Don't Make Plans

by Ava Armstrong

  Paige found herself dialing Doctor Westin’s phone number. That afternoon, she dropped Justin off at her sisters and had an emergency meeting with her therapist. Sitting on the comfortable sofa, she deconstructed her violent ex-husband’s unannounced visit.

  “You did the right thing, Paige, you know that.” Doctor Westin hypothesized.

  Paige found herself meandering, thinking out loud.

  “Thing is, I’m terrified Jeremy will return. I can’t chance it. He could hurt me or Justin again. I’m getting that panicky feeling. No, I’m not taking anti-anxiety pills. I’ve got to do this. I need to keep a clear mind. I’ve got to get myself through this feeling.”

  “Deep breathing helps, Paige. You’ve got to be strong for Justin. He’s depending on you.”

  “Yes, he is.” Paige exhaled slowly. “I’ve got to get myself ready for the possibility – of confronting him again. I’m not going to lose.”

  Doctor Westin hesitated before she spoke. Paige knew this would be a warning.

  “Be careful with violence, Paige. It can be an uncontrollable roller coaster and you could find yourself in a heap of trouble.”

  Paige looked down at her hands in her lap, wondering if she was truly capable of protecting herself and her son. The first order of business would be to install an alarm system with a hidden video camera at each entrance. That way, at least she’d know when Jeremy was coming by unannounced. She needed all the help she could get. She wondered if she’d have the nerve to pull the trigger, if necessary. That was the bottom line. Would she have the courage to stand up to him – once and for all?

  CHAPTER 15

  Texting Paige every day from the Harbor House rehab had become Kent’s lifeline. Without her kind words of encouragement, he doubted he’d ever have made it through the first few days. The worst were the hallucinations and horrific pain that wracked his whole body. One night he woke in a sweat swatting at bees he imagined buzzing all over him. Another night he spoke to the devil, or someone who looked like the devil. This character told him to come back – forget this place. One night during the first week, he shook so badly he fell out of bed. For the next week, they kept rails around the bed so he wouldn’t fall again. Kent was horribly embarrassed, but had no control over his body or what was taking place. That was the worst. And, dealing with the cast of characters was a challenge. Many of the addicts were expert at sneaking in contraband. Every day some sort of skirmish ensued and he remained in a state of defense most of the time.

  Withdrawal became his new battleground. The medical community had ways to help him cope, but the method used was cold turkey. He was now learning what it felt like to live completely sober. He got acetaminophen to help alleviate the pain, but that was it. Reality began to sink in: this was going to be a hard-fought struggle.

  The other person who kept him going was Gramps, rock solid in his corner, cheering him on. Every night, if possible, he would call him. Some of those first calls didn’t last too long because his body was shaking so badly with tremors, he could barely hold onto the phone.

  But, Kent learned the routine quickly. For the first week, every hour during the night there would be a bed check and a flashlight would shine in his face. Then it stopped. They were trying to figure out who the troublemakers were.

  He felt fortunate to have a roommate who seemed somewhat normal, a businessman who’d gotten hooked after surgery. This was his first kick. The two of them barely spoke the first week. They spent their time curled up on their bunks, shivering cold, then sweating and suffering with indescribable pain.

  When it was time for meals, everyone lined up in the hall until the entire group was there, and then walked into the kitchen to eat. This took place three times a day with precision. If you didn’t want to or couldn’t eat, it made no difference – you had to go.

  Finally, he started talking to his roommate. They were close in age and he was from Rhode Island, too. On the doorway, the guy’s name was Robert. No last names were used here. So, Kent called him Robert. One day at the breakfast table, one of the other guys took him aside.

  “Hey, that dude, your roomie – he likes to be called Rob. Seems funny he didn’t tell you that. He said it to all of us.”

  “Okay. Fine. Thanks.” Kent pondered. Rob from Rhode Island? Couldn’t be the same guy. But now the seed germinated in his mind and he had to find out if it was him. He’d never met April’s husband or even knew what he did for work. Time to do a little research. It would keep his mind off the physical torture he was living through.

