The Ultimate Guide to Kink

by Tristan Taormino

  Simple Scarf Wrist Tie

  Equipment

  Illustration 5.1. Simple scarf wrist tie

  Directions

  1. Bring the wrists together, separated by about an inch. Drape the scarf across the wrists. The midpoint should be between the wrists, with both ends hanging down.

  2. Bring the two ends together below the wrists, and cross them with a twist, bringing the scarf parallel to the wrists. This is not a knot, just a twist.

  3. Bring the two ends up, one between the elbows and the other between the hands.

  4. Tie the two ends together in a simple overhand knot, just as you would to start your shoelace tie. If the scarf is slippery, you can tie one more overhand knot.

  THE SIMPLE SCARF SCENE

  Ingredients you and your lover

  2 long scarves

  your favorite sex toys, lube, safer sex supplies, and whatever else you enjoy in your usual sex life

  Action

  Bring the scarf out long before the sex fun starts. Use it to tease and suggest all the fun both of you will have later.

  The top gently blindfolds the bottom. Make out!

  Tie the wrists together above her head, behind her head, or behind her back. It’s up to you and how you like to shag.

  Shag! Slow and sweet or rough and wild, it’s up to the two of you.

  Give aftercare lovingly.

  Illustration 5.2. Midori’s dildo harness

  Midori’s Dildo Harness

  I invented this harness because I got tired of ill-fitting commercial harnesses. This is a fantastic harness—it’s secure, easy to clean, fits anyone, and travels well. Men can use it to sport a second cock above the one that they grew themselves!

  Equipment

  1 favorite dildo with flanged base; 2 scarves (suggested length: multiply hip measurement x 1.5. Example: 40” hips x 1.5 = 60” scarves)

  Directions

  1. Take Scarf A and make a loose overhand knot (which I refer to below as “That Knot”) at its midpoint. Take Scarf B, place through That Knot, bisecting Scarf B.

  Scarf B will now have two hanging ends of equal length.

  Insert the dildo into That Knot.

  Tighten Scarf A and That Knot firmly around the dildo.

  2. Tie Scarf A snug and low around the hips. It’s easiest to tie this in front, with the dildo at the back, and then turn the scarf around. Very important that it be snug. Place the dildo in the desired position on the body.

  3. Take one end of Scarf B, hanging from the dildo, and pass it between the legs and under the butt cheeks, ending near the hip bone. Tie onto Scarf A near the hip bone. Repeat with the remaining end of Scarf B.

  Test the harness all over for security.

  Illustration 5.3. Scarf sex sling

  Sex Sling

  Equipment

  2 short scarves and 1 long scarf

  Directions

  1. Take one short scarf and tie a band around one thigh, just above the knee. This should be snug but not tight enough to hamper circulation. Do the same with the second short scarf on the other thigh.

  Tie one end of the long scarf onto the right thigh band.

  Have the bottom sit on her butt with her legs out and

  knees up. Have the bottom hug her knees. This is important for a fabulous shagging position and comfort later.

  Lead the free part of the long scarf from the right thigh over the right shoulder and pass under the left arm.

  Pass the long scarf under the left thigh band and pull through fully.

  Lead the remaining length of the long scarf from the left thigh over the left shoulder and pass under the right arm.

  Pass the long scarf end under the right thigh band and tie off with a simple overhand knot.

  The long scarf should make an “X” pattern on her back.

  2. Have her let go of her knees. Gently lean her back. Her legs will be held up and apart by the scarves. You can easily move her back and forth and up and down by holding the long scarf where it attaches to the thigh bands.

  Add the wrist tie to this and you have a fun and easy sex bondage setup.

  Other Items

  • Sleep masks: Best stealth blindfold that you can take anywhere.

  • Leather belts: Strong leather belts with many holes to adjust positions are the best.

  • Cling wrap: Ordinary plastic wrap used in the kitchen makes for fantastically easy and fast bondage. No knots or buckles needed. Use safety scissors to remove it quickly or to create holes when you want access to your lover’s good bits. Slip a vibrator or an ice cube between layers of plastic wrap, just on the right spot, and drive him crazy.

  TOOLS: LEATHER AND METAL

  Leather

  Leather fetters are truly classic bondage toys and they’re fodder for many people’s fantasies. Leather is supple and friendly on the skin, and the texture or scent alone can send some people into a state of intense arousal. Many sex shops have a kinky section with leather restraints. Quality varies widely. If at all possible, inspect the items personally. I like padded restraints, as they make it easy for a long night of passion. Look for the following qualities: • Sewn well with strong thread

  • Leather edges that are finished smoothly or tucked under the stitching

  • Properly dyed so the dye doesn’t rub off and doesn’t smell funny—strange smells are often signs of an improper or toxic dying process

  • No rough edges

  • No unfinished or sharp edges on any metal hardware attached to the restraints

  • Correct size for the person it’s intended for

  Tug the fetters and pull on all the parts as if in actual use, especially the connecting hardware. See if all the parts hold together.

