The Ultimate Guide to Kink

by Tristan Taormino

  Whether you are a full-on Renaissance Faire devotee or just happen to have an old Halloween costume gathering dust in the closet, you can up the ante by dressing to impress. And dressing to undress.

  INCORPORATING THOSE PESKY REAL-LIFE CONCERNS

  Make-believe is fantastic and I am all for it. However, we must remember that we aren’t really Superman and Wonder Woman. Hot, spontaneous romps in the hay have their appeal, but issues such as safer sex, emotional health, and physical limitations have to be taken into account.

  It can seem like a drag or a bit out of character to have to get that condom in play, or to have those gloves ready to go, but incorporating them into your scene is, for many folks, a must. Some people choose to suspend disbelief for just a moment (if you read books or watch movies or TV you do this all the time, so hop to it!), then they get their safer-sex shtick together and carry on. Some scenarios lend themselves to all sorts of play specific to protection. Think of a medical exam where your gynecologist or proctologist gets a little…overenthusiastic with those palpations, for example. Those gloves and dental dams can be an even more arousing addition to the play. I know more than a few people who even become aroused at the sound of a glove being snapped on!

  And this level of play can have a wonderful benefit, too: by making your safer-sex routine a part of your play, you grab it back from the realm of the awkward and mundane and put it firmly where it should be—a place where you show yourself and your partners that you want to stay healthy and let the play go on and on.

  While these games can be fun, they can also be strenuous on the body. Cut yourself some slack. If you want to play caveman, go ahead, but if you throw your lover over your shoulder and bellow, “Og take Grog back to cave for bump-bump!” you might end up with Og on the floor with a herniated disc. Be gentle! Know your body’s limits. The character you are playing might be a superhero, but you still have to take into account stuff like gravity, flexibility, and how often you use that gym membership when you’re getting it on. Be safe. Don’t overdo it while you’re doing it.

  It’s also important to know where you are, emotionally. Role playing can be fun and silly, but it can also touch on some serious emotional issues. When negotiating and engaging in role play, be prepared for the chance that you may unearth complex feelings and the play may quickly feel very real. That’s why you have a safeword—don’t be afraid to use it. Don’t be afraid to stop! Stopping because you aren’t sure everything’s OK is a better option than pushing through a situation that might lead to a difficult aftermath. When in doubt, tap out! There is always another day.

  WHAT HAPPENS NOW? AFTERCARE AND REENTRY

  So you’ve just done your epic Tarzan and Jane scene, and maybe Cheetah is a bit worn out. Everyone is lying there in a big quivering pile of sweat-soaked bliss. On your average night it might be enough to do an otter roll in the sheets and a round of Rock/Paper/Scissors to see who gets the wet spot. But if you have just been romping about in the borrowed robes of your hot sexy scenario, a bit more consideration might be in order. Sometimes the role play is foreplay, in which case the sex is a denouement, and may be separate from the scene. Or the sex can be the very center of the scene, vital to the story you and your lover, or lovers, are weaving for each other. Whatever the case, think about what you may need in the aftermath. It’s a great way to improve your chances of a safe landing.

  Playing can take you to new and exciting places. But afterward? You have to find a way back. Knowing how you tend to react after sex is something you would do well to consider when you are plotting your nefarious role-playing deeds. If one of you tends to fall right asleep and the other turns into Spider-Man and has to be pried off the ceiling after sex, you can run into some issues!

  I know my own reaction can vary. Some sex puts me right into “Touch me and die, fool!” mode, while at other times I want to cuddle and snuggle—or jump up and whip up a three-course meal. This unpredictability can be even more challenging when you are coming off channeling a character or unfurling a scenario that was a journey to a very different place.