  Whenever he had the opportunity, he would search for information about his roommate. It was difficult because Rob avoided giving Kent his last name. This only served to heighten Kent’s suspicion. One morning a nurse came into their room to administer Rob’s medication. Kent pretended to be sleeping, but he saw the last name on the cup – Blankenship. Strange name. He spent the next few days on Google trying to find Robert Blankenship in Rhode Island. Turned out, the name was more common than he’d imagined. Finally, he narrowed it down to one address in Kingston. He was an insurance salesman. From that, Kent found out more about him. He’d lose his license to sell insurance if he had a felony on his record. So, Kent assumed the rehab program was a plea bargain, most likely. So, April was married to a drug addict and soon would be having his child. What a small world.

  Without warning one morning, Rob sat next to him at breakfast in the dining hall.

  “I know who you are.” Rob murmured under his breath without looking at Kent.

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. You’re the dude April was engaged to…the marine. And, you’ve been snooping around trying to figure out who I am.”

  “I was wondering, that’s all. How is she?”

  “Great. We’re having a little girl. You know she’s pregnant, right?”

  “Yes. Congratulations. I hope it works out. I sincerely do.”

  “Thanks. How the hell did you end up here? You’re a marine, for god’s sake.”

  “I took pain killers for so long, I didn’t realize what life would be like without them. Unfortunately, I’m not alone. There are eight other guys here who are veterans. They all got hooked just like I did. It began with an injury.”

  “Well, I’d say you got more than an injury. You’re messed up for life, missing half a leg. That’s how I knew it was you. Plus, your first name is unusual.”

  “I may be messed up, but at least I have a life. Stan, my best friend, didn’t make it. I’m the lucky one, even though April didn’t want me. I will make a life.”

  It was a relief, Rob recognizing him. And, the rest of the time at Harbor House, Kent got to know more about Rob. It was odd how the two of them were sort of in captivity together. Little by little, each day Kent forced himself to deal with painful memories.

  “Morning Kent…” Rob seldom made eye contact.

  “Good morning, sir.” Kent would sit next to him at breakfast.

  “You’re probably wondering how April and I…”

  “Yeah. I have wondered that. But, it doesn’t much matter now, does it? You’re married and you have a baby on the way.”

  Kent thought it better not to rake over the details.

  “I got bad news today.” Rob ran his hand through his hair.

  “What is it?” Kent stopped eating.

  “April…she’s having problems with the pregnancy. She’s in the hospital and I can’t be with her. Damn. I wish I’d never hurt my knee running, never needed surgery, never taken those damned pills.”

  Kent noticed the tears streaming down Rob’s face. Not knowing what to do, he lowered his voice.

  “Look, man – she’ll pull through this. You’ve gotta think positive.”

  There was an awkward silence as Rob paused to collect himself.

  “How the hell do you do it?”

  “Do what?”

  “Stay so damned optimistic in the face of every challenge?”

  “I try to see the good in things,
that’s all.”

  Kent couldn’t think of any other way to put it. It was true.

  And, that’s how it went for weeks on end. The next week he learned from Rob that April’s prognosis was good to finish the pregnancy to term. As he got to know Rob better, he found out what made him tick. Rob trusted him. The two exercised together often and supported each other through some tough moments.

  Other than his freedom, the one thing Kent missed the most was a good hot cup of coffee. If he wanted java, they didn’t serve hot drinks in the kitchen because the demeanor of some patients didn’t go well with scalding liquids. More than once, food or drink was thrown at him. So, he tried to satisfy his craving with lukewarm instant coffee which didn’t taste like coffee at all, more like dishwater. To top it off, the food was horrible.

  Another aspect he hated was that every room in the place was monitored with cameras. Every morning and afternoon he was required to attend group sessions in a twelve-step program, which was taught by a reformed addict. There were smoke breaks every hour and Kent was one of the few non-smokers. Besides Rob, Kent got friendly with the other veterans. They decided to sit together in group sessions. Many of their issues were the same.

