kiss him.

  We each read for a bit longer before I finally tossed my book aside and flattened Jamaal on the bed, forcing him to drop his studies and pay attention to me.

  Jamaal never ended up picking his book back up that night, and we finally went to bed around four after a completely spontaneous and spectacular pillow fight. The nights were getting colder and colder, and it made me feel even happier to know that I had my own personal heater in my bed with me. I had all day tomorrow to study and hang out because I knew that by the time everyone else woke up and was ready to do anything, I would have already gotten a few hours in, so it would be more than time to take a break.

  “Oh hell no.”

  Tasha. She was home. And she’d brought L’Avery. And she was not happy.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” she shrieked, ripping back the blankets on my bed.

  I shivered as the cold air rushed in, which would have woken me completely if her hollers hadn’t already.

  “Um, good morning, Tasha,” I said sleepily, sitting up and glancing at the clock.

  It was a little after ten. I moved to get out of bed, and Jamaal stood next to me.

  “What the fuck is this Uncle Tom doing in my room?”

  Jamaal looked as surprised as me.

  “Where you get off sleeping with this cracker?” Tasha yelled at him, her voice rising with every syllable.

  Tasha turned back to me, moving forward and looking as though she was about to strike, but Jamaal had stepped in front of me as soon as she had insulted me, and L’Avery had grabbed her arm and started trying to pull her toward the door.

  “You know the only reason a brother would sleep with a stupid white girl like you is because you’re a whore!” she spat. “That’s all you are, Mitzy—a fat southern whore!”

  I was completely dumbfounded. I had no idea how to respond, so I just stood there like a deer caught in headlights. Jamaal and L’Avery seemed to be having a silent conversation with their eyes, though, as L’Avery held my roommate back and Jamaal continued to stand in front of me, blocking Tasha from getting at me.

  “Tash, I think we should go,” L’Avery said, trying to pull her toward the door. He finally managed to grab her other arm, which had been swinging at me, and started steering her out of the room as Jamaal walked behind him, his posture completely on guard and defensive. She was screaming incoherently the entire time, and after Jamaal shut and locked the door behind them, I could still hear her shrieks all the way down the hall. Jamaal came back into the room and pulled me close. It was only then I realized how hard I was shaking.

  “Shh, Mitz, just sit down, all right?”

  I nodded mutely as Jamaal went around my room, gathering up every single textbook and notebook I had and shoving them into my backpack along with my cell phone and the novel I had been reading the night before. After he finished, he set the bag down next to me and grabbed me some clothes from the dresser. He helped me walk to the bathroom, and then shut the door behind me.

  “I’ll be right outside, Mitz,” he reassured me. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  I changed my clothes quickly, even while knowing that Jamaal was standing sentry outside the door. Somehow, I don’t know exactly how, I managed to change my shirt, pull on some jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, and open the door. I handed my pajamas to Jamaal, and he deposited them in my laundry basket, then handed me a clean pair of socks and my shoes. I sat back down on the bed and tried to put them on, but for some reason I couldn’t manage. He softly pulled the socks from my death grip and put them on my feet, then slipped on my shoes and tied the laces. He picked up my gorilla slippers and my stuffed monkey, shoving those into my backpack for good measure. Gripping my hand reassuringly, he pulled my backpack onto his shoulder, palmed my keys, walked me to the hallway, locked my door, and then escorted me to his room to drop off my bag. A few whispered words were exchanged with his roommate, and Jamaal quickly went into the bathroom to change. I started fumbling with the zippers on my backpack, but I couldn’t quite get them to open for me. Derek noticed my distress and opened it for me, securing my stuffed monkey and handing it to me with a silent smile. I stuffed it in the pouch of my sweatshirt. Jamaal returned from the bathroom, and the three of us walked down to breakfast, Jamaal and Derek sandwiching me between them.


