Serious Potential

by Maggie Cummings

  Meg was completely unprepared and unbelievably choked up. She ended up leaving a somewhat garbled and totally disjointed message expressing her concern, condolences, and sadness but knew it sounded weird, so she signed off saying she would call again later.

  Meg knew she shouldn’t be this upset. She didn’t even know Sasha’s mother. Pretty soon the entire office would be abuzz and she couldn’t bear the thought of talking to any of them about this. Nobody knew Sasha like she did, knew how close she was with her mom and how lost she would be without her. She grabbed her things and called a client she was friendly with downtown to arrange a spur-of-the-moment brainstorming session. With a hasty email she informed her boss she’d be at Ferguson and Tyler for the rest of the day.

  Meg chugged the subway to the Financial District keeping all her emotions inside. She stopped by the Starbucks on Wall Street and threw some water on her face before spending the next three hours going over pension alternatives. After her meeting she wandered around Downtown somewhat aimlessly, unable to think of anything but Sasha. Without realizing her path, she found herself directly outside of Jesse’s building. She shuffled into the lobby to warm up and walked to the elevator, pressing the floor for Jesse’s law firm. None of what she was doing made sense—Jesse was probably in court or at a meeting—but she kept moving until she was through the glass doors at Stanton Ducane, standing in front of the receptionist’s desk.

  “Can I help you?” the mature woman behind the desk asked in a friendly voice.

  “I’m looking for, I mean, I was hoping to see if Jesse Ducane is in,” Meg said in a questioning tone. “She’s not expecting me or anything, so she may not even be here.”

  Meg knew she was babbling and probably sounded like a loon but the receptionist was kind and pretended not to notice.

  “Let me check for you. Your name?”

  “Sorry. Megan McTiernan.”

  “Just have a seat, please.”

  Meg sat down roughly and waited as the woman whispered into the phone. Seconds later Jesse appeared.

  “What’s up, kid? Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, sorry. I probably shouldn’t have come. Are you busy?”

  “Never too busy for you.” She waved Meg up. “Come on back.”

  Once they were in Jesse’s office, Meg breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry to barge in unannounced. I was sort of in the area and I just needed a place I could…I don’t know, let my guard down, I guess.”

  “What’s going on?” Jesse’s eyes were full of concern as she sat facing Meg on the couch.

  “Sasha’s mother died,” Meg said.

  “Oh my God.”

  Meg leaned her head back into the hard leather of the couch and looked up at the ceiling. “I know it shouldn’t hit me this hard. It’s not my mother. I didn’t even know her.”

  “Stop,” Jesse ordered. “How’s Sasha?”

  “I don’t know,” Meg answered as she stared vacantly out Jesse’s huge office window at the bright cold day outside. “I called and got voice mail. I haven’t heard back.”

  Jesse nodded.

  “I found out from my boss. She—Sasha, I mean—has been out for almost a week, now that I think about it. I guess she called Anne at some point to tell her. Anne, sorry, that’s my boss, she put it out over email this morning.”

  “She had cancer, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s terrible.”

  “She was only like forty-eight or forty-nine, I think.”

  “Jesus.”

  “What do I do, Jess?” Meg looked up, hoping Jesse would make the decision for her.

  “Are you considering going there?”

  Meg breathed out hard. “I want to but…I don’t know.” She looked down at her feet. “I don’t want to stress her out any more than she already is by descending on her like some lesbian stalker in front of her family when I know she’s not ready for that, or comfortable, or whatever.” Meg bit her lower lip. “But I know, Jess. I know she needs me right now. I know it.”

  “I hear you.” Jesse nodded matter-of-factly. “Let’s take a step back. We’re going to figure this out.” She looked at her watch and Meg did the same, realizing it was almost three thirty. “Did you eat?” Without really giving Meg a chance to answer, Jesse spoke again. “Come on, let’s get a bite downstairs.”

