My Word_Interior.indd

by Gizelle Bryant

  would have changed things. “If I had been there and had

  been able to look into Reverend Robinson’s eyes, I would

  have figured it out.”

  “I don’t know how you would have. He didn’t say anything

  except for what I told you.”

  She nodded, then belted out, “He got a baby on the side,”

  as if that was a fact. “You know that’s what happened to that

  reverend over at Fifth Street Baptist. He got a fifteen-year-

  old girl, who was a member of their church, pregnant. Word

  is her daddy pulled a gun on him and told him that if he ever

  came near her again, he’d be swallowing bullets.”

  “I know. That was something. But that reverend over

  there...there’d been rumors about him for years. I heard he

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  may have gotten more than one girl pregnant. But Reverend

  Robinson? For twenty-two years you’ve never heard a thing

  about him. If he was in the streets like that, it would’ve come out by now.”

  “Hmph. You just never know what be going on behind

  church doors,” Dru said.

  “Well, ever since I’ve been attending Pilgrim’s Rest,

  Reverend Robinson has been nothing but upstanding.”

  “Yeah,” Dru said. “That’s what he wanted us to believe.

  But you know when the lights go out some of them pastors

  are the biggest freaks.”

  “You always say that, but my daddy—God rest his soul—

  never had any drama. As far as I know, he never had any issues at church. In fact, I’ve known a lot of pastors while growing

  up and most of them are men of God....”

  “The key word: men. They are still men walking around

  in the flesh with all of their sexual organs on the outside just dangling around. It has to be hard for a human to operate

  like that.”

  I chuckled. “You need to stop, Dru. This is serious.

  Whatever happened with Reverend Robinson is major.”

  “It has to be,” she said, matching my tone.

  “And Lady Robinson is standing by him.”

  “Hmph. Let that be me. Let my husband shame me like

  that.” She stopped walking, but her neck and her forefinger

  kept moving. “If that had happened to me, four days later,

  there would have been a tear-jerking, flower-bringing,

  homegoing celebration going on. They would’ve been singing

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  ‘Going Up Yonder’ and I would’ve been in the front row, the

  soprano soloist.”

  I laughed as Dru went into full-fledged sister girl mode.

  “Oh no. I am not the one,” she said. “I’m not gonna be no

  stand-by-my-preacher-man-husband like these First Ladies

  out here.”

  My laughter stopped, though I still smiled. I didn’t want

  Dru to know that her words had hit a little too close to my

  home. People always said what they would and wouldn’t

  do, but the truth was no one knew how they’d react in any

  situation. Dru was judging First Ladies when she didn’t know

  their struggle or their story.

  But I’d lived the struggle and the story with my mother.

  She was one of those women who sat strong at her place in

  the pews, who stood by her husband, and fulfilled all of her

  duties as the First Lady of the church—all with a smile on

  her face, while there was an ache in her heart. The pain didn’t come from my father; he was one of the good ones, at least

  as far as I knew. But it was still tough because of the women.

  Even though my father lived his love and admiration for his

  wife in public so everyone could see, women still came at him, right in front of my mother’s face. We’d be out at a restaurant and some woman would stop at our table and pass my father

  her number or ask if he could stop past her house for prayer. .

  and other things. I didn’t understand when I was younger, but

  when I was a teen, there were times when I wanted to jump

  in these women’s faces myself. My sisters, Jada, Lauren and I

  talked about it all the time—we had no idea how our mom

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  had held back and not beat down or pimped slapped someone

  through their twenty-six years of marriage.

  The little bit of tolerance I had come to an end when we

  went out for dinner to celebrate my sixteenth birthday and

  some lady kept rubbing my dad’s shoulder while my mom, my

  sisters and I all sat around the table and watched. While I was giving all kinds of hate-filled glares to the woman, I vowed

  then that I would never marry any man who had anything to

  do with any church.

  “You know what?” Dru said, interrupting the memory of

  my vow.

  “What?”

  “You may be right. I don’t think either one of us is built to

  be a First Lady.” She stopped walking. “But um...your chances

  of becoming one are greater than mine.” Then, with her chin,

  she motioned across the street.

  When I followed her glance, there was only one thing I

  could do—I smiled. There was Jeremy posted up against his

  old jalopy of a car. Even though we were feet away, I saw his

  smile that brightened his face and sent tickles to the tips of my toes.

  At that point, I could have dropped my bag and ran across

  the street. But this wasn’t a scene out of Love and Basketball.

  This was me and Jeremy. So, I just strolled toward him,

  casually, the way I’d always had...before our kiss.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked as he hugged me.

  When he leaned back, I could tell that he was 180 degrees

  from where he’d been yesterday. He was relaxed, happy, not

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  a bit of anxiety oozed from him. And that made me wonder

  what Reverend Lewis had said to him last night.