  I don’t really remember much of breakfast, only that it was a very subdued affair and that Ryn, Paul, and Rae didn’t join us. I know I sat at the table while Derek kept me company and Jamaal went and selected an assortment of breakfast foods for me that he knew I usually ate. Once he returned, Derek went to get his own food, leaving Jamaal wolfing down his breakfast and me staring into my bowl of Special K, picking out the berries and leaving the flakes to get saturated with milk to the point where they were inedible. When they couldn’t tempt or force me to eat any more, we journeyed back upstairs to their room and watched a video with Maliha. I think Derek picked a funny film on purpose, but I honestly couldn’t tell you what it was about. We went down to dinner, all of us together, and met up with Kate, Paul, Brad, Ryn, and Rae. Jamaal only had to say “Tasha,” and after that no questions were asked. Everyone did their best to keep the conversation light and make me laugh, but honestly, my heart just wasn’t in it. After dinner, Maliha left with Kate, and Ryn and Rae and Paul and Brad went back to their rooms. Jamaal, Derek, and I all opened our books to resume silent study.

  And that’s when I lost it.

  “Uh, Jamaal?” Derek asked quietly.

  “What up, D?”

  “Your girlfriend’s crying. I just thought you might like to notice before I did, since you’re the one who makes out with her and all.”

  Jamaal quickly looked up from his computer and saw me where I was sitting on the floor, tears falling silently into my textbook. “Mitzy! Oh my God, what’s the matter?”

  “I just feel so bad,” I blubbered as he came down to cuddle me on the floor. “About Tasha, you know?”

  “What? Tasha? Girl, please! You have nothing to feel bad about. She completely freaked!”

  “No, not about that. I know she lost her head for a minute there. I just mean I feel bad about her in general. Like, I feel bad for her in general. Because maybe she’s got a lot going on at home or somethin’, or she is having a hard time handling her academic load and she has no one to talk to, so that’s why she got so high-strung and just lost it. I mean, exams are less than two weeks away. Everyone is on tenterhooks, and maybe I just pushed her too far.”

  Jamaal glanced over to Derek, a pleading look on his face. Derek came and joined us on the floor, sitting across from us and leaning his back against Jamaal’s bed.

  “Mitzy, please don’t make excuses for her. The things that she’s done to you aren’t right. If Jamaal invited people over at three in the morning and woke me up as frequently as Tasha does you, I’d kill him. You’d have one dead boyfriend, and I probably wouldn’t be in the least bit sorry. And that’s not even mentioning what I’d do if he trashed the room and didn’t clean it up. And we’re guys. We like things messy.”

  “I know I couldn’t live with Tasha,” said Jamaal softly, brushing the hair out of my face and handing me a tissue. I wiped the snot from my nose. “She’s just not a good person to be with in such close quarters. She should really have gotten a single.”

  “You think so?” I snuffled. “I mean, shouldn’t I have called over to L’Avery’s room and asked her if she minded whether or not you slept over?”

  “Has she ever called you when she had her man sleep over?” Jamaal asked pointedly.

  “No.”

  “Well, there you go. And even more to the point, she wasn’t there last night, so it’s not like she was a third wheel or even had to see us.”

  “And haven’t there been times where you’ve gone back there after studying and she’s had the dresser drawers pulled open in front of the door so you couldn’t get in, even if you had your key?” asked Derek.

  “Yeah.”

  “See? That’s just rude. If she wanted time alone, she should have contacted you to let you know, so that way you could have made arrangements. That’s what Jay and I do sometimes when you or Maliha sleep over.”

  “And sometimes it just works out coincidently that one of us is gone when the other wants his space,” said Jamaal, “but most of the time we just make it work. If one person can’t find anywhere to go, then we just don’t…well, do anything private. We don’t care if there’s a third person visiting in the room, as long as they don’t turn into a third roommate.”

  “Y’all would tell me if I was intruding on your space, right?” I asked worriedly, thinking back over all the hours I had spent in their room over the past months, not to mention today.

  Derek nodded. “Of course we would. But you’re not intruding,” he assured me, “so don’t worry about it. Luckily enough for us, we both happen to like the other person’s girl who frequents our room. Now, if Jamaal were dating Tasha, I would have had to blacklist her.”

  “D, please! That’s disgusting!” yelled Jamaal, following his outburst with a loud gagging noise. “She is completely not my type, but speaking of blacklisting, I’m going to have to add you!”

  “Me? What for?”

  “For making me look the fool for not noticing first that my girlfriend was crying!”

  “Fine,” Derek retorted. “You can add me for that if I can put your name on for forgetting to lift up the toilet seat before you empty your electric razor. Because that’s just gross, man.”

  “Did I seriously do that?”

  “You seriously did, dude.”

  “Man, I’m sorry. I’ll remember next time.”