  Inside a cozy but upscale restaurant, Meg and Jesse sat at the oak bar and rehashed the situation. Meg had a drink at Jesse’s behest, even though Jesse abstained, mentioning she had a class to teach in a little while. Meg still felt stupid being so taken aback by everything, but Jesse promised her reaction was normal. Even if it wasn’t, Jesse’s presence and her supportive comments made Meg feel better anyway. She was just about to thank her when Lexi strolled in.

  She wrapped her arms around Meg without a word. Only in her release did she meet Meg’s eyes. “You okay?”

  “How’d you know?”

  “I texted her.” Jesse gave a small smile. As she spoke, Lexi turned to her fiancée and gave her a quick kiss on the mouth. Lexi ran her hand slowly down the side of Jesse’s face in a gesture so sexy and natural it made Meg instantly jealous of their connection.

  Meg looked at Jesse, puzzlement in her eyes. “When did you text her? I didn’t even notice.”

  “I’m very stealthy.” Jesse smiled. “And I’m very sorry, but I have to get to class.” She hopped off the bar stool. “I didn’t want to leave you alone.” She put her credit card on the bar and signaled to the bartender that all charges should be applied to her. He returned her gesture with a familiar nod. “You girls should stay and have dinner,” Jesse instructed before giving each of them a warm hug and heading out into the cold night.

  They followed Jesse’s suggestion and ordered food, settling into a nice table in the corner. Meg reiterated the details, or what little she knew of them, for Lexi. Lexi listened and provided comfort, but like Jesse she had no real advice to give. She, too, asked if Meg planned on going down to Maryland, adding that she strongly believed Sasha would want her there, but understood Meg’s explanation that her presence might put Sasha in an awkward position.

  When Meg got home it was almost eight o’clock and she was thankful Tracy was out. She couldn’t stomach going over the scenario for the third time of the day. Meg knew once she filled her buddy in, Tracy would completely agree with Lexi anyway. Not that it mattered. She wasn’t making a move before talking to Sasha.

  *

  Later that night, in the confines of her own bedroom, Meg called Sasha again. This time she answered.

  “Hi.” Sasha’s voice cracked a little, and Meg couldn’t help but marvel at the amount of hurt audible in such a small word.

  “Sash, I am so sorry.” Meg choked up. “Are you okay?”

  There was silence for a second and Meg imagined Sasha clenching her teeth, swallowing her pain. She heard a sniffle and then a throat-clearing cough.

  “Yeah. I mean no, not really. Of course not. But yeah, I guess so, in a way. You know what I mean?” Sasha let out a weird little laugh.

  Meg didn’t know what to say. She wanted to offer to get in her car and drive there but couldn’t face the thought of Sasha’s rejection. “What can I do?”

  “There’s nothing to do.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Nobody does.”

  Meg found her courage. “I could come there. Now, I mean. If you want.”

  There was more silence and for a second Meg thought Sasha might say yes.

  “No, it’s okay. I’m fine. My whole family is here. Aunt Karen just got in from Florida. She’ll be here all week with me.”

  “Okay.”

  “Meg, there is something you could do for me.”

  “Sure, what is it?”

  “I have a video meeting set up with Ardmore Incorporated next week. Would you just cancel it or postpone it or something for me?”

  “Yeah, no problem.”

  “I spoke to
Anne before to give her the details for—” She stopped abruptly, as if unable to finish the sentence. “You know, the wake and everything. I guess some people up there were asking. She said she’s going to send it out over email.” There was a long pause. “You’ll come, right?”

  “Of course.”

  It was getting loud in the background and Meg knew they were almost out of time.

  “Sash, I…”

  “Yeah?”

  There was so much Meg wanted to say but she couldn’t find the words. “If you need anything, just call. Okay?”

  She could almost hear Sasha nod acknowledgment through the phone. “’Bye, Megan.”

  *

  The next few days at Sullivan were characterized by a vacant kind of quiet. Meg worked on her projects and finally made the call to Ardmore Incorporated’s Chicago office to reschedule Sasha’s video conference. Then on Friday, Meg, along with Anne Whitmore, Scott Ford, and a handful of Sullivan colleagues who’d cleared their schedules for the day, boarded an Amtrak train to DC to attend the afternoon visitation rites for Sasha’s mother.