  He said, “I came to see the most beautiful woman in the

  world.”

  “Uh,” Dru cleared her throat and my head snapped to

  look at her. I’d forgotten she was with me. She said, “Thank

  you, Jeremy, but you came to see Ginger, too, right?

  We all laughed.

  “Hey, Dru.” He leaned in and hugged her. “How you

  doing?”

  “I’ll be better when you hook me up with one of your

  rich friends.”

  “Well when I get some rich friends, I’ll be sure to let you

  know. And speaking of rich friends,” he reached for my hand,

  “would you mind if I stole yours away?”

  “Hold up. She’s rich?” Dru leaned to the side. “Nobody

  told me that.”

  “Maybe not with money, but she’s rich in all the ways

  that count.”

  “Awwww. .you’re so sweet,” Dru began, “that I just felt

  three cavities pop up in my mouth.”

  “Girl, bye.” I laughed.

  “Wait, where are you going?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I said to Dru, but looked at Jeremy as

  he opened the passenger door for me. “I’ll go anywhere Jeremy

  wants to take me.”

  “Awww man, the two of you!”

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  When Jeremy hopped into the car, we waved to Dru, who

  still stood in the middle of the street pretending to dap away her fake tears.

  We laughed at her, then Jeremy turned
to me. “Did you

  mean that. You’ll go wherever I’ll take you?”

  I stared at Jeremy for a long moment and took inventory

  in my head: we were best friends, he wanted to be a pastor, I

  didn’t want to be a pastors’ wife, he had his plans and I had

  mine.

  And then, there was that kiss last night.

  I repeated the list a few times, before I nodded.

  Then with a smile, he said, “Well then hold on, Ginger

  Allen. ‘Cause if you’re rollin’ with me, then you’re in for a

  helluva ride.”

  Chapter Three

  I had no idea where we were going, but I didn’t even ask

  Jeremy. I just went for the ride. When he stopped at a

  corner shop to pick up two tuna sandwiches and sodas, I

  grabbed the bag as he paid the cashier and we hopped back

  into his car.

  We stayed silent, each engrossed in our own thoughts

  that I suspected were much the same. I was glad when Jeremy

  pulled into City Park and we settled on a bench near the

  tennis courts.

  As the sun ascended in its arch toward the top of the sky

  and tourists strolled by, this would have been a scene that

  normally, would have filled me with peace. But it was difficult to feel any kind of harmony with the elephant that squeezed

  itself on the bench between us.

  I pushed my sandwich aside; as much as I loved tuna,

  today it was tasteless. Jeremy must have felt the same way

  because he’d only taken two bites before he did the same

  thing.

  33

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  He leaned forward, his arms crossed, resting on his knees.

  His eyes were away from me, when he said, “So are you going

  to say anything about our kiss last night?” I was trying to

  figure out what to say, but Jeremy didn’t give me a chance.

  He added, “Because I’m about to kiss you again, Ginger.” He

  sounded breathless and I was so glad my eyes were hidden

  behind my sunglasses.

  He continued, “And when I kiss you, I need to know if

  you’re gonna kiss me back or slap me?”

  When I laughed, it felt like the elephant lifted off the

  bench and ambled away. “You got jokes.”

  He shrugged. “I’m serious, Ginger. I want to kiss you

  again. And again. And again. I want to be with you all the

  time and not just in the way we’ve been spending our time. I

  want...more with you.”

  I inhaled.

  “Wait.” His forehead creased with lines. “You’re not

  feeling this, you’re not feeling me?”

  “No,” I said quickly. “I’m feeling all of you.” When he

  grinned at my words, I clarified, “I mean, I’m feeling all of

  what you said.”

  He nodded. “We’ve been fooling ourselves; we’ve been

  more than friends for a long time. We just haven’t added the

  physical part.”

  “True, but there must’ve been a reason why we stayed

  in that place. Like, aren’t you afraid of messing up a good

  friendship? I mean, Jeremy,” I twisted on the bench so that

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  now, my body faced him, “you’re truly the best friend I’ve

  ever had.”

  He shifted so that now, he faced me, too. “And that’s what

  makes us so special. Look, I understand your concern because

  I haven’t been able to think about anything else since you

  kissed me.”

  “I kissed you?” I leaned away from him.

  His double-dimpled grin let me know that he was just

  trying to get a rise out of me. “My lips weren’t there by

  themselves,” he said.

  We laughed. And then, we sat letting silent moments pass

  before I did something that I hadn’t expected to do. This time, I was the one who scooted closer, then leaned forward, edging

  my lips toward him. And when we met, he invited me in for

  a kiss that again touched me to my soul.

  When we pulled back, I was as discombobulated as before.