  Wrist and ankle restraints are the most common, but there’s a vast range beyond that, from blindfolds, thigh cuffs, arm restraints, and hoods to full body bags that have access points for the naughty bits. I highly recommend shopping at the Stockroom and Mr. S Leather for quality restraints.

  To start with, get wrist and ankle cuffs that separate easily with simple clips. This makes it a cinch to change positions. Use a short length of chain or even a scarf to separate the limbs and attach them to the bed frame for a sexy spread-eagle sex tie!

  Metal

  Bondage equals handcuffs, right? Wrong! I love playing naughty cop games in the bedroom as much as anyone else, and I do have a few pairs of handcuffs. They’re fabulous for the visual effects, but sadly they’re not so good for actual bondage, especially if you’re just starting out. They’re hard on the skin and body, often causing cuts, bruises, and nasty pinches, or worse. Novelty-store handcuffs are worse, as they keep tightening down and have nasty rough edges. A few great uses for metal handcuffs: put them in a box with a card as an invite; wear them as a prop; use them as connectors for leather restraints. And if you’re feeling especially perverse, a pair of handcuffs can serve as an interesting cock ring.

  Other metal toys specifically designed for bondage are generally much safer. Look for strong welds and a smooth surface. For wrists and ankles, look for wide band-style cuffs. Wrapping the wrists, ankles, and any other tender places with sports wrap before play is another way to ensure comfort in your fantasy cruelty. Look for products from reputable manufacturers. Of course, you can go DIY and use a length of high-quality metal chain with padlocks to create a fierce-looking and very effective restraint.

  Other Materials

  Bondage lovers are ever inventive, so just about anything can become a potential toy. Any material that turns people on will get turned into restraints. Other materials that can be used for good bondage include wood, spandex, canvas, neoprene, latex, rubber, PVC, ACE bandages, cast plaster, yarn, fur, tape of all sorts, and even specialized medical restraints.

  ROPE BONDAGE

  Rope is my first love in bondage play! As a college student, I was inspired by the memories of watching heroes and villains being tied up on the TV shows I watched as a child in Japan.
Additionally, the economic realities of being a student put expensive gear hopelessly out of my reach. What began as necessity became a passion, leading me to study rope bondage thoroughly and develop my own unique philosophy and style. The books that I’ve written and the weekend-long Rope Dojo workshops that I teach to this day are a result of that early passion. Nearly three decades later, rope still makes my heart skip a beat.

  Rope is endlessly versatile, whether you can barely tie your shoelaces or you’ve memorized the entire Ashley Book of Knots. Don’t let yourself be intimidated by thinking that you have to know fancy knots. If you like complicated, that’s great, but you don’t need to know them.

  Selecting the right material is key. Cotton rope is fantastic for beginners. Look for it in magic stores and better sex stores. Avoid the nylon, polypropylene, and most other synthetics, as it’s easy to cause rope burns with them. Hemp, jute, raw silk, and bamboo ropes are lovely, but they’re quite expensive. When you’re starting out, stick to shorter lengths of 12, 15, or 20 feet. Nothing kills a hot scene like the top getting tangled up in his or her own rope.

  Here are a couple of simple ties to use on single limbs or a pair of limbs:

  Illustration 5.4. Simple single-column rope tie

  Simple Single-Column Rope Tie

  What’s a column? Think of the body as a series of columns—the wrists, ankles, thighs, and torso are all columns. A single-column tie is very useful. It works just like leather cuffs or belts as a foundation for binding one part of the body to another, or to furniture.

  Equipment

  1 piece of rope (10’ or so for wrists; longer for larger body parts). Cotton ropes are great!

  Directions

  1. Double the rope. Wrap the doubled rope around the column of your choice.

  About three times is sufficient for most wrists and ankles. If you want more coverage, make more wraps.

  Make sure that the looped end, also known as the bight, is not too far from the wrap. Six to eight inches is a good length.

  2. Cross the loop and the loose ends.

  3. Tuck the loop end under the wraps and pull through to the other side.

  4. Tie an overhand knot with the loop end and the loose ends. If the rope is slippery, as many synthetics can be, tie an overhand knot one more time.

  5. The loop can be a convenient attachment point for other ropes or hardware such as carabiners or double-snap links.

  Illustration 5.5. Simple double-column rope tie

  Simple Double-Column Rope Tie

  Tie two body parts together with one rope!

  Equipment

  1. The two columns should be held a couple of inches or so apart. Double the rope.

  Wrap the doubled rope around the columns of your choice.

  About three times is sufficient for most wrists and ankles. If you want more coverage, make more wraps.

  2. Cross the loop (the bight) and the loose ends. It’s not a knot, just a twist. These two ends should now be perpendicular to the wrist wraps.