  Stay open and remain compassionate in the time immediately postplay—it’s a good way to come back down to earth and to focus on the most important element in the role play: the people involved. Sure, it is hot to pretend. But at the core of the role play are the players. Acknowledging that you had a great time with your play partner(s) helps reinforce the connection you’ve made with them. And it can help restore their humanity, in case it was compromised by the scene. It can be uncomfortable to feel that you were merely a pawn in another’s fantasy—unless of course, your fantasy is to be someone’s hapless pawn!—so in the reentry phase I like to reconnect, check in, to give reassurance that I am present for them. And I ask the same of them for my well-being.

  Think about what you might need in terms of postplay sustenance, and have it handy. After you’ve bridged the gap between fantasy and reality, it is a great idea to debrief and see how it was for all involved parties. Things might come up for you immediately or take some time to bubble to the surface. Listening and discussing how things went can lay an excellent foundation for the next time you choose to go spelunking in your imagination.

  Whatever turns you on, whatever the intent of your fantasy, whatever your desired level of complexity, ultimately this is about you—satisfying your desires and exploring parts of yourself that you might not be able to access every day or any other way. From the tender and mild to the whole-hog buck-wild, your fantasies are as individual as your fingerprints.

  Exploring your sexuality by trying out other characters, creatures, or personae is as ancient as humanity and as cutting-edge as technology. Whether it is quickie in an alley or a scenario that takes weeks to plan and nine friends to pull off, adding your most vivid imaginings to your sexual alchemy is a fantastic way to bring your deeper self, or selves, to light. Leave behind your apprehension, step out of your nervousness, and be you, elevated and expanded and limitless.

  So, sure, go ahead and order the full Klingon ensemble with prostheses for your head, download the Klingon language tutorials. Or maybe just turn to your lover tonight and say, “Lets pretend you are me, and I am you.” And take that leap.

  Endnotes

  1 I deliberately use the plural pronouns they, them, and their to refer to singular persons of any gender, in place of “he or she,” “him or her,” “his or her.” Although this is nonstandard grammatical usage, the traditional forms reflect a gender binary to which I do not subscribe.

  CHAPTER 12

  A ROMP ON THE WILD SIDE: EROTIC HUMAN ANIMAL ROLE PLAYING

  LEE HARRINGTON

  THE CALL OF THE WILD

  The call of being something other than human appeals to many of us. As kids, we pretended to be wolves hunting in the woods, trotted around being pretty ponies, or curled up on the floor and had fun as a spoiled house cat. That desire is still present for many of us, and in the world of kinky and adventurous sex you too can be something other than human—or have a human animal all your own.

  Each person is called to animal role playing for their own reasons. Perhaps you like having fun and being silly, or you’re looking for an outlet for letting go of stress. How many of us have tough days at the office and just would like to be “something else” for a while? After all, puppies don’t think about paying taxes, and being a dragon means not worrying about whether the dishes need to be done.

  When we take away our human masks to become more animalistic, sometimes core parts of our identity come to the forefront.

  All forms of role playing let us step out of being ourselves for a while. We try on a different role, a different mask, a different character. We transform into plundering pirates, wicked dominatrices, and naughty schoolgirls. The same is true for human animal role playing. When we get to be an animal for a period of time, we set aside our day-today concerns and just have fun with the interactions.

  For some, animal role playing is a chance to conn
ect with a partner. By becoming a puppy, we are reliant upon our partner to care for us and our needs, and in doing so we might be able to build trust with our partners in ways we never did before. As the owner or handler of a human animal, we can learn to see our partner in a new light—as playful, loving, feisty, bratty, proud, delicate, service-minded, or strong.

  When we take away our human masks to become more animalistic, sometimes core parts of our identity come to the forefront in ways that we were unintentionally hiding from the world at large. When I was in Melbourne, Australia, I was invited to attend a human puppy romp, a party night at a fetish club called Chains. I showed up as “Gunner,” my Rottweiler persona. About eight human puppies were there with their handlers, and about 60 other people. I wandered around sniffing crotches and having fun playing with the other puppies, until I noticed a problem. A man had brought his girlfriend to the event as a human pony, and the other dogs were barking at her. She was scared.

