The Ultimate Guide to Kink

by Tristan Taormino

  TYPES OF BONDAGE

  Now that you know some materials and toys, let’s consider a few of the different styles of play you can use them for.

  Sexual

  The objective here is a good shagging and righteous orgasms. For sexual bondage, first visualize what position you want the bottom to be in, and then restrain him in that position. Make sure that all the good arousing body parts are accessible. It would be sad if you worked really hard to get him bound and then realized you couldn’t get to anything.

  TIP: BODY POSITION DURING ORGASM

  How does the body arch and tense during orgasm? Do the feet point or curl? If you want the person bound to achieve orgasm easily, bind their body, especially the legs and feet, into the posture they assume during orgasm. If you want them to have an intensely challenging time achieving orgasm, then bind their legs and feet in opposition to their usual mid-orgasm posture. This curious little tidbit is one I discovered through years of dedicated “research.”

  Fantasy Role Play

  Could a pirate’s-wench fantasy or cops-and-robbers scene be complete without bondage? No! Pick the right bondage tool to fit the fantasy. Ye olde pirate’s wench wouldn’t be bound in futuristic medical devices, would she? Don’t be surprised when your fantasy role play bondage turns into sexual bondage.

  Escapology

  Escapology is the challenge and pleasure of escaping from clever, well-executed bondage. If the escape artist bottom is any good, he will get out. Period. If you’re the top, their escape doesn’t mean that you failed, so don’t be discouraged. Your objective is to make it as difficult, challenging, and time-consuming as possible. Bring out the stopwatch, scorecard, and any distraction you can think of!

  Predicament

  Predicament bondage is another favorite of those tops and bottoms who love challenges and puzzles. In my class on this topic, I define predicament scenes as bondage that limits or controls mobility by intentionally creating conflicting desires. For example, imagine your lover on all fours with clamps on her nipples connected to the headboard in front of her. At the same time, labia clips (or for a man, a cock ring) tied to the footboard board pulls her gently back. She has to find the spot with just the right balance as you sensually tease her all the while. Don’t be surprised if there’s more than a pinch of masochism involved in it as well.

  Sensory Deprivation and Mummification

  Some find a deep state of calm and meditative peace in bondage. For these people, it’s a deep and quiet altered state where all the mind’s chatter about mundane life disappears and they take a minivacation. To make this possible, reduce sensory input. Using earplugs, headphones, and blindfolds, you can eliminate all sight and sound. Noise-cancelling headphones are a particularly effective addition to your sensory depravation fun. Hoods, mummy-style wrapping, and bondage body bags (called sleep sacks) will reduce the skin sensations. At all times, make sure that they can breathe without obstruction.

  YUMMY MUMMY

  Ingredients

  blindfold

  earplugs

  cling wrap

  emergency medical shears

  old bedsheet or giant beach towel

  ice cubes

  candles—plain paraffin candles are best. You can find these in grocery and general stores in tall glass containers. Don’t use fancy candles made of beeswax or containing other ingredients, as they have a higher melting point and can cause nasty burns.

  match or lighter

  bottom’s favorite sex toy or vibrator

  bottom’s favorite sensual foods

  Action

  Blindfold the bottom and insert earplugs in her ears.

  Spread the bedsheet or towel on the bed.

  Take the cling wrap out of the box. That cutting edge is evil!

  Light the candle and place it somewhere safe but reachable.

  Stand the bottom with her arms hanging down along the side of her torso, then begin wrapping her body from the shoulders down to her knees. (Tip: Don’t start with the feet! If they get unstable it’s easy for her to keel over.)

  Sit or lay her down on the bed.

  Continue wrapping from the knees down to the feet. If you like, wrap the feet.

  Lay her in the middle of the sheet or towel.

  Slip the ice cubes between the layers of cling wrap alongside the nipples, genitals, and other fun places.

  Drip candle wax on the cling wrap in fun places.

  Alternate the ice and wax for fun.

  Place the vibrator or sex toy where she’d like it. Use the cling wrap to keep it in place.

  Surprise her with her favorite sensual foods while the ice, heat, and vibration is driving her wild.

  Tear away the wrap to get to the sexy bits.

  Enjoy!

  Give aftercare decadently.

  Self-Bondage

  Like so many forms of sex, bondage can be enjoyed alone. But no one is there to fix a mistake or rescue you from a mishap, so risks are increased. The solo bondage player needs to be careful to have a way out. In case of any emergency, make sure you can move one hand easily to free yourself, and have your oops tools nearby.

  RISKS AND REALITIES

  Bondage has its own risks. As I tell my rope bondage students, “Dead bottom, bad bondage. Bad top, no biscuit!” Always heed the advice of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: “Don’t panic.” With common sense and a little planning, most disasters and bad scenes can be avoided. The bottom is responsible for alerting the top of early signs of any possible problems. Bottoms can be reluctant about this. I know some of you worry that as a bottom you should just let the top do their top thing, but trust me, a good top wants to know. Think of it this way: if you can let your top know of a possible issue, they will make the necessary adjustments and the pleasure can last longer for both of you. Not telling them is not nice and considered poor SM etiquette.