  Meg waited in line behind the other mourners, nervous for what would happen when she saw Sasha. She half expected Sasha to break down, be unable to let her go once she saw her, but that wasn’t the case. Sasha looked sad and thin but she held herself together stoically, embracing Meg and thanking her for coming. She told her she appreciated her support—likely the same sentiment she’d made to everyone else in the room. For a split second Meg thought she saw something more in Sasha’s eyes, but she couldn’t be sure and her surge of hope felt pathetic in light of the circumstances.

  On the train back to New York, she grabbed a window seat in the hopes of shutting her brain off entirely, but she had no such luck when Anne parked squarely next to her. For the next forty-five minutes, her boss rambled on about work projects and timelines while Meg half listened.

  “It breaks my heart to think of what she’s going through right now.” Meg tuned in as her boss turned the conversation personal. “You know how close she was with her mother.” Anne’s voice dropped as she looked past Meg out the window. “I can’t even imagine it.” She patted Meg’s leg once. “Take care of her, Meg. She’s going to need you.”

  Meg was positive the confusion over Anne’s remarks showed on her face, but Anne ignored her expression by looking down and opening her iPad, signaling the conversation was over. Meg closed her eyes and pressed her head up against the cold glass windowpane, wishing she could follow Anne’s gentle advice.

  She spent the next few days in a fog going through work by rote, her nights filled with the company of Tracy and Betsy, who were obviously trying to keep her busy. Lexi did her share too, stopping by to check in more than was necessary. Meg appreciated her friends and their support but she was happy to have the house to herself Thursday evening after she returned from her Bikram class. She walked naked across her bedroom, downing a glass of water as she waited for the shower water to regulate to the right temperature. She was just about to hop in when her cell phone screen lit up and started vibrating across the bathroom counter. A nanosecond later, Sasha’s name appeared on the screen.

  “Hey,” Meg said, answering right away.

  There was only quiet on the other end before Meg heard Sasha’s weak voice. “Meg?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Meg, I need you.”

  “Okay,” Meg answered, even though she wasn’t at all sure what Sasha meant.

  There was another short pause. “Can you come here?”

  “Of course,” Meg said without even thinking about it. “Where are you?”

  “At my house. In Maryland,” Sasha answered quietly.

  Meg reached into the shower and shut the water off, walking back into her bedroom to jot down the address. She pulled on some clean track pants and a long-sleeve T-shirt, quickly throwing some essentials in a bag before heading through the front door. Only as she hit her empty driveway did she remember: Tracy had her car. She glanced across the street and spotted Lexi’s Toyota parked in front of Jesse’s house. She dashed across the street and rang the bell. When Jesse opened the door, Meg wasted no time.

  “Is Lexi here?” she asked, looking past Jesse into the living room.

  “She’s over at her mothers’. What’s the matter?”

  “Shit. I wanted to borrow her car.”

  “Take mine,” Jesse said, not missing a beat. “Where are you going?”

  Meg was slightly nervous to tell Jesse the truth, but knew she had little choice. “Um, actually, Sasha called me.” She met Jesse’s moss green eyes. “She asked me if I would come there. To Maryland. But Tracy has my car.” She shuffled uneasily from foot to foot. “I could just call her, I guess, ask her to come back. She’s probably just at Betsy’s, or out to dinner or something.”

  Jesse walked into her kitchen and lifted a set of keys from a hook above the countertop. “Here. It’s got a full tank of gas.”

  “But what about you, with work and teaching? I don’t know if I’ll be back tomorrow or the next day…”

  Jesse waved her off. “I’ll be fine. Just be careful, Meg.”

  “I promise,” Meg said, taking the keys to Jesse’s high-end Range Rover. “I’ll pay attention to the speed limit. I won’t drive like a maniac,” Meg offered sincerely.

  “I know,” Jesse responded, shaking her head a little at Meg’s earnestness. “I’m not talking about the car.” She held Meg at arm’s length. “Text me when you get there, okay? I worry about you.” Jesse pulled her in for a good hug. “Now, go take care of your girl.”