  I rushed away from the person I was flirting with, still on all fours. I was barking at full volume, a loud angry bark, as I got between the pony girl and the human puppies. Yipping and snapping, they were confused at me—why wasn’t I joining the fun and scaring the pony? In that moment I realized that I held a core value that the fun of others is never worth the true suffering of another. It was through my own animal role playing that I realized how deeply I felt about my own convictions.

  Desire and Dress

  Sexiness and an outright erotic turn-on can call many to animal role playing. I have met sensual snakes who liked to taste every inch of their lovers’ flesh before squeezing down tight, and well-hung pony boys ready to be used as the studs they are. Animal role playing is about sexually consenting adults choosing to dress up or play pretend as if they were animals. It should not be confused with bestiality, in which humans are erotically involved with actual animals. Those who are turned on by animal role playing have sex with their human partners, who happen to be animal characters, and they may or may not be using the role playing to play with a specific taboo.

  Sometimes it is all about the wardrobe. That inexpensive pair of kitty-cat ears you wore at Halloween a few years ago with the slinky matching outfit? You were doing animal role playing! Some people go all-out with wardrobe or fetish wear, investing in hoof-shaped boots, mitts to take away the use of their hands, makeup that expresses their primal self, or hoods shaped like the face of their animal persona or character. There are even butt plugs available on the market nowadays that look like pony tails, puppy tails, and even curly pigtails in pink.

  Wardrobe isn’t just for the animals either. How many of us have lusted after the smart-looking woman in an English riding costume, or the bad-boy dog-fighting trainer? Whether dressing up in jodhpurs and boots or a sexy jogging outfit, we as the human counterparts to our animal characters can have fun with costuming as well.

  For those more attracted to complex costumes, there is an entire community known as Furries or Furry Fandom. Role-playing anthropomorphic animals (such as walking, talking lions) rather than “realistic” animals, the Furry community is a blend of science-fiction fandom, cosplay (Japanese costume/ character-based role playing) and costume aficionados, and erotic role players. Not all Furries see themselves as being into erotic animal role playing—so don’t assume that just because someone plays dress-up they want to “yif” with you (engage sexually while in character or role as Furries). Some Furries wear complete mascot costumes, while others are happy in just ears and a tail—or they may consider their animal identity always in place, even when not in costume.

  Body, Mind, and Spirit

  Perhaps you are drawn to animal role playing because it is a chance to actively engage with your physical body. Many of us wander around partially disconnected from our bodily experience. We ignore that our back hurts sitting at our office desk, or tune out the noises of living in big cities. By becoming an animal, we have a chance to be fully present in our bodies; we might be petted or brushed down, engaging with our skin through sensation play. Perhaps it is a chance to activate our muscles by challenging our body, for example, in role as a strong horse, pulling a cart that our partner is sitting in. Our olfactory sense might come to the forefront when we take the time to actually smell and taste the world around us—licking our partner’s body and smelling them inch by inch.

  Some individuals are drawn to animal role play through their spirituality. Whether working with totems, feeling connected to animal spirits, or being drawn to the energy of the werewolf, these individuals feel an energetic connection to the animal in question. They may or may not perceive themselves as Therian—having the energetic body of an animal that does not match their physical form as a human. For animal role players rooted in spirituality, this practice is profound and deeply meaningful. In fact, many role players have had moments of epiphany or other spiritual insights through their opportunity to see the world from a different perspective.

  CHOOSE YOUR ANIMAL

  Whatever our reason for engaging in animal role playing, there are many ways to tailor it to your desires. We can choose the species we play, its personality, what characters we interact with, and of course what kinds of activities we get up to (and the characters we interact with in those activities). Just choose one item from each of the three categories below—species, personality, and interactions—and you’re ready to go!