  “It’s cool, dude. So we’re even then—each offense strikes out the other.”

  “What’s a blacklist?” I interrupted, unable to keep silent any longer after finally recovering from my own personal satisfactory glow from Jamaal having openly called me his girlfriend.

  “It’s a list of people that we said we would make during the year if there was ever someone that one of us didn’t want in our room while we were there,” explained Jamaal. “So far no one’s been added, but as you can see, that’s subject to change at a moment’s notice.”

  I smiled weakly, nodding at the concept. “Like Persona Non Grata. Sometimes I wish I could PNG Tanya.”

  “Well, maybe you should talk to Tasha about it,” Derek offered.

  I snorted as I dried my tears. “Somehow, after what happened today, I think broaching that subject with her might be a very bad idea.” I sighed. “Rae and Ryn moved in blind, and they’re best friends. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have them for my girls, you know? And y’all seem to get along well enough. I mean, why can’t Tasha and I have that?”

  “Because Tasha is racist,” Jamaal said flatly.

  “Jamaal!” I gasped, completely shocked.

  “Mitzy!” he huffed sarcastically, imitating my incredulous tone. “Why are you so surprised? Has the thought never occurred to you that there might be such a thing as racism?”

  “Well, yes, but I wouldn’t call Tasha a reverse racist!”

  “I would.” Jamaal snorted. “And it’s not reverse racism. It’s just plain racism. If you call it reverse, it implies that only one group of people—”

  “That is to say, white people—” supplied Derek.

  “—can be racist. And Tasha is living proof that racism goes several different ways, not just white on black.”

  “Okay, y’all. This is all true, but Tasha does have a point. I grew up on a plantation. My family owned slaves.” Derek opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off. “I know that I can’t be held responsible for the sins of my fathers,” I said flatly, “but I can at least acknowledge how I have benefitted from it. My family owns their ancestral home, our bank account is quite comfortable, I’ve never wanted for anything… need I go on? I attended a weekend-long conference on diversity for one of my classes and wrote an essay on all the stuff I learned from it.”

  “I didn’t know you did that, Mitzy,” said Jamaal quietly.

  I nodded. “Trying to learn about history from outside the Southern perspective is the main reason I came to Illington. Once I got started, I realized I needed to learn about things outside the dominant culture, too.”

  “Wha
t do you mean?” asked Derek.

  “I’m white,” I said simply. “I can go almost anywhere in this entire country and find somewhere I can be safe and accepted. Lots of other cultures don’t have that privilege. Maybe Tasha lived in a place where she had to deal with racism every day and she couldn’t escape it. Not like I can. Tasha might be mean, but I can’t make assumptions about her or her experiences—it wouldn’t be fair.”

  Derek tsked and shook his head. “Ah, gentle Mitzy. Always seeing the good in everyone, even people like Tasha and, oh, I don’t know, Hitler.”

  “Well, Hitler did create the Autobahn, which influenced the later construction of our own highway system,” I pointed out. “It was also his idea to found Volkswagen so the soldiers could have tanks.” Derek and Jamaal doubled over in laughter. “What?” I asked, completely confused.

  “Do you see what he means, Mitzy?” asked Jamaal, wiping away tears of mirth with the back of his hand. “You’ll look for the good in everyone, no matter what horrible things they’ve done. And that’s a really good quality, just not when the people you’re finding good in are treating you like dirt.”

  I smiled embarrassedly. “I guess not. So you really think that I’m not a completely horrible person who’s given Tasha dozens of reasons to hate me?”

  “No, you haven’t,” said Derek firmly, rising from his criss-crossed seat on the floor. “Now give me a hug, dry your pretty eyes, pick up that book, and don’t let Tasha back into your head any more tonight.”

  I hugged him tight and thanked him for being so nice.

  “It was nothing, Mitzy, really. If you can’t tell yourself that you aren’t anything but an amazing person, I was happy to do it for you, and I’m sure Jamaal will be more than happy to show you how wonderful you are later. So don’t worry about that psycho any more, okay?”

  “All right.” I pulled them in close for a triple hug. “Y’all are the best.”

  When Jamaal and I had finished studying and quizzing one another, he helped me pack up my stuff and walked me back to my room. He even insisted on being the one to unlock the door and walk in in front of me, just in case. When we entered the room, I found the biggest shock of the year yet.