  *

  The entire ride Meg listened intently to the GPS on her phone, careful not to miss a turn, and despite her promises to Jesse, Meg made it to Silver Spring in what she figured was record time. She actually hadn’t realized how nervous she was until she rolled into Sasha’s driveway, simultaneously thanking God she hadn’t gotten pulled over and greedily asking for more goodwill as she approached the front door. Sasha met her in the doorway, reaching out and clutching Meg’s shoulders as she cried into her neck.

  When Sasha calmed down, she led Meg over to the couch in the living room and sat with one leg under her as she released her dark hair from the loose bun on top of her head. “I’m sorry,” she started, wiping away the tear streaks from her face. “I shouldn’t have called you. Or made you come here.”

  “Shut up,” Meg responded with an equal amount of sincerity and sweetness that made Sasha laugh a little. “How are you?”

  Sasha took a deep breath. “I was okay until today. You know there were so many people around. My aunt Karen stayed here with me all week. She helped me pack up Mom’s stuff.” She bit her lip and shook her head a little. “Devon, my little brother,” she added, even though Meg knew who he was, “went back to school on Tuesday.” She looked around at the quiet room. “Aunt Karen left today.” She was stoic when she explained that what was left of her mother and her own childhood fit in a few boxes and she seemed sad but grateful as she explained that her dad’s wife, a real estate agent, would take care of putting the house on the market. “I wanted to stay here tonight. This is the house I grew up in.” She welled up. “It just felt so lonely.”

  Meg hugged her again and kissed the top of her soft hair. When she let go, she saw tears slide down Sasha’s sunken cheeks.

  “You’re so skinny.” Meg shook her head. “When was the last time you ate?”

  “I don’t know.” Sasha forced out a smile. “But there’s a ton of food in the fridge. People keep dropping stuff off. If you want something—”

  “I’m okay.” Meg took control of the situation. “I’m going to make you something, though. And you’re gonna eat it,” she added emphatically. “Now, if I know you, there is definitely some bubble bath in this house. If I have to, I’ll find it.”

  Sasha guiltily shifted her eyes to the floor in a vain attempt to hide her true smile.

  “Go run yourself a bath,” Meg continued. “I’ll br
ing you in some food.”

  “Meg, you don’t have to—”

  “Uh-uh.” Meg put her hand up. “You called me here. That means I’m in charge,” she added playfully. “Those were not suggestions.”

  Sasha smiled her beautiful smile as she pushed off the cushion to stand. She leaned over and placed one hand on each of Meg’s shoulders. Sasha looked right at her and for a second Meg thought they were going to kiss, but Sasha pulled Meg forward and hugged her instead. It got Meg’s heart racing anyway.

  After Meg brought Sasha some toast and chamomile tea, she made herself useful by locating the five banker’s boxes of belongings Sasha had packed up and humped them down the stairs, stacking them neatly by the front door. Finished with her one chore, she sat on the edge of Sasha’s bed staring absentmindedly at the lilac walls and thin white drapes. Then Sasha came in wrapped in a towel.

  Meg felt incredibly awkward in front of a barely dressed Sasha, so she hurriedly asked if it would be okay if she took a shower also, overexplaining her exercise class and how sweaty she’d been. Under the hot stream of water she centered herself and calmed down, toweling off and throwing on boxers and a T-shirt before she reentered Sasha’s room, where Sasha was already under the covers.

  “So, should I sleep in Devon’s room or maybe the couch?” Meg asked, hoping she sounded as though it didn’t matter.

  There was a short pause before Sasha answered. “Would you stay here? With me?”

  “Sure. Of course.” Meg attempted a casual tone, trying to pretend it wasn’t a big deal. As she pulled back the covers and slipped in next to Sasha, she was hugely grateful she was not a guy who would have been instantly betrayed by an obvious hard-on. She slid one arm under Sasha’s pillow and the other around her waist in a position they had grown accustomed to falling asleep in. As she lay there with her desire undetected, Meg could feel Sasha’s body relax into hers. They were both silent for a few minutes until Sasha turned around toward Meg, their faces almost touching. Meg licked her lips out of habit even though she knew it was pointless.