  Species

  Human animals come in species great and small. People who are drawn to horses and ponies engage in pony play. Pony players are often drawn to the equine features of strength, elegance, beauty, grace, power, poise, and confidence. Some want to be show ponies, prancing for spectators and being fed sugar cubes for their coordinated routines. Perhaps the chance to be a sweaty workhorse calls more to you—pulling your partner in a cart up a hill and being washed down by their firm hands afterward. Other pony and horse archetypes include the feisty filly, stud stallion, old nag ready for the glue factory, wild Palomino, focused workhorse, skittish pony, queen of the parade, and the foal on new legs.

  The next most common species for animal play is canine (dogs, puppies, and wolves). Puppy players find commonality with and inspiration from the canine traits of camaraderie, playfulness, devotion, and bravery. Others enjoy puppy play because it gives them the chance to be a horny dog in heat, someone’s best friend, or the chance to be bouncy and playful as a young puppy. Human puppies are given a fantastic view of the world, seeing everyone at crotch level. Some examples of puppy play archetypes are the yappy Toy Poodle, sled dog, alpha wolf, prized Chihuahua, kennel bitch, loving Labrador, lonely Basset Hound, Boxer in heat, and Rottweiler guard dog.

  Felines are another often-desired animal species for role players. Kitty play might involve role playing as a cat or a kitten, or even wild feline species such as lions, leopards, or tigers. Some are drawn to the loving feline traits of being cuddly, playful, sweet, or sensual, while others are called by the standoffish, aloof, and proper demeanor of some cats. Cats, after all, often exhibit an extreme dichotomy of traits, and this appeals to a number of role-playing possibilities. Kitty play archetypes include the pretty kitty, lost kitten, cranky house tabby, troublemaking alley cat, cowardly lion, and wild bobcat.

  Though pony play, puppy play, and kitty play get the most air time in the world of animal role playing, there are many other species to choose from. Farm animals appear often in animal role play pornography, where girls are depicted as cows being milked and gay piggy boys roll around wallowing in the mud. Fans of erotic humiliation might be drawn to worm and bug roles, where a dominant partner can “squish” their partner underfoot or treat them for the length of the scene as worthless and small.

  Birds of all shapes are a fantastic inspiration for role playing: think of trained parrots, wild pigeons, elegant swans, or precocious penguins. In the public kinky sex community I’ve played with a human ferret who traveled with its own jingly toys, and it would not be surprising to meet a human rat or mouse. How ma
ny of us have enjoyed the aesthetics of scantily clad bunny girls? If you are not drawn to the simple, consider becoming something more exotic—a zebra, monkey, dolphin, snake, or hippopotamus. Even the occasional dinosaur, dragon, or sphinx has been known to make an appearance in bedroom fantasy adventures.

  Personality

  Once we have an idea of the kind of species we would enjoy being, we can explore our pet personality. Would you rather have your animal persona be close to your daily demeanor or something radically different? For example, if you are easygoing in your day-to-day life, you might enjoy an opposite role, like a defensive Doberman; maybe you want to be more like your average self but in dog form, like a happy-go-lucky Golden Retriever.

  Neither is better or worse, but it is important to consider what traits call to you today. You can choose a different personality next time. Do you want your pet personality to be lazy? Feisty and bratty? Do you want to use your pet self as a chance to explore submission or service? Perhaps your darker desires come to the surface and you want a safe framework to explore being an abused pony (literally kicked when they are down), or a feral wolf on the hunt for blood.

  If unsure in which direction to take your character’s personality, consider some animal names. Are you Lady? Piglet? Lancelot? Beast? Pinky? Boxer? Lord Eduardo, King of the Goats? Names hold a lot of power. Being called by our pet name gets us out of our day-to-day space and into our role. They also tell us a lot about the personality of the pet and how to interact with them. An ironic combination of species and name can also be hilarious, affecting how we treat both the pet and their handler. Most of us would react differently to a Chihuahua named Pinky than we would to a Pit Bull named Pinky.