  He waited patiently all day until right after dinner – that’s when he’d text Paige.

  I’m sorry this is happening. Kent tapped his message out carefully. He waited for a response, but nothing. She must be busy tonight. Usually, she responded to his texts after dinner and he’d feel some sort of hope that she would still love him. He thought about calling, but then decided to wait until evening and call Gramps. Kent was worried about him.

  The next night, after a group session and dinner, Kent was exhausted. They allowed him to exercise and he spent much of his time shooting hoops in the fenced yard with supervision, or calisthenics in his bedroom. It was one of the only things that kept him going. This was just another form of basic training, he kept telling himself. He had to get through it. He had to do it for Paige. He had to do it for Gramps and the guys at the VFW. He had to do it for Justin.

  It was 8:00 PM when he called Gramps. Kent knew he’d be waiting by the phone at that hour. It rang once, and he listened to the familiar deep voice, and wished he was there.

  “Kent, how the hell are you?”

  “Good. I’m doing better, Gramps, every day. Hey, how’re you doing? I know you were worried about some things before this all happened. The house, your calculator, what was that all about?”

  “Oh, nothing important. Hey, I dropped off the Cadillac at the car rental place. Your father had his underwear in a bundle about it. So, when you get out of there, I’ll pick you up. I’ll be with a friend of mine. So, don’t worry about that.”

  “What’s going on with Paige? I’ve been texting her but get no response. Is she okay?”

  She’s fine.”

  “Why isn’t she answering me? Is she that busy?”

  “She’s got a lot on her plate. That’s all.”

  Kent detected avoidance in his grandfather’s tone.

  “You just don’t want to tell me right now, is that it?”

  “Damn it, Kent. I can’t tell you everything. Or, I shouldn’t…”

  “Yes, you should.” Kent felt his heart racing. Something was up, he could sense it.

  “It’s her ex-husband. He made a visit there the other day. In fact, it was the day we drove you up to Harbor House.”

  “What? I thought she had a court order?”

  “She called the police right away, thank goodness.”

  “So, what happened? Oh, don’t tell me that son-of-a-bitch hurt her again!”

  “Police hauled him off; nothing happened.”

  “Oh good, she’s okay. How’s Justin? Did you see Paige? Talk with her? Is she afraid?”

  “She walked by here the other night with the dog. I spoke to her for a while on the porch. Jeremy could possibly return. He’s living on the other side of town. We’ve got him pinpointed. He’s working for a paving company for the season. When Paige told me about this, I alerted the guys at the club.”

  “I wish I was there to protect her.”

  “Look, Kent…I had to let you know. I was hoping Paige would tell you. So, if she does – just act surprised and ask her a few questions. Don’t get all wound up. She’s terrified of Jeremy. Don’t add to her fears.”

  “Has she mentioned me at all?”

  “She did. In fact, she said you were the exact opposite of Jeremy. She asks about you every day.”

  “What does she say?”

  “You know, the usual stuff. How’s he doing? When will he be back? She was blindsided by this rehab thing. And, she’s convinced you had a fling with Sasha. Paige had deep feelings for you, Kent. Her son idolized you.”

  “You’re using past tense…as if that’s all gone now. I confessed to Paige that I was addicted to pain pills – and that changed everything? I’ve got another ten days here and I’m good to go. I’m exercising, keeping my mind clear, sleeping better. I still have nightmares. But, that might even improve with time. Tell her, Gramps – I need a chance.”

  “Listen, squirt. Don’t make plans. Just live your life the best you know how. Be honest. Be kind. Remember all the things we talked about. If Paige is meant to be, then it will happen. Stop worrying about this stuff. She wouldn’t be asking me all these questions about you if she didn’t care, now would she?”

  Gramps was right. He had a chance and couldn’t blow it. After hanging up the phone, he texted Paige again.