  WHAT TO AVOID

  Boredom

  Boredom is a scene killer. Tops who spend too much time fidgeting with the gear bore many bottoms to death. Bottoms who focus on just their own pleasure bore the motivation right out of most tops.

  Rope Burn and Gear Chafing

  Hot spots, rope burns, blisters, and chafing really distract from the fun. Prevent rope burns by moisturizing the skin, and exchange your synthetic rope for soft cotton and other natural ropes. For metal, wood, and other toys with sharp edges, wrap tender spots with sports wrap or self-clinging bandages or pad the irritating parts of the toy.

  Circulation Issues

  When the restraints are too tight and the bottom’s skin color changes to unnatural shades of red, purple, yellow, white, or blue, or the skin becomes unnaturally cold and clammy, there’s likely a serious problem with circulation. Don’t wait. Immediately loosen the restraint, adjust the bondage, or change position.

  Nerve compression

  It’s the “pins and needles” sensation. There’s no way for the top to know this is happening, as there’s no color or temperature change to the skin. The only way they’ll know is if the bottom reports it. Bottoms—report it! Don’t ignore slight sensations of tingling. It could be an early warning of a serious problem. I almost lost the use of my left hand when I was first exploring bondage because I disregarded a persistent tingling during a lovely long scene.

  Allergies (latex, nickel and other metals, natural rope fiber, leather treatments, etc.)

  If you know you’re allergic to certain materials, avoid them. If you develop a rash, itchiness, swelling, or trouble breathing every time you play with a certain toy, you’re likely allergic to the material. Some medications can cause allergy-like reactions to certain materials as well. Consult your physician or get tested for allergies. Let your play partner know of any allergies or other conditions.

  Breathing Issues

  The ability to breathe is really popular. Everyone loves to do it on a regular, ongoing basis and it’s key to not dying in bondage. Make sure to keep the bottom’s breathing unobstr
ucted. If he’s congested, don’t use a big ball gag or close off his mouth in any way. Don’t use a hood that closes his nose and then insert a gag, push his face into a pillow, or shove a large hard body part down his throat. Don’t wrap the entire head with cling wrap, obstructing both the nose and mouth. Yes, these examples are all from true bondage accidents.

  Neck Issues

  Along with not obstructing the bottom’s ability to breathe, take care not to damage the larynx. Don’t tighten the bondage around the neck in such a way that the front of the neck is crushed. Don’t use a dog collar and pull the leash hard from behind. Don’t use the neck as one end of a predicament hog-tie against the feet. Again, these instances were all reported in real bondage tragedies.

  MY LITTLE SEX SLAVE

  Ingredients

  locking collar

  leash

  leather wrist restraints with connector clips

  leather ankle restraints with connector clips

  your favorite sex toys, lube, safer sex supplies, and whatever else you enjoy in your usual sex life

  Action

  Read Chapter 3, How to Train Your Sex Slave, by Laura Antoniou, and Chapter 11, Stop, Drop, and Role! Erotic Role Playing, by Mollena Williams. Study up on these practices.

  Install bondage attachment points on your bed in advance.

  Agree that the collar symbolizes belonging and service. You may choose to agree to special names during this scene.

  With gravity and adoration, put the collar on the bottom and lock it. Put the key within reach in a safe place.

  Apply wrist restraints and connect them.

  Apply ankle restraints and connect them.

  Rotate the D-ring of the collar to the front of the neck and clip the leash on.

  Commence sexing!

  Use the leash to direct the bottom where you want him.

  When you want him in a new position, change the restraint clip arrangement. Unclip all the restraints and connect them to the bed attachment points. Faceup or facedown, which would you prefer?

  Sex some more.

  Give aftercare deliciously.

  OTHER BONDAGE BLOOPERS

  Duct Tape

  Duct tape and similarly serious adhesive tape are nasty on the skin. They can rip off skin and hair. Some people even get rashes.

  Don’t Leave the Bottom Alone

  A few years ago a hot bondage scene ended in death when the top stepped away to let the bottom enjoy a mummified sensory deprivation scene. Something went wrong while he was gone, and when the top returned he wasn’t able to revive his lover. If the bottom can’t move well enough to correct problems, don’t leave them unattended. If you want to make the bottom think you left the room, that’s easy: blindfold the bottom, walk loudly out of the room with your shoes on, remove the shoes, and then tiptoe back into the room.

  Hotel-Room Coffee Tables

  I’ll admit to this one. They’re just not as sturdy as they look. It’s really hard to find wood glue at 9 a.m., before checkout.

  Bathroom

  Bottoms, this one’s for you. Go to the bathroom before the fun starts!