  3. Drop the two ends on opposite sides of the wrap. Wrap both ends a full rotation. They should now be back up on the original side.

  4. Tie an overhand knot with the loop end and the loose end. If the rope is slippery, as many synthetics can be, tie an overhand knot one more time.

  5. The loop can be a convenient attachment point for other ropes or hardware such as carabiners or double-snap links.

  Illustration 5.6. Open-leg crab variation

  Open-Leg Crab Variation

  Equipment

  3 pieces of rope (20’ to 25’ each should suffice).

  Directions

  1. Bend one of the bottom’s legs so that the ankle is tucked to the thigh. Tie a double-column tie between the base of the thigh and the ankle. Repeat with the other leg.

  2. Tie the third rope to the loop end of one of the double-column ties.

  3. Wrap the third rope around behind the back and run it through the loop on the other double-column tie.

  4. Adjust the spread of the legs to taste. Tie off with a simple overhand knot.

  Illustration 5.7. Rope sex sling

  Open-Leg Crab Variation Detail / Rope Sex Sling

  Equipment

  3 pieces of rope (20’ to 25’ each).

  Directions

  1. Set up two double-column ties, as in the basic Open-Leg Crab tie. Tie the third rope to the loop end of the double-column tie on the right leg.

  Have the bottom hug his knees. This is important for a fabulous shagging position and comfort later.

  2. Lead the free part of the third rope from the right leg over the right shoulder and pass under the left arm.

  3. Pass the third rope through the left column-tie loop and pull through fully.

  4. Lead the remaining length of the third rope from the left leg over the left shoulder and pass under the right arm. Pass the third rope end through the right loop and tie off with a simple overhand knot. The third rope should make an “X” pattern on his back.

  5. Have the bottom let go of his knees. Gently lean him back. His legs will be held up and apart by the ropes.

  Japanese-Style Rope Bondage For Female or Male Bodies

  Here’s an interesting body harness, or a karada, based on a Japanese-style rope bondage form called shibari or kinbaku. This harness works well for men or women—just adjust to each person’s contours and features. This is a very simple version. For a more fully detailed version, see the harness in my book The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage.

  Equipment

  1 long piece of rope (50’ to 75’, depending on the size of the person)

  Directions

  Find the midpoint of the rope.

  Drape the rope around the bottom’s neck, with the midpoint at the back of the neck and the ends hanging down the chest.

  Tie the two ropes in front of the body in a simple overhand knot. Try to place this at the mid-chest. Make sure it’s not too high—you don’t want it to press on the throat. This is Front Knot 1.

  Tie another knot around mid-torso. You now have Front Knot 2

  Tie the third knot at the lower belly. This is Front Knot 3.

  Run the two lines between the legs and bring them up to the back.

  Tie a knot at the lower back. This is Back Knot 3.

  Moving up, tie the next knot at the mid-back. Now you’ve made Back Knot 2.

  Tie the last knot, Back Knot 1, at the upper back.

  Run the two lines through the loop at the midpoint of the rope.

  Separate the two lines. Run one under each arm to the front of the body.

  Run the two lines between Front Knots 1 and 2 and pull through. Separate the originally vertical lines so they form a diamond.

  Pass the ropes toward the back on either side of the torso.

  Run the lines between Back Knots 1 and 2 and pull through. Separate the originally vertical lines so they form a diamond.

  Repeat this process down the body, forming a new diamond shape below each knot.

  At the end, tie each end off with a simple overhand knot.

  Illustration 5.8. Japanese bondage

  FURNITURE AND ACCESSORIES

  While there are specialized bondage furniture makers around, most of us don’t have a dedicated adult playroom or dungeon, so we make the most of what we have. Walk around your home and see what pieces of furniture would be strong enough and fun to use as a bondage frame. If you’re shopping for regular furniture anyway, give it some good pushing and shoving to test for bondage compatibility. Here are a few ideas:

  Beds: Not all four-poster beds are sturdy enough for raucous bondage sex. If yours is wobbly, don’t use the posts as tie-down points or you may risk pulling them down on you and your sweetie. Some people have their beds custom-made with bondage in mind. If that’s not in your budget, you can always get a well-built wooden bed and sink eyebolts into the hidden part of the frame.

  Sex slings, love swings, and hammocks with freestanding frames: Put y
our lover in one of these and wrap her with any of your preferred bondage toys. When you’re not using it as a bondage frame you can sit and read a book in it.

  Spreader bars: These are usually solid bars with attachment points for wrist or ankle restraints; they’re great for keeping the legs spread. You can make one easily with a wooden pole and a couple of eyebolts.

  Door bondage devices: Door frames are really strong, so why not put them to use? These clever devices, available at many quality SM suppliers, are great for home and romantic hotel getaways. Remember to lock the door!

  When you’re ready for some serious dedicated bondage furniture, drop me a line. I can point you in the right direction for your home dungeon makeover!