  But this time, I’d given Jeremy my answer. We both knew we’d

  fallen to the other side of friendship.

  He palmed my cheek and whispered, “Ginger Allen, take

  this ride with me. I promise, it’ll be worth it.”

  I had no idea why there were tears in my eyes when I

  nodded, affirming his words. Maybe it was because I felt so

  happy, so safe, so secure. And now, I was ready, really ready to take this ride with him.

  d

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  Fourteen days of bliss; that was the only way for me to

  describe it. Jeremy and I still did the things we normally did together; we still studied, but now, Jeremy, without looking

  up from whatever book he was reading, shifted on the futon

  in his apartment and pulled me back so that I leaned into his

  chest—and we both kept studying. Or as we strolled across

  campus and chatted about all the reasons why he still wanted

  the position of Senior Pastor at Pilgrim’s Rest, he’d pause and brush my bangs from my eyes. Or when we went to midweek

  prayer, as we sat, our shoulders touching because we couldn’t

  get close enough, he held my hand. That was something that

  he’d always done, but now, he hardly let me go.

  It was so different building a relationship on a foundation

  of friendship. It was as easy as slipping on a new pair of

  Uggs—they were new, but they felt old, like we’d taken this

  walk before. It was comfortable already knowing Jeremy,

  which was why when I slid into his car, and leaned over to

  kiss him, I knew something was wrong.

  “What’s up?” I asked as he edged from the parking space

  in front of my dorm.

  He shrugged. “My mind is still all over the place. It’s hard

  for me to get over that I haven’t heard from Pastor Robinson

  in more than two weeks.”

  “I know.” I twisted so that with one hand, I could massage

  the back of his neck as he drove.

  His eyes stayed straight ahead. “It’s like they never really

  cared for me. When they talked about me being the son they

  never had, they never meant that.”

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  “You know that’s not true. Lady Robinson told me so

  many times how she felt like she’d almost birthed you herself

  and that always meant a lot to her since she wasn’t able to

  have children. You really were their son.”

  “That they just abandoned.”

  This was something that I’d been praying about. I didn’t

  want Jeremy to feel this way, though abandonment was the

  only feeling that could come out of this situation.

  I said, “You know what? Why don’t we just go over there?”

  “Where?” he asked as he pulled his car to a stop in the

  parking lot of his apartment building.

  “To the Robinsons. We should just go over there. Really,

  I can’t believe you haven’t done that already.” It was the sound of his silence that made me ask, “Have you?”

  “No.”

  Then his eyebrow twitched and I frowned. Why was he

  lying to me?

  But before I could ask, he changed his response to, “I

  mean, yeah. In a way. I haven’t been to their house. I haven’t knocked
on the door. But I’ve driven by. More than a couple

  of times.”

  “Why didn’t you just go in and talk to them?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess part of me is afraid.

  For Reverend Robinson to have done this, something horrible

  had to happen.”

  “And you don’t want to know what it is?” I didn’t give him

  a chance to respond. “Wouldn’t talking to Lady and Reverend

  Robinson help? Wouldn’t that give you closure?”

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  He paused for a moment. “And if I close that door, what

  will be ahead of me?”

  I didn’t even let a second pass before I told him, “I don’t

  know, but whatever you have to face, I’m going to be there

  with you.”

  He gave me a long glance before he gave me an even

  longer kiss and then, he churned up the engine of his car.

  There were so many things I wanted to tell Jeremy, so

  many things I wanted him to know so that he’d be prepared

  for whatever the Robinsons said to us. But I said nothing to

  him, and just took my prayers to God, asking Him to reveal

  it all to Jeremy so that he could leave the Robinsons with his questions answered, even if his heart still was not whole when it came to them.

  When we pulled up to the Robinson’s grand white home

  with tan shutters, Jeremy turned off the ignition and then, sat in more silence. I knew he had to have so many memories.

  He’d spent so much time here that he had his own bedroom,

  even though his apartment was just four miles away. We’d

  shared just about every Sunday dinner with the Robinsons

  and many weekday meals, as well.

  When his eyes went to the house, I turned to look at the

  place that had always been so welcoming to me. I’d loved

  coming over here with Jeremy. The first time, I had to admit,

  I’d been a bit intimidated when I walked into the massive

  five-bedroom home. The foyer alone with its marble floor and

  winding staircase had taken my breath away.

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  But when Lady Robinson had led us into the gourmet

  kitchen with its cabinetry that matched the fixtures, I’d felt nothing but love from the reverend and his wife. And I saw

  and felt the love they had for Jeremy. I had always been so

  happy coming here to share a meal and great conversation...

  and to hear the Word of God which was always part of

  anything Reverend Robinson had to say.

  It was only now that I realized how much I missed this.