  I’m doing better. Can’t stop thinking of you and that night when we kissed, made love. How beautiful you were that night. You probably think I’m a madman, but I’m not. I care about you and Justin. I’m sorry if I’ve let you down. I was ashamed about this pill thing. I’m beating it. I’ll be out of here soon. Oh yes, and Sasha means nothing to me. I wish you’d believe me: nothing happened. I love you, Paige.

  It was all he could think of to write. He hit send and flopped down on his bed for the night. As he closed his eyes, he thought about Paige. Then, he thought about Jeremy pushing his way through the door at her house. The nerve of that bastard. But, he had to throttle himself back. Play it cool. He would let Paige know how he felt about her, but try not to discuss Jeremy, at least not in front of Justin. He was, after all, the boy’s father. And, if anyone knew about how much a son wanted approval and acceptance from his father, it was him. He knew someday Justin would feel that same sting, and needed a good man in his life now more than ever. If only he could’ve timed this rehab thing better. He would’ve been there to protect Paige from Jeremy.

  Frustrated and tired, Kent hit the floor to do push-ups. Rob was right on the floor next to him.

  “You know, you’re a little bit crazy, dude.” Rob chided him.

  “Yeah, I know. It comes from being a marine. Having a father who’s a marine. We’re crazy all right.”

  “Well, I have enjoyed getting to know you, Kent. You’ve made me think about some things, like what’s really important in my life.”

  Kent was counting push-ups as he listened to Rob. If he could be a good influence on the man, so much the better. Right now, he wanted to be as strong as he could be so he could protect Paige from anyone who tried to hurt her. He’d kill the asshole with his bare hands, if necessary. Of course, that would have to take place once he got out of rehab. And, this Sasha thing – he had to get Paige to believe him. How could he do it? His credibility was tarnished with her because of the drug problem. He couldn’t say he blamed her. Who trusts a drug addict?

  CHAPTER 16

  Paige woke to the sound of Justin cooking flapjacks in the kitchen. When she rounded the corner to peek, she noticed the dog was licking batter off the floor and every dish and pan was in the sink or on the table. A plate of bacon was too near the edge and Paige noticed Thor sniffing it.

  “Watch out. He’s got the bacon!”

  As she uttered the words, Thor had knocked the plate onto the floor and was inh
aling the bacon so quickly he started choking.

  “Oh, wow!” Justin reacted and grabbed what he could away from the dog. Paige wrapped her robe tightly and brought Thor’s leash and clipped him to the outside run. When she turned back toward the kitchen, Justin had pancakes smothered in maple syrup ready for her in a plate on the table.

  “Come on, mom, eat!” Justin waved her in.

  She grabbed the last coffee cup from the cabinet and wondered when Justin learned how to make coffee. She poured herself a cup and sat amidst the rubble that once was her kitchen.

  “How long have you been up?”

  “At the crack of dawn!” Justin smiled. She remembered Kent saying that phrase often. He was an early riser. She gazed at her son and realized he was beginning to morph into a miniature version of Kent.

  “Aren’t you glad I cooked breakfast for you, mom?”

  Paige put two pieces of bacon on her plate.

  “Yes, this is…lovely.”

  “Tastes good, too.” Justin added. “I love real maple syrup. Kent said it’s the best, gotta get the real stuff.”

  She couldn’t help but smile.

  “Listen, I’ve got to talk with you. I appreciate the breakfast and I’m proud of you, Justin.”

  “What is it, mom? You look worried.”

  “It’s just that I want you to understand the security system. It has a camera, and…”

  “Oh, I know about it. I learned how to turn it on and hit review – and watched Thor pooping in the backyard.”

  “I want you to understand if dad shows up here again, you can’t let him in. Don’t panic. Just hit the button and the police will arrive within a few minutes. Just don’t let him in. Got it?”

  She finished her breakfast and studied Justin’s face. He seemed like he wanted to ask her something, but she wasn’t sure what.