  What’s most important is that you and your partners have fun. As I say in my classes, “Don’t kill ’em, don’t harm ’em, don’t bore ’em.” As long as the mutual communication is clear and basic safety is attended to, don’t stress out about doing something wrong. Bondage is a form of pleasure art where, once you know the basics, the creative potential is endless. Now that you’re armed with information and ideas, go forth, explore, and have fabulous bondage sex!

  CHAPTER 6

  A LITTLE COCK AND BALL PLAY

  HARDY HABERMAN

  What starts as a playful little diversion can became a supercharged sexual romp with a little imagination and a few toys. I’m talking about a practice commonly called cock and ball torture, or CBT. Now, don’t let that word torture stop you. Most of what we call CBT is playful and fun, and it can be as wild or as tame as you and your partner desire.

  A man’s genitals are both very sensitive and very resilient. This means they can take a lot of stress as well as be delightfully responsive to sensations both intense and mild. Add to this the emotional investment men have in the equipment between their legs and you get an ideal playground for a creative partner with a kinky streak.

  Before trying any kind of CBT, it’s important to establish good communication with your partner. If you are a man playing with another man, you can use your own experience to gauge how sensations might feel for your partner, but remember that everyone experiences sensations differently. Just because you have a penis, you can’t assume your partner’s penis will react the same way as yours. Communicating about what is working and what is not working is important.

  For a woman playing with a man, it’s even more essential to keep channels of communication open during the scene. It might not conform to your fantasy of what should happen, but for the first few times it’s better to have a good dialogue while the scene is going on. This will make future encounters easier and give you and your partner more confidence. Once you have this experience, adding more elaborate fantasy elements will be easier and more rewarding.

  A cock and ball torture scene is something you build up to—not jump into. Now, if that sounds overly cautious, so be it. I never like to play recklessly with my partner’s genitals, since I usually want the opportunity to play with them again. Therefore, I err on the side of caution, even when I have confidence in what I am doing. As the person in control of a scene, it’s my job to be responsible for my partner’s safety and well-being. If you break your toys, you can’t play with them again.

  Cock and ball torture, or cock and ball play, as I think it is more aptly called, requires nothing more than a pair of hands and a good imagination, but a wide variety of toys are made specifically for this kind of fun. Since you may not want to invest a lot of money in toys you might use once and find you don’t really like, I suggest the following for a beginner’s collection: a coil of braided nylon rope, some wooden clothespins, an elastic bandage (like an ACE bandage), and a toothbrush. With just these few items and your imagination you and your partner can explore almost all the basic sensations in CBT.

  Nora had planned a special evening for Bob. They had been dating for many months and spent a lot of time talking about their fantasies, both sexual and otherwise. Bob had expressed an interest in letting Nora take the upper hand in their bedroom play and he told her some vivid stories of what he imagined could happen. She was not only attentive, but enthusiastic. Nora relished the idea of taking a dominant role with Bob during their sex play, so she prepared to make at least a few of his fantasies come true.

  “Lock the door,” she told him in a breathy voice. She stood waiting for his compliance like a female drill sergeant, hands behind her back.

  Bob paused for a second and then snapped into action. He picked up on what was going on and was eager to comply.

  “Now, I want you naked before you go any further into my house!”

  Bob couldn’t undress fast enough. Shedding his clothes with speed, he left them scattered around the entrance hall. When he had finally removed the last garment, his underwear, he stood before her feeling aroused and very vulnerable.

  “You will not leave your clothes all over my house. Fold them neatly and bring them with you.”

  She turned her back and moved away from the door. Bob did his best gathering up his stuff and at least made an effort to fold it into a single bundle. Then, like an obedient puppy, he followed Nora into the bedroom.

  “Where do you want me to put these?”

  Nora looked at him standing there naked, his cock already almost completely hard.

  “What did you say, boy?” She put a special emphasis on that last word.

  Bob took a few seconds to process her question and then it dawned on him.

  “Where do you want me to put these, Mistress?”

  Nora smiled and pointed to the dresser and
tried to stifle a grin. She had never seen Bob so naked and vulnerable. She was almost as excited as he was.

  “Now kneel on the bed facing me.” Nora pointed to the bed.

  Bob scrambled onto the bed and knelt facing his partner. Anticipating what was coming, he spread his legs slightly and held his hands behind his back, giving Nora a full view of and full access to his now fully erect cock.

  After a little more dialogue, Nora was satisfied that Bob was ready for the games to begin. She made sure he understood how he was to address her and how he was to let her know how her play was affecting him.

  “I will satisfy my desires,” Nora said, getting into the mood of the character. “If at any time you feel you can no longer submit to my desires, you will ask for ‘mercy.’ Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Mistress, I will ask for mercy.”

  COMMUNICATION

  CBT can be great fun when combined with a dominant/ submissive scene or dynamic. You can incorporate the learning curve into the play while maintaining the power exchange. For example, as the scene progresses, the dominant partner can demand responses from the submissive partner: “Do you like that, boy?” or “Does that make you horny, boy?” Not only does it give both partners a sense of who is in control, but the back-and-forth dialogue lets the submissive give